The cruelest lies are often told in silence
for your soundless words betray our thoughts
So tell us why, though we're given life
are we meant to die, helpless in our cries?
As you awoke from your restless slumber, the first thing you noticed was the cold air that had enveloped the small bedroom overnight which sent a shivering sensation to wash over your body. The room was still dark, indicating that it was either the middle of the night, or very early in the morning. Groaning, you turned yourself to your side and forced your eyes shut. Your hands gripped at the thin blanket, pulling it over your shivering body. But no matter how much you wanted to fall back asleep, you knew there was no point in trying anymore. As much as you wished to stay asleep forever, you would have to wake up sooner or later since sleeping was only a temporary escape from your torments. Waking up was no longer the pleasure it once was. You'd feel that fleeting moment when you would feel whole again. But before you're even given the chance to savor that sweet moment, your thoughts would once again be gripped by inexplicable terror. As though the devil himself was reaching into the well of your subconscious and ripping out deeply repressed fears that even yourself never knew existed.
Slowly and reluctantly, you opened your eyes to finally meet the new dawn. You sat up, and dragged yourself out of bed to go to the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, you cupped your hands under the stream of cold water before splashing it onto your face. The cold temperature sent a tingling sensation to your skin like it was washing away your tired state. However your reflection showed otherwise. Framed by a border of rust, with its surface dull and worn from age, the mirror showed a face of anguish and pain, drained from any sliver of happiness. No amount of water was enough to wash away the frown that marred your once joyful smile. You took notice of your unflattering appearance being your dark circles and prominent eye bags. You wouldn't be surprised if they ended up being permanent. But why would you even bother caring? It wasn't like there was anyone to impress anyway. If you were worrying about what you looked like with the lifestyle you were going through now, you were better off impressing the goddess of death; Etro herself.
By the time you had finished your usual morning routine, the sun was beginning to rise from the depths of the long night and the first break of sunlight was already starting to creep through the ripped curtains. You made your way back to your room where your little brother Luca was still fast asleep. Sitting down on the edge of his bed you peered over his sleeping form. You noticed his face was scrunched up into an expression of discomfort while he tossed and turned. His fingers were balled into fists as they gripped tightly at the blanket. Little groans and huffs of distress escaped from his lips.
"M-Mama." Luca suddenly groaned, causing your eyes to enlarge and for a split second you felt as though a crack had formed in your heart. "P-Papa." he continued to toss around.
Your brows furrowed as you sensed something was not right. Reaching your hand out, you placed your palm on top of his forehead. Instantly you felt the heat radiating from his blood and the claminess of his skin. It was then did you notice that his face was as red as a beet. He was definitely having a fever. Looks like your plans of taking Luca out of the house had gone down the drain, just like every other time you tried.
"Luca." you whispered and gently started shaking him to wake him up. "Luca wake up."
At the call of his name Luca began to stir and slowly he opened his eyes. "[Name]?" he wearily tried to sit himself up, but the heat coursing through his veins prevented him from doing so. "I-I feel so hot." he said timidly.
"You have a fever Luca." you said and handed him the pills and the glass of water which was always kept on the make-shift nightstand. "Here."
Luca took the pills from your hands and washed them down with his glass of water. "We're still going out today right?" he asked.
You smiled at him sadly and shook your head. Your actions were enough to make your little brother's heart drop. "I'm sorry buddy, not with you like this." you smiled sadly and ruffled his coarse hair, damp with sweat.
"But I can still go out!" Luca protested. "This fever is nothin--" however despite his words, he was cut off with a throbbing pain to his head. "Urgh." he moaned in pain and brought a hand to clutch at his head. "M-My head."
Gently, you pushed Luca down from the shoulders so he was lying back down on the bed."I'm sorry Luca." you apologised again. "Maybe next time okay?"
"But I don't wanna stay ho--" Luca tried to protest but his voice was starting to sound drained. It wasn't long until the side effects of the medication kicked in and Luca was sent into a drowsy spell. Closing his eyes, he sank deeper into his bed before he was sent into another long slumber. When you were sure he was fast asleep, you grabbed the empty glass from the stack of crates and walked out the small room. Breathing out a heavy sigh, you closed the door behind you.
