Dark silhouetted figures morphed and swept across her path as she walked through her nightmarish hell once more. Braerka had become all too familiar with the scene before her and knew all too well its conclusion.
Her ethereal dream-form seemed to glide across the ground as the battle unfolded around her, the ground stained red, distant screams echoing forever and as always, a killing strike falling to wake her.
Braerka jolted as she woke, her breathing more controlled than it had ever been after any nightmare. The small dinghy rocked gently as she did. She came to her senses quickly and pulled her coat up around her shoulders and rubbed her hands together trying for steal even a glimmer of heat. It was dawning and the cool air was biting at her fingertips.
The dead silence was almost as painful as any loud crowd, the quiet splashing of water and the low whistle of the wind was all that could be heard; and it was driving Braerka mad.
Unsettled she restlessly fussed and glanced around at the company, most were dozing and all as weary and as cold as she was, and then she glanced to their saviour, Bard; a man of Laketown who, lucky for them, was heading home.
It had been some hours since she and Fili, and Kili, had made their way back to the others, they were surprised to find them bargaining with the stranger, and fortunately they were successful. Bard shook off the cold like you would a light dust off an old book, and seemed completely unaffected. Braerka envied him intensely.
"I could help keep you warm..." she heard the Reaver whisper suggestively in her head. 'No' she answered it silently. If the others were to suffer the chill of the northern autumn winds, then so would she.
Braerka took another sparing glance at the company, her eyes resting on Kili. He hadn't spoken a single word to her since they had regrouped with everyone, in fact, now that she thought about it, no-one had. Again she brushed it away; it was nothing.
She began to recount the past few days. Her mind began to spin recalling all she had learned and the innumerable possibilities that lay before her. She suddenly felt sick, dizzy. Her insides tore at her and made her feel like throwing up. She pretended not to know where it was all coming from but lying to herself was, suprisingly, not something she was all that good at.
Unable to ignore this sickly feeling any longer Braerka pushed herself to her feet and leaned out over the side. She heaved as the nausea overtook her, the taste making her heave again.
The feeling then passed and she stood erect, wiping the remaining sick from her mouth. She grimaced as the nausea came again, but time she stayed it long enough to stop it altogether. Braerka coughed and breathed deeply. She suddenly wished that none of this had ever happened, that she had died all those years ago in Dale.
"No!" she thought to herself, shaking her head. She simply wished she had been strong enough to walk away, to ignore that pang of sentimentality in her than drew her to a past she had spent decades forgetting. It was becoming clear to her that she may not be as strong as she believed.
Once again, she was living on the edge with everything around her trying anything and everything to break her and knock her down. None of that was as terrible as what she was doing to herself... or to Kili. He had opened himself up to her, risked his life, offered up everything he had and all of it for her. Pushing him away was the last thing she wanted to do but it the only thing she could think of doing in order to preserve his life. Whether the tale was true or not, Braerka didn't want to risk the life of another, especially Kili's.
Lost in her thoughts she hadn't noticed Kili move to her side. A warm calming wave poured over her as she acknowledged his presence, but as soon as it came, she was casting it aside. She couldn't let anything break her resolve, especially with lives in the balance.
"Are you all right?" Kili asked in a quiet whispered tone. He moved to place a hand on hers, she retracted her hands and rubbed them together taking a step back as she did so.
"I'm fine, Kili." She answered harshly, looking down she added, "Just... I'd like to be alone."
His face dropped as she said the words. Lethargically he turned to look out at the never-ending body of water, which they glided across. Braerka felt a stinging pang of regret as he moved away, but true to her resolve she resisted the urge to embrace him.
She lingered for a moment before heading to the stern of the small schooner, coming to rest at Bard's side. She felt him give her a sideways glance before carrying on as if she wasn't there at all. It didn't bother her, right now she'd rather that no one knew who she was or even acknowledge her. She peered out across the vast lake they hovered on and longed for the tides to just swallow them all whole. Or at least just her.
