Toni's phone jumped to life. Who calls this late at night? Has some one died?
"Hello, is this Miss Handcock?" a drunken voice slurred down the phone.
"Ye-es."
"How much for a blow job?"
"A what?"
"B-L-O-W-J-O-B," he spelled out helpfully. "How much does it cost?"
"I'm not a hairdresser, how would I know?"
"Got your brochures here, try the Handcock experience. I assume you're a lady of the night?"
The horrible truth sank in. "No I just have an interfering mother. I would prefer it if you stopped calling me."
Toni disconnected and switched her phone off. When would a normal person ring her? There was nothing for it. She would have to organise it herself.
*
Toni called Athol Russ' offices the very next day.
"Hello?" he asked in a fluid confident voice.
"Hello Athol, it's Toni Hancock." She held her breath tightly. She'd always been really dreadful at asking men out on dates.
"Toni, hello. You can make all appointments with my receptionist, you know," he told her lightly.
"Oh right," she squeaked. There was nothing else for it. She was going to have to be direct. "And what ... what about dates? Does she sort them out for you too?"
"Oh, right." There was a short pause while this sank in. "Maybe I could take your number and call you back at a more appropriate time?"
Fascinating, Toni marveled; he's not even shocked. Did woman ring to ask him out on dates all the time? "Okay then," she mumbled, shame-faced. She gave him her number and then disconnected quickly, trying not to hyperventilate. Write. She needed to write.
Rummaging around her table she found her exercise book. She was just about to start journaling when a moped pulled up on the pavement in front of her house. A tall man uncurled his legs and stood up, and sloped towards the house.
"Oh, shit," Toni whispered, thinking about hiding even though she'd already locked eyes with the giant through the window.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
Toni bravely swung open the door.
"Why won't you go on another date with me?" he demanded.
"We ... we don't really have anything in common. I'd probably bore you to death."
"You're wrong; we do have things in common. We went to school together."
She couldn't deny that. "Err, I guess you're right."
"Give me another chance! Let me take you to the movies."
"No, sorry, Wan ... Wayne, I'm really not interested." There. It was out. The plain and simple truth.
Wayne turned and sloped back towards his moped. Shutting the door behind him, she breathed a sigh of relief. After a good thirty seconds of not hearing the moped gun to life a feeling of unease settled on her soul.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
Damn it!
"Kiss me," Wayne demanded, "for ten seconds. And if you don't feel anything for me then I'll leave you alone."
"Err, hello again."
"Ten seconds, I have a watch here to time it."
"I haven't brushed my teeth."
"So go brush them." Wayne suggested.
Toni rushed to the bathroom, and once inside she locked the door; but just as she found a comfy place to sit to wait it out guilt began to descend. Shouldn't I go out there and just tell him to bugger off like a grown up? She sighed and dragged herself to her feet. Toni brushed her teeth so that if he caught a whiff of her breath he wouldn't know she had been about to climb out of the window. Then, with her head held high, she marched back to her front door.
Wayne stepped towards her, his jaw badly shaven and dark smudges under his eyes. "Ten seconds, and then if you don't like it I'll leave and never bother you again."
"I've changed my mind. I don't want to kiss you."
"It's not fair," he whined, his voice rising. "I'd do the same for you if it was what you wanted; all I'm asking for is a kiss."
"Oh alright, alright. Gosh, you're such a child!" Screwing up her nose Toni leaned forward, her mouth pressed together tightly, and kissed him on the lips. Counting quickly to ten she pulled away. "No, sorry, I'm still not interested."
"That wasn't ten seconds. That was only six!"
She couldn't fault his determination, that was for sure. But now she was all out of ammo. She pursed her lips again and pointed at them as he leaned in for a replay.
"Wayne, read my lips. BUGGER. OFF."
*
Oy, Bladder." Danny's voice crackled down the line. "Jayden is staying with his friend Freddy till later on, because I reckon you're going to need me to help you with the contraption at Rock 'n' Roll tonight."
Instantly, Toni felt relieved. She hadn't been looking forward to the Toothless Wonder swirling her sleazily across the floor, and she'd had a couple of nips of rum in preparation which had gone straight to her head. "Sounds great, but do you actually know Freddy's parents? How do you know they're not mass murderers?" she asked.
"I checked them out," Danny said. "I rang around, and apparently they're lovely people. So stop worrying. I'll come pick you up."
"Of course they're lovely people – everyone thought Ted Bundy was a nice boy too!" Toni slurred.
"Alright, Breastbone, I'm calling off now. I think you should go have a glass of water."
He appeared an hour or so later, and Toni's heart beat thudded to a stop. His long fuzzy mane had been cut off, which in itself was a miracle. But he'd also bought new clothes. Toni had never seen him dressed so well; he looked indecently good. He wore a white ironed shirt with the top few buttons undone and a pair of the sexiest jeans that had ever hugged his bottom.
"Wow!" Toni cried in shock. "You look great."
"Do you like it?" Danny asked hopefully. "I bought them today."
"I love them! And your hair... it looks so ... sexy," She started to feel slightly silly wearing her bright purple tutu (she wanted to get some use out of it) and with her one free foot enclosed in a bright pink canvas shoe.
Was he ... blushing? "I thought I'd better dress for my role as body guard. I must keep the Toothless Wonder as far away as possible."
Look at him, Toni thought in awe; he's the best looking man who's ever stood in my lounge. And then she instantly felt sorry for Jack. After all, he'd stood in her lounge with his neatly messed up hair and his sparkly blue eyes. He definitely wasn't terrible looking, but his body just didn't scream masculinity like Danny's did. Stop it! she chided herself; you can't compare them, that's sick! Avoiding Danny's eye, she stumbled out of the door.
They arrived early. Danny helped to strap her dance contraption to her leg, letting his fingers linger on her thigh a moment longer than necessary. Her cheeks turned bright red. When he stepped back to admire his work he laughed. "You look like you should be in a horror movie."
"It's great, isn't it?" she asked happily doing a slow but neat Rock 'n' Roll step.
"I should start a business making crutches for athletes."
"Right, are you ready to learn?" She took his hands and awkwardly showed him everything she'd been taught. Every time she lurched near she could smell his aftershave. Cologne had always been Toni's kryptonite. Even a homeless man doused in a manly scent would make her feel soggy at the knees, and she had to fight the urge not to start kissing them on the spot. She tried to keep it together, concentrating on keeping soggy knees in an upright position so that Danny didn't realize the effect he was having on her.
Finally when the song drew to a close, Danny swung her back over his arm and dipped her, like Fred Astaire dancing with a war victim. Toni laughed. Her cheeks were stained with a deep red blush. She'd thought for a moment that he was going to kiss her. "You're such a beautiful woman, Toni Handcock. Have I ever told you that?"
The blush in her cheeks grew rosier, spreading down her neck to betray her. "Yes," she admitted, "you told me once."
They both fell silent.