In the kitchen I watched as the guys worked in like a well oiled machine. Luke, Kota, and North all were busy cooking. Victor, Mr. Blackbourne, and Sean were setting the table while Gabriel, Nathan, and Silas were staying out of the way. I headed over towards Kota, but when I got close I remembered the way his face had contorted in pain upon reliving the story.
I half turned, but Clementine was right behind me. She shook her head softly and then smiled, turning her gaze off of me and towards the boys.
"Look who I dragged out of bed!"
North turned around, his eyes immediately went to me and then dropped to my stomach. I could do this.
"North," I said, adding a hint of caution to my voice as I walked around him and stood next to Luke.
Luke looked down at me and smiled, though it wasn't a full smile, "Hey Sugar, you come to help with dinner?"
I wrinkled my nose, "I can't cook very well."
He raised an eyebrow, "I sincerely doubt that, come on help me.."
I pulled away, "No. I'm serious, I don't remember."
Something dark crossed over his eyes, and I decided that was enough of that. My heart was beating in my chest so hard that I thought it might escape. With every second that went by I thought one of them would catch on. One of them was going to figure it out.
But at the same time.. I dare them to.
I headed over to where Gabriel sat on the sofa with a guitar in his hands. He was strumming lazily and when I approached he looked up. There were red blotches around his eyes from when he'd been crying.
"You okay?"
He nodded, "Allergies."
Another lie.
"Oh... do you play?"
Gabriel smiled slightly and sat up, "Yeah, not very good, but I can."
Something sparked in the back of my mind. I ignored it and sat down next to him, hands out in a silent question. He handed the guitar over to me and sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees. After I tuned it a little bit for what I wanted, I started strumming it. Once I had it right I began to pick at the strings deliberately.
I could play the song on both guitar and piano, a song that I'd made up while trying to figure myself out. It had been around the time when I was hoping my memories would come back, and I'd realize someone else in the hospital was my boyfriend, and he'd lost his memories too.
A fantasy, something that helped me stay grounded and focused. But it helped me.
By now the guys had mostly stopped what they were doing and were watching me. I didn't have to glance up to know this, but I did anyways. When I saw Clementine looking torn among the guys, I almost stopped. But something inside me didn't allow that.
"What are you playing there, Sang?" Gabriel asked, his voice soft.
I looked over at him and smiled, "A song, I wrote it."
His eyes lit up a little bit, "Does it come with lyrics?"
"Yeah, but I think it sounds better on piano.."
Victor cleared his throat, and I caught sight of those firey eyes, "Can you play it for us?"
Perfect.
Outloud I said, "Yea, sure."
Victor and Sean both cleared off the sheet music from the piano in the room, and I sat at it, brushing my fingers over the keys to get myself accustomed with the feel of this one vs the one I found at the little church down the road from my old apartment.
Sean sat next to me on the bench, "You got this pumpkin."
The softness of his voice hurt.
I think that's what fueled me to start though.
Before I even pressed down on the first key I was rewriting the song mentally, making it fit around the situation better, but not giving anything away at the same time.
The song had a haunted feeling to it. I leaned into the keys as I played them, and then took in a deep breath as I began to play.
Re-rewind Friday night, never forget it
I heard one of the guys suck in a breath, but I ignored it and continued on.
How you let me go
No more lies I'll be fine, I know where I'm headed
Probably should have known
And now you're gunna say, "Pretty please forgive me"
Fool me once, told you twice you're going to regret it
Now you're all alone, yeah
The song picked up a little bit, and by this time the boys were all frozen around me, caught up in the song. Shock was displayed clearly on their faces, and I turned my eyes away, to the keyboard so that I wouldn't see it.
Turns out that no one can replace me
I'm permanent, you can't erase me
I'll help you remember me
One more kiss is all it takes
I'll leave you with the memory
and the Aftertaste
Close your eyes, but you can't hide
Try to forget me, but I'm everywhere
I'm the smell on your sheets
You weren't ready when you left me there
And now you're gunna say, "Pretty please forgive me"
Bet it hurts, it gets worse, you know nobody said it would be fair
oh
Turns out that no one can replace me
I'm permanent, you can't erase me
I'll help you remember me
One more kiss is all it takes
I'll leave you with the memory
and the Aftertaste
And now there's something in our way
'Cause you threw it all to waste
And you wonder if you could take back what you did that day
and it hurts, cause. . .
Turns out that no one can replace me
I'm permanent, you can't erase me
I'll help you remember me
One more kiss is all it takes
I'll leave you with the memory
and the Aftertaste
Truth is that no one can replace me
I'm permanent, you can't erase me
I'll help you remember me
One more kiss is all it takes
I'll leave you with the memory
and the Aftertaste
I played a few more notes, letting my voice and the music fade off into nothing. I could smell something burning in the kitchen, and when I dropped my hands from the piano I looked up, concocting the most innocent expression I could muster.
"Something's burning."
Somewhere among them, Clementine laughed, "of that I'm sure. Sang I didn't know that you had such a pretty voice!"
I smiled and turned towards her, finally getting a look at my little audience. They were staring at me with different expressions. I watched as Kota tripped over himself to figure out what was burning.
Nathan stepped forward, his eyebrows furrowed, "Sang.. do you.. do you.." he couldn't seem to spit out the words.
I didn't let myself look to Clementine this time, "Nah I don't give lessons."
Nathan's cheeks burned a bright red and he mumbled something before leaving the room. I clapped my hands together, breaking the spell that had been casted over the room.
"I'm starving! And I'm eating for two, so I'm doubly hungry," I laughed and thanked Sean as he helped me off the bench.
I don't think they noticed I saw, but I watched silently as Gabriel looked over to Kota in panic. He seemed to want to stop the whole charade, give it up. But Kota shook his head and turned away. I wasn't sure what it was about Kota giving that order, but Gabriel didn't look at me the rest of dinner.