It's blue^
When I woke up in my sleep, I panicked, sitting upwards with shock.
I thought it was the nightmare again, but when I closed my eyes to recollect my memories I realized that was not the case after all.
The first thing I noticed was the chill running through my body.
It was freezing.
Still hazy with sleep, I pulled the blankets closer to me.
The second thing I noticed was the darkness around the room. There was no crack between the curtains, they were drawn too tight, and it was pitch black.
I looked to my right and my eyes fell to on the outline of Fin's folded up figure. A discarded notebook paper, folded repeatedly on itself, one tenth of its original size.
His hands were folded to his chest, and he shivered occasionally, a crease forming on his forehead.
I stretched a hand towards him, touching it against his shoulder.
He mumbled under his breath, twisting his body around.
My eyes focused in the dark and I noticed his hair stick at his hairline with sweat.
With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I realized he was dreaming.
He whimpered, and my heart rapidly collided with my chest.
"Fin," I croaked, my voice still heavy with sleep.
He didn't respond. I tried again after clearing my throat, "Fin."
He flinched.
I gripped his shoulder and shook.
He woke with a jolt, eyes wide as he stared up at the ceiling.
I watched as he struggled to control his breaths, chest heaving.
Slowly, he turned his head towards me and parted his lips in surprise. "What happened? Why are you awake?"
"Why are you awake?"
He frowned. "Kaiden, did you have the nightmare again?"
"No. I woke up because...I'm not sure. I think I woke up because you weren't touching me."
"I wasn't?"
I shook my head. "You were sleeping. Looked like you were dreaming."
"Oh."
His fingers found the blanket and tightened around the material as he tucked it beneath his chin.
"What were you dreaming about?" I asked.
"It was nothing."
"It looked like a lot more than 'nothing'. Was it scary?"
He closed his eyes as he sighed. "Kind of. I'm tired. Come here, we should go back to bed."
"Fin, tell me what it was about."
"Why?"
"Because you look terrified. It might help if you talk about it."
His arm snaked around my hips, and he pulled me closer to him.
I let him, aiding him by pushing myself towards him so we were a pile of tangled limbs, chest to chest, nose to nose.
I bit my bottom lip, eyes dropping to Fin's mouth.
"I don't want to talk about it," he murmured, eyes fluttering.
He was watching my lips too.
My skin tingled from the tips of my fingers and all the way up to my lips.
His fingers brushed up against the side of my face. He ran his fingers through my short hair. His eyes shined in the dark.
"Are you okay?" I whispered.
He nodded, lips parting as he sucked in a shaky breath. "There's so much I want to tell you."
I felt an ache in my chest when he spoke. His voice was a soft whisper, strained, desperate, like he badly wanted to say something and was on the verge of crying because it killed him not being able to.
I wasn't sure I wanted to know what he had to say.
"What is it?" I asked after a few seconds.
He shook his head. In the dark I saw him quiver.
"Fin- " My voice cracked. I wasn't going to cry, my eyes weren't burning and my throat didn't feel thick.
My voice broke like a vase would break if the only thing holding it up suddenly crumbled.
Fin wasn't crying either.
There were no tears sliding down his cheeks, if there were I would have seen them shine even in pitch black.
Although I had a feeling he was crying, but just that the tears were running on the other side. He was crying on the inside.
"You're scaring me," I said.
"I'm sorry," he breathed.
My hand rested on his shoulder on its own record, and I slowly leaned in.
I brought my lips to his, gently at first.
At first, I let my lips do most of the work. At first, I let my lips press against his firmly, supportively, with care and concern.
Then he slowly began responding, parting his lips, letting my tongue brush against the inside of his mouth, pushing my way through.
He pushed harder against me, letting everything out.
Anger, as his teeth roughly sank into my bottom lip. Fear, as his tongue hesitantly ran over the bitten area. Care, as he gently caressed the side of my cheek. Desperate, as he pushed me on my back and climbed over me, pinning me beneath him, grinding his hips against mine.
When he pulled back I was breathless.
My chest was heaving.
