Erika
"I can't believe summer's already over!" I listened in silence as Blair complained through the phone. "It was June yesterday!"
"Actually, yesterday was August 21." I said.
"I know, I know. Are you going to Travis's party later?"
"No, I can't. My dad says I shouldn't be out the day before school," I said, making up a quick excuse. "I'm really sorry, Blair."
"No, don't apologize. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you, okay?" She told me, switching to her motherly tone. She was worried about me, like everyone else was.
"Okay. Love you, too," I told her and hung up the phone.
I put my phone back on my nightstand and threw myself backwards onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling. The antique wall clock above my desk ticked loudly in the dark room. My bedroom lights were off, the only light in the room coming from the setting sun and my open laptop. It was almost 7:30.
A light knocking echoed in the room. "Erika?"
My aunt Sophia poked her head through the door crack. At 41, she still looked as beautiful as she was when she was younger. Her blonde hair, which she recently cut short, framed her face and complemented her blue eyes.
"Are you coming down for dinner? Mary made seafood pasta, your favorite," She said, trying to get me to leave the room and socialize.
"I'm not really hungry," I said, not turning in her direction. She walked into the room, closing the door behind her. She walked over to the bed and I felt the bed dip beside me.
"Are you okay? You've been locked up in here all day."
"I've been busy." She turned and looked at the open laptop, the bright screen had Microsoft Word left open. It was decorated with a blank document.
"College applications?" I nodded my head. "Why haven't you started?"
"How am I supposed to start? 'Hello, my name is Erika Kingsley.' I shouldn't even bother continuing writing after that. They'll just see my name and accept me in an instant. 'Erika Kingsley, heiress to Kingsley, Inc.? I want her at my school!'"
"Erika..."
I sat up. "You know it's true. Actually, they wouldn't even have to start reading. They'll see my name on the cover."
"You'll get used to it. I promise."
That's what she always said. "You'll get used to it." I just have to get used to the idea of living the "perfect" life and showing how "perfect" we are. I fucking hate that word. The Kingsleys: the definition of perfection, beauty, and success. We we're the perfect family. But I'm putting on a show not only for the outside world, but for my own family. I nodded anyways.
They just don't understand. And they'll never understand what you are.
"You are a smart, beautiful girl to which there is more than meets the eye," she said, wrapping her arms around me and kissing my forehead.
Lies, lies, lies. She's got one thing right because behind those eyes, you're weak.
"Thanks, Aunt Sophia," I said, although I didn't believe her.
"Why don't you practice a little?" She knows what makes me feel better. "I'll have Terry bring you up some food, okay?" I nodded and she got up and left.
I turned on my bedroom lights. Sitting on the floor, I pulled out a trunk I kept hidden under my bed. I unlocked and opened the navy blue and gold trunk wide and pulled out my white guitar. My prized possession. I also kept sheet music and a box of guitar picks.
Taking out my guitar, I placed it on my bed. Turning back to the trunk, I pulled out a random folder.
Closing the trunk, I set it off to the side. As I was settling down, with my guitar perched on my lap, my uncle Terry entered the room with my food. He set it on my bed, then kissed my forehead.
"Have fun, kiddo." And with that he left as well, closing the door. I took a bite of my pasta, before putting it to the side. My fingers tuned the guitar, turning the knobs.
I registered the notes off the paper before I started to play them. I strummed the guitar for a few moments before I started to sing.
"When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold
When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood's run stale
I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide."
I played for hours until the moon was high in the sky. Then I heard Mary knock on the door.
My dad was home. I quickly packed everything in the trunk, and locked it in the trunk. I slide it under the bed as quickly as I can.
He knocks once and lets himself in and I stand up, just in time.
"Good evening, honey."
"Hey, dad," I was trying to be as level as I could.
"Do you have all your books for school tomorrow?"
"Yes, but I'm waiting for my final textbook, which should be arriving tomorrow."
"Well, why didn't you order it earlier?"
"I'm sorry, dad. It was an honest mistake! I promise-"
"No time for regrets, Erika. Just don't do it again."
You're just never good enough.
"Yes, dad." And with that, he left the room. I collapsed into my bed sheets, tying my blonde hair to the top of my head. I cocooned myself in my blankets after turning off the lights. I closed my eyes in order to stop the tears.
How do you always manage to mess things up, Erika? That's at least one thing you're good at.
"Please...stop," I tried to tell that wicked voice. It wasn't there, I knew it wasn't. But it was so real, so lifelike, so honest.
Stop what? Telling the truth? You're weak. You're broken. I'm never going away. Because I'm within you. I AM you. All you'll ever be.
Don't get too close
It's dark inside