"Looks like I'm gonna be stuck at home as always." you muttered. Your eyes scanned your disarrayed and filthy surroundings, Everything was a mess. Though the house was already not in the best shape. you still tried your best to keep it clean. "Might as well do some cleaning."
. . .
It was close to late morning by the time you finished cleaning majority of the house. All that was left to do was the kitchen. However as you were being too focused on scrubbing the remaining dishes left in the sink from the night before, you didn't hear the sound of footsteps approaching behind you. It was only till you felt a tap on your shoulder did you yelp in shock and drop the glass you were washing.
"Crap, I'm sorry [Name]!"
You turned your head to see Fidelis standing behind you with a horrified expression on his face from what he had just done.
You clicked your tongue at the disaster you had caused ."It's alright, it's not your fault." you reassured and bent down to pick up the glass shards scattered across the floor. As you were collecting the larger pieces you felt your thumb run over one of the sharp edges. You hissed and pulled your hand away from the shard to look at your finger. It was cut deep, and immediately blood started to run down your finger to the palm of your hand.
"Oh gods are you bleeding?" Fidelis quickly bent down to to help you. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern. "Do you need any help?"
Bringing your now blood covered finger to your lips, you sucked on the cut to ease the bleeding. wincing at the slight sting from your saliva making contact with the wound. The metallic taste from the blood invaded your taste buds. "It's just a cut Fidelis. I'm not going to die." you said, rolling your eyes. You stood up from your crouched position to get a band-aid which you had stored in the kitchen drawers. "You should've told me that you were coming over."
"Well you did say I could come in whenever I wanted, I mean you did give me a copy of the keys for that reason." Fidelis said after he dumped the last bit of glass into the bin and sat himself down at the kitchen table.
It was true. When you moved into this dump, you gave Fidelis a copy of the keys to allow him not to only invite himself in whenever he pleased, but also to look after Luca whenever you were at work. He didn't live far either, only a ten minute work in another run down apartment. Of course that was the only thing you two could afford at this stage.
"So tell me, how was the meeting this morning?" you asked as you sat down across him.
Fidelis sighed deeply. "It was alright, we're still discussing strategies to reform, well at least to just get the king's attention it just seems like protests aren't doing anything. We need something bigger."
"What? Are you going to storm into the palace with a whole army?" You joked.
"I'm tempted to." Fidelis replied.
"And how are you going to do that?"
"It will happen [Name]. Nothing is stopping me if I have to."
You remained silent when you realized he wasn't joking around. His brows were furrowed and his lips were formed into a tight line. He had that unwavering look in his eye that you knew so well, which gave the clear indication that he was serious.
"I'm just sick and tired of having to wait for things to get better when it's obvious that it's not going to happen." Fidelis continued.
You chuckled dryly. "You're not alone."
"It's like, we're just being left to die." Fidelis muttered, his fiery gaze intensified. "What do we have to do in order for us to get the salvation we deserve?"
"Why don't we just talk to him." You suggested.
Fidelis scoffed at your idea."Like that is possible? What, do you think he's just gonna invite you into a castle for a tea party and a nice chat?" he let out a short laugh. "You're hilarious [Name]."
"I'll do it." You said.
Fidelis snorted. "You're joking."
"No, I'm serious." You argued, your voice turning more stern. "I'll go talk to this king of ours. "If more than anything, he needs to hear it face to face with his people. I'm sure he wants to know what his kingdom is thinking."
But Fidelis continued to doubt your words. "Don't be stupid, You'll be killed before you even set foot inside the gates."
Your lips fell into a frown. "It doesn't hurt to try." you mumbled.
"Do you think he'll even want to talk to people like us?" Fidelis interjected. "We're being treated like nothing but peasants while this excuse of a king lounges all day, not giving a damn about his own people dying one by one under his feet!" his voice began to yell.
"Shh, Luca's still sleeping Fidelis." you hissed.
"Sorry.." Fidelis immediately quietened down. "How is he?" he asked.
You shook your head. "He has a fever. But I gave him the medication already, hopefully his temperature goes down soon." you explained. "I was going to take him out today as well."
