Pluto drew himself up to his full height. ‘Do you know who I am?’ he boomed imperiously. The sheer force of his personality silenced the bandits. ‘And do you have any idea who this is?’ He swept his arm towards Venus. ‘If you know what’s good for you, you will show some respect!’
There was an uneasy pause. The weapons lowered a few inches. Various eyes swivelled around in various sockets. Deciding that she probably wasn’t going to be killed just yet, Venus drew a long breath and took in the appearance of their ambushers. The winged people had beautiful honey coloured skins, which contrasted with their white blond hair and creamy wings. Multi-coloured feathers sprang out of their heads and waved around like ostrich plumes. On closer inspection, Venus saw that these were not head-dresses, but growing out of their scalps, and that what at first appeared to be feathered bodices were in fact growing from their skin, like the plumage of birds.
Less glamorous were the people with dun coloured, leathery skins, domed heads and trunks instead of noses, which they wound around their necks when not in use. There were a few people who looked almost normal, except they had only one eye, right in the middle of their face, under a mono brow, which was a rather disturbing sight. Some were blue skinned and had six arms instead of two, three on either side. There were also quite a few people who looked just like Skye, humanoid in shape, with slanted black eyes, pale green skins and black hair that waved about like fibrotic fronds. Their third eyes blinked repeatedly, scanning Venus and her companions.
The person who had spoken, one of the elephant people, spoke again. Except it was more of a trumpeting sound, like a trombone. ‘Who are you then? And who are your companions? Please state your business.’
‘I am Pluto, short for Plutonius, Supreme High Priest of the Holy Order of Sunev! Guardian of the Flame and Sacred Protector of the Deity Incarnate!’ he declared with enormous pomposity. There was a gasp. Pluto swept his arm towards Venus. ‘And this is none other than our Deity – the Serenity him – I mean, herself !’
There was another collective gasp, accompanied by some snorts of disbelief. Various limbs waved about and forty scandalised faces stared at Venus, as though she had just grossly insulted the Head Teacher at school Assembly. Cries of ‘Blasphemy!’ and ‘Not in the Book of Cosmic Lore!’ rang out.
The head winged person’s feathers waved around indignantly. ‘But she is an alien! Look at her! She is obviously an imposter from another planet!’
Cries of ‘imposter!’ echoed round.
The head elephant type person began harrumphing. ‘And apart from anything else, it cannot be! Whoever - whatever she is – she is a female of the species, and a deity is always – well Sunev was – ‘
‘A bloke?’ Venus cut in hotly. For some reason she could not fathom, she felt a bit cross. ‘Why can’t I be a Holy type of person? Just ‘cos I’m a girl!’ Then she felt a bit silly. Why did she care anyway? What did it matter what these weirdoes thought of her? She was getting off this planet soon. ‘Not that I want to be of course,’ she added. ‘Or am! Because actually-‘
She was about to resume her protest at this whole silly misunderstanding when she was cut short by Pluto. ‘We will prove her identity beyond all doubt. But first, take us to your leader!’
‘I think I’ve heard that one before,’ muttered Venus. ‘It’s hardly original.’
‘Who is your leader by the way?’ said Skye.
‘The Queen!’ cried the motley crew in unison, touching their foreheads.
The elephant man spoke. ‘Queen Andromeda! Rightful Ruler of Nimrovia, democratically elected by the people, but now unlawfully deposed by Tyranog, who is not, repeat not, the Divine Emperor!’
A chorus of snorts and grunts and scornful noises greeted this and some of them spat on the ground.
‘Andromeda is our rightful sovereign!’ declared one of the one eyed people. ‘And now she is leader of the Nimrovian Popular Front, People’s Resistance Against the Occupation! All hail Andromeda!’
They all stood to attention and saluted, which on some of them looked a bit strange.
‘Whew! Thank heavens for that! ’ said Skye. ‘I totally agree with you. My parents were amongst her closest advisors, but I think they’re being held captive in Amrylla.’
‘Are you going to take us to your leader or not?’ enquired Venus somewhat testily. ‘I’m beginning to feel a bit peckish. I haven’t eaten since 7pm last night, earth time.’
The Mastodonian leader eyed her sceptically.
‘Let us proceed!’ commanded Pluto. And they set off into the gloaming, following the band of rebels along the gulley. Venus trudged along between Pluto and Skye, wishing more than ever for a nice hot water bottle and her comfy bed. Her feet were hurting terribly on the rough stones.
The path wound interminably, through more valleys and gulches. The rebels lit flaming torches to guide their way. Dark trees rustled overhead and strange scuttling noises could be heard in the undergrowth. The eerie silence was occasionally pierced by the cries of mountain creatures echoing around the cliff faces. Up in the sky, a huge moon was rising swiftly over the jagged peaks. It was about three times bigger than the one on earth and gazed down at them, a pale glimmering green. It had three rings round it, with dense purple centres.
