When Alice stayed for dinner...
NOVEMBER - 2011
The guys and I ended up deciding to go to Pete's Pizzeria. It started to become our usual hangout instead of the park since it's gotten slightly colder. Noah, Ryan and I shared a pepperoni pizza.
"So at school, you know that one cheerleader? Melissa?" Noah asked.
Ryan and I nodded, even though we probably had no idea of who he was talking about. When it came to girls at school, I didn't really pay attention to them. I had my own, and that was all I really needed. It's a shame she didn't feel the same though.
"She asked me out."
Ryan nearly did a spit take. "Hold up, Melissa Manson?"
Noah nodded. They did a high five while I just kind of sat there. I had no idea who this Melissa was.
"Oh c'mon, Kyle, tell me you know who Melissa Manson is."
My eyes widened slightly. "Y-yeah, she's the one with the... black hair and... big... boobs."
Noah blinked at me. "That was strangely accurate but I still know you have no idea who she is."
I sighed. "Sorry, guys, I just don't really care for the girls at school. Or Melissa Manson."
"I'll hand it up to ya because you got a girl, but still, you have to know who Melissa is." he stated, shaking his head and holding both hands up.
I grimaced. "You act like she's a celebrity."
Ryan stared at me. "She kind of is. Any guy would kind of die to be with her."
"God, you guys sound like thirteen year old girls."
"Hey," Ryan interjected, "when it comes to Melissa, there's an exception."
I chuckled, lowering my gaze to my half-eaten pizza.
"What about you and Gwen though?" Noah questioned.
I jerked my head up. "What?"
"You guys okay?"
I sighed and avoided his eyes. "She told me she loved me."
"Holy shit!" Noah sat up from his I'm-cool-so-I-can-sit-how-I-want position and stared at me. "Like, she full on just blurted it out?"
"Well, she kept saying sorry and then all of sudden she just... said it."
"Did you say it back?" Ryan asked.
I pressed my lips together and fiddled with my hands, shaking my head. "I told her I'd believe her if she didn't do what she did."
"That's kind of a low blow, Ky."
"Hey, you try watching your girlfriend grind on some guy you and her don't know and make out with each other then say 'I love you' back." I retorted. "It wouldn't be a low blow if you were in my position."
"Yeah, but you totally rejected her, man."
I shook my head. "I shouldn't expect you guys to understand anyway."
He ignored my words. "Think about how she felt."
"I don't care how she felt! She didn't get hurt."
It grew silent as everyone registered what I just said. The words coming out were completely foreign to me. Of course I cared about how she felt when I totally rejected her. If I were her, I'd be devastated, but right now, she wasn't the only one who felt rejected.
"Look," I said, running my hands through my hair, "you guys have to look at it through my point of view."
"K, I get what you're sayin' man, but c'mon, Gwen's a girl. I'm pretty sure she's taking this a lot harder than you are. She's probably feeling guilty, stupid, and turned down. You know how girls are," Noah explained.
I nodded, realizing he had a point, but I really wasn't letting her off that easy - no matter what they say.
...
"Alright class, everyone take your seats." Mr. Johnson spoke, leaning against his desk.
My classmates settled down, quieting their voices so our teacher could talk. Today was the day we'd start our first partner presentation project. I wasn't too excited about it really.
"Here are your names for the project. These are the partners, I don't care if you don't agree, you'll be with this person for a while. Both of you should know the assignment. However, classroom time might not be enough so there will be a possibility you will need to take your out-of-school time to finish the project in order to get a good grade. Am I clear?"
Everyone grunted in response.
Mr. Johnson turned, grabbing a clipboard from his desk. "Chelsea and Wesley. Tom and Jacob H. Gregg and Charles. Daisy and Jane. Lynn and Danielle. Hailey and Kaleb. Alice and Kyle. Jacob G. and Riley. Jason and Cindy. Colin and Quinn. Avery and Harry. Paige and Dominic. Jean and Audrey. And Madeline and Zack. Any questions?" He looked up from the clipboard. No one responded.
"Good, everyone line up and pick a single piece of paper from this hat, read it, then discuss what your partner received and choose which one you'd like to do about your presentation."
I got up, looking for Alice. I spotted her in the back, sitting next to one of her friends. It seemed as though her and her friend were in a very important conversation. Alice looked extremely nervous; the girl next to her seemed to be giving her important advice. They both got up and got in line. Once I'd received my card, I read the option: World Economics. I nodded, turning to Alice, whose head was bowed, avoiding all eye contact.
