The Doors close and I stare at them as my mind races. "What the fuck just happened!?" I yell out causing FRIDAY to reply, "You lifted Mjolnir miss,"
"Okay smartass I already knew that, I was being... I don't know what I was being, my mind is kind of racing at the moment."
"What floor miss?"
"Um, mine please." I say fanning my face as the sudden enclosed space starts to move in on me making me feel claustrophobic. My heart starts to race as FRIDAY chimes in, "Miss your vitals are elevated, do you require assistance?"
"I can't breathe, I... need... air!" I choke out as my body starts to tremble in fear. "I need out! Please open the door! I don't care what floor I'm on!"
"Very well miss." Friday says as the doors slide open to reveal that I am in fact on the Research and Development floor. I ignore Friday's words as I walk to the nearest sink and turning the water on quickly start to splash my face. My world starts to spin and I promptly sit myself down on the floor my back braced firmly against the wall as I try to calm my nerves. It had been a while since I had had a panic attack like this. Running a hand through my hair I take a deep breath and look around at the machinery around me and let out a content shy.
My mind drifts back to the faces of everyone I had left in the party room and I groan inwardly. I didn't mean to run out on another party, especially another one for me; but I had too many thoughts running from my head to concentrate on any thing in particular at the moment. How was I worthy of holding the hammer? That was the thing I didn't understand the most. Taking a deep breath, I think about all the things I have ever done and even all the things I have had done to me and my mind muddles more.
Taking a deep breath, I look around at the begging's and ends of my father's inspiration piles and feel myself slowly start to relax. Right before my heartbeat returns to normal I see the elevator doors open to reveal a breathless Steve eyes darting around the room. My heart jumps in my chest as his eyes land on me. "You okay?" He asks as he closes the distance between me.
"Yeah... perfectly... okay maybe not." I say as tears start to fill my eyes.
"It's gonna be okay Stark," He leans down and wraps his arms around me.
"How'd you know where I was?" I ask as I try to stifle my tears.
"Friday," He replies pulling away and sitting down next to me. "She told the whole room that you were in the middle of a panic attack. You should've seen everyone cut out and run looking for you."
"Really? Everyone?" I ask in surprise.
"Yes, everyone." He glances at my eyes and continues, "Why does that surprise you?"
"I... I guess I'm just not used to, you know, people caring."
"Well you'll just have to get used to it, because you have many people who love you."
"Including you?" I ask remembering his words from earlier.
"Including me." He states before his hand gently finds my cheek.
So sweet.
"(Name), I meant it when I said I love you."
"I know you did," I say reaching up and pulling his hand down from my face gently intertwine my fingers with his. "You wouldn't say that if you didn't mean it."
"And what about you?" he asks his grip tightening on my hand. Licking my lips I look from his eyes down to his hand and say, "I'm not sure I know what love is." I gulp down a breath of air as I continue, "I've never really been shown love. I don't know what it really is. I don't know if what I feel for you is love. I just... don't know."
He nods slowly as he says, "I can understand why you would say that; but you have people that love you here and now. So many friends and family members who want to love and take care of you. It might take some getting used to but I think you can do it."
"You flatter me good sir." I joke as I lean my head against his shoulder.
"Just tellin the truth ma'am."
"Hmm tell me more," I say as I glance up at him through my lashes.
"I know you're still upset about lifting the hammer, and I want to tell you why you're worthy and I'm not." He starts and I instantly pull away from him and stare curiously into this eyes. "Look, you sacrificed yourself to save Zeke even after all he's done to you. I don't think I could have done that if our roles were reversed."
"You're just saying that." I chime in rolling my eyes.
"No, (Name), I'm not. It's true. I wouldn't do that for enemy of my own."
"You're just saying that." I sigh as I lean back against the wall letting out a heavy sigh. "Honestly I don't even know why I did it. I just saw him falling and..." I pause for a moment as I remember my thoughts at that very moment and shaking my head say, "I'm sorry, that's a lie. I remember exactly what I thought when I saw him falling. I thought that was exactly what he deserved. I was going to let him die."
"Then why did you save him?"
"Grandpa Dum," I reply a soft smile covers my lips. "He was the one who saved Zeke, not me."
"You had a hallucination while fighting Zeke? That wasn't in the report."
"Oh please Steve, the only people who knew that I had hallucinations where you, Nat, Clint, and Bucky. It wasn't exactly something I wanted to let the world know about."
