Kane Durand had grown used to loathing himself. He'd certainly done enough of it since Violet's passing. But now he almost revolted himself because the little wolf not only roused his hunger, but she awoke his sexual desires, as well.
He didn't want to desire anyone ever again. And he certainly didn't want to desire a mutant lycanthrope. While he said he didn't care one way or another about them, the truth was the whole notion of shape-shifting disturbed him. He might be an abomination but at least he was the same thing all the time. Besides, whatever form they took, they were still dogs. Something atavistic in him rebelled at being attracted to one.
Trouble was, she smelled human. She did smell like a banquet to him, a banquet he too often denied himself since Violet because he had refused to become intimate with anyone ever again.
But this woman had awakened nearly somnolent urges in him. He couldn't quite ignore the way his pulse accelerated, the way she called to his hunger, the way she made him want to act like one of those rogues out there.
Well, not like one of them, certainly. No, he would woo and seduce her, and teach her delights unlike any she had ever imagined.
And her eyes... Those blue-gray eyes of hers were hypnotic. He wanted to keep looking into them, yet feared their call.
It would be so easy to give in. all that held him back was Mackenzie's presence and Asher's admonition. Otherwise, he would reach for her, touch her, taste her and by the time he was done, she would no longer think vampires were monsters. Oh, no.
He caught himself, reminding himself of his promises not to get involved again, however briefly. Then it struck him that the way she called to him gave her more power than it gave him.
The irony was not lost on him.
But it also gave him a jolt. Not once in over two hundred years had he ever considered that his desires could enslave him. Yet here he was, with a powerful thirst for a female, one that was in danger of overcoming his sense.
The hunger was part of him, deep, persuasive, unlike any hunger or want he had known as a human. During the Reign of Terror, when he had been changed, he had been like most new vampires: famished and out of control. Only, in his case, surrounded by so much bloodshed, no one had tried to stop him.
But eventually, calm had returned to the world, and with a need for caution. One night he had arisen from the sleep of death to realize that if he didn't want to be forever on the move every few days or weeks, he needed to find a better way.
As a result, he had lived successfully in Paris for at least half his life, alternating every decade or so with some other city.
But now he realized something else. Asher's determination to enforce the rule had another purpose that protecting vampires from discovery or humans from predation. It also ensured that a vampire was not a slave to his innate needs.
That modicum of self-restrain was all that separated a vampire from becoming a true monster. It provided their only claim to being truly civilized.
Kane had always held himself to be utterly civilized. It disturbed him to think he might not be even yet.
He forced himself to look at Tessa while quashing his own urges. What he saw was a frightened young woman who had been through hell tonight. Considering the attack, she had suffered, it was amazing she was falling to pieces.
But then the hunger rose again and he had to look away. Mackenzie, surprisingly, didn't tempt him at all.
What was going on? In the past humans had struck him as equally edible. It was, after all, only their blood he wanted, and very little of it, actually. Some were certainly more attractive than others and made better playmates, but this response was different.
He didn't like it.
He desperately wanted to walk away now, to escape from the enticing scent that filled this room, but he couldn't. Asher's office provided a likely target if the rogues decided on a frontal assault.
Some remnant of honor and integrity held him rooted.
Just then, reaction hit Tessa. The air was suddenly tinged with terror—another enticing scent to his kind—and he looked at her. She had begun to shake, and her eyes were almost wild.
"Mackenzie," he said. "Get a blanket or something. She's feeling the shock."
Mackenzie leaped up and headed to a small room. When she opened the door he could see a bed and some other creature comforts. She returned swiftly with a thick down-filled duvet and draped it over Tessa.
"You're safe now," Mackenzie murmured. "It's all over."
Perhaps, but she hadn't processed it yet. Kane watched as her head swiveled, then shook back and forth as if she were denying something.
"I can't...I can't breathe."
"Yes, you can," Kane said. "Force yourself. Deep, slow breaths."
Tessa tried, and after a few minutes her breathing achieved a more normal pattern. Then the tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Do you know what they did to me?" she said. "Do you have any idea what it was like to be attacked that way? There were four of them. Four. I couldn't fight them off. Why would they do that to anyone?"
"Because they're sick and twisted," Mackenzie answered sharply. "Reason enough. At least you survived. An ordinary human would have died."
Tessa didn't seem to hear. "They were so strong. How could anything be that strong? They didn't need four of them. One could have done it. But they all took part and laughed."
Kane swore and sprang to his feet. He began to pace at a furious speed, not caring if he made Mackenzie dizzy, or if they couldn't see him at all. He tried to exist above it all, but the simple fact was sometimes his own kind sickened him. Some vestige of his human existence, he supposed.
Regardless, right now he wanted to rip the heads off a few vampires.
He stopped pacing and looked at her. "Did you hear any names? See anything that would help me identify them?"
