Though my soul may set in darkness
it will rise in perfect light
I have loved the stars too fondly
to be fearful of the night
- Sarah Williams 'The Old Astronomer'
I am the most powerful person I know. Not for my physical strength. That too me, is irrelevant. I am more than a sharp tongue and capable working hands. I am someone who has known the cruelty of mankind first hand. I have known what it is to have nothing. And for what I did have, the little morsels that I had to beg for, ripped from my breast.
I am not oblivious to how harsh I can be. Most have told me quite explicitly that I am too rough. Truth is, if I were not that way, I could not possibly handle saying this. I would have been able to see days through, see the time through. By distancing myself from emotions, kindness and general empathy, I can cope. It is my mask.
Pressed into the flames of the death inside and cruel outwardly, I know what someone can do to another. It did not take a world war and it did not take any amount of harshness from me. I was not always like this. I did care once. When the world seemed a whole lot nicer, like it cared even just a little bit. But it doesn't. The whole doesn't give a fuck if you're face planted in the mud and cannot move.
That is what you must try and stop. Life will do everything in its power to stop you from surviving. It will punch your teeth when you smile, make you bleed. It was only until someone gave me empathy that I realised you need to punch life back. You need to use every piece of strength left in your withered bones. Every drop of blood left in your veins. Even if you are crawling on your stomach in the pouring rain and the filth of your daily struggles. But you crawl through the mud and spit at the feet of those who did you wrong. You must wake up every day and realise that this is why you are here. You are here to face life and punch it in the gut.
That is the sort of strength I am talking about. If you can wake up each morning and life fears your feet reaching that floor, you can do anything. I should know. You will find also that people realise your dedication. They see your pain and your suffering, they see the blood that you drip on the floor as you can barely hold it together. They will be there with you forever. They will give you the strength to let go. The strength to be weak.
I am Finch. I am burning. I am fire and I am ash. My voice is charcoal. Hear me sing.