" Speed, is the key, to silent movement. One wrong step, and your done for ".
There was blood. So much blood.
" Use your strength. Your semblance and your aura to defeat the enemies. Take it out on them ".
So many innocents... Killed.
" Track their moves, patterns, their weakness ".
I didn't realise how much I missed my old self.
" This is war. You must act, breath, and live how we live. To sacrifice for your comrades and risk your own life, for your country ".
I never even liked this country. I used to, but that was the past. Yeah, The past.
" You destroy your old self. Destroy every thing you have been attached to, every thing that means something to you. Nothing in this world matters anymore ".
I am nothing but a war weapon. A toy that has been manipulated as a hardcore, heartless soldier. And what's worse, I adapted to it. I fell under their control.
" You will kill everyone on sight. Grimm, the enemy, anyone who is a threat to us. You will do it, do I make myself clear? ".
And I hate myself for it.
" Yes, sir ".
I have almost completed the 4 year acquirement, before I leave Europe and go back home. Just two more months, and I am free. Not really, actually.
" You called me, sir? ". I said in a flat tone of voice. I stood up straight with my hands behind my back. I stood Infront of his desk, inside the general's quarters.
" Why yes. You do know that it is almost the end to our agreement? ". He spoke, leaning forward on his desk. I nod, looking at him with a blank stare.
" Thanks to you, and our army, we have won the remnant war. The Grimm population has been almost extinct and our enemies are eliminated. Leaving the rest of the world, free to expand ". He spoke with a proud tone of voice.
Who would be proud of killing almost a nation of innocent people?
" And for that, I am letting you go ". He spoke and I was caught off guard. I furrow my brows in confusion. I was at a loss of words.
" E-excuse me, sir? ". I stammer. He leaned back into his chair, giving me a small smile. " You heard right, soldier. I am letting you go. You have done far quite enough these past three years ". He said with a nice tone.
I stare at him with disbelief. Processing what he just said. " W-what? ". I stammer once more. He chuckled, standing up from his chair.
" Your things have already been set on the main ship, back to Vale. The army and I will wish you the best wishes ". He said putting his hand to his forehead in a salute.
I regain my composure and salute back. I nod to him as I turn around and walk out of his quarters. I let out a large breath I didn't know I was holding.
" See ya, blondie! ".
" Good luck cadet! ".
" Have fun... At least ".
I look toward my other comrades. The people who I made friends with. They all wave to me as I walk down the aisle of large camp tents.
" Long! Wait up! ". I heard a familiar voice call out. I stop, looking over my shoulder to see who it was. A small smile plays on my lips as I see, Leonhardt, run up to me with her duffle bag and backpack.
" Your coming with me? ". I ask as she walks along beside me. She nods, a smirk showing on her face. " Like hell your the only one leaving. Plus we still have that bet when we head back ". She said and I shake my head amused.
Her name is Annie Leonhardt. She is the wife of Mikasa Leonhardt, the step sister of Eren Yeager. I met her when I got here. She was my lieutenant, trainer and best friend.
" What are you gonna do when you head back? ". I ask as we aboard the main ship. She chuckles lightly, a small glint in her eye. I already knew the answer, I just wanted to hear it from her.
" Surprise her, of course. And... See my baby girl ". My eyebrows raise in surprise as we take our seats on the left side of the ship. She set her stuff on the seat beside her and I cross my arms.
" Damn. When did you find out? ". I ask and she rolls her eyes. " I wasn't supposed to figure out, but Eren sent me a letter saying how I am having a baby girl. Fucking dumbass ". She said annoyed.
The hatch closes as we buckled ourselves in. Already feeling the ship rise up into the air. I keep a straight face, thinking about what I am going to do when I head back.
" What are you going to do when you head back? ". She asked in a low tone. She knows. I told her everything since it was interfering with my sleep schedule and pretty much my mental state.
I let out a deep sigh, leaning against the seat. I pretty much forgotten about it. I was so deep into the war, that I gave up. I didn't care anymore.
" I don't know ". I whisper as I shrug. I look at her and she gives me a concerned look. Over the past three years, she's gotten to know me better than I know myself. Same goes for me to her.
" You do realise, that your still a human being? That your not a war weapon anymore? ". She said and I look away. She was right, but no. I don't care anymore.
" And you do realise, that I am forever traumatised? And so are you ". I said with a cold tone. She sighed, looking away from me. She leaned back into her seat as well, a calm expression on her face.
" I know... ". She whispered. I look straight at the metal wall, where a window was placed. I stare at the clouds, watching them pass by.
No amount of words can express how much we are so fucked up. We were on the same squad, so we went through everything together. Everything. She saved my ass and I saved hers.
" I'm sorry about what happened to you. I didn't think he would use you as a toy ". She spoke in a serious tone. I stare out the window with no sense of responding.
" Don't let it consume you. Never. I know what you've been through. I almost strangled mikasa because of what happened before I joined the army ". She said with a distant tone.
I look at her and she had her head down, her arms crossed. She had a pained expression on her face, on the verge of tears.
" I know you don't care anymore. I know you don't give two shits about anyone or anything anymore. But the people who knew you, still care. They still care for you ". She said then looked at me.
Her icy blue eyes were teary and full of pain. A pain she has been hiding all to well. I stare at her with a blank expression. Inside, I am screaming. I am crying. So much fucking pain.
" You have an effect on people. On a certain person. Just because you changed doesn't mean that they will think of you any different. You are still the person they think you are ". She said softly.
" Well, It's easy for you to say. You have a wife and a baby girl. You have a family. I killed a man who hurt someone I cared about, I lost my arm, I ran away to devote myself into the army. To be used as a weapon instead of a person. I destroyed everything that I stood for ". I said in a flat tone.
We stare at each other. Ice blue to a Lilac purple. I know what she's thinking. But I'm not going to let that change my mind.
" So no, I am not going to let it consume me. I am not the same person as they think I am. I am not her, anymore ".
I don't regret it. I just needed her to know.
" I am Yang Xiao Long. I am a monster who deserves nothing. I am nothing... I am not myself anymore ".
But it hurts like hell.