Ever since people have been telling me that she liked me, it didn't seem real. I could understand it. It made sense; the constant nervousy when I'm around, her stumbling over words, turning and seeing her looking at me.
It wasn't that I was weirded out or anything, it just didn't seem right. Alice was a great girl, I could admit that, but sometimes I was afraid she'd try to do something, or I'd let her down and she'd get all upset like that one time at her flowery shop.
It was a confusing thing. I liked Alice. She was really cool, but what if this project turned into something more for her. I could only imagine the pain she'd be in. Well, actually, I can imagine it.
Alice walked back to her seat with her friend, the two still having an intense conversation. I decided to get up and talk to her.
"Hey, Alice," I said, stopping before her and her friend.
Both of them turned their heads to look at me. I gulped, feeling extremely uncomfortable under the gaze of one of Alice's friends. Those girls were vicious, let me tell you.
I stuffed my hands into my pockets. "Ready to, um, pick?"
The girl talking to Alice mumbled something I didn't catch and nodded comfortingly. She got up, walking by me and purposely pushing me against the shoulder. I felt like I was in one of those movies where the popular girl nudges the nerd rudely. Except this was completely opposite.
"Hi, Kyle."
I took a seat where her friend was previously in. "What'd you get?"
"Global warming; its effects on the climate."
I nodded. "I got world economics."
"Let's go with that one." Alice suggested, writing in her notebook.
"Okay."
"So, Mr. Johnson only has several computers in here. I highly doubt we'll get the computer at least five times in the entire time we have to do this project. So maybe we can go home, print some stuff out and go on from there."
I nodded. I wasn't good with school. I didn't understand a lot of things besides Biology. I sucked at Math still. I was pretty sure I was going to need help with this.
"Uh, maybe we can meet up on the weekends." I proposed.
Alice jerked her head up to see me, her eyes wide.
"Y-you know, so we can finish it faster. This is a big project."
"U-um, y-yeah, sure."
I gave her a tight smile. "Great."
Alice smiled back. It was genuine. I hadn't seen her smile at me like that for a while. Maybe she was starting to realize I'm not a bad guy and that she and I could still be friends even though I was with someone else.
We exchanged numbers and agreed to get started on Sunday instead of next week when we have this class again.
...
At lunch, all the soccer players and football players were sitting together. I had grown to like these guys, you know, besides Connor.
"So Kyle, heard you and that Allison girl are goin' out." Aidan smirked.
I grimaced, ignoring his mistake in her name. "What? No!"
"Denial?" he teased.
"No, I'm still with my girlfriend."
Dave budded in. "Oh, that girl you caught dancing with Jared? You're still with her?"
I nodded.
"You hit him pretty hard, I was surprised."
"Yeah, no one hits Jared Thomas like that."
"Who gives a fuck about Jared Thomas? You asked if Alice and Kyle were dating, he said no. Shut up about it." Ryan scolded.
I gave him a thankful look.
The guys thankfully did shut up about Alice. I could care less who Jared Thomas was. They should know how much I hate talking about the party by now. But to my approval, they decided to ignore everything and continue eating.
After school ended, I headed home. It was a tiring day. I was almost asleep in my bed when I got a call from Kory.
"Get on Skype." he ordered.
When the call was answered, I could see he had a few drinks.
"Kory," I sighed in frustration.
"What?" He questioned innocently.
"It's Thursday! Don't you have classes tomorrow?"
"Not until one."
I rolled my eyes. "Why were you drinking?"
"I just wanted to relax, KyKy."
I grimaced at him.
"So what's been happenin'?" he asked casually.
"Not much."
He frowned. "Why didn't you tell me about that Halloween party, Kyle?"
I stiffened. "W-what Halloween party?"
Kory's face became serious, almost to the point where it didn't look like he was drinking at all. "You know what Halloween party."
I narrowed my eyes, gritting my teeth. "Did Gwen tell you?"
"I was waiting for you to tell me. Gwen emailed me that night. She said she couldn't stop crying, man. She told me everything."
"So what, you think I should just not care about what happened?"
"I'm saying you should just forgive-,"
"Look, Kory," I interjected, "I don't need relationship advice from you. This is my business. Not yours."
He lifted his hands in surrender. "I'm just saying-"
"Well what you say means nothing."
"Kyle..." he sighed.
"K, picture this, Kory. K?" I lifted my hands, forming them into a square sarcastically. "Imagine Sophie had never gone to a party before with a whole bunch of teenagers. She dresses up like a police hooker. She stays with you until your attention averts to something else, but when you look back at her, she's gone, okay?"
He stayed quiet with sad eyes.