"I don't think so. Why?"
"Because I'd like to visit the wrath of hell on them."
Her eyes widened again, and he could see she didn't doubt him one bit.
"There are four of them," she whispered.
"Three now, remember. I executed one of them when he came back for you, and frankly, I would like to do the same to all the rest. If you remember anything, tell me." It was not a request.
She gave a tiny nod. He could see the shock on her face, her difficulty in believe he had killed one of his own kind to protect her. Of course, she would find that hard to believe.
"I saw what they did to you," he said. "I saw it when I found you. I know what they are and they deserve punishment. I'd have hunted them then, but I couldn't leave you. So I will hunt them tomorrow night. Or the next night. But I will hunt them and find them."
A little shudder passed through her.
"That's what they intend for others in this city," Kane went on. "It cannot be allowed."
"My, my," said Mackenzie. "Kane the Avenger. Who would have thought?"
"You don't know me," he said shortly.
He wasn't sure he knew himself anymore. Since Violet's death he had changed, and now it was as if a veil lifted and he truly saw what he had become. Asher was right: he was wallowing.
How revolting.
He sank back into the chair, although he felt like going out to run as fast as the wind, climb walls and execute vampires. He could barely restrain himself.
But restraint was essential, he reminded himself. Restraint because he had to guard these women, restraint because if he let his self-control crack even one bit he might do exactly the wrong ting, like pounce on Tessa.
God, why did she call to him so?
Mackenzie sat beside her, rubbing her shoulder, passing her tissues, occasionally hugging her while she cried.
There was a time he would have done that, but not since his change. Now it was too dangerous.
Just what the devil had he become in order to save himself from the guillotine?
Tessa calmed down eventually. Crying had exhausted her. But the earthquake she had sensed in the offing had arrived.
She was afraid. How could she look at a vampire as a savior? But she did, and it filled her with fear.
She'd never been afraid like this in her life. Her pack had always protected her. Now she was alone—like most humans, she admitted—and she had fears such as she had never known before. Fear of the night. Fear of being attacked. Fear that her life could be ripped from her by these rogues gearing up for war.
War against a single vampire. Four of them had attacked her, and however strong vampires might be, she was quite certain that one couldn't stand against three or possibly more. Maybe Kane would help them, but even then the odds didn't look good.
She reminded herself that she wasn't really involved. She'd just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. It might have happened to anyone who had been in the park at that time. Apparently from the way Julie had hurried out, it may have happened to any number of others already.
But the earth-shattering thing was that it had happened to her. What's more, now that she understood what was going on, she knew that it could happen again.
Maybe she should catch the first morning bus home and just get out of here. Go back to the safety of the pack.
But then another thought occurred to her. Would her pack even be safe if the rogue vampires took over? It didn't look like an immediate threat, but somewhere in the future it could become one. Because despite Kane's announced indifference to her kind, she knew all vampires didn't feel the same.
Her kind? Oh, God, she wasn't her pack's kind. That much was obvious. She belonged to nowhere at all.
Finally, she looked at Mackenzie and admitted the most obvious thing. "I'm afraid to go home now."
"You're safe in the daylight."
"I know. But what about when it becomes dark again?"
Mackenzie said nothing.
"Here is not a safe place," Kane said heavily. "As well guarded as Asher keeps it, it's not totally impermeable to vampires. Little is."
"The protection was mainly designed to keep humans out while he sleeps," Mackenzie said.
"Exactly."
Mackenzie looked at Tessa. "What are we going to do for you?"
"Most especially if they somehow find out that she survived the attack."
Tessa's mouth dried. Her palms grew damp and wiped them on the too-tight borrowed jeans. "How would they learn that?"
Kane shrugged. "Perhaps they will find the one I killed before dawn removes his carcass. Perhaps because your body is gone? Because you are not listed among the victims of tonight's mayhem in tomorrow night's news?"
"Why would they care?"
"The entire point of this little war they want to start is that none of them likes to be thwarted."
Tessa's heart skipped at least two beats, then settle into an edgy rhythm. From the way Kane's eyes narrowed, she suspected he could hear it. Hell, he could probably smell the fear clinging to her. She would have been able to had it not been her own.
"You're getting a lot of shocks tonight, aren't you?" Mackenzie said. "First the attack, then being rescued by a vampire and learning that not all of them are vicious killers. Well, it would set anyone back on their heels. And I'm afraid, too, though not as afraid as you because I haven't been attacked."
"We need to find a safe place for her," Kane said. "Daylight hours take care of themselves, but then there's the rest of the time."
"I often leave work after dark," Tessa said. Because it was winter, she now left her office at dusk or later. Even thinking about stepping out into the night made her mouth go dry now.
"Then we have to find a way to protect you."
"We?" Mackenzie said. "When did you become we?"
"I think I have joined the fight?"
