"There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts."
~ Neil Giaman, Fragile Things
-
Alice's P.O.V
-
"Please don't say you love me
'Cause I might not say it back
Doesn't mean my heart
Stops skipping when
You look at me like that
There's no need to worry when
You see just where were at
Just please don't say you love me
'Cause I might not say it back
Just please don't say you love me
'Cause I might not say it back..."
"That's a lovely song," Ray comments as I play the last chord.
"Yeah," I say smiling. "Gabrielle Aplin's songs are amazing."
"Have you heard any of Zendaya's songs?" I ask.
"I've heard all of them." he replies.
"Which one is your favorite?" I ask.
"Only When You're Close."
I nod. "That's a nice song. Which part is your favorite?"
"The part where it goes, "I can't catch my breath only when you're close. My heart drops out of my chest, only when you're close. I get so, get so wild only when you're close."
We've been like this almost all night. We play each other our favorite songs on his keyboard and then ask each other which part of the song was our favorite.
I hope he pays a close attention to the lyrics of the songs that I sing while I'm playing the piano. For the lyrics of those songs speak the words that I fail to tell to him. I'm really fond of him and all, but I'm not going to give him false hope by telling him that. I really good with words but sometimes it's hard to explain to people exactly how you feel.
I fear that I won't do my feelings justice by putting them into words, so I restort to quotes and music. Because music is what my feelings sound like; and I have an obsession with quotes because other people are so much better at putting my feelings into words than I am.
"Alice."
I look up from the keyboard, smiling. "Yes, Ray?"
"What— What are we?" he asks.
"What do you mean by that?" I ask. I know what he's trying to say, I just want to be sure.
Ray sighs and looks away as if contemplating wheateher or not he should tell me. Having made his decision, he turns to face me.
"I lay in bed every night unable to sleep thinking about you." He pauses. "And I wonder if maybe you're lying in bed unable to sleep thinking about me."
I think about what I'll say to him and how he'll respond.
"I do think about you, Ray," I'll say. "More than you'd think I do."
And then he'll engulf me in a hug and his lips will be one mine once more.
"So," Ray says, bringing me back to the harsh reality of me breaking his heart. "Do you?"
I swallow up the words I want to say again, wishing for the thousandth time that he could read my mind and understand my feelings. And instead of telling him exactly what I want to say, I tell something else. "Honest feelings and bad timing make the most painful combination."
"Ray, my thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations." I soften my tone. "Just give me time, maybe, just maybe I'll be able to tell you how I feel by then."
He gives me sad smile. "If anyone's gonna break this heart, I think it should be you."
I sigh. If only I was brave enough to tell you what I'm thinking.
I want to say something to him but he speaks before I can open my mouth. "I'm feeling a bit tired. I think I'm going to turn in for the night."
"You can sleep in the twins' room for tonight," he tells me.
I nod. "Goodnight, Ray."
"Goodnight," he replies. He mumbles something under his breath and I could've sworn I heard him say, "Goodnight, my beautiful one."
I walk into the twins' room and remain there for the rest of the night. I lie in bed, unable to sleep. After awhile, I finally feel tired. I fall asleep thinking of Ray, and what he said to me.
****
"You're not concentrating, Alice," Peter remarks.
"I'm trying!" I retort, grabbing another knife.
"Well try harder," he snaps.
"Forgive me for being tired," I sass, bringing my hand back. I thrust the knife foward, but release it too early. The knife hits the target board and bounces off, falling onto the grass.
"That's your forth miss," he states, looking at the knife. "Alice, you've never missed before. What's wrong?"
"Why do you care?" I snap.
He frowns, shaking his head. "I don't know."
I turn around and grab another knife, my back facing him. "Let's just continue training."
I begin to draw my hand back, but a vice like grip on my wrist stops me from doing so.
"I won't ask again," Peter growls. "What's wrong?"
"You wanna know what's wrong?! My father's dead and it's all your fault!" I shout, my voice breaking.
Peter releases his grip on my wrist.
I hiccup, on the verge of tears. "My father hanged himself after you kidnapped me. Lewis and Will told me that he blamed himself for my disappearance."
At least he's smart enough to remain silent. I turn around and walk away, desperately needing some alone time. I'm halfway across the field when Peter's voice stops me in my tracks.
"I don't see how it's my fault."
Looks like I spoke too soon.
I turn on my heel and walk back, glaring daggers at the tall brunette. "What did you just say?"
Peter remains unfazed, but I'm not convinced. I know him too well, he's definitely enjoying this.
"I don't see how it's my fault," he repeats.
That's the last straw.
I raise my hand to slap him, but he must've anticipated the blow as he catches my wrist before my hand comes into contact with his face. Peter then backs me up against a tree and pins both of my wrists above my head. He leans in, his mouth touching my earlobe.
In a low, husky voice, he whispers. "Wanna try that again, love?"
There's no playfulness in his tone, just anger.
His presses his torso against mine, lessening the space in between us. I can feel his abs under the thin material of my shirt.
I try to get out of his grip, but to no avail. "Get off me. I'm in no mood for your games."
My words fall on deaf ears as he leans even closer.
"Get off me, Pan," I snarl, spitting his name out of my mouth like poison.
"Pan?" he repeats. "You've never called me that before, it was always Peter. Not Pan."