I continued, "So then you try to look for her. After like ten minutes, you find her with a guy practically on her. So then that guy is nearly centimeters away from kissing her, but the best part is, she doesn't even pull away. You just stand there because you are so shocked he's doing this to her and then BAM! They're making out so you have to push him back in order for her to stop sucking face with him." I finished.
"Sophie would never-"
"Yeah, that's what I thought too. But I stand corrected."
Kory had nothing else to say after that.
...
As much as I'd like to say that everything went back to normal after a few weeks, it didn't. I got over the stupid Halloween party, but we hadn't gotten back to the way we were, completely. There was still slight tension in the air whenever it was just us. I knew Gwen wanted to prove that she didn't intend for anything bad to happen but the fact is, what happened still bothered me, so I'm sure she thinks it's best not to go up on the subject. It's still evident that I still hadn't told Gwen I loved her either.
After what happened at the party, three days went by with neither of us seeing each other. On the fourth day, Gwen IMed me, asking if we were over. When the fight happened, I wasn't intending to break up with her. I was deliberately telling her that what she did wasn't okay and if she continued to do it, I wasn't going to be her boyfriend. I don't want to be with a cheater. And I know my Gwen isn't a cheater, but because of this, it made me question if she's changed because now she's not in a hospital or because now she's with a guy who has all these things in his life to connect her with what she wanted all these years.
I didn't tell anyone about it. Not my parents, not my brother, no one. Ryan and Noah tried speaking to me about it over the phone, but whenever I knew they were going to relate the conversation to the party, I quickly diverted it into something else.
It wasn't that I wasn't accepting what happened, because I am accepting it - It's just that I can actually still see that kiss happening in my head over and over.
But now, Gwen and I decided to go the carnival we went to back on our first date. We completely disregarded the party. We were just walking now. I'd bought her some candy floss once again, letting her eat the entire bag slowly.
"So, my parents were wondering if you'd like to have Thanksgiving with us," she announced.
I had my hands stuffed in my pockets as we slowly walked down the side of the beach where it meets the grass left of the carnival. "They want me to have Thanksgiving dinner with you?"
Gwen shrugged. "Well, I asked them if I could invite you and they said sure. My mom cooks way too many things on Thanksgiving all the time anyway so I thought, you know, maybe invite Kyle."
I didn't know what to say. I hid all emotion, thinking about what to do. My parents would like a night to themselves I guess, but a night with Gwen and her parents would be extremely awkward and they'd definitely tell my mood change with her.
"I don't think so."
She sighed, sounding extremely frustrated. "Kyle-"
"I think my mom would like to have a family thanksgiving."
I felt a small hand push against my shoulder. I stopped, stumbling slightly before looking into Gwen's eyes.
"You and I damn well know that that isn't true!" Gwen said firmly.
I was taken aback a little. Never in my life would I think I'd hear Gwen swear.
"It's been weeks, Kyle! I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it! I was stupid and idiotic! If I could take that stupid night back, I would." she assured, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. "Stop being mad at me. Please just forgive me and let it go... Y-you make me feel like we're over but you haven't even done it yet. Like you're waiting for the right time and it's scaring the hell out of me!"
I pressed my lips together. She was right. It had been weeks since that stupid night and I was making her suffer miserably. I'd barely smiled when we were together, I'd barely kissed her, and I even rejected her confession.
I shook my head and swallowed, looking down at my feet. "We aren't over."
She kept silent, so I continued.
"You were very stupid that night. You did something I got really upset about, maybe too upset, but there's a reason, Gwen. I have been in love with you since October of last year. You've made me change completely. You make me happy, Gwen. A-and the idea... of you... being... with someone else sickens me, really. If I can't even imagine it without feeling sick, think about how I felt seeing you with someone... like him." I felt a lump in my throat as images of her and Jared came to mind. I didn't like talking about this.
Gwen didn't say anything. She'd already apologized over a hundred times. What was she supposed to say?
Suddenly, arms were wrapped around my neck and a small petite body was pressed against me. I probably crushed Gwen into me, but I didn't care. I missed her and it was stupid to keep making her feel like shit.
"I love you." I whispered into her ear.
"I love you too." I knew she was trying to hold in the tears, but the words slipped out of her mouth as if she were dying to say them constantly. They filled me with warmth that I wasn't sure was explicable.
"I'll come."
She pulled away, confused at my words. "What?"
"I'll come," I repeated, "to yours for Thanksgiving."
A smile broke out on Gwen's lips until she forcefully and quickly pressed them to mine. We had one of those sappy long kisses you see in the movies, but you never know what it really feels like. Now, I know what it feels like - and it feels pretty damn good.
