Lexi, the Care Giver.
Blake and I were right in the middle of a tickling fight on our couch when the door to our apartment was almost kicked opened and a sullen Alex walked in, dragging his feet, looking miserable.
Of course, Blake and I just sort of jumped away from each other in surprise so Alex took advantage of the moment and threw himself on the couch, right in the middle of us.
“We broke up again,” Alex announced after a few seconds of confused silence.
Blake threw his head back and groaned in exasperation. “Why, hello Alex, how are you? I’m fine, thank you. Oh no, don’t worry, we’re not busy, come on right in,” Blake ranted, rolling his eyes, got up from the couch, and headed to the kitchen.
“What happened this time?” I asked Alex.
“It’s always the same thing,” he whined. “Seriously, how many times does he want me to come out of the closet? People that matter to me know, and that should be enough.”
“Come on, tell the truth. Admit it’s because you’re secretly in love with me and keep running to me every time you have problems,” Blake cut in, coming back with a pint of ice cream. He handed it to Alex with a spoon and let himself fall back on the couch on the other side of Alex, and leaned his head back against the couch.
I half smiled at the gesture. This friendship Blake and Alex had built over the years warmed my heart for some reason. I wasn’t sure if it was because Blake had hated my friend for so long because Alex had dated me even though he knew he was gay and had hurt me in the process or just because I loved the fact that my boyfriend was in such good terms with my own friends. I think it was a little bit of both actually.
“As hot as you are Blake, you’re not my type.” Alex answered absentmindedly, digging in the ice cream.
Blake gasped and covered his heart. “You mean, irresistibly sexy and impressively intelligent isn’t your type?”
“No, unavailable isn’t my type,” he answered mockingly and the two boys laughed.
I rolled my eyes at the antics. “Anyway, back on your Travis issues. Who did the breaking up this time?”
Alex shrugged but started talking. “He did. He’s just always complaining about how I’m ashamed of my sexual orientation and he can’t be with someone who doesn’t accept who they are, but that’s just bullshit! I’m okay with being gay, I’ve been okay with it for a long time now. I just don’t think it’s what defines me. I don’t think your sexual orientation should be the predominant aspect about yourself you should be telling them the second you introduce yourself. Do you go up to new people and say “Hey, my name’s Lexi Grayson and I love sexy running back boys that wear spandex pants and used to drive a pimp mobile.”
Blake raised his hands on his side and made an offended face. “Okay, first off, I got rid of that Escalade, so you guys need to shut up about this and second, Lexi,” I got a smirk, “please, start introducing yourself that way from now on.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You,” I said pointing to Blake, “shut up.” And then I looked at Alex, “And you, need to talk about this with your boyfriend.”
Alex took a second to answer because he was eating ice cream. “I already have! He just doesn’t seem to care and I just don’t see the point in forcing it anymore.” He sighed.
“Do you love him?” Blake asked.
Alex frowned. “Huh?”
“Travis, do you love him?” my boyfriend pressed.
“Of course I do.”
“And it’s not just because he’s your first boyfriend and you don’t want to let go?”
“No.”
“Well, I hate to be the one playing shrink here, because you’re the one supposed to do that but has it ever occurred to you that maybe one of Travis’ past relation didn’t really end well and that maybe it had something to do with coming out, or maybe not being sure of their sexual orientation and that messed up with him?”
Alex ran his hand over his mouth a few times, like he was deep in thought. “We don’t talk about our previous relationships… I just don’t want to know, and my only other relationship was with Lexi.”
Blake looked annoyed for a second. “Yeah, rub it in Alex, way to go.” I leaned over Alex and slapped Blake’s knee but gave him a little smile, reassuring him. I’m not sure why I did it. I probably came down to the fact that I always kind of worried about Blake’s feelings.
“Now now I’m not here to wallow with you in your misery, I’m here so you guys can wallow with me in my misery,” Alex groaned and ate more ice cream.
“You’re such a shitty friend, you know that?” Blake replied.
“Is that code for “if we were both single, I’d do you?” Because if you’re suddenly interested I do have to admit, I had very disturbing dreams starring you.”
Blake threw his hands in the air. “Here we go again…”
Alex grinned but then sighed. “I think it’s real this time though?”
Blake raised his eyebrows. “Your kinky fantasies?”
“No, I mean the break-up. I think it’s real. I don’t think we’re going to get back together. He doesn’t want to listen to me and I’m tired of arguing with him.” My friend seemed suddenly very exhausted, admitting this.
“If you really love him, you should work harder. And you should be speaking with him, not with your disturbingly sexy friend,” Blake pointed out.
Alex wrapped his arm around my waist. “But Lexi’s a girl, so there’s nothing to worry about.”
Blake hit him upside the head with a cushion. “Shut up.”
I raised my hand on the side, to get their attention. “I feel completely useless to the conversation.”
Alex chuckled. “Your boyfriend should change his vocation and become a shrink like me.”
Blake rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and her boyfriend, and her best friend should be studying for their exam tomorrow morning.”
“Didn’t you get the email?”