"Oh, great. Can you promise not to go haywire again?"
"Most certainly." His eyes narrowed and a faint smile came to his mouth. And all of a sudden he appeared more attractive than Tessa would have believed possible. His blond hair gleamed, his face relaxed, and she wished he were not a vampire. "I think," he said, "that I have found reason to live again."
"Great," Mackenzie said. "I'm sure the world will rejoice. And I just love those odds. Two vampires against a horde."
Tessa giggled again, maybe because she was nervous. "It does sound like the Alamo."
"Perhaps," Kane agreed. "But sometimes we have no choice. They will be maddened by their blood lust. So, it seems, we will be smarter, yes?" His gaze settled on Tessa. "But first we must protect our little wolf."
"Please don't call me that."
Kane's brow lifted. "Why not?"
"Because I'm not...because I can't..." She looked down and covered her face with a corner of the comforter.
"Je suis désolé," Kane said, actually sounding sincere. "I'm sorry. I did not know I touched on a nerve."
Mackenzie spoke. "So you didn't leave entirely of your own volition?"
Tessa's head shot up and she looked at Mackenzie. "I did. It was my choice. I didn't fit and I couldn't stand it anymore."
"I know that feeling well," Kane said quietly. "All too well."
Tessa searched his face and for the first time in her life it occurred to her that bloodsuckers might have real feelings beyond satisfying their blood lusts. That they might actually think and feel like the humans they had one been. Some of them, anyway.
She told herself she didn't want his sympathy, certainly not the sympathy of one of his kind. Yet her throat tightened, anyway. She had no one anymore, no one. She had left her family behind and had barely started to make friends. Certainly not friends with whom she could trust her true story. So she skimmed the surface, pretending to be just like everyone else when she was not.
Now her story had come out in the unlikeliest company possible, and she found sympathy in the gaze of one her pack would call their mortal enemy.
How was she supposed to deal with this?
From earliest childhood she had been taught to use her nose above every other sense. She had been trained to identify things as good or bad by those scents, and the scent of vampire had been drilled into her as a threat. Even a whiff of it could cause her to shudder.
Tonight she had been attacked by bloodsuckers, their stench overpowering. Because she could not change, she hadn't been able to outrun them or fight them off.
But now she had to deal with the fact that one of that kind had saved her, and another was keeping her safe in his office...and the smell was all around her, and it was not bad.
Linked to terrors she had been taught, but not at all repugnant in and of itself. Separated from her childhood training, the smell was actually pleasant. Even enticing.
Perhaps that was why she had been trained to avoid it. Because it might draw her in. By itself, there was nothing to cause repulsion.
God, she felt like she was losing her mind. The echoes of the attack still reverted through her, and yet she was drawn to one of their kind. But that was how they operated, she reminded herself. Not by repelling, but by attacking. Like spiders weaving sparkling webs that looked like a safe place to land.
However, there was nothing safe about a vampire. Hadn't Kane said so himself?
Mackenzie excused herself to go make tea. She disappeared around a corner, and soon there were sounds of cupboards opening and closing, of water running.
Kane spoke, his voice pitched low. "Your eyes reveal too much, Tessa. As do your scents. You want me and you do not like it."
She drew a shocked breath, horrified that he could tell so much.
He gave her a half smile. "You have few secrets when it comes to your feelings. I can smell them. Too bad you cannot smell mine."
Her voice came out a broken whisper. "Why?"
"Because then you would know I want you, too."
She couldn't breathe. Her heart hammered so loudly it filled her ears. "I don't..."
He shrugged. "It makes no difference. I have no interest in my wants or yours. Mine can be satisfied elsewhere, and yours...well, your reluctance hardly appeals to me."
"I thought your kind like that."
"Some do. They are the ones we will have to fight. It's never been much to my taste."
She felt he was omitting information, but she was fairly certain she didn't want to know what it was. Bad enough he'd been so blunt and exposed something she had scarcely faced herself. She had the worst urge to slap him or storm out, but knew she couldn't do either.
She was trapped until dawn with a vampire who perceived too much, and feelings she hoped she would eventually be able to forget ever having. Her family would be so ashamed of her.
She swallowed hard and was so glad when Mackenzie returned with two mugs of hot tea. It gave her something to hold and something to do. The need to stay active grew stronger with each passing minutes. The probably was she couldn't imagine what she could do. She had no way to pursue her attacks. She couldn't bring this to the police, who wouldn't believe any of it, and she couldn't fight a bunch of vampires, anyway.
Unless she made what her family would consider an unholy alliance.
But her attraction to Kane terrified her. Now that she'd been forced to face it, she wanted to find a hole to bury it in. It would have been nice to blame it on the shock of the attack she had experienced earlier, but she was quite certain that wasn't it. Based on the attack, all she should be feeling was horror and repulsion.
