You know that feeling after a fight where you think about every single thing you could've said better, and you feel stupid for not thinking of it? Yeah, well this is that feeling to the max.
All in all, things were said and feelings were hurt when this should've just been avoided. Maybe I should've declined his offer to talk about the subject at hand, or maybe I should've just forgotten it for the sake of our friendship. But whatever happened is done, there's no turning back and there's definitely no way to change it.
To say it felt like a dream was an understatement, I countlessly pinched myself and tried to fall asleep in order to reassure myself that this was reality. This was life.
It came to a point in my life that truly my life was better than my dreams could ever be, but all good things must come to an end. I was a living statement to that.
I wish I could take everything back, start my life in Australia all over. Sadly, I must admit that it was a mistake meeting Ashton. I love him, he's my best friend, but things would be so much easier if I would've just never met him I the first place. As for Marcus, maybe that too. Maybe if I didn't accept his offer for a date, I wouldn't be stuck in my room for days on end.
Its come to the point where I'm just tired. I'm tired of struggling, struggling to please Ashton and Marcus at the same time. Like I said before, it isn't a secret that they utterly despise each other, and it isn't easy to make them both happy. Marcus still has an issue with me going to Ashton's house everyday, claiming that I could spend that time with him. I was torn, my best friend or my boyfriend. No, my best friend that's in love with me or my boyfriend.
With school work, studying for tests, applying for college, boyfriends, friends, family... Everything is getting too much. I just need a rest, you know? But it seems like whenever things are civil with everyone, something happens to completely fuck everything up.
It's become almost routine, a sick, twisted routine. As if on cue everything falls apart. And as if on cue, everything becomes well, only become a wreck once again.
When will things become easy again?
I have no fucking clue, but it's coming. It scares me, it scares me to the point where I turn off my phone and ignore anyone because I can't handle anymore stress. Anymore heartbreak. Anymore heartache. Anymore friends. Anymore boyfriends. Anymore family.
Anymore anything.
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So this chapter was mainly to show how she feels blah blah blah
Braces hurt like a motherfucker
Any requests? I want to start a knew story, along with this one and 'In Search of Happiness'
It could range from Ed Sheeran to 5sos to One Direction, hopefully it'll be up soon :)
I love you my little lemon drops, stay safe and don't forget Gus the bus
Heartbreak Girl (Ashton Irwin)
By bxrning
Just when you think everything is okay, it isn't. More