AN: I have no idea why this took me so long to release...oh well. Also I feel I should mention that I don't own any of this, just in case. This note is done now. Carry on.
INSIDE THE HOUSE!
Papyrus and Sans sat at the table, playing a game of checkers.
Papyrus moved one of his pieces to the other end of the board. "KING ME!" He said, proudly.
"no." replied Sans.
"YOU HAVE TO!" Papyrus continued, "IT'S THE RULES!"
"what if i don't wanna follow the rules?"
"THEN YOU LOSE!"
"nuh huh. i can still win even if i break the rules."
"BUT THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR!"
Pearl and Amethyst watched the two of them argue from the kitchen. "So, we're just letting them stay here, then?" Amethyst asked, "Isn't that kinda weird?"
"Well, Garnet said it was okay." Pearl said, cleaning a plate, "Besides, if they wanted to hurt anyone, they would have."
"But we don't even know what these guys are." Amethyst continued, "For all we know they could be some kinda weird gem monster."
"No, I don't think they're smart enough for that." Pearl replied.
"IT SAYS RIGHT HERE, SANS!" Papyrus said, pointing at a page in a rather large book titled "Checkers Rules 101", "WHEN ONE OF THE PLAYER'S TOKENS REACHES THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BOARD, THAT PIECE BECOMES A KING!"
"no it doesn't." Sans replied.
"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU CROSSED THAT OUT AND JUST WROTE 'SANS IS THE BEST' OVER IT!"
"well, if the book says it, it must be true."
"See what I mean?" Pearl said, gesturing at the skeletons.
"Hehe, yeah I do." said Amethyst.
"Besides, if it makes Steven happy, and it isn't hurting him, or causing catastrophic damage to the planet, why should we stop it?" Pearl asked.
"You don't talk like this whenever I wanna do stuff like bring skeletons home!" Amethyst said.
"That's because it's always an attempt to anger me!" Pearl replied.
"Maybe if it didn't WORK, then I'd stop!" Amethyst said, holding back laughter.
"I'M CALLING DR. ALPHYS ABOUT THIS!" Papyrus said, pulling out his cellphone.
"tattletale." Sans said, pointing defiantly at his brother.
"CHEATER!" Papyrus held the phone to his non-ear and waited. "... DARN! NO ANSWER! I'LL JUST HAVE TO SEND HER A TEXT!"
"and if that doesn't work?"
"THEN I'LL WRITE A LETTER, PUT IT IN A BOTTLE, AND THROW IT OUT TO SEA! IT'LL REACH HER EVENTUALLY!" Papyrus continued, typing on his phone with his bony fingers.
"okay, cool. do you mind if i have my turn while we wait?" Sans asked.
"HMM? OH, RIGHT, SURE, GO AHEAD." Papyrus said, continuing his text shortly after.
Just then, Steven walked through the door, holding two grocery bags, followed by Garnet, holding several more bags. "Hey, guys!" Steven said, waving to the house, "We're back from shopping!"
"There was a sale on peanut butter cookies." Garnet said, "I bought four boxes."
"SANS! THE HUMAN HAS RETURNED!" Papyrus exclaimed.
"i have eye sockets too, ya know." Sans replied, looking at the board.
Steven immediately ran over to Papyrus with one of the bags. "Papyrus, I got the stuff you wanted!" he said, excitedly holding a box of spaghetti noodles in front of his face.
"AH! EXCELLENT!" Papyrus replied, after being handed the box, "THANK YOU, HUMAN!" Papyrus then got up from his seat and marched to the center of the room. "ATTENTION, HUMANS, WEIRD ALIEN ROCK PEOPLE, AND WHATEVER SANS CLASSIFIES AS! AS YOU KNOW, I THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM VERY GENEROUS!"
"You've done nothing but build puzzles in the yard and lose to Steven at video games since you got here!" Pearl stated, angrily.
"HE IS A WORTHY ADVERSARY!" Papyrus said, bowing to Steven.
"That's not the point!" Pearl continued.
"INDEED!" Papyrus continued, "THE POINT IS THAT I, THE GRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT PAPYRUS, WILL BE GIVING THIS HOUSEHOLD THE GREAT PLEASURE OF EATING MY COOKING TONIGHT!"
"i knew this day would come." Sans said.
"I WILL BE TAKING TO THE KITCHEN, TO PREPARE MY MOST FAVORITE OF CULINARY PERFECTIONS!" Papyrus said, striking several poses with the box.
"i warned you all, but it's too late now." Sans continued, slumping in his seat.
"TONIGHT, WE SHALL ALL FEAST ON SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus finally announced, holding the box up to the sky.
"we're all doomed." Sans said as Steven clapped Papyrus on.
"SANS, QUIT BEING SUCH A PACIFIST!" Papyrus yelled, shaking his fist at his brother.
"pessimist." Sans replied.
"PASTA MIX!"
"Pessimist." Garnet corrected.
"PIZZA STICKS!"
"Pessimist!" Pearl added.
"SANDWICHES!"
"bro, are you hungry?"