Fidelis gaze lowered and he remained quiet. "I'm sorry to hear that." he said, no longer pressing the issue.
"Oh you know it happens a lot Fidelis it's nothing." you waved off his apology. "Plus, I was going to go into the city run some errands until you came along."
"I can go and help you out if you like?" FIdelis offered. "I can stay home with Luca while you go do your thing."
"Are you okay with that?" you questioned. "I can always do them another time."
"Don't worry about it." Fidelis reassured with a smile. "I've already told you; I'm always here if you need me."
You smiled. "Thanks Fidelis."
Upon returning to your room, you quickly grabbed the things you need such as your bag and a light jacket, careful to not wake up Luca. However just as you were about the leave the room, a croaky voice called out to you. Turning around, you noticed Luca had woken up. He was sitting up on the bed, his hair was a sweaty mess and his eyes were still droopy from sleep.
"Sis," he called out again. "Where are you going?"
You smiled and walked over to sit on his bed. "I'm just popping into the city to run some errands."
"Can I go with you?" Luca asked.
"You know you can't go out when you're sick Luca." you said, ruffling his hair.
Luca's shoulders slumped at your objection. "But I wanted to spend time with you today."
His words instantly broke your heart. "I'll be back soon, I got Fidelis here to keep you company."
And as if it was on cue Fidelis appeared by the door. "Your sister's right Luca. She'll be back before you know it."
However Luca continued to shake his head in protest. "But sis--"
"Luca, please just listen to me." you sternly cut him off. "Just be a good kid and stay at home for today. I promise I'll take you out another day. But you need to rest."
Luca lips pursed into a pout, but he could see the pleading look you had in your eye. "Okay, fine." he grumbled. "But you must keep your promise [Name]." he said.
You let out a short laugh and ruffled his hair once again. "I promise." You didn't fail to hear the slight strain in those words.
That face of disappointment and sadness Luca showed was enough to send a vice grip to your chest. You knew how much he wanted to go out, you knew how much he hated having to stay indoors everyday. It was like you were keeping him in a prison, with no exposure to the outside world. But you couldn't afford putting him at such risk. The things outside the walls of this apartment was far too dangerous for a young, frail boy. As much as you despised the thought, keeping Luca indoors was the only way you could keep him safe. You could no longer place your trust on the king to keep you and your family safe anymore. Afterall the royal family already failed once in protecting their people, and look at where that took their kingdom. All you wanted was a better life for you brother, was that too much to ask for? You couldn't bear to see him suffering and struggling to just simply live every morning anymore.
. . .
Stepping out into the CBD of Insomnia was something you despised deeply. You were never a fan of the lavish parts of the city. Everywhere you went you people would give you their stares of judgment as they pointed fingers at your ragged and "dirty" appearance.
"Look at her," they would whisper.
"She's so filthy, what is she doing here." They would sneer.
You couldn't argue against them though. It was in fact very true; you did look dirty and uncivilised which did make you stand out against the rest of the luxurious crowd. Compared to their expensive clothing of silk and leather, you were just dressed in jeans and an old t-shirt or rags as the rich people would call it. But you had no choice but to enter this part of the city, despite how much you hated it. It was pretty much the only place where you able to get the things you needed like fresh groceries from the fruit shop you worked at, and medicine for Luca which was what you were heading over to get now.
The moment you stepped into the pharmacy, the familiar scent of the place wafted into your nostrils; the bitter odour of medical herbs. The scent had never left the place, it always smelt the same whenever you came. While you waited in the line of people that had formed behind the counter, you could see the stress in the eyes of the pharmacists as they tried to serve their many customers as fast as possible. It wasn't hard to notice that the environment screamed stressful. More and more people were becoming sink ever since the war which meant there was a higher demand in medication. Even when the bell on the door jingled when you entered, no one looked up. The pharmacists were too busy filling orders and pouring pills into plastic bottles to even notice that someone had walked in. Eventually after a few long minute it was your turn to be served. Taking out Luca's prescription from your bag, you handed it over to the pharmacist who harshly snatched it from your hands. She was an old lady with skin and that sagged and looked like leather. Her grey hairs were pinned back and tied into a neat little bun. However her wrinkled old lips which were painted in a bright red lip. seemed to be stuck in a permanent frown.