“What email?” Blake answered, scratching his head.
“Exam’s been reported to next week.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. Don’t you listen in class?” Alex snorted. I would have pointed out that no, Blake didn’t listen in class, but Blake had told me at one point that he didn’t listen in class only to day dream about me, so I wasn’t going to fall into the trap of bringing up the subject. “The teacher asked us if we would be okay with it if he had to change the dates?”
Blake didn’t answer right away and I leaned forward to get a better look at my boyfriend and shot up on my feet instantly. Blake had his eyes tightly closed and his fists pressed to his temples. He didn’t look alright and I knew what was going on right away. “Huh… that’s… hmm…” Blake mumbled, unable to form a sentence and there were tremors on his arms.
This was bad. Bad, bad, bad.
“Hey, you’re done with that?” I asked Alex, pointing to his ice cream, to keep his eyes off Blake.
“Oh, yeah, thanks.” He handed it to me, and I rushed to the kitchen, dumped the stuff, got a bottle of water from the fridge, three pills from the bottle on the counter and rushed back.
“You alright man?” I heard Alex ask.
“Oh? Yeah, sure.” Blake slurred back.
“Alright.” Alex answered as I came back to the living room and I smiled at my friend while giving my boyfriend the bottle of water and the pills in his hand. “Can I sleep on your couch?”
“Hmm,” Blake downed the pills in one gulp of water, “that won’t work, we were planning on having sex on the couch.”
“I can sleep in your bed then,” Alex chuckled.
“Yeah, we’re going to move from couch to bed,” Blake rubbed his eyes, and breathed slowly, “and then back to couch and back to bed… so yeah, we need both.”
He was being all light and joking but I could sense that this time was a bad one. He was shaking.
Still standing in front of Blake, I pressed my hands to his cheeks, and he covered them with his own, leaning into my left palm. “It’s fine, you can sleep on the couch Alex,” I answered softly. “Running-Back Boy here needs to go to sleep.” I slowly lead him forward and he got on his feet.
I wasn’t sure if Alex looked at us all the way to the bedroom but it didn’t really matter to me. I knew Blake didn’t like for people to know he still had very intense and sudden headaches from now and then. Doctors said it could happen after the seizure he had. Still, I didn’t really care about the whole “playing tough guy” thing right now. My boyfriend was in pain and I wasn’t okay with that.
The second I closed the door, Blake let himself fall on our bed and crawled to his pillow. “Shiiiiit,” he whined, pressing his head into it.
I was by his side in a flash. “Do I need to call Doctor Horowitz?”
Blake was making pained sound and it was breaking my heart. “No…” he groaned. “yes… wait,” he lifted his head from the pillow. “What time is it?”
“Nine thirty.”
“No then… just, no no—”
“I know, no noise and no lights” I answered for him. “I’ll just make sure Alex is okay and come right back. Okay?”
“Okay,” Blake breathed, and I ran my hand through his hair for good measure and then went back to the living room.
Alex got on his feet when he saw me. “What’s going on? Is he alright?”
I ran my hand over my face, sighing. “Yeah, well, not really but he’ll be okay.” I sighed again. “You know where everything is?”
“Yes, sure. Is there anything I can do?”
“No, it’s fine. Just go to sleep and try not to make too much noises. And think about what you’re going to do about Travis. Because if you truly love him and you really want to be with him, you have to talk to him and you have to fix things because Travis might not always be here and you’re going to regret it if you miss even one minute of the time you could have spent with him.” I pressed my fist to my mouth at the end of the little speech, trying to keep my tears in check.
“Come here.” Alex grabbed me by the shoulders and hugged me tightly. “He’s alright now Lexi, and he’s pretty much yours as long as you want him.”
I pressed my forehead against his shoulder. “It’s just hard not to worry.”
“I know.” He replied and took a step back. He gave me a small smile. “Now, go on. I’m fine here.”
“Alright.” I nodded once. “Good night Alex.”
“Night Lex.” I waved at him and went back to my room.
“He’s okay?” Blake asked, the second I walked in.
I rolled my eyes. Typical. “Yes, don’t worry about him. Worry about you.”
“Worrying about myself is redundant.” Blake replied, but then lifted a little from the bed probably when he saw I wasn’t coming to bed right away. “What are you doing?”
I quickly rummaged through my drawers and found what I was looking for. I turned and showed him. “Well, Mister Eaton, you seemed to be having medical issues. I think you’re in need of a nurse.”
Blake didn’t look at the French maid outfit I was holding out to him though in a weak attempt at making him feel better. He just looked dead in my eyes. “I don’t need a nurse. I need my Lexi,” he finally said in a small voice.
I let the outfit fall to the ground and crawled into bed, going right to my boyfriend and cradled his head against my chest. “Oh Blake. How bad is it?”
“Really bad Pumpkin,” he answered in a broken voice.
I stroked his hair and held him tightly against myself, while he wrapped his arms around my waist. “Shh, I’m here, I’m here.”
And we fell asleep like that, wrapped in each other’s arms.