"YES, BUT I WOULDN'T BE IF YOU WOULD JUST LET ME COOK THIS SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus said, stomping his feet.
"What's so wrong about Papyrus's cooking?" Steven asked Sans.
"well, it's im-pasta-ble that he'll make anything edible tonight, that's for sure." Sans said, accompanied by a sitcom laugh.
"Hey, spaghetti sounds nice, anyway!" Amethyst said, "And if you're cooking, that means I don't have to do anything to help, right?"
"WELL, ACTUALLY, I COULD USE SOME HELP WITH-"
"Yeah, cool man, I'm gonna go take a nap while you cook." Amethyst said, walking to her room.
"WOW, SHE MOVED RATHER FAST!" Papyrus said, "WELL, PEARL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HELP ME PREPARE THE-"
"Oh, I would love to, but I just remembered some uh... things to do." Pearl said, awkwardly heading for the magic door.
"OH, THAT'S ALRIGHT! WE ALL HAVE THINGS TO DO! I'LL BE SURE TO SAVE YOU SOME SPAGHETTI FOR WHEN YOU GET BACK!" Papyrus said, waving goodbye to Pearl as she left, "OKAY, GARNET-"
"No." Garnet said, heading for her room.
"GOODBYE!"
"They'll open up to you eventually." Steven said.
"I BELIEVE YOU STEVEN! AFTER ALL, I THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE NEVER FAILED TO BEFRIEND SOMEONE BEFORE!" Papyrus said, heading for the kitchen, "ANYWAY, WITH THE GEMS GONE, I'LL NEED YOUR HELP MAKING THE SPAGHETTI! HAVE YOU EVER COOKED BEFORE?"
"One time I made breakfast for me and the Gems, but it turned into a giant monster that tried to kill us." Steven said.
"OH, COME NOW, STEVEN! YOU CAN'T BE THAT BAD AT COOKING!" Papyrus said, patting Steven on the back.
"Ha ha! You're funny, Papyrus!" Steven said.
"THANK YOU, STEVEN!" Papyrus then put a variety of ingredients on the counter. "THE FIRST THING WE MUST DO IS PREPARE THE SAUCE! WE MUST MASH UP ALL THESE INGREDIENTS AND STIR THEM IN A BOWL!"
"Okay! I'll go get the masher!" Steven said.
What he failed to notice was that Papyrus was already mashing the ingredients. With his fists. He rapidly thrust his bony fists into the vegetables on the counter.
"DORARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARA! DOOOOORA!" He yelled as he pounded the ingredients into a red paste.
"Wow!" Steven said with stars in his eyes.
"NOW, THE NEXT STEP IS TO PUT THE MASHED VEGETABLES INTO A BOWL AND STIR THEM UP!" Papyrus said.
"Okay, I got the bowl right here!" Steven said holding up a bowl. Steven then poured the mashed ingredients into the bowl. "Alright, now just let me get the-"
Before Steven could continue Papyrus snatched the bowl away from him and placed it on the counter. He then struck some sort of weird battle pose and began to breathe deeply. Steven looked at the mashed vegetables in the bowl and was struck with awe when the vegetables actually started shaking on their own.
"PROPER BREATHING IS ENERGY! ENERGY IS LIFE! AND LIFE GIVES US COURAGE FOR THE FUTURE!" Papyrus said, before placing his hands on the counter. The bowl stood still as the mush inside of it started spinning on it's own, stirring the vegetables together automatically.
Faster and faster, the pasta mix spun itself, until it was finally done. "Wow, again!" Steven shouted excitedly.
"AND NOW, WE MUST BOIL THE NOODLES!" Papyrus said, turning on the stove.
"I figured you'd just use some magic thing." Steven said with curiosity.
"WHAT? OH, NO STEVEN, THIS ISN'T MAGIC." Papyrus then took on a far more serious expression and formed some kind of ball of light in his hand. "THIS IS SIMPLY WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I COOK!" He then launched the energy at the stove, causing the whole house to be filled with blinding light.
The pot of water then started to boil once the light faded. "Wow once more!" Steven exclaimed.
"AND NOW WE PUT THE NOODLES IN!" Papyrus then threw the noodles into the pot of boiling water as hard as he could, causing the water to splash directly into his eye sockets. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY EYES! I'M BLIND! MOTHER FU-
*We appear to be experiencing technical difficulties. We at the MTT network apologize for this inconvenience.*
"WELL, NOW THAT THE SPAGHETTI IS BOILING, AND SANS IS DONE CLEANING MY MOUTH WITH SOAP, ALL WE HAVE TO DO NOW IS WAIT UNTIL IT'S DONE!" Papyrus exclaimed with burn marks all over his bones, "IN THE MEANTIME! SANS, LET US FINISH OUR BATTLE OF WITS!"
"it's been finished, bro." Sans said, pointing at the checker board, showing none of Papyrus's pieces on it.
"... SANS, YOU LITTLE SHI-
*We appear to be experiencing even MORE technical difficulties. We at the MTT network apologize once again for Papyrus's potty mouth behavior.*
"hey, kiddo." Sans said, putting his hands behind his back, "how many fingers am i holding up?"