...
"Hey Mom, Alice is comin' over again." I said.
"Oh, okay. Do you need the kitchen?"
I nodded. "Yeah, we're starting the poster boards today."
"You guys are getting a lot of your work done, I'm impressed."
I shrugged, clearing out some of the things on the island counter we had, making room and setting the poster boards on it. Alice and I got together once every other weekend to look up some stuff for our project. We actually did get a lot done, but sometimes we'd get carried away on the computer and watch funny videos.
"So when is she coming?"
"In about-"
I was interrupted when the doorbell rang.
"Or now...I guess." I exited the kitchen, heading to the front door.
I opened it to see Alice in capris and a blue flowy tank top. Her hair was pulled up into a tight pony tail. I could see she was wearing a little bit of mascara and eyeliner but that was it.
"Hey, Ali." I smiled. I'd learned that her friends called her Ali most of the time and since we'd gotten a lot closer, she asked me to call her that instead of Alice. She said it made her feel old and that she'd much rather hear her teenage name.
"Hi!" she blushed.
I opened the door for her. She playfully bent down and walked under my arm. She and I both left toward the kitchen.
"Hi, Ali!" my mom greeted.
"Hello, Julianna."
"It's great to see you again."
"You as well."
"I'll be out of your way in a bit." my mom said, turning off the stove. "I can tell by all the things Kyle put on the counter that you guys have a lot to do. If you don't finish it before dinner, you're welcome to stay."
Alice's eyes widened. "Oh, I don't know..."
I nudged her playfully, nodding. I wanted Alice to feel welcome here. I was proving to her that we could be friends.
She sighed. "Um, if we don't finish it before dinner." she concluded.
Mom smiled warmly. "Okay!" she chirped.
Then Mom left.
"So, I got the papers. We can glue them on." Alice said, setting her folder full of graphs on the island.
"I'll get the glue."
When I came back with scissors and glue in hand, Alice already had the graphs strewn out on the island. I looked at her and smiled. She was really pretty.
"Got it?" she asked, looking up at me.
I nodded, setting it down between us on the island.
"Let's start."
Alice and I finished one poster board. About thirty minutes later, we had dinner. Mom had Alice and I set the table. For some particular reason, she couldn't stop smiling. It was cute, really.
Sooner than later, we were all sat at the dinner table. Alice kept good conversation with my parents. My dad got along with her really well as did my mom. It was weird. They were nice to Gwen and they treated Gwen well, but they didn't talk to her the way they did with Alice. It was almost like they liked Alice more.
I didn't like the idea of that.
My parents like Gwen, they thought she was a good person, but I don't think they approved of my relationship with her. They probably think being her friend was the best way to go, but I know my parents are hiding the fact that they think I'll get hurt in the end.
"Right, Kyle?" Alice smiled, turning to me.
I looked up, alarmed. I had absolute no idea what she was talking about.
"W-what?"
"You told me that you wanted to be a doctor. Remember, you told me about that?"
"Um..."
I hadn't told my parents about this. I hadn't told anyone about this, actually. Just Alice. My parents were staring at me, waiting for an explanation.
"N-no, I said I wanted to be a... famous soccer player." I covered up.
Alice gave me a confused look. "Wha..?"
"Mom, this food is really good. Did you add something in it?" I interrupted.
Mom nodded. "Yeah, your dad suggested it actually. I put in garlic."
"It's good." I commented.
Mom nodded, smiling. Alice was still staring at me questioningly. I shook my head lightly. She glanced at my parents before lifting her fork and taking another bite.
"So, Alice, what did you do last summer?"
Alice beamed. "Oh! My family and I went to New York."
"Wow! Kyle's big brother goes to New York University!" Mom exclaimed.
"Really?"
She nodded. "Maybe we can all take a trip there."
I narrowed my eyes at my mother. "Mom!" I grimaced. I glanced at my father and Alice. "Are you serious?"
"What? It'd be fun! Don't they say New York is the city of love?" She winked at Alice.
Alice stiffened. It was obvious she was feeling uncomfortable.
I chuckled humorlessly. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, you and Alice-"
"I'm with Gwen!" I told her, raising my voice.
Alice jumped, dropping her fork, and letting the glass clink against the bowl. She folded her hands and put them in her lap. After a moment of silence, she spoke, "Um, the dinner was great, Julianna, but I'm sure my mom is going to wonder where I'm at, so I'll see you later."
She looked at me with a scared facial expression. "Bye, Kyle."
"I'll walk you to the door." I announced bluntly as I kept my eyes narrowed on my mother.