"Maybe it's because I don't think of you as a human anymore, just a monster."
He chuckles. "Well, monster or not, you still belong to me."
"That's not exactly true," I counter. "You still haven't won the game. Therefore I don't belong to you."
"You will fall for me sooner or later," he whispers.
"Good luck with that," I scoff.
Peter chuckles. "Oh, trust me, I will win the game."
"Even if I have to break you in the process," he tightens his grip on my wrist at the word "break".
I try my best not to wince, not wanting to show any weakness. I glare at him, refusing to back down. My breaths are shallow, rapid, angry. Peter's eyes never leave mine. After few seconds, I look away, unable to match his piercing stare. He hooks his forefinger under my chin and tilts my head up, forcing me to meet his intense gaze once again. I can feel his hot breath on my collarbone.
He takes a deep breath and purrs. "You do have any idea what I want to do to you?"
I swallow, refusing to look him in the eye. To be honest, he's starting to scare me. But I'd much rather be six feet under than admit that to him. Peter uses his right hand to keep my wrists pinned above my head and cradles my nape with his other hand. He leans down, placing his lips an inch away from my neck.
My breath hitches as he starts nipping at my collarbone. That's all it takes for me to realize that my legs are still free. I curse myself for not noticing earlier, and I abruptly jerk my knee up, but Peter was expecting that, too. He swiftly removes his hand from my nape and grabs my thigh with his hand.
"That wasn't very nice," Peter chides, his accent thick.
He lets go of my wrists and grabs my other thigh. He then proceeds to wraps both my legs around his waist. My arms immediately fly around his neck to prevent myself from falling. I shudder at the intimacy of this position. I close my eyes, expecting him to mock me again.
"Look at me."
I shake my head.
"Do I have to repeat myself?" he asks darkly.
I clench my teeth when he nips at my neck again, and open my eyes, not wanting to face his wrath.
"That's a good girl."
"I'm not your dog," I snap. "And I'm not a toy either."
Peter chuckles. "You're right, you're not a toy, or a dog. But you're still mine."
I roll my eyes.
Peter glares at me when he sees me rolling my eyes. "That was rude."
"Yeah? Well, what are you going to do about it, you prick?" I challenge.
"Such a mouth you have on you," Peter tisks. "I can think of a better way you could use that mouth."
I narrow my eyes. "Don't you frigging dare."
"Be careful what you wish for," he replies.
He kisses me roughly, and just like before, I find myself not hesitating to kiss him back. I melt into his arms, and he smirks. We kiss for what feels like a thousand years. And at that very moment, everything starts going downhill. I begin hearing voices approaching us.
"Stop," I pull back. "Someone's coming."
He ignores me.
He kisses me possessively as he runs his hands though my hair. I lose my self control again, allowing him to continue. The voices get louder and closer but I couldn't care less at this point. I can finally make out what the voices are saying as they near us.
"How was your sleepover with Alice, Ray?"
"It was great."
No. No, not them. Anyone but them. I try to pull away but Peter has other ideas. He deepens the kiss, pressing my body closer to his.
"I was— A-Alice?!"
Peter pulls back and places me back on the ground at the sound of Ray's voice.
I reluctantly look at the boys. Lewis looks beyond pissed. I can't tell if that expression is for Peter or me. Will looks at me with disappointment. The worst expression is the one Ray has. He looks heartbroken, and he refuses to look me in the eye.
I take a small step forward. "Ray—"
He just shakes his head and bolts down the path back to camp.
"I'll go after him," Will says to no one in particular.
Lewis is the last one left.
I look at him. "Lewis, please, I—"
"Save it," he interrupts, shaking his head. There's no anger in those words, just pure disappointment.
Lewis leaves with those words hung in the air.
If I live to be a thousand years old, I'll never forget the look of sadness and disappointment etched on my best friends' faces. As for Ray's face. I could almost pinpoint the very second his heart broke. I place my hand over my mouth, attempting to muffle my cries. I hear Peter's voice behind me.
"Alice?"
I recall the heartbroken look on Ray's face. That alone is enough to send me over the edge. The next few seconds are a blur to me. I couldn't feel myself hitting the ground as my knees gave way. I couldn't feel Peter running towards me and checking if I was alright. I couldn't feel him picking me up and teleporting me back to the tree house. I couldn't feel him placing me on the bed.
I couldn't feel anything anymore. I just felt... Numb.
-
Hey guys, apologise for how depressing/sad this chapter is. I usually write my chapters based on how I feel, and as you can probably tell, I don't feel very good atm.
Anyway... Did you guys like that little fluffy scene with Peter earlier? It took me forever to write that part. I think I've made the right choice by choosing that song. Did anyone else get a major feels attack during that part?
Who's already watched the Once Upon A Time's 100th episode? I recently just watched it and I almost screamed when I saw Robbie xD I really hope that we'll see more of him and that that's not the only scene that he'll be in. What about you guys? What do you think of the 100th episode?
In other news, my exams are finally over and I'll be able to resume updating my chapters as per usual. I'll try to post more often, providing that I don't have writer's block. I guess that's all of this A/N. So, bye.
~ Alice xx
-
What do you think of Alice? (Is her character development alright?)
-
Vote, comment, rate, do whatever you want <3
-
Edited: 13.12.2017