"Uh, I dunno?" Steven answered, scratching his head.
"of course you don't. you can't cal-SEEum." Sans said with a shrug and a wink.
Steven began laughing as Papyrus screamed through the sock Sans taped around his mouth, unable to remove it, due to him being tied to a pole.
The timer that Sans set for the spaghetti then dinged. Just then, Papyrus busted out from his prison and removed the sock from his mouth.
"IT'S DONE!" Papyrus said excitedly.
Papyrus then gathered plates while Steven rang a bell. "Dinner's dooooooooooooooooone!" he yelled, hoping the gems would hear him.
"oh boy, i can't wait for the end to come." Sans said with about as much enthusiasm as he could possibly have.
The Gems then emerged from the magic door, Amethyst up front, running straight for the dinner table. "HUNGRY!" she yelled with her mouth open wide. She then proceeded to trip on her chair and fall over.
"HELLO, FRIENDS! I'M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT!" Papyrus said, "EVEN IF THIS IS YOUR HOUSE. I HOPE YOU ALL FIND TONIGHT'S MEAL TO BE ENJOYABLE! AND BY 'HOPE' I MEAN 'KNOW'!"
"Oh, I'm not here to eat, thank you." Pearl said, "I'm here to make sure Steven doesn't die from eating this stuff."
"Pearl, you need to chill." Amethyst said, still on the floor, "You said it yourself, these guys are harmless!"
"I have doubts about that." Garnet said, turning her head to Sans, who was busy drawing a mustache on himself with a marker.
"EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE! PLEASE TAKE A SEAT!" Papyrus said, gesturing towards the table.
"Ugh, fine." Pearl said as she sat down. Just as she was about to sit, however, she noticed a whoopee cushion right under her. "Amethyst, really now?" She said, sighing as she held the cushion up, "Did you really expect me to fall for this?"
"I've been down here this whole time, P." Amethyst said, raising her hand from the floor.
"i bet it was steven who did it." Sans said, having given himself a full beard by that point.
"Well, whoever did it, it didn't work." Pearl then sat down, releasing a fart sound from underneath her. She then removed the cushion on the chair to find ANOTHER whoopee cushion.
Steven tried to hold back giggling while Amethyst laughed like crazy. Pearl face palmed and sat down, "Let's just eat already."
"OH, SO YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND THEN!" Papyrus said, preparing a forkful of noodles and sauce.
"No, I wa-" Pearl was then interrupted by Papyrus shoving the fork directly into her mouth.
"EAT UP NOW, DON'T BE SHY!" Papyrus said with glee. Pearl then immediately ran straight into the bathroom. "WOW, IT WAS SO GOOD THAT SHE NEEDED A MINUTE TO CRY!"
Amethyst stared at her plate suspiciously. She then shrugged and thought to herself, "Eh, Pearl hates eating anyway." She then picked up a bit of the spaghetti and ate it. Then, at speeds challenging light itself, Amethyst ran DIRECTLY into the bathroom.
"WOW, IS THAT THE DOOR TO THE CRYING CHAMBER OR SOMETHING?" Papyrus asked.
"No, not exactly..." Steven said.
"OH WELL, THERE'S PLENTY LEFT TO GO AROUND, SO GO AHEAD AND DIG IN!"
Steven then slowly raised his fork up to his mouth, only to have Garnet slowly lower it back down.
"WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST DIG IN ALL BY MYSELF, THEN!" Papyrus said as he began to wolf down the pasta.
Papyrus ate, and ate, and ate. Pearl and Amethyst came back from the bathroom shortly after Papyrus started eating, just in time to witness him munch on his own noodle waste. Shortly after they came back, Papyrus went to take another bite, only to realize that the spaghetti was all gone.
"OH, WE'RE OUT OF SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus said, shocked.
"Oh thank goodness." Everyone said under their breath.
"DON'T WORRY, EVERYONE! I PLANNED FOR THIS!" Papyrus said, presenting a whole new box of uncooked spaghetti noodles.
Everyone started to scream.
"I KNOW! I'D BE EXCITED TOO! AND SINCE I ATE THE MOST FROM THE LAST BATCH, THIS ONE IS ALL FOR YOU GUYS!" Papyrus exclaimed. He then walked over to the stove. "I'LL JUST TURN THE STOVE ON TO START BOILING SOME WATER, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND"
Within the next minute, everyone found themselves outside, with Papyrus staring at the burning house, and Amethyst and Sans working hard to put it out. Garnet, Pearl and Steven stared at Papyrus.
Papyrus put a finger on his chin and stood quiet. He then finally opened his mouth to try and say some words, but his head was removed by Garnet's fist.
"Go clean that up" she bluntly said.
"OKAY." The disembodied head of Papyrus said, as his body picked it up and put it back on.
AN: Let's hope the next one won't take me as long as this to fix. Also fun fact, I had to shorten down the very long "And" that Papyrus said because it went off the page. That was interesting on my part. Until next time.