"And what is your relationship with Luca?" the pharmacist asked after she read the notice and began to peer at you behind her thin framed glasses.
With a straight face you answered, "I'm his mother." you lied with no hint of hesitance in your voice. You knew it was wrong to lie, but the pharmacy wouldn't allow you to pick up Luca's medication if they found out you were just his older sister.
The old hag continued to eye you suspiciously. "Alright, sign here." she said handing you a document to state you had collected the medication.
Luckily for you, you had mastered in forging your parents signature. You signed the sheet with ease and handed it back to her. She looked down at the signature and then back up at you. You continued to stare back with the same emotionless expression.
"The wait will be about ten to fifteen minutes so if you can, just wait there," she said pointing her skinny finger to where majority of customers were already waiting. "and we'll call you out when your medication is ready."
You gave her a curt nod at her instructions. "Thank you." you said polity and went to wait at the designated area.
For what seemed like forever, you watched people come and go. Even those who came before you, had gotten their items. Ten minutes turned into fifteen, fifteen turned into twenty. And before you knew it, you had waited a total of thirty minutes. You were starting to doubt whether or not the old hag even put through your prescription. With your arms crossed over your chest, you tapped your foot impatiently on the floor.Were you being discriminated? Was it because you were considered poor that they refused to serve you? Did they think that if they made you wait long enough you would give up and leave? Oh how wrong they were to think that.
Curling your hands into fists, you marched up to the counter while drilling holes at the hagged pharmacist who stood behind it. Without any sign of warning you slammed your hand directly on the counter with a loud thud.
The pharmacist who served you, jolted from the noise. "Excuse me--"
"Listen here you," you finally snapped. "I don't know what your problem is, but I've been standing here for a total of thirty minutes waiting for my medicine when youtold me that I only have to wait ten to fifteen minutes." you continued to stare her down. "Now Where. Is. It." you hissed. Every syllable sounded as if it was laced with venom.
Usually you weren't the type that would bother to complain but that was the breaking point of your patience. You were too worn out to deal with this any longer.
The old pharmacist stared back at your with wide eyes, startled by your sudden loud and menacing voice. The fear in those glazed pupils of hers was clearly evident. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and opened her mouth to speak. "W-We c-called out your name before b-but you didn't respond so w-we thought you l-left." You knew she was talking nonsense. "B-But still we have it here." she reached down and pulled out a paper bag. "Here, we're sorry for the inconvenience."
You harshly snatched the bag out of her trembling hands and threw the creased up notes and rusty coins you had with you to pay for the medicine. Without thanking her, you marched out of the pharmacy, not once taking a look back at the line of people who witnessed the commotion and watched you leave the horrid place.
. . .
You didn't know how much time had been wasted in that pharmacy but you did know that the day was already passing and it was very much late in the afternoon. You walked along the city street to make your way to the bus stop where you were to catch the bus back to your house. As you walked through the centre of the city, you spotted a large crowd of protesters gathered at one particular place, Their signs were held high, and their loud screams and shouts echoed throughout the whole city. You noticed that the crowd looked bigger than usual. Intrigued, you went over to take a closer look and as you drew nearer you realised that they were marching up and down the street that encircled the imperial palace.
The palace had architecture like no other in the city. It retained the exterior of the city buildings, but it's grand design was what made it stand out from the rest of the high-rising buildings that surrounded it. It was meticulously detailed with a sense of formalization. The emblem of the royal family could be seen embedded on the walls and adorned on the flags that fluttered softly in the wind.
As you continued staring at protesters marching outside the palace, the conversation you had with Fidelis returned to your thoughts. What if I did talk to the king? you questioned yourself once more. You vigorously shook your head to dismiss your thoughts. Don't be stupid [Name], Fidelis is right. But the more you looked at the castle, the more urge you had to go over there. It doesn't hurt to at least give it a shot. Afterall the king is supposed to hear the voice of his kingdom. At this point you were having a mental argument with yourself. And suddenly as if your legs had a mind of their own, they started walking, taking you another step closer to the palace.