I was warm all over, flushed with desire and the need to pull Fin closer to me still.
He looked down at me, eyes hooded. "I'm sorry."
I didn't say anything. I was too caught up in the moment, in seeing him with his hair partially in his eyes, face inches away from mine, his lower half still flush against my lower half.
"Tell me." I reached out with one hand and slowly touched his lower back.
He shivered.
I slipped my hand beneath his shirt.
"I can't," he said, rolling away from me. "It's late. We should sleep."
Dejected and slightly embarrassed, I didn't try to disagree.
I let Fin snake an arm around me like he usually did, let him pull me towards him. I let him place his chin in the crook of my neck as he tightly hugged me to his chest.
I closed my eyes, heavy with sleep, surrendering myself to his request.
"I'll tell you in the morning," he whispered in my ear.
The promise lifted my spirits a little, and I found myself relaxing against his hold, placing a hand over his hand which rested over my stomach.
I sighed and went back to sleep.
—
The next time I woke up, the room was dipped in the golden hue of the sun. It lit up the small area, a contrast against the darkness of the previous night.
I rolled to my side.
Fin was lying beside me, his arm still loosely tied around my hips. He peered down at me, head resting on his arm.
"Hey," he spoke softly, slowly sitting up and sliding the blanket off his legs. "I woke up a while ago."
I yawned, lazily placing a hand over my mouth. "I'm hungry."
"Do you want to have breakfast? The cafeteria is probably still open."
I frowned. "What time is it?"
He checked the clock on his bedside table. "Almost ten."
"Ten?" My eyes widened as I slipped out bed.
Fin grabbed my hand, but he also stood up. "Relax. It's Sunday. No one's around."
I shook my head. "Cameron and Faris."
"What of them?"
"Last I checked they were...," I didn't have to continue for him to understand what I was implying.
He nodded. "Check on them and freshen up a bit. Then we'll talk over breakfast."
Talk.
I'd forgotten about our midnight conversation.
"Let's talk now."
Fin rubbed at his sleepy eyes. "Can I have caffeine first?"
I tried my hardest not to huff. "Fine. I'll meet you downstairs as soon as I can."
He smiled briefly, pecking my lips before slipping his hand out of mine.
My lips tingled all the way back to my room.
Carefully, I pushed the door open, slowly as to prevent it from creaking.
Faris and Cameron were awake, both on either side of Cameron's bed with Cameron's back against the headboard and Faris with his legs crossed at the tail.
They glanced up as soon as the door cracked open.
"Hey."
They didn't seem pleased or disappointment. If anything, they both looked relieved.
I shut the door behind me. "What?"
"Nothing." The word tumbled out of Cameron's mouth smoothly.
If it wasn't for Faris' little flinch, I might have actually believed him.
My eyes met Faris' but he quickly glanced down at his hands.
I sighed. "Somebody please explain what's going on. I'm sick of waiting around and figuring things out on my own."
"There's nothing going on," Cameron said firmly. "Faris was just leaving."
I glanced at Faris again. He looked close to tears.
I glared at Cameron's direction, but it was as if no one was there.
"Why's he wearing your shirt then?" I asked.
Both boys flushed red, eyes clashing before turning away.
I groaned. "I don't have time for this. I'm meeting Fin downstairs in a bit. Next time I see either of you, I'd like an explanation."
"Can you just let it go?" It was the first thing Faris had said since I walked in.
"I'm your friend," I said, directing the fact to both of them. "So no, I can't let it go."
Cameron scowled at me, silently asking me to drop the subject.
"Why is this so hard?" I groaned, pushing myself to the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.
I got ready for the day, and when I left the bathroom, Cameron and Faris were still sitting in the same position.
"At least sit next to each other," I commented. "Then you can hear what the other has to say without shouting."
Neither seemed amused by my words. Discouraged, I rushed out of the room, escaping the awkward air.
The cafeteria was empty but for a few seats when I got there.
I found Fin instantly. Him being tall and having blue hair was ever so helpful, of course.
"So," I said, sliding into my seat. "Cameron and Faris are denying their feelings for one another again."