‘That’s Isis,’ said Skye, ‘the first moon to appear in the night sky. We call it our Mother Moon. There’ll be another one along in a minute.’
‘Oh good. I can’t wait,’ said Venus.
She didn’t have to. The next one appeared shortly afterwards, popping over the crags with alarming speed. It was much smaller, pitted with grey indentations. ‘Sisyphus,’ said Skye grimly. ‘It’s an old penal colony. Uninhabited. No-one is sent there any more, since the Time of Peace.’
‘Oh good,’ said Venus, trying to keep the weary sarcasm out of her voice. ‘That’s nice to know.’
The next moon floated serenely into the night sky like a ship of gold. It was nearly as large as Isis and bathed the valley with a glowing light, almost like daylight. ‘Ah! My favourite moon!’ sighed Skye. ‘Karma. As soon as she rises, people calm down. Fretful babies go to sleep and the animals quieten. Listen!’
Venus listened. A peaceful silence had settled upon the mountains. She stared up at the night sky, at the unfamiliar constellations, and the three moons that now hung over them. ‘You know, those moons came along really fast, ‘she observed. ‘It takes much longer for our moon to rise.’
‘Ah yes, ‘said Pluto, ‘something you need to know Serenity. Time moves faster here.
Our year lasts only thirteen days.’
‘So I need to re-set my watch then?’ It was a weak joke, but it made her feel better. At least if time moved faster here, she could get out of this place faster. The path was climbing steeply now, twisting between knotted bushes of coarse vegetation. More summits came into view, rolling towards the horizon like an endless sea. The path narrowed and they passed through a narrow channel between the rocks until at last they emerged into a high grassy valley, several miles wide, encircled with mountains and bathed in moonlight. The whole basin was dotted with campfires, numerous tents and makeshift dwellings. A wide river meandered across the valley floor, shimmering in the moonlight, and horned cattle grazed along its banks.
A wooden house with an apex roof stood on a small hill in the centre of the valley, a blue flag flapping gently at the mast. A white ‘V’ shape intersected the flag, with three moons placed in between. The band of rebels made its way towards the house. More strange people rose from their campfires and crowded forward, staring curiously at Venus as the group passed through. Venus really wished that she had at least put on a dressing gown and slippers before she went down into the garden. The people trailed after them in a procession, whispering curiously.
As they mounted the slope to the wooden house, a small wiry figure emerged and stood in the moonlight. As they drew closer, Venus saw it was a little old lady, of the same race as Skye. Her greenish skin was deeply lined and a shock of white hair stood upright on her head. She was wearing a purple jumpsuit, a green cloak and a pair of purple leather boots. The boots struck a chord in her memory…… and Venus caught her breath with sudden recognition. It was the old lady she’d seen at the park! The one who’d disappeared in a shimmery haze. At her feet was a small dragon-like creature, exactly like the terrier which had skittered around the old woman’s feet, except this was no dog. It was a cross between a lizard and an ant eater, with tiny vestigial wings, a rugged hide, perky ears and a pointed snout. As Venus drew closer, the creature bounded towards her like a delighted puppy and licked her hand as though she was its long lost owner returning from her travels.
‘Calm down Gilgo,’ said the old woman quietly. The dragon-dog ceased its yelping and fell silent immediately, trotting back to sit at its mistress’s feet. A third eye opened in her forehead as Venus approached and she held out her arms. ‘Heavens be blessed! You have arrived safely! Welcome home Serenity’ she said, bowing. ‘You may remember me from our brief encounter on earth. I visited you via astral projection. I am Queen Andromeda, Supreme Ruler of the Western Sector of the Northern Continent of Nimrovia, now in exile. You are under my care during your stay on our planet.’
Andromeda turned and swept her gaze out over the camp. The motley assortment of odd looking people had gathered around the foot of the hill, and there were several hundred of them. The old woman held up her wrist and pressed something on a metal armband. A light zapped out of it and shone onto Venus’s face.
‘Behold!’ cried Andromeda, pointing at the old chicken pox scar on her cheek. ‘She bears the mark of Sunev!’
Her cheeks burned with embarrassment, but what occurred next was probably the most cringe making thing that had ever happened to Venus. A lot of blurry lights began zinging back and forth between her and Andromeda’s wristband then Venus found herself surrounded by a shimmering halo of coloured light. The crowd gasped.
‘Behold her Holy Aura!’ cried Andromeda. ‘The Soul Scanner never lies. Our Divine Being is now re-incarnated as a young woman. Bow in worship and acknowledge the Serenity herself!’
Everyone fell to their knees. It took Venus a few stunned moments to realise that they were worshipping her.
In her pyjamas.
And they weren’t even her best ones.