"Do you think he'll even want to talk to people like us?" Fidelis' words recited in your head once more, but something was telling you to keep going. Your steps grew faster until you began jogging towards the crowd of protesters, and before you knew it, you were standing in-front of the palace gates.
Usually the gates were down to allow public visitors or tourists to enter and see the outside of the palace itself. But after the war, the gates have been erected since. The security level were high with guards stationed at every corner preventing any visitors from entering.
"Who goes there." a loud voice.
You looked to your side to see two guards standing on either side of the gate, each holding a rife over their shoulder. They were dressed head to toe in armour, with their face covered by a steel helmet. They were similar to the Nifilheim imperial soldiers, however the evident difference was the design and the Lucis emblem that embedded the armour. They looked large and menacing, making you look powerless in front of them.
However instead of whimpering like a coward and running away, you kept your calm composition. "I'm here to see the king." you spoke without a single trace of fear in your voice.
"Did you request an audience with him?" one of them asked.
"No. I came at my own accord."
"Who are you?" they asked, their gruff voices muffled slightly behind the helmet.
"I don't have to tell you."
The guards looked at other and back at you with evident eyes of suspicion. "The king isn't accepting visitors today, we're going to have to ask you to leave." the first guard said.
"I refuse." you said firmly.
"Ma'm, please leave. I don't want to have to do it by force." the second guard spoke, this time sounding a lot more cold and harsh.
But you continued to stand your ground. "I refuse." you repeated. "I'm not leaving until I talk to the king."
The guards were getting angry. "Ma'am, I'm giving you one last warning, leave now before I lose my temper!" he was yelling now, however that wasn't enough to scare you into leaving.
With a devious look in your eyes, your lips pulled up into a smirk. "Make me."
That was certainly the last straw. Without any sign of warning the one of the guards roughly grabbed your arms and pulled them behind your back, causing a yell of pain to sound from your throat. Then suddenly another guard raised their weapon and pointed it at your direction, the muzzle only a few centimeters from your face. You froze and did not move a muscle. "You'll be killed before you even set foot inside the gates." Fidelis' words echoed in your head.
"Whats going on here?!" yelled out a new voice, this time much deeper.
You and the guards looked up to see a tall and large built young man walking towards the gates. He was dressed in all black with sleeves of tattoos running down both his arms. His hair was shaven and partially shaved on either side. But what stood out the most was his lack of a decent shirt. His top was unbuttoned wide opened revealing his well sculpted body.
"Oh you're gonna be in so much trouble now." you heard one of the guards snicker. "Sir Amicitia." the guards greeted. From the way they addressed him, you assumed he was working in the palace.
The large man looked at you through the iron gates with his amber eyes, while you struggled to free yourself from the vice-grip that was locked around your wrists. You looked up at him and noticed a scar running down the left side of his face. You gave him a sharp glare.
"We just found this suspicious pest trying to break into the palace." the guard explained.
You frowned at his accusation. "I was not trying to bre--"
"Shut up you peasant!" the guard spat, harshly cut you off and pointed the muzzle closer to your face. "Don't make me ki--"
"That's enough." the scarred man's voice caused the guards to suddenly tense. "Unhand her."
The guards looked at him in shock. "But Sir, she--"
"She's with me." he said sternly. "She's the new maid."
What?! You gave the scarred male a look of bewilderment at his bizarre lie.
He only looked back down at you with the same straight face, but you noticed a new hint of softness in his harsh features. 'I told her to meet me by the gates, not to get scared to death by you two idiots!"
When they realised what they had done, the guards immediately released your arms and lowered the gun. You rolled your wrists around to recirculate the blood to your hands.
"Open the gates." he ordered.
The guards flinched at the bitterness drenched in his words, "Yes sir!" they saluted and went over to the guard house and opened the gates from the control panel. "We deeply apologise for the inconvenience sir."
This Sir Amicitia must have a lot of power if he's able to make the guards obey him like that." you thought.
"And the one you should be apologizing to is her not me." the large male added.
"We're deeply sorry Ma'am." they bowed.
