CHAPTER TEN-One And Only-
Bonnie's P.O.V .
He's flip flopping. Just like Elena is. It's irritating to be honest. So, I guess that's why he's not very surprised when I bust thru the bathroom door, hearing Damon turn on the hot water in the shower as I sit on the closed toilet lid and call him out on it.
"What is wrong with you? Damon! Stop being such an asshole! He's your brother and he just wants his family back." I comment in a stern tone.
I hear as Damon laughs, his echoed voice is booming throughout the small tiled covered bathroom, the small cream colored tiles making his voice louder, bounce off the walls more as he speaks.
"I am not flip flopping! I just don't think that he can just barge in and take away what makes Elena happy at the moment." He says. I roll my eyes at him. My husband is pissing me off and all I want to do is squeeze his head! Just like he is the shampoo bottle in his hands that I hear let out a funny airy noise.
"What? Damon! He's your brother and he has kids with her! For the love of god! He's not taking anything away from Elena..Plus, she's confused anyways...So, technically he's making her choose who she wants to be with, by giving her space!" I argue back, hearing Damon let out a loud sigh.
"I just don't want him to get hurt or for her to hurt him..That's why I don't want Stefan to really go after Matt..Elena's happy for the first time in a few years and I just would hate to see that ruined. Look, I know that I had said that I would help him get her back. I meant it. But, my brother needs to fight for her, fairly. That's all, I'm saying. Or she needs to just come to her senses and pick someone already!" He tells me, as I hear him start to talk about how much it sucks that he can't stay after he showers. The fire station called him and told him that they need him. Which means that he won't be home for a while..2 or 3 days most likely.
" Damon, Elena isn't a trophy to be won! She's a woman who can make her own decisions. But, I do agree, she is happy and I would hate to see that vanish..But, she does need to make up her mind as to who she wants to be with and not confuse the kids. Anyways, What am I supposed to do while you're at work?" I ask him, changing the subject briskly, hearing Damon let out a laugh as he turns off the water and pops his head out from behind the gray shower curtain.
"Oh, I don't know. I was thinking that maybe I could take you with me..We could have some fun at the station together." He tells me with a wink, watching me get up from my seat and place my hands onto his shoulder, pushing him back into the shower.
"Yeah, No! I was actually thinking about going to visit my parents for a day or two. Give Stefan some time alone..You know, I just kind of feel like he needs the space right now." I tell him, hearing as Damon agrees with me, turning the water back on as he asks "You want to come in here with me?"
Stefan's P.O.V.
I watch her pick at her vegetables, pushing them all to one side of the plate as she makes a face at them, sighing loudly.
"What's wrong, Olivia?" I ask her. She's got her hands on her face, placing her fork down beside her plate as she huffs out a breathe and looks up at me.
"I hate vetgibles." She says, looking over at Sam, who's eaten all of his food ans is now placing his hands onto his stomach rubbing small circles on it and giggling loudly at the way his little sister says 'vegetables'.
"it's not vetgibles..Stupid! It's vegetables!" He says, sticking his tongue out at her as she looks over at him, punching his arm. "Shut up!" She yells, looking over at me and then placing her head down onto the table, her little arms underneath her head as she peaks up at her brother who's smirking at me.
"Sammy! Be nice to your sister!" I suddenly hear myself scold him, hearing as he giggles a bit, locking his eyes on me and giving me an attitude.
"You can't tell me what to do! You're not my dad..He's the only one that can tell me to stop making fun of Olivia and he's not here right now!" Sam shouts.
It stings. My son's words hurt more than you can ever imagine and I regret ever saying anything to either of them at all. But, I swallow hard. Swallowing down the pain and hurt that it causes and trying to play it off like it's not that big of a deal. Like, it doesn't bother me as much as it really does. But, I can tell that my face has hardened and the more I let his words sink in, I curse Elena under my breath for not telling them, who I am, their real dad..The one that has been to hell and back and is now struggling to get back to the life that I miss dearly.
I watch as Sam continues to make fun of Olivia and look away from them for a moment, getting up from the table and walking into the kitchen, placing my empty plate into the sink, putting my hands onto the stainless steel sink, standing over it as I catch my breath and run my hands through my hair, trying to control the anger that I feel for having lost so much time with them, for missing out on half their lives, already and knowing that I will never get those years back.
Elena's P.O.V.
I stand in front of the mirror, glancing down at my blue colored dress. It's one of those that flows against my body, a slit on the side of it. The thin fabric of it hugs around my stomach as I try to pull it away from the one area that I'm self conscious about. I hate it..the way my body is.
