Chapter Two.
REASON # 2 ON WHY MY LIFE SUCKS.
THE PREMATURE SISTER.
FLASHBACK
My tears weren't enough. They weren't just enough to bring him back. Dex. I feel so...mad at him right now. My teeth ached from clenching it too hard and too long. I sat slumped on the couch with everyone looking at me. I'm completely aware of it though. I just don't care. In fact, I don't care about my own life much less what they think about me.
"Honey, Are you okay?" My mother placed a hand on top of my shoulder. I suddenly felt the warmth of her touch and as it made contact to my cold shoulder, I jumped as if just getting my life back. That warmth against my freezing skin made me feel alive. But that doesn't seem good now. It seems like its just unfair.
"Okay?" My voice croaked. I suddenly realized that I haven't talked for about 2 days now. Too long for a kid like me. I used to talk a lot. Especially about happy things with my brother. My brother.
"No, I'm not mom." I glanced at her.
"I just saw my brother die in front of me. Don't you know how scary that is? Its like watching Saw! But this time its real. And I...I just lost....him.." I started to hyperventilate.
"Everything will be okay." She assured me gently.
"NO! EVERYTHING WON'T BE OKAY!!" I stood up.
"How could he, mom? Dexter...He was happy...He is happy with us right?" I looked around the room and did not waited for their answer.
"He said he was going to leave. And I was so stupid to think that he was just going to leave for college. FOR COLLEGE, MOM. That's what I thought he meant by leaving. And he gave me his car!! It was all a visible giveaway that he was...he was...going to..." I started to sob. And sobbed hard, I did. I sat back down on the couch. Hands on my head. Tears just kept falling again.
"He called me. He said he wanted to hear my voice and he said i love you..to me. Then he hung up. I was outside when he did that." I braced myself. My voice was shaking. Actually my whole body wasa trembling.
"He jumped off of our school. When he hung up, I saw this big dark thing that fell. And at my first glance, I thought it was..just the 8th graders pranking me. You know like it was just some sort of cape or something to get me. But when it made contact on the floor...I realized it was Dexter. His body..." I sobbed.
"It was like...It wasn't like him at all, mom. There when I looked down on the body limbless because through the contact, it scattered like some doll. I saw him holding his phone on his right or left hand with a sad frown on his face."
"I didn't even mind the blood that got into my eyes, my mouth even! I just thought about Dexter telling me that he loves me. And his lifeless bloody body lying across me." I looked up. My vision blurred. I couldn't breathe normally. Everyone was surrounding me blocking the light and the air. I wanted to choke down my tears. But I ended up choking myself for air.
Then darkness poured out on me. It was when I woke up that I fainted. I was still at the couch. But just at the next room, I could hear my mom and dad. My mom's voice drained out all of my dad's voice though. She was practically screaming her lungs out!
"I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!" My mom ordered. I heard my dad and mom went down in a hurry. My dad making mother do the breathing exercises. I looked out and saw my mom and dad at the door.
"What's happening?"
"Your mom's going through labor now." My dad all sweaty and worried hurriedly accompanied mom to the car then drove off.
"Its too early." I shook my head and looked at the ground.
"Dexter. You told me that its too early for mom to give birth to Angel at seven months." I looked around the dark house. All empty. and Alone.
"Dex?" I asked the thin air. I saw my brother's cellphone at the table next the door. All those blood scattered on the phone. Then I remembered everything from the call to the blood that scattered. His blood. The school's surveillance camera caught what my brother did. The police gave us the phone back. Since, it wasn't an evidence of a crime scene.
And I knew that he was gone. He left.
And he's never coming back.
------
When my mom stayed at the hospital for a few weeks, I thought everything was going to be okay. I mean, for the baby. And mom, especially. But then one day, when I was at home battling my brother's right to be blessed and then be buried, to my father.
"DAD!" I yelled. Totally disrespecting him, I know. I'm never like this.
"You must've forgotten that Dexter is your son!! He deserves to be treated that way!!"
"I don't have that power right now, A." He glared at me. "Don't blame me."
"Well. Who else is here to blame? DEXTER? Or maybe Baby Angel?!"
"Don't you raise your voice at me, Angelica."
"This is my life. You can't tell me what to do when what you should do, you couldn't even do it!!"
"I have done everything I could, Angelica! I searched for an understanding pastor to bless him to every chruch here in this county and any church within 10,000 miles away. But no one wants to!! I don't f*cking did it on purpose! All I have to do is make you understand that all we could do now is just bury his body with no blessing from any pastor."
"Is this what Dexter deserved?" I asked him. "No, dad."
"Well, we couldn't do what you want because no one wants to!! He commited suicide. No pastor in their right mind will give his blessing to Dex's dead body."
"How could you even say that, dad? Its like Dexter wasn't even your son at all."
"I treated him like my son because he is my son. You know that, Angelica."
"Then why won't you understand that I just wanted whats best for my brother!!"
"Why won't you try to understand that we couldn't do what you want. Because he f*cking commited suicide!!" He snapped. And that practically shut my mouth.
"Stop being stubborn, Angelica. We helped you blossom into this lovely mature woman at a very early age. You have not been like this." I could hear the anger in his voice. And the disappointment.
"I loved your brother." He hugged me after a few moments of silence.
"I love him too dad. That's why I wanted whats best for him." Then we stayed there for a while. Hugging each other. Not even talking to one another. I don't want to let go because I just don't know if I'd fall without him. Without my father here to give me his hug to help me stand up.
The telephone at the kitchen rang. My dad immediately picked it up.
"Hello?" He said. I heard a few murmurs on the phone.
"I'll go as fast as I could." His eyes widened and hung up.
"Who's that dad?"
"Its from the hospital." He stared at the phone.
"Why are they calling?" I asked him. But he just stood up and picked his car keys on the table.
"Dad. Answer me." I stopped him as he reached out for the door.
"Your mom just gave birth on Angel. Its too early. They're both very critical right now. Your mother and Angel." He reached for the door knob. My knees felt wobbly but I followed him to the car. I couldn't take this. I'm not that strong. I'm still 10. Although I may talk like I'm 20 or so and I acted so mature for my age, it doesn't mean that inside I'm as tough as a rock.
I still have that delicate 10 year old heart. That could scatter when it was just full of problems, no one could've handled. Not even a full-grown woman. Much less a kid like me.
----
I looked at the nursery by its super huge window as nurses come and go at my sister's bed slash crib slash cradle thing. I didn't even know I was crying when my dad hugged me and patted my back for comfort.
"Dad." I squeaked softly.
"Yes, sweettie?"
"How could she be like that? Mom ate healthy foods like fruits and vegetables that doesn't even taste good. And mom's tummy! It was very big. I thought the baby was healthy." I tried keeping my voice down as he shush me. He lead me on the bench just across the nursery room of the hospital.
"I know many things have been crazy for you but you have the right to know."
"What?" I asked softly "Mom's okay right?"
"Of course she is. She's getting better."
"Then what is it?"
"Its your sister, Angel." He placed his hand on top of mine and continued.
"I spoke to the doctor a while ago, he said that the baby is...well Angel's not well."
"What do you mean dad?"
"The doctor said that Angel needs to stay at the hospital until she gets better."
"Is she sick?"
"She has holes on her heart and an undeveloped lungs which made it difficult for her to breathe. Dr. Wilson said that its was due to being a premature baby. It was just too early."
I waited for the waterworks to go down. But none. I suddenly felt numb. Its like being trapped in a ice cold freezer and you can't feel a thing. That numb.