There was suddenly a break in the heavy clouds to the south. A black smouldering tower of smoke stained the reddening sky, still rising higher into the far reaches of the atmosphere. Her gloomy spell broke and she recalled her earlier urgency feeling it return and swell in her chest. Braerka then recalled Thorin's promise.
"If we have time we will go to Windermere" he had told her. That promise had once seemed the best option but now going alone was feeling like an even better one. The more distance she could get between them the better.
"If I had to guess I'd say that was Windermere alight." Bard spoke solemnly, startling Braerka. "Poor souls, probably the work of bandits and the like... or perhaps worse."
Braerka felt an increase in her guilt at the mention of 'Bandits'. Carsen and his troop couldn't' possibly still be after her, and there would be even smaller a chance that they could have covered that distance faster than her. It had been months since that escapade. Even still she couldn't' help but wonder was Windermere's plight all down to her. If not because of Carsen then because of something else? A sudden wave of responsibility fell on her once more, if anyone could and should help it was her.
"What's the quickest way to Windermere from here?" she hastily asked Bard. He seemed stunned by the sudden question but answered it none-the-less.
"You would do best to follow the lake south, it will take you right to it." He replied, "You're not thinking of going there, are you?"
Braerka nodded, and spoke in an almost whisper looking south, "Someone has to."
As she said the words another bout of sickness swept over her, this time she successfully quelled it. Somehow, she knew that there was something far worse than a little seasickness coming her way, and she wanted to be ready for it.
~\/*\/~
Thorin gazed out longingly from the bow of Bard's boat. He pondered not on what had happened but what was nearly within arm's reach of him. Erebor, was but another month's journey ahead of him, a few weeks if they hurried and had no delays. He turned and gazed over his exhausted troop, drained beyond belief and somehow mostly still conscious. He held his gaze on his youngest nephew. Kili, who was normally so jovial even at the worst of times, was curled up against the starboard side his head buried in his hands knotting through his hair. There was only one thing that could cause it to cross Thorin's mind and he found her and helm beside their host. 'Bard' was conversing with her, theirs voices a low murmur over the creaking of the woods and sails and sloshing of the water against the small boat cutting through it.
Thorin followed Braerka's gaze and allowed his eyes to rest upon the dark looming cloud a head. He sighed. The hope that she would have forgotten about that place left his mind as quickly as it entered. If he knew her, and he had once, he knew that she would drop everything to get there. Her stubbornness and sense of duty was much like his in this regard; and he had an inkling of an idea as to why Kili wasn't at her side. Inseparable though they'd been the past few weeks and this sudden shift could mean only one thing; she had a goal and it didn't involve Kili.
The boat rocked, hitting a shallow bay and its passengers swayed with it. Thorin watched Braerka as she once again failed to subdue her nausea, bending over the side of the ship and gagging. He felt himself smirking, for all the strength and skills she had; even she wasn't immune to seasickness.
He returned to his position overlooking the bow of the schooner and continued to watch and the small scape of Laketown grew closer. Soon, soon they would be close to the final stage of their journey and it was then he decided that it would be, with or without her.
~\/*\/~
Closing in of the peers of Laketown, Braerka made her way to the bow of the ship, feeling much more at home with solid stable structures beginning to surround her. The sun was up and the town should be buzzing with merchants but it wasn't. It was unusually quiet. The pathways snaking around on the water's surfaces leading to large wooden houses were bereft of any indication of life, fishing lines had been seemingly abandoned and nets lay empty along the paths. She felt eyes on her, but from where she couldn't tell. It was almost as if the town itself wasn't welcoming them. Bard turned the boat deeper into the heart of Laketown, and suddenly out of nowhere people began to appear, hurrying about their business, and doing so in the quietest procession Braerka had ever observed from any being alive or dead.
"Won't be long now." Thorin spoke, "Home awaits us."
Braerka frowned and made a disconcerting noise. Home was clearly different place for him, and without saying a word she knew he wouldn't keep his promise to head to Windermere. The looming prospect of Erebor, the home once lost, being just within his grasp seemed to overpower any prior engagements he'd made. He knew she knew that, and he was letting her know.