Yet, I smile to myself as I look up and see Matt staring back at me. The full length mirror reflecting his face and smile as he leans against the door frame of our bedroom. "You look beautiful." He tells me, walking over slowly to me as I smile back.
"Thanks. So, I'm going to go and pick up the kids from Bonnie's, then get them changed and ready so that we can leave for Caroline's." I tell him, hearing as Matt laughs from behind me, wrapping his arms around me and watching when I lean my head back against his shoulder, sighing contently.
"Fine...Great. But, I'm coming with you..We can just leave from Bonnie's. I'm sure Caroline won't mind if we get there early." Matt says, kissing the curve of my neck as I giggle a bit, placing my hand onto his face, feeling as he relaxes his stiffened expression.
"Okay. I'm sure you're right, Caroline won't mind." I agree with him, feeling as Matt turns me in his arms so that I'm looking up at him, his fingers underneath my chin, pulling my face towards him as he kisses my lips and nods his head, telling me in a soft voice "Great!"
Matt's P.O.V.
I watch as she walks up to their front door, carrying a change of clothes in one of her hands, Elena's clutch purse in her other hand. She's got this strange happy smile on her face as she knocks on the door and walks inside, waving back at me as I smile at her, watching her enter the house in a hurry.
It's weird, It seems like ever since Stefan came back into the picture, just a few days ago. Elena's seemed a bit happier and a lot more full of life than I've ever seen her before. But, than again. Maybe's it's not him, Maybe being engaged to me..finally. Is making her this way, I can only hope as I lean my head back against the head rest and close my eyes. I'm exhausted and my face still hurts from the punch that Stefan inflicted on it. I know he was mad. Personally, I would be too if I came back to a life that I'd been left out of for the last few years and found the woman that I was once supposed to marry, that I was so madly in love with before I left..Now, loving someone else. But, the dude needs to get over it in my opinion..Elena chose me, to be with me and spend her life with me!
I think he just needs to accept it, now. Elena choose me, she loves me and I'm the better choice..I'm the one that won't leave her..like he did. Part of me knows that Stefan didn't really have a choice in the matter. But, if he cared so much about her like he claims he does. Why didn't he call? Why didn't he try to contact her and tell her that he's fine, that he's alive...? I'm baffled by it to be honest. The thought of someone just reappearing after so long and trying to ruin my family, a family that I've wanted for so long. He's totally wrong about me and Elena..She's happy with me and I have no doubt in my mind that she loves me as much as I love her.
Elena's P.O.V.
I'm impatiently waiting as Sammy puts his change of clothes on. He's been in there forever and thankfully up until this point, I've been able to avoid the talk that I know Stefan and I should be having. He's been in the kitchen, talking to Olivia about how it's impossible to not like chocolate ice cream and that if she tried some, then maybe she'd like it. It makes me smile though. Hearing the two of them bonding over something as silly ice cream. But, I guess it's a start..a small window of opportunity in getting her to open up to him.
I hear as Sammy finally unlocks the door to the bathroom and steps out, huffing as he looks up at me. "Mom...Do I really needa wear this stupid white tie?" He groans in protest, holding it in his hands as he looks up at me. My heart wants to jump out of my chest as I hear footsteps and then his voice from behind me, making a small comment to Sam whose unsure about wearing the tie around his button up white shirt.
"It's just dinner at Aunt Caroline's..right, Sammy? I really don't think you need to wear it, buddy. But, what do you think, Elena?" He says, watching as I smile down at Sam. Stefan bends down in front of him, placing his hands on each side of Sam's shoulders and locks his eyes on him as he speaks.
"You look really nice young man. I like the suit. But, I do think that the tie would look nice with it." He comments, smiling at him and then looking up when he locks his eyes on me.
My voice is barely there as I nod, agreeing with him as I watch Sam's green eyes light up and then he places the tie around his neck, pulling Stefan's hands towards his face and asking in a sweet tone if Stefan can help him put it around the collar of his button up shirt. Stefan says nothing as he smiles widely and I watch them in silence. My son and his dad...his real dad doing something as simple as this makes me tear up, makes me realize how much I've withheld from Stefan. But, just before he can see my face, I turn away from them, pulling out a leather back journal and holding out in front of me when I watch Sam throw his arms around Stefan.
"Thank you!" Sam shouts, hugging him quickly before running down the hall and yelling at Olivia that she needs to get ready too.