Finally getting the chance to step through the gates into the citadel. You followed the scarred man down the red carpeted path towards the stairs which led to the entrance. This building was even more grand than the last, with its walls scaling way up high to the clouds. It's doors were made out of glass with a magnificent pillared arch at the top. It too was meticulously detailed. Large statues of column maidens stood in each of the archways on the sides as if they were looking down upon those who entered the palace doors.
"Sorry about before." the scarred man spoke. "The guards usually have a knack of acting on their own accord.
You didn't say anything. Their apology was not enough to satisfy you after what they just did. Regardless, you let it go.
"The names Gladiolus Amicitia by the way. I'm one of the royal guards, well mainly the shield for the royal family." he suddenly introduced himself even though you never asked him to.
"Are you a soldier?" you asked.
Gladiolus chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "Well I did come from a military family, if that counts. But my job just mainly consists of protecting Noct." he sounded a lot more light hearted than he did before.
Judging from the nickname he addressed the king by, you assumed that they were pretty close. "Then, are you able to take me to him?" you asked. You knew it was a risk, but you didn't go through all that abuse for nothing. "I want to talk to him about something."
"Isn't that what I'm already doing?" Gladiolus chuckled once more. "You should consider yourself luck. We don't usually just let anyone enter the castle."
No kidding. you scoffed to yourself.
"Who are you anyway?" Gladiolus asked. "Are you a friend of Noct?"
"It doesn't matter who I am. You'll never see me again after this anyway."
. . .
Noctis sat on his throne, cheek resting on his fists, elbow digging into the black cushioning on the arm of the large chair. An evident expression of boredom was on his face. Ignis stood beside him, he didn't fail to notice Noctis' desire to leave. But, a king has to do what a king has to do.
Standing before the two of them was a citizen of the kingdom. He was an old man with a wizened face and a back slightly hunched. He had a fringe of grey hair around his balding scalp, and a scruffy beard that was just as white. The old man's deep wrinkles seemed to have carved a map of his life on his still agile and mobile facial features.
"M-My apologies your majesty b-but I I won't be able to pay the taxes this w-week." he was stuttering like no tomorrow. The old man's fingers were fumbling with the hat in his hands as his fingers trembled in fear. "I-I need to ask for an e-extension."
A click of the tongue could be heard from the Noctis. "Another one? This has been the second one, I can't keep giving you extensions for free y'know?"
The old man flinched. "I-I know your Majesty b-but it's just that my harvest hasn't been very good lately a-and I-I'm not very financially stable at the moment--"
"I don't wanna hear your petty excuses old man!" Noctis cut the old man off, causing the innocent man to flinch. "You have one more week, don't pay your taxes by then" Noctis sat up on his chair and stared down at the old man. "There won't be a harvest to worry about anymore." Noctis' tone started to grow grave and menacing, even Ignis felt a chill run down his spine. "Am I making myself clear?" he asked.
"Y-Yes your majesty." the old man whimpered in a whisper.
"I didn't hear you!" Noctis bellowed.
"Yes your Majesty!" the old man yelled out, his voice broke away as his chest heaved.
"Good, now get out!"
And without saying anymore, the old man hurried out the throne room, almost tripping over his feet due to his trembling knees.
Noctis fell back on his chair and let out a loud sigh. "God damnit" he muttered and brought his fingers up to massage his temples. He was starting to feel the budding of a headache.
"Don't you think you were being a bit too harsh Noct?" Ignis asked the young king.
Noctis pursed his mouth in slight annoyance at Ignis' comment. "What? I gave him what he wanted. What more does he want?" he huffed.
Before Ignis could reply, Gladiolus came through the door. "Noct! I got someone here who wants to see you."
Noctis groaned again. How many more people did he have to talk to before he was able to rest. He already had to go through another council meeting in the morning, and there another one coming later in the evening. Was a break too much to ask for?
"Bring them in." Noctis grumbled. "This better be quick."
Noctis could hear the soft padding of steps walking towards the middle of the throne room where he sat in wait. The footsteps sounded too light to belong toa man. When the footsteps stopped Noctis looked up to see you standing before him.
"Your Majesty." you greeted like any polite citizen would.
Noctis sat up from his position and stared back at you. He could see past your polite tone. The look you gave him would've killed him if it were made out of daggers. Noctis suddenly started to feel powerless under your presence.