"You don't plan to join us... I assume?" he continued. Her eyes met his and without speaking a single word they came to the same conclusion. He nodded reverently and seemed to understand. "Do what you have to, I will not stop you."
~\/*\/~
With that the boat came to a full stop knocking lightly off the peer that Bard was hurriedly tying schooner to. One by one the company disembarked the vessel and were grateful for the solid platform beneath their feet. Ori almost jumped with joy, but stopped himself noticing a small crowd gathering near the dock.
She and Thorin exited together in silence. Bard approached him, and as agreed the funds were paid. Thorin quickly joined the others and began through the crowds heading deeper into the heart of Laketown, nervous eyes following the smaller figures the company following closely.
Braerka stood still and watched them leave. Bard came to her side and handed her a small bag.
"A few provisions for the road," he said with a meek smile, she took it thankfully, "Your goal is-"
"I know the way. Thank you." She interrupted, and walked off in the direction opposite of the company, a flare of rage in her step. Bard watched her go and carried out about his own business.
Contrary to everything she needed to do in order to drive them away; she had still hoped that even after everything they'd been through that one of them would have at least taken a backwards glance. But not one had even taken a second to acknowledge her departure nor was she even sure they were aware of it: not even Bilbo. Whether out of fatigue or sheer disregard, it didn't matter to her now. She brushed the feeling aside and gripped the small crystal around her neck, while walking as briskly as she could towards the farthest outskirts of the southern end of Laketown.
Now, we'll have much more fun! she heard the Reaver whisper just barely as she crossed the town boundary and headed to the nearest stables. It continued to whisper contradicting warnings in her head as she traded the food parcel Bard had given her for a horse.
the beginning of the end... for you, now things will get really interesting. Leaving him only makes this worse...
Braerka longed for a way to mute the nagging voice, it had been absent for a while now and she'd much rather it stayed that way; but it was after all a small price to pay for their... for his, safety. At least she was placing all her bets that it would.
what follows is doom, and the beginning of end, the guardian rises to fall before th-
"Stop!" she snapped quietly pulling the gem out from under her jerkin, it glowed pale pink, a shade she'd never seen before; one she did not know the meaning behind, it worried her slightly but as with all things lately she brushed it off, Windermere was more important right now. The stable-master handed her the reigns with a curious look but was too in need of the food to back out.
She smiled thanking him and lead the dark brown horse to the road.
All will fall, and in fire be bathed, no chance of survival, naught shall be unscathed.
Braerka mounted and, unlike the others, took one last look behind her. 'Beginning of the end?' she thought solemnly, 'I welcome it.'
She whipped the reigns, the steed reared and bolted down the road leaving Laketown nothing but a fading shadowing behind her.
~\/*\/~
Kili sat at the large oak table with his head in his hands and his over-filled plate untouched. His mind wandered to and from reality not focusing on any one thing too long; when he did, his thoughts found their way back to her. He shook himself from the daydream he'd slipped into once again and tried to join the others in the present.
Around him, Laketown's powerful and wealthy celebrated their presence, which he couldn't quite comprehend. They- the company- were strangers who were most likely only going to stir-up trouble once they finally got to the Lonely Mountain; and that was assuming they made it there on time.
Having anticipated the cold shoulder, he could only say that he was taken aback at the Master of Laketown's response to their arrival. One moment he looked like he might have them all imprisoned-for the lunacy his uncle has preached to them of 'slaying dragons' and 'reclaiming long lost treasure'- the next he was embracing Thorin like a lost brother. Kili was sceptical of the Master's action, with a moniker of Money bag, what else could he seek than gold.
Now he sat at a table filled with merrily drunk men, some singing tales of old and most already near passed-out. He wished he could be anywhere else.
Like with her...