Stefan stands back up on his feet, while he smiles at me. He's got this content expression suddenly when he looks at me. "You look beautiful." He comments, watching me try my best not to blush at his words at the way 'You look beautiful' rolls off his tongue in a tone that's just above a whisper. I nod at him, smiling slightly as I hand him the journal that's in my hands.
"What's this?" He asks, confusion in his tone as I lock my eyes on him and open my mouth to respond.
"It's what I've been going through for the last few years..Maybe it will give you an insight into my head. Make you understand it more, help you understand what it's been like for me since you've been gone..Help you hear the things that I can't say out loud to you." I tell him, following his eyes as they lock on mine and he nods a bit.
"Thank you..Elena. Have fun tonight. But, if you need me...If you need to talk about whatever. I'm here." He states, turning to leave as I exhale deeply.
"Stefan?" I hear myself saying his name, my heart tightening when he turns around, a look of surprise on his face. "Yeah?"
"You're good with them, you know. I'm sorry that I didn't tell them..I really am. I just hope that-" I try to explain, hearing as he exhales and lets out a staggered breath.
"It's fine...Really. It's okay, I'm sure I'll get all my answers from this." He tells me, holding up the journal in his hands that has a small 'E' in the corner of it, the journal that my mother had given me when I was a little girl, a little older than Olivia is now.
Stefan smiles as I shrug my shoulders and nod at him, agreeing with him when he looks up at me. The intense look in his eyes is cut short by the ringing of my cell phone though and when I look down at it, I realize that if Matt and I don't leave soon, Caroline's going to be pissed off and probably not want to feed us!
Caroline's P.O.V.
I watch as Elena swirls her wine glass around a few times. She's nervous and it shows. It's like she can't hide it when I get up and announce that dessert will be ready soon, nodding towards the kitchen and mouthing to her to come with me. Luckily, Tyler and Matt don't even notice as they step out onto the patio, talking about work and stuff as I watch Elena walk over to the island in our kitchen, turning to face me when she places her wine glass down and exhales deeply.
"We've been acting weird all night long, is everything okay?" I ask her, watching as she turns to look at the sliding door that's completely shut. Then she locks her eyes on me and speaks in a hesitant tone.
"I just keep thinking about Stefan." She says truthfully. Her brown tired eyes on me, when I take the homemade cake that I made out of the fridge and lick the yellow icing off my fingers.
"What about him?" I ask her, watching as she looks down at her hands, placing them on the edge of the island in the kitchen and sighing deeply.
"I made a mistake, Caroline. I should have never said yes to Matt when my heart was vulnerable and still hurting for Stefan. I watched him with Olivia and Sam today and it made me realize that If I hadn't been so damn weak when he was gone. I would have never gotten into this whole thing with Matt." She says as I turn away from her, trying to figure out what she means by her words..by "this whole thing with Matt".
"What whole thing?" I ask, turning around to face her, reaching into one of our cabinets and grabbing a few plates to serve the cake on.
"This marriage proposal, Caroline..I can't do this! It's not right. He's their father, he needs to be with me..Not, matt..It's all wrong, it's all a mess and I screwed up, everything!" She says suddenly, leaving me frozen in place, the knife in my hands is shaking as I clear my throat and speak. Not daring to look in her direction as I try to laugh it off as her being silly. It's the red wine that Matt and Elena bought. We've had almost two medium sized full bottles between the two of us and are barely going through the second as she laughs a bit, maybe that's it...that 'not really- drunk -yet-but -getting- there' buzz is affecting her thought process.
"Elena, don't be silly. You and Matt are happy. Why would you be doubting that now?" I ask, turning around fully as Elena gives me a stern look, slamming her hands against the granite tiles in our kitchen as she says "Because Stefan kissed me and I never wanted to marry Matt in the first place! Stefan's right...He's a replacement..a replacement fiancée, a replacement father to my kids who have no idea who their real father is! But, it needs to all change...Tonight...Everything needs to change, tonight!" Elena says, determination in her voice and eagerness in her tone. I watch as she turns away from me quickly, before I can even stop her and she goes outside, prepared to talk to Matt and I'm guessing finally tell him about how she really feels..Finally clearing up the confusion in her fuzzy mind.
Elena's P.O.V.
I step out into the cold air, feeling like it could be close to the dead of winter. The air around me is chilly as I pull my white pea coat over my blue dress and pull my hair from under the coat, I'm not drunk..not yet at least. But, I do have that nice warm fuzzy feeling radiating off of me when I hear, Tyler and Matt stop talking in midsentence, glancing up at me.