Fin didn't smile like I had expected him to.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
He shook his head, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck.
I then noticed the presence of his heavy eyelids, the dark discoloration surrounding it, a bluish-green tint.
"I don't know how to say it."
Even his voice seemed drained of all energy.
"Say what?"
How could I have claimed of liking him when it took me this long to notice that he was not okay?
I stretched a hand out, placing it gingerly over his.
His tired, dark eyes swept across the cafeteria. "People could see."
"I don't care," I responded, hoping it would make up for my slacking.
It didn't work like I wanted it to. If anything, his eyes only seemed to grow heavier.
"Tell me what's wrong," I said, urging him to just speak. His silence was only adding more to my unease and I was already starting to bounce my leg against the floor.
He took a deep breath. "Remember when I gave you those pills?"
I thought back to the orange pill bottle, now forgotten at the very back of my bedside table. "Yeah, what about it?"
"I gave it to you because I knew about your nightmares. You never thought that was weird? That I knew about it?"
"I just thought you overheard from Cameron and me talking about it."
He shook his head. "I knew...I knew because I saw them too."
I slid my hand away from his, drawing back sharply, my leg pausing its movement. "What?"
He looked away. "I'm sorry."
I frowned, shaking my head. "I don't get it. You were having the same nightmares I was?"
He hesitated, avoiding my eyes. "No."
"Fin, I don't understand. How did you see it if you weren't having the same dreams?"
"Because I wasn't seeing them while I was asleep. I was seeing them during the day, before I went to bed, and in the morning after just waking up," he explained, growing paler the longer he spoke.
I felt my heart plummet to the deepest parts of my stomach. If what Fin was saying was true then I had gone through nothing as compared to him.
Compared to him, what I went through was a walk in the park.
"How? How do you know we're seeing the same things?"
"Kaiden, think about it. I was seeing that...thing everyday. Sometimes more than twice a day. It was following me around everywhere. When I first saw you, I knew something was off. You were tired all the time. You always looked on edge, always stayed away from dark corners. I saw the signs and I figured it out."
"So you gave me the pills...for what?"
"They helped me. I thought they would help too. Did they?"
I looked away. "I never tried them."
"Oh."
"I'm sorry," I apologized.
"What for?"
"For treating you like you didn't understand when it was me who barely had a clue what the other was going through. You let me into your room and...Wait, did you stop seeing them?"
"No," he said.
"How? When we," I paused, clearing my throat. "When you started putting your arm around me, the nightmares stopped. That didn't work for you?"
"I thought it would," he said.
"But what?" I asked, agitated all over again.
"But it...it helped. It just didn't get rid of it completely."
"Explain," I stated.
He ran his fingers through his hair several times. "I hate this. I never wanted you to find out, and you were never supposed to. But now that we're...But now I can't keep it from you because it only feels like I'm keeping us further apart."
"Fin, please. You're killing me."
He winced. "Instead of seeing things in real life I now see them in my dreams, just like you did. I didn't want to tell you, but you have to know that you've made things so much easier for me. You've made my life...worth living."
He blushed, and it was the first time I saw anything of color on his cheeks.
My heart fluttered in my chest. "This isn't fair."
He shook his head. "It is."
"How is this fair?" I demanded, appalled by his statement.
"Because you don't deserve any of this."
I watched as Fin slowly stood up.
I pushed my chair back and followed him. "Where are you going? We still need to talk."
"What else is there to talk about?"
I faltered for a moment.
My head was spinning with this new found information. I had no place to fit it in the tight space in my head which was already crammed to the brim with other thoughts.
"We need to fix this," I finally said.
He glanced at me over his shoulder. "Do we? It's pointless."
"Don't you want to understand what this is or what it means?"
He frowned. "How is that fixing things?"
I stepped forward. "Isn't the first step to solving a problem understanding the problem itself?"
He stared at me, eyes roaming over the features on my face.
His shoulders relaxed. "Fine. Where do we start?"
"Library."
Idek.
Thanks for reading anyway xp