He shook himself, scolded his thoughts for somehow leading him back to her yet again. But as hard as he tried he couldn't, the voice in his head nagged at him and conjured up images of her in his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and forced them away. The voice was calling to him, it was her voice; echoed and ethereal, growing louder and louder, he couldn't bare it.
Then suddenly it was a different voice, a voice much deeper and even more real. His eyes snapped open and he saw in front of him his trusted brother, concern written deep into his face.
"Kili?" Fili spoke, "You all right?"
Kili thought for a moment, staring blankly at his brother; he could feel the cold sweat trickling down his temple, he swiped it away. He nodded in response, unable to conjure up the words. Fili looked unconvinced and dragged him up out of his seat to the nearby balcony; which was thankfully empty.
They walked together right up to the balustrade- where Fili jumped up to sit- and remained in silence for a few moments, the din from inside the abode too much to fully escape from; even outside.
"Talk to me Brother; what ails you?" Fili said.
"Since when did you talk like that?" Kili sharply responded, dodging the inquiry.
"Since our dear Uncle believed that being intended royalty, meant speaking like intended royalty... well, at least to these folk." Fili said with a smirk. "So, what is the issue, Kili?"
While Kili had hoped his cunning move had worked, he knew that Fili was no denser than air; he was never going to let this slide.
"Nothing, everything's fine. We are so close to getting back what's rightfully ours, perhaps I'm just excited?" he suggested, quietly proud at his inclusion of the quest. Their quest to reclaim a homeland once lost, the only reason any of them where even there. Fili stroked his short beard and looked questioningly down on his little brother. He slipped down from his high-seat and faced Kili; eye to eye.
"Where's Braerka?" Fili said, almost in a whisper.
Kili felt his heart leap and his body involuntary flinch at the mere mention of her, and again he scolded himself.
"So... it is about her."
"No! It's nothing to do with her!" Kili snapped defensively.
Right after he said it, he realised just how contradictive his tone had been; and of course, just how much of a lie it was. He missed her, truly, and couldn't understand her sudden coldness towards him. They were going to work everything out, beat the dumb prophecy, after all it was just a story and conglomeration of words spun together to sound great, powerful, and ominously lethal. But perhaps there was something else nagging her, something she hadn't felt inclined to share. He'd thought it best to give her space, that she would -when ready- come to him and finally get it off her chest. But that ideal seemed a distant memory, much like their time together in Beorn's; she was gone, would likely not come back and he hadn't even said goodbye.
Kili eyes were pinned to his feet with a sudden overwhelming embarrassment; he could feel his sibling's eyes pierce into him as if trying to weed out all the things he wasn't saying. It was usually him in the position of Fili, teasing him when there was a girl just out of his reach; but now it was his turn and he really was not enjoying his time in the spotlight.
"Let's go find her shall we!" Fili stated rather than asked, taking his brother's hand, and beginning to lead him off back through the party. Before he could fully grasp what was going on Kili was outside the mansion and being lead back towards the peers.
"Wait what? We can't go... Thorin will-"
"Still be here when we get back trust me, little brother, it won't take too long. We have loads of time." Fili told him, the note of self-confidence so strong and infectious Kili found himself believing him without even having to consider the consequences or hundred other reasons why this might just be one of the most stupid things they would ever do.
Kili couldn't supress the smile growing on his lips and before he knew it he was no longer being led but was soon overtaking his elder and had beaten him to the dock; where just as it had been left Bard's schooner lay resting.
"Of course, there might be one slight problem..." Fili announced, as Kili – now overwhelmed with excitement at the smallest possibility of being close to her once more- leapt aboard and immediately began untethering knots.
"What?" he just about said, taking the helm.
"I don't know the first thing about sailing... do you?" Fili inquired, stepping onto the deck.
Kili certainly didn't know a thing about sailing but the infectious enthusiasm Fili had shared, and the smallest possibility of seeing Barkera, was enough to make him not care. He scoffed.
Untethering one last rope which conveniently dropped the master sail, and as a small breeze caught them they began to move. He smiled and said, "Honestly how hard can it be?!"