"Babe, what are you doing out here..We're just talking about work and football. Nothing very interesting." Matt comments, placing his beer on the patio table in front of him as I smile sweetly, locking my eyes on Tyler.
"Tyler, can I talk to Matt in private?" I ask him, hearing Tyler nod and then he smiles at me.
"Yeah, sure. I'll go see if Caroline needs help making coffee or something." Tyler says in a nonchalant tone, leaving Matt and I, by ourselves outside.
I wait a while until I know that he's gone to sit where he was sitting until I gaze over at Matt. He's got this grin on face that makes my stomach churn when he pats his lap and from what I can tell he thinks that I'm going to sit in his lap so that he can keep me warm. But, I watch his face quickly fall into a frown when I take Tyler's seat instead and clear my throat to speak.
"I want to talk to you about something." I tell him, staring down at my hands that are shaking from the nervousness, the cold too.
I hear him exhale, watch as his stiff body leans forward, placing his hands on my kneecap and locking his blue eyes upon me. "What's going on?" Matt asks, worry in his voice when he hears me exhale a heavy breath and then I close my eyes before I tell him what's been on my mind for the last few hours.
"I can't do this anymore, Matt...I can't marry you!" I tell him, suddenly. Feeling the tension increasing as he squeezes my knee cap and locks his uneasy eyes on me.
"What are you talking about, Elena. I love you? Are you sure that it's not just pre wedding jitters. I mean, I know that you have a lot to plan and that we still haven't really set a date for the big day yet. But, once we do then it will get easier...I promise. Elena, we can this..I love you. Please." He says, begging in his voice as I lift my hand up and place it over his that's still sitting on my knee cap.
"Does this have anything to do with the fact that Stefan's back in town? That's it...isn't it? You're getting all these mixed up feelings about him and now you're all confused!" He states, smiling weakly and rubbing my knee with his thumbs as I look away, my voice is distant and full of self hatred for what I'm about to say. But, I need to tell him..Matt needs to hear this from me instead of someone else.
He blinks a few times, laughing a bit as he places his cold hands on my face. "Baby, whatever it is. It's understandable. You and Stefan have a history, you two will always have a bond because of Sam and Olivia. But, there's nothing there anymore...I can see it in your face when you talk about him..You don't love him anymore, Elena...You're just in love with the idea of what you two used to share." He tells me, trying to sound reassuring as I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes when I push his hand away from me and get up from the seat that I've occupied.
"It's not that..I mean, yes. Stefan and I have a history together..But, it's not that.." I try to tell him, all the while trying to convince myself that it's not just because of the 'history' that Stefan and I share..It's a lot more than that, I know it!
"So, what is it then?" Matt asks, running his hands through my hair as he too gets up and crosses his arms over his chest, glaring at me almost as I turn towards him and say "Stefan kissed me and I kissed him back."
Matt's jaw tightens and his face hardens as he looks at me. Not saying a word when he brushes past me and goes straight inside the house, leaving me out in the cold.
I find myself following him inside though, determined to finish this conversation. I know that he's mad, pissed off more than anyone and to be honest, he has every right to be. But, I can't help it..Kissing Stefan in the driveway made me realize something, I made the wrong choice in who I'm with. But, I still want to figure it all out, to make sure that I don't hurt Matt too much, because I want him to be in the kid's lives, even when I finally make my choice, Matt should be a part of their lives, it's only fair.
"Please, Matt. Let's talk about this." I tell him, following him into the hallway of Tyler and Caroline's house. Hearing in the distance as they talk amongst themselves. Wondering what the hell is even going on and why Matt looks angry and I just look well, guilty.
I shake it off though, making sure that Olivia and Sam don't hear me as I push him inside the guest bedroom. Matt's furious when I close the door and he can't stop himself from yelling at me.
"You kissed him! What the hell, Elena! Does being engaged to me mean anything to you at all? Does it? Because from where I'm standing, you don't seem to give a shit! I will not be in the center of this 'triangle' that you're creating! You need to pick one and do it soon because if you don't I'm gone. I'll be out of your life for good and you'll be alone, just like you were supposed to be before Stefan came into the picture again, before you even found out that he was still alive! Let's face it, Elena...You were supposed to be alone when we all thought that he was dead too. But, I took pity on you and took you into my heart. I did it mostly because of those kids, because I love them!" Matt confesses as I glare at him, his words cutting me like a sharp blade.