She felt as if her beliefs and her feelings had been tossed into a cement mixer. The pattern of her own thoughts of her thoughts and reactions felt alien, as if they belonged to someone else. She needed solitude to sort herself out again, to settle all these shocks. But she would have none until dawn.
Kane spoke. "We should send you back to your family first thing tomorrow. Away from here, away from all danger."
She had been trying to build a life, to escape depending on her family. To leave behind the constant yearning that gnawed at her, the yearning to be fully one of her pack. To go back before she had come here to find seemed like failure. Utter failure.
She was always failing. Did she want to again?
But when she allowed her mind to touch on the attack, she wondered if failure wouldn't be better. If Kane was right, that those rogues would know she hadn't died and that this was all about hating to be thwarted, she would certainly be on their list for coming nights.
She couldn't stand against them alone. If she ran, she'd failed. If she stayed, she might die.
But somehow that last thought crystallized something in her.
Better to die than live a life of fear and self-loathing. She wouldn't go back to her pack with her tail between her legs—even if she didn't have a tail.
No.
Worse, if she told them what had happened to her to send her home, they might feel obligated to come down here and hunt for vengeance. Oh, there was no might about it. They would come.
"I can't go home," she announced. "I can't. If my pack finds out what happened they'll come here to avenge me. I don't want them in the middle of your war."
Kane nodded then sighed. "I doubt they would discriminate between the rogues who attacked you and the rest of us."
"No, they wouldn't."
"It's best not to let them know. Things will be difficult enough without a pack of angry wolves getting into it."
"So what do we do with her?" Mackenzie demanded. "Cripes, Kane, you're full of problems and don't have any solutions."
"Oh, I have a solution," Kane said almost bitterly. "I'll protect her. I can spirit her away if I sense a threat." Then he looked at Tessa. "If she will let me, of course."
Tessa's heart sank. She wanted most of all to get away from this damnably attractive bloodsucker who making her feel things she didn't want, making her want things that ought to make her shudder. Just looking at him sent a shiver of desire through her. The vampire magnetism, she told herself. That's all it was. Hadn't her family warned her?
Her reply, when it came, was heavy with dislike. "What choice do I have?"
"None, ma petite," he said. "None. These rogues have narrowed the choices for all of us. They will get their war. And they will not succeed."
"So sure?" Mackenzie asked acidly.
"No. But it never pays to go into battle full of doubt."
With that, he appeared to draw into himself, to ponder whatever unhappy thoughts darkened his face.
Asher returned in the hour before dawn. His first words were "It's begun. Four violent murders tonight."
"Julie?" Mackenzie asked with instant concern.
"She's at the morgue surrounded by enough people to be safe. Whoever the rogues are, they weren't interested in following the bodies. And soon they'll be going to ground."
"Did you learn anything else?" Kane asked.
"Other than that the bodies reeked of vampire? No. From time to time while I was watching Julie on the streets, I thought I caught a whiff of them, but they seemed to have kept moving all night."
"So they do not yet feel truly confident," Kane remarked.
"That would be my guess. It may be that so far there are only those that attacked Tessa."
Kane waved a hand. "Perhaps. If they can't gather others to their cause, they can deal with that quickly enough. Perhaps tomorrow night we'll have fewer bodies. And the next night we'll be dealing with newborns."
Mackenzie gasped. Tessa asked, "Newborns?"
Kane's golden gaze had darkened a bit. "Newborns," he repeated. "The newly changed. The most dangerous vampires of all."
Apprehension prickled through Tessa. "Why?"
"Because they're the strongest vampires of all. Because they're voracious and out of control. The last time I had to deal with a new vampire, it terrorized an entire city and it took two of us to execute it."
Tessa drew a long, shaky breath.
"You see," Kane continued, "those are the stories which persuade your kind to see my kind as such a threat. Most of the undead follow certain rules. The newborns follow no rules at all."
Mackenzie slumped at her desk. "No wonder you don't want to change Julie."
Asher spoke. "It's possible to prepare someone for the change and make it easier by providing plenty of food. But if you leave them on their own, yes, that's where you get true monsters. What a devil of a thought, Kane."
"I'm trying to think of everything. How else can we prepare?"
"Damned it I know," Asher said almost wearily. "All right. Time is short right now. You need a place to go to ground, Kane. Soon. And then it'll be safe for Tessa and Mackenzie to go home. That leaves dark fall to deal with."
"I'm not leaving this office, boss," Mackenzie said firmly. "I'll sleep right here." Then she looked at Tessa. "Can you get home by yourself once it's light?"
"Of course." She sounded more certain than she felt, though. Yesterday she had felt completely safe in this city, and now she didn't feel at all. Not even knowing the bloodsucker couldn't roam in the daylight eased her apprehension.
Mackenzie hesitated. "I'll drive you home at dawn. Then I'm coming back here to get ready for the siege."