"So you're saying that Dugan told you to save him?"
"He did,"
"Yeah but in the end it was still you. You could have taken Dugan's words as just words, but you didn't, you listened to them. You know from the more you tell me about your hallucinations I feel that they weren't really people from your past but parts of yourself."
"Explain..." I say narrowing my eyes at him.
"I think when you were seeing Devlin it was because you were haunted by all that has happened to you. From what your mother did to what Craig did." I cringe at the memory and he instantly apologizes, "Sorry for bringing that up,"
"It's okay, go on."
"All your worst points started with one person, and he was the embodiment of all of it. Then Dugan was the embodiment of all the good in your life."
"I can see how that would work. But that doesn't explain why I hallucinated yo-" I stop myself as my face starts to flush pink from my almost blunder.
Good going (name)!
"Hallucinated what?" He asks his eyes searching mine.
"Nothing, forget I said it."
"Did you hallucinate me?" He asks and my flush deepens.
"What?! No... Of course not... okay maybe I did."
"What did we do, you know, in your hallucination?" He asks his breathing becoming ragged.
"Just a little, um, groping." I bite my bottom lip as I suddenly feel embarrassed.
"OH," He says and then before I know it his lips are against mine in a surge of passion. I stare wide eyed at him for a moment before I slowly start to loose myself in him. My eyes close as my hand instantly shoots up to cup his cheek. We had only kissed a few minutes earlier but this felt so much more passionate than before. Wrapping my arms around his neck I pull him in closer deepening our kiss more. He moans into my lips causing a shudder of anticipation to wave over me.
"Steve," I say in anticipation when he slowly pulls his lips away form mine.
Suddenly it's like his release has been broken as he lifts me up to sit on his lap. His hands roam over my body before bunching my skirts up at my hip. His fingers gently glaze over my thighs making my wrap my legs around his waist earning me a twinge of pain from my leg but I quickly ignore it as I intertwine my hands in his hair. As his hands move from my hips upwards we are suddenly disrupted by the drunken hollers of my father.
"Peanut are you- what the hell is going on in here?" Tony yells out as everyone slowly piles in behind him. I bury my face in the crook of Steve's neck as I try to hide the embarrassment from my face.
"It's not what it looks like dad!" I call back as Steve lifts the two of us up into a standing position. We pull apart and I turn to see an angry Tony glaring at us. "Okay, maybe it was a little what it looked like."
"It looked like you were trying to make me a grandfather."
"Well we weren't doing that per say, it was just some harmless kissing."
"Way to go Steve." Nat calls out from over Tony shoulder and I practically snort at my father's facial expression.
"You're not helping Red."
"Not my division Stark." She replies winking at me.
God I love you woman.
"Look, Tony, I can explain." Steve starts just as I see a hint of black slip out into the stairwell making me raise an eyebrow.
"How about we talk about this tomorrow after everyone has detoxed a little. Okay dad," I say as I instantly put myself in between the two men.
"But-"
"No but's old man, go on, go to bed." I say as I start to push him toward the elevator. I glance at Pepper who instantly moves to his side and says, "I agree Tony, it's been a long day and it really is getting late." I smile as he stares lovingly into her eyes.
Yup Pepper's got him wrapped around her little finger.
I smile to myself as I watch them board the elevator together, his mind preoccupied with whatever he and Pepper were talking about. I smile to everyone else as they slowly follow suit behind them until just Steve and I are left alone. I glance up at him and smile softly as I say, "I think we should take Pepper's advice and hit the hay."
"It has been a long day," He replies his hand reaching up and gently touching my cheek.
"That it has, I just need a moment to check on something and then I'll meet you in my room okay?" I say and his eyes dart back and forth between mine before he replies, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just gotta make a quick stop and then I'm all yours." I say with a smile.
"Okay," He leans forward and gently places a kiss on my forehead before he walks over and climbs into the elevator. I stair at the doors leading to the stairway and I take a deep breath. Slowly I make my way to the doors and opening them see the familiar form of Bucky sitting on the stairs, his arms propped against his legs. Taking a deep breath, I walk over and quietly sit down beside him.
"Hey stranger, you okay?" I ask as I nudge him with my shoulder.
"I'm fine," He replies firmly making me shake my head at him.
"You're lying Barnes," I say as I stare at him knowingly.
"Did I ever have a chance?" He asks and my heart stops.