"Pity on me? I'm not a charity case, Matt! Neither our my children! They have a father and you know what, maybe if I wasn't so damn lonely and looking for someone to help me raise them. I would have never gotten into this mess. Because, let's be honest with ourselves, I would have done a way better job raising them alone than I am doing now, raising them with you!" I shout at him. My blood boils, my heart is racing as I pull my engagement ring off my left hand and throw it at him, hearing as it hits the floor and I exit the room without another word.
I notice that after a few minutes that Matt doesn't follow me when I storm down the hall, turning to go into the kitchen and tell Caroline that suddenly I feel sick to my stomach. Asking her if she can just watch the kids over night for me. Caroline must notice it, though. The pain in my heart is spilling over into the look of my eyes as I watch her nod, giving me a hug and telling me that things will get better. She'll watch over the kids and make sure that Matt doesn't do anything stupid tonight.
I nod at her, apologizing once again to her as I grab my purse in a hurry and run out the door, looking over quickly and smiling when I see Olivia and Sam on the couch, fast asleep with a blanket thrown over them. They look so content and unconcerned with anything and instead of waking them, I just tell Caroline that I'm going to think things through, that I'm going to head straight home and figure things out in silence, before Tyler drop's Matt off back at our house and we have to face each other again.
Stefan's P.O.V.
It's nice and relaxing in the house. I've been focused on a soccer game for the last hour and it's a good distraction from it all. I'm tired though, from trying to over think about the last time that I felt this way..relaxed..without worry. It's been a long time, not since the first time that Katherine had found me in Florida and took me out to see all the sights, way before I found out who she was and what she wanted with me. It was then, the only time in the last few years where I felt free and relaxed, just like I do now.
But as I sit here on Damon and Bonnie's couch, I close my eyes and exhale deeply. I'm thankful that they had left me the house so that I can have time to myself. Yet, I feel more lonely than ever..It's strange, you know. How when a house goes silent in the night, the loneliness that you don't want to feel comes creeping up into your body, into your heart and it's hard to shake.
Yet, as I look around the room and notice that I left Elena's journal that she had given me earlier in the day, on the coffee table..I get this not so lonely feeling anymore which is quickly replaced with a dull ache in my heart when I remember what she told me earlier ' Help you understand the things that I can't say to you out loud'...
So I grab it into my hands, half scared half excited to hear her thoughts over the time that we've been apart. Although, just as I open the journal in my hands, running my fingers over her hand writing and looking over the words that I see a lot like 'heartbroken...Missing him...Love him and I know that he's looking down on us...I know that Stefan would be so proud of Sammy and Olivia..They've gotten so big...' I smile to myself and want to read more. But, I quickly close her journal when I hear a loud knock at the door and my heart jumps inside my chest. It's not like it's that late already. But, I guess that I just wasn't excepting any visitors at all.
I'm in my sweat pants and a thin white t-shirt, my hair is a mess and as I look over at the living room when I get up from the couch. It's like a huge billboard statement that shouts "He's feeling sorry for himself!" A pizza box on the floor, four empty beer bottles and a few other things are scattered all over the place. But, I don't bother to even pick them up. Instead, I walk over to the door and open it. However, I regret not drinking more and getting pretty damn drunk for this. Because, when I place my hand on the door and pull, I'm met with her tear stained cheeks and tearful eyes as she locks them on me and opens her mouth to speak.
"Can I come in?" She asks, hands in her pockets. She's shivering from the cold as she shifts her feet back and forth to get warm.
I nod at her, moving out of the way, watching her look around as she asks in a soft tone if anyone is home. I shake my head, no. But, my voice is stuck in my throat and I'm getting caught up in the scent of her..the warm and blissful smell of lavender and vanilla filling my nostrils as Elena turns towards me, wiping away her tears. She watches carefully as I lock my eyes on her and ask in a raw tone. "What's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her, watching as she shrugs off her jacket throwing it on the couch, pivoting on her heels and locking her eyes on me. Watching carefully when I close the front door to the house.
Elena gives me a weakened smile, stepping in front of me, eyes dancing with desire and lust when I feel her push me against the wall and the longing takes over us both. My eyes are wide and surprise is on my face when Elena shakes her head and whispers in a voice that's broken and filled with more than enough hurt that I know could fill up this room with sorrow. "No." She says, before she pushes me even harder against the wall and kisses me with all the force she's got, her hands trembling as they slip under my shirt and just when I want to speak to push her away, she places her finger onto my lips and says the words that I've been dying to hear. "I love you..I always have..You were right, and I was wrong..I made the wrong choice..But, I'm here to correct my mistake."
A/N: Anyone shocked by the cliff hanger? Too soon maybe? Oh, it'll all be explained in the next update!