Alice grabbed her bag from the stool against the island and she and I walked towards my front door. Once I opened the door, she stepped out, turning to me.
"I'm sorry she said that." I said, looking at the ground.
"I-it's okay. You know how moms are... They... embarrass their kids." She laughed nervously.
I glanced at her car outside. "It was cool for you to stay."
"Yeah," she nodded.
"I'll see you at school."
"Okay." She hesitantly turned and walked down the porch steps. After she drove out of the driveway and I couldn't see her car anymore, I slammed the front door and strolled back into the kitchen.
"What the hell was that?!" I questioned, glaring at my mom.
"Son-," My dad grasped my arm, but I pulled it out of his hold.
I leant against the table, looking my mother dead in the eye. "That was not cool! That was not cool! I cannot believe you. I thought you guys were finally understanding and approving me and Gwen, but tonight clearly states otherwise."
"Kyle-,"
"No! I'm telling you right now! I do not have a thing for Alice! I will never have a thing for Alice! Do you hear me? I love Gwen, Mom! Gwen! Get that through your head! Both of you!" I shouted, glancing at my dad. "I am happy with Gwen and I couldn't give a single damn about what you two think anymore, but when you put me in that position at the dinner table with a girl who does have feelings for me, you will be sorry! Don't ever do that again!"
I stared at my parents' shocked faces, waiting for a reaction, but when they failed to give me one, I stormed to my room. I didn't even bother putting my plate in the sink or picking up all the stuff Alice and I used. I wasn't in the mood.
It was eight o'clock when I heard a knock at my door. I was actually surprised at who it was. I was lying in bed playing a game on my phone. I didn't show any acknowledgment to the tall man standing at the foot of my bed.
"Could you put the phone down?" he asked, pointing to it.
"Why?" It sounded more like a grunt than a question.
"I'd like to talk to you."
Giving up, I threw the phone on the bed. I sat up. My dad took a seat on my swivel chair near my desk.
"You know your mother's sorry, right?"
"I don't care."
"She's been crying, feeling horrible about what she-,"
I quickly interjected my father. "I. Don't. Care." I stated bluntly.
He sighed. "Kyle..."
"She literally told me that I should be with Alice. She blatantly said that me and her should be together."
"She-,"
"Don't stand up for her, Dad! You know damn well she was doing that on purpose as do I."
"Stop swearing, Kyle." he scolded lightly.
My dad lowered his head, clasping his hands together. He took a deep breath before saying something else.
"You know why she doesn't want you to be with Gwen."
"I don't care why. I'm with Gwen. That's what matters. I'm with her and neither one of your stupid opinions will change that."
My dad nodded. "She's just showing you your options."
His words strangely reminded me of when Ryan and Noah had told me that they were trying to 'show me my options' when they'd told me maybe dating a girl with cancer isn't a good idea.
"I'm fine with what I got."
My dad nodded once more and slowly got up from the chair. I picked my phone up, pressing on the game I was previously playing. My dad turned to me again before leaving.
"Please know she's sorry, Kyle."
...
We were all laughing. Every single one of us, including George. It was a great Thanksgiving. I'd told my mom and dad that I'd be eating with Gwen a few days after the whole thing with Alice.
I hadn't told Gwen about it and don't plan on it either. Now that her family was okay with us, the relationship with me and her parents were a lot better. A lot better. It almost made me jealous to think that her parents were okay with us but mine... were but weren't.
"So, Kyle, we haven't seen you for a while. School gettin' to ya?" Denise laughed.
I nodded. "Yeah, I've been trying to keep good grades for a while."
"Is that workin' out?" George asked.
I nodded. "Yeah. I've been doin' well."
"Well that's great. I'm glad to hear things are doin' better with you."
I nodded. I knew what he was indicating. It didn't take a genius to understand that he was glad I wasn't stuck in the same shit I had been the last few years.
"You really should come over more," Gwen piped in, sending me a sweet smile. "How 'bout next Saturday."
"Ah, I can't Saturday." I whispered while her parents started carrying a conversation of their own.
Gwen's face fell. "Why not?"
"I, um, have something to do that day."
Gwen narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Like what?"
"School stuff," I shrugged, taking a bite of the turkey.
Let me tell ya, Denise really knew how to cook a Thanksgiving meal. I made sure to compliment her once I'd tasted it.
After the Thanksgiving dinner, we all went to the living room, Gwen and I holding hands the entire evening. It was a good night. I expected more to happen, but we just had a good time and made casual conversation. There weren't any awkward moments or anything like I thought there'd be.
It was definitely a breather from the place I called home.