"I'm not gonna lie and say you didn't, I like you Barnes, I really do, but you're better as my friend and confidant. You're always there when I need you. This might be a little greedy of me but I don't think I could be happy without having you around."
"But you don't love me."
"Hell Barnes I don't even know what love is. What I do know is that you're my clarity. When I have an episode you're there to make me see reason. You are officially my best friend. And I just now realize how inconsiderate that sounded and I am so stupid." I say as I place my face in my palms.
"Well the jury's out on you being stupid."
"Not helping Barnes,"
"No I'm serious, what kind of girl do you know of that would dive bomb to earth in a tin can?"
"Okay," I pull my hands away from my face and turning toward him continue, "First of all the suit is made out of Titanium Alloy." He chuckles and I smirk as I continue, "Second, it wasn't a dive bomb but more like a graceful plunge."
"Oh is that what you call it?" He asks a smile covering his face.
"Yes, that's what I call it." I reply my expression mimicking his. He stares into my eyes for a moment before wrapping his arms around my shoulders and hugging me into his side.
"You really like Steve don't you?" He asks and I nod into his side.
"I really do Buck."
"Then I won't stand in your way. Just think of me as an older brother from now on."
"Ugh I don't think I could do that."
"Oh really and why?"
"Because that would make Tony your dad, and that vision is enough to make me want to vomit."
"Yeah I see your point. Never the less, I'll always be here for you. You know that right?"
"I do." I say nodding. "Thank you Buck, you're a good man."
"Only for you doll." He replies as he gently places a kiss on my forehead.
"I Better go, thank you for understanding Buck. You're a good man."
"Yeah, yeah, go on, get outta here." He says as he pulls away. I smile as he holds his arm out as an anchor so I can pull myself up. With a quick smile I leave the stairs and hasten my way to the elevator. As I ride it up to my floor I try to clear my mind. Bucky was a good man. He would make someone very happy and I would be happy for them. Steve would worry about Bucky for a while as would I, but somehow or another everything would work out in the end.
I hope.
As the elevator doors open on my floor I look forward to see Steve pacing back and forth and I smile. "What are you pacing for?" I ask as I slowly walk up to him.
"How's Buck?" He asks and I smile softly. Of course he knew where I was. There was no way he hadn't seen Bucky leave the R&D department.
"We had a nice chat, and I think after some time he should be okay." He nods letting out a sigh of relief as I gently place my hands on his chest. "Are you okay?" I ask as I look up into his eyes.
"I'm still a little worried about buck to be honest."
"Which is completely understandable. You're a good friend Steve, And Bucky knows that."
"I know he does," Steve says as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me in for a hug. "I still worry about him."
"As he does about you too." I say as I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight.
"It's late," He says pulling away as his hands rub up and down soothingly on my arms. "You should go to bed."
"Will you join me?" I ask as I look up into his eyes expectantly. He smiles softly as he leans forward and gently places a kiss on my forehead. "Only if you promise to sleep."
"But sleeping is so boring, I can do that at anytime."
"We can also do that thing you want to anytime. It's not like we're going anywhere."
"UGH! Fine, you're right. But you still have to help me off with this dress." I say with a wiggle of my eyebrows before I pull away and lead him toward the bedroom.
"Ah wait, you dropped this, well more like left it behind in R&D." He says pulling the velvet box out of his pocket.
"Oh I can't believe I left this."
"Well you were a little distracted at the time,"
"That's definitely true." I say as I recall my panic attack. "Thank you Steve," I say as I hold the velvety box to my chest. "It really means so much to me that you found this."
"It rightfully belongs to you."
"That it does Rogers, that it does." I say as I gently lean forward and reaching up pull the back of his neck until his lips touch mine. As I pull away I smile up at him and say, "Alright then, come on and help me out of this dress. It's a two-person job and to be honest my leg hurts like a motherfucker." He smirks at me before he instantly swoops down and pulling my legs out form under me lifts me into his arms.
"Then let's get you outta that dress." He calls out as he rushes to the bedroom my laughs echoing out throughout the room.
Epilogue
"Do you know when you're coming home?" I ask Steve as shield myself from an oncoming food fight between my two youngest children.
"I should be home later tonight or early tomorrow morning." He replies from the video call.
"Good, cause I'm about three inches from hanging your kids out to dry!" I yell out making the kids stop in mid throw. "Ah that's better."
"MOM! James won't leave me alone!!" I hear my oldest daughter Maria yell out from the living room and I roll my eyes.
"Dammit James leave you sister alone!" I yell back earning me a groan from my second oldest.
"I didn't do anything mom!"
"James don't argue with me right now; I am not in the mood." I call back pinching the bridge of my nose.
"Be nice to your mother." Steve calls out through the screen and I roll my eyes.
"You cannot get here fast enough." I say through a heavy sigh.
"Believe me I'm rushing, but Buck should be there in a few. He left earlier."
"Thank God!" I yell out in exasperation, "They'll leave me alone for five minutes so I can get some work done."
"Calm down (Name), you're just a little heated at the moment."
"Rogers I will reach through this screen and clobber you."
"Fair enough." He says holding his hands up.
"I miss you Steve," I say as I stare at the screen wishing he was there in front of me.
"I miss you too. I have to go; I'll try to rush home."
"You better, it's been weeks and the kids miss you."
"I love you (Name),"
"Love you too Rogers." I say as I hit the end button and looking around at my two youngest kids, twins in fact, I smile softly. "Alright you two, why are you throwing food at mommy."
"Mommy needs eat more." Lilly says his bright blue eyes shining at me.
"You din't eat today." Anna replies after her sister her chocolaty eyes moving from her plate to the food in her sisters.
"Mommy's just been a little stressed. She'll eat here in a minute okay?" The girls nod and I run a hand through my hair before Maria and James instantly burst into the dining room both pointing at each other while yelling that the other one did it. "Hold on a sec, what'd you do?"
"It was an accident." James says as he looks away.
"Maria, watch your sisters." I say as I stand up and follow James into the living room to see a hole burned through my coffee table. My eyes widen as I see all the chemicals lying in beakers next to the hole.
WHAT THE HELL!!
"I'm only gonna ask this once, who gave you the chemicals?"
"Grandpa," James says looking down at the floor.
"Did either of you get any on you?"
"No,"
"Okay, that's good. Um, can you go into the kitchen and help Maria with your sisters while I take care of this?" I say as calmly as I can.
"Yes ma'am." He says as he hangs his head and walks into the kitchen. I heave a heavy sigh right as the front door opens to reveal a tired looking Bucky carrying a giant duffle bag.
"I'm Ho-holy shit what happened here?" He asks judging my expression.
"James and Maria apparently." I say as I gingerly reach forward and start to place caps in the beakers and test tubes.
"I take it Stark gave them some new toys?" Bucky asks as he drops his duffle onto the floor and starts to help me clean up. I nod as I slowly start to place them back into the velvet case. "Damn, and I really liked that coffee table."
"Yeah right, you wanted to buy a new one for a while now." I reply as I quickly close the case.
"Yeah, well, it was a little dangerous for the twins to be around."
"Oh, speaking of the twins," I say suddenly aware that it is far too quiet. I quickly walk into the kitchen to see the twins amused with drawing with their food and Maria and James are tinker with something resembling a small motor in front of them. "Well would you look at that."
"They clearly didn't get that from Steve."
"No, but they did get his appetite, his good looks, and they surprisingly inherited the serum in their DNA. Lucky them."
"At least you know they'll never get sick." He says nudging my shoulder before walking into the kitchen and scooping the twins out of their high chairs.
"Uncle BUCK!!" they all yell once their attention span noticed him.
"Go on, go relax. I got them." Bucky says as he walks from the room with a kid on each limb.
"Thanks Barnes." I call after him as I walk form the room and upstairs.
Thank God for Barnes.
Steve and I had agreed after we got together that Bucky would always have a place in our home whenever he needed it. He left his things in his room and only came back when he was done with a mission. I run my hands through my hair as I make my way to my bathroom. I pass photo after photo of all of us together and my mind slowly remembers it all.
From Steve and my wedding, to the twin's first steps. It was definitely the proof that I was loved and had a happy family. Walking into my bathroom I close the door and as I turn the hot water on to fill up the tub I slowly start to undress. Turning the water off I climb into the hot water and a sigh escapes my lips as I slowly relax.
It feels like hours have passed before I feel someone's lips on mine making me jump in shock as my eyes snap open. "Jesus Christ Steve! You scared the hell outta me." I say as I try to slow my racing heart.
"I couldn't help myself. You looked so peaceful and beautiful I couldn't help myself." He says as he kneels down beside the tub.
"Oh is that right?" I ask smirking at him as I lean closer to him.
"It's the truth ma'am." He replies and I smile happily.
"Oh did you happen to see the coffee table on your way up?" I ask as I lean back and kick my foot up letting the water slide down it.
"I did, and I even had a talk with the kids. All future experiments will be completed under supervision in the garage. At least until Buck and I finish their clubhouse."
"Good." I say as I reach up and gently touch his cheek. "So golden boy, you gonna join me or?"
"It'd be my honor ma'am." He replies as he starts to pull his clothes off.
"You know; I never get tired of seeing you naked." I say causing his to blush at my words. I chuckle as I continue, "Or seeing you embarrassed."
"I'm not the only one who can get embarrassed." He says as he climbs into the tub behind me.
"Yeah that may be true, but at least I don't smell like a lawnmower." I reply pinching my nose.
"Well we are in the bath. The smell will go away."
"Good," I say as I lean back against him. He wraps his arms around my waist as he gently kisses my temple. "When we met, did you ever consider that after a few years we'd be married with four kids?"
"Honestly? No, the thought didn't even occur to me." He pauses for a moment before intertwining his fingers with mine revealing our matching wedding rings. "But I wouldn't trade it for anything."
"Really?"
"I have a beautiful wife, and four amazing children. I have everything I could ever want."
"And the sex is amazing." I say and he laughs.
"That is true."
"Of course it is, I had something to do with it." I laugh and he shakes his head.
"And there's the Stark DNA."
"Hey that DNA is also in your children. Maria and James have proven to be quite the legacy's." I say remembering all their recent inventions.
"And the twins?" He asks as he gently kisses my neck.
"The twins? Well the twins love to fight apparently, and I get tired of explaining to the sitter that they do it when they play."
"They're gonna be strong independent women like their mother."
"I feel sorry for any guy they date. Or girl depending on what they decide. I won't judge." I lean back against him and let out a moan as he gently places soft sweet kisses on my neck. "Steve,"
"Hmm?"
"I love you." I say as I slowly turn to look at him. He smiles lovingly at me as he gently places a kiss on my lips and says, "I love you too Stark."
"So... Sex or sleep?" I ask him making him chuckle.
"I would say sex, but I think I should relieve Bucky. The kids are probably still trying to disassemble his arm."
"Ah then I'm going to sleep first, and if they do disassemble it, I'll put it back together for him."
"I know you will love." He replies and I smile as I slowly climb out of the tub.
"I'll shower quickly and be right out."
"Yes sir!" I say saluting him. He just shakes his head at me and I chuckle as I quickly dunk his head under the water before promptly running out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I turn back to close the door but am surprised by him lifting me into his arms and tossing me onto the bed. I laugh out loud as he jumps on top of me a bright smile on his lips. "God I love you!" I cry out as I reach up and grasp his cheeks.
"I love you too." He replies before his lips crash down against mine. My hands move down form his face to wrap around his waist and grip tightly to his back deepening our kiss.
Suddenly the door swings open as our two oldest children rush inside our room. "Mom! Oh my god!" Maria yells out as she quickly covers her eyes and turns back slamming the door tightly behind her. My face turns bright red as I bury it into Steve's chest.
"She is going to be scarred for life." I say into his chest making him chuckle.
"At least this will teach her to knock." Steve says and as if on queue I hear her knock and I chuckle. "See."
"Yup." I reply as I pull away from him and grabbing some clothes quickly get dressed. "Go on and finish your shower. I've got Maria."
"Okay, have fun." He replies as he quickly makes his way back to the bathroom. Taking a deep breath I open the door and look down to see Maria staring at the ground with a bright red face and I say, "And what did we learn from this incident?" I ask folding my arms over my chest.
"To always knock first."
"Yes ma'am."
"Believe me, I will never do that again." She says her eyes wide.
"Oh I believe you. Now what did you need?"
"Oh I need to you to check my calculations. I already asked grandpa but he told me to ask you."
"Okay then, let's go." I say as I usher her toward her room. I smile as she tells me about her schematics and calculations. Looking at her was looking at a younger version of myself. Only the happier loved version of myself. There was no way in hell I was going to let anyone do to her what happened to me. I unconsciously reach over and ruffle her hair making her glare at me.
"Mom don't touch the hair!"
"Oh excuse me then," I say raising my hands in surrender. Glancing back toward my room I smile as I realize that no matter what happens or what we go through, we'll always be happy; and that's all I ever wanted. A happy loving family.
THE END