When I thought of school, I thought of the fiery hell that some people liked to believe in. Of course I couldn't force myself to believe in heaven or hell or the omniscient being that people liked to call God, simply because I couldn't understand how if there really was a god, that he'd let me suffer through seventeen years of my life while other people got to live their lives happily.
School had always been a drag for me, but high school especially had been rough. During my first three years, I'd been moved around to so many high schools that by the time I was adopted, I couldn't even remember the names of half of them. I never bothered making friends because I'd either be sent to a different foster home and ripped away from them, or they would realize how much baggage I had and bail. Dating had been even worse, and I decided that I would never even try to maintain a relationship. That's not to say that when someone came on to me, I didn't do something about it, but I had never been with anyone for any other reason than to relieve my anger, frustration, or sadness.
I didn't know what to expect my senior year. I'd never really been a good student because I just didn't understand the point. Why would I try to make something of my future when I'd never have one? I would never have enough money of my own to pay for college, let alone a good one, and I knew that even if Brian could help me, he wouldn't. He might pay for me to go to community college, but going to a good school would require me leaving the house, and I knew he wouldn't allow that.
But either way, I'd insisted on taking advanced proficient biology and chemistry because science had always interested me, and though I'd hated high school since it began three years ago, I wanted to at least try to enjoy my senior year. I'd also taken honors art four, because I had loved drawing ever since I was a child, and three other general required classes. I needed to fill my schedule because there was no way in hell that I was going to go home early and deal with Brian every day.
I woke up on the first day of school, both my stomach and the back of my head a little sore from that night at the hotel. Thankfully, I hadn't seen Brian at all since that night so I didn't have to worry about covering up any new scratches or bruises. There was no use trying to look nice, mainly because I knew there was no one at the school that I'd want to impress. I wasn't going to make friends and I didn't give a shit about what people thought of me. I slid into a pair of distressed jeans and a gray sweatshirt, and though I'd been using makeup since Brian bought it for me, it was merely for myself. I liked my look with makeup better than the look of a sad little girl with baggage.
When I finished, I looked a little bit older. Though I knew I appeared older than seventeen even without makeup, the small things I was able to change with a little bit of help made me appear years older than I really was. I grabbed my old book bag and rushed down the stairs, looking for Sara, my former step-mom and now adoptive mother, to drive me to school. It was that or I'd have to take the bus, which was an option I did not favor.
When I entered the kitchen, I saw Brian standing by a skillet in dress pants, but bare chested as his shirt was thrown over his shoulder. He turned to me and offered me the slightest smile.
Two-faced piece of shit.
"Good morning Rebecca."
I still wasn't sure if his sober brain remembered everything he did to me when he was drunk or if he just chose not to acknowledge it. I shook my head at him, gritting my teeth. "Hardly."
His lips formed a frown as he put a plate of pancakes in front of me, reaching into his back pocket. "Well that's not what I like to hear. Here's a fifty, use it for lunch and buy a new bag while you're at it, that one's filthy."
This bag had been through hell and back with me, and I would never get rid of it. Instead of fighting him though, I accepted the fifty and ate the pancakes quietly. I knew they weren't poisoned or anything of the sort; this was his way of acting like the good father my social worker saw him to be. If I wasn't terrified of being sent back into the system, I would simply show my social worker the bruises and the scars Brian had given me in the year that I'd lived with him. But I would never do that, because I wasn't going back. I would never go back. I would be eighteen soon enough and then I'd be free to move out if I could. Problem was that I didn't have any money, and so I swore to myself that I'd do everything in my power to get a job. I knew making minimum wage for a year wouldn't even give me enough to buy my own car, let alone my own place, but it was better than sitting around doing nothing.
"Where's Sara?"
Brian knew that I refused to call either of them by the names of 'mom' or 'dad', but he never stopped pestering me about it. "Who?"
I rolled my eyes, keeping my eyes trained on where his feet took him the entire time because I would not let him come close to me while he was sober. While he was sober I could do something about it, while he was drunk was a whole different story. He shifted into an entirely different person, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me at least a little bit. I've been through a lot worse in my life than Brian, so dealing with him wasn't all that bad, but even if I had accustomed myself to his behavior, sometimes it still got to me. "Where's mom?"
He smirked, "Sleeping. Come on, I'll give you a ride to school." He buttoned a white collared shirt up to his neck and fastened a tie into place, gesturing to the door. I sighed, knowing that although he was a terrible person, he never seemed to want to hurt me when sober. My eyes focused on the landscape outside of the car as we rode silently, and soon I was getting out of Brian's black mustang.
He drove off wordlessly, leaving me to scan the crowd outside of the high school. I'd been here for the majority of last year, but it felt different now. I was a senior, and as I tugged my bag over my shoulder and started walking towards homeroom, I tried to decide what that meant. Freedom? Nope. Less classes? Nope.
What the hell was so great about being a senior?
Homeroom passed slowly, as did my first period English class. I tried to stay as quiet and unnoticed as possible in the back of the class, but it seemed to be inevitable that someone would to try to talk to me. During art, the girl next to me leaned over to me, placing her hand on my desk to get my attention.
"Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow?"
I looked over at her blankly, before pulling out a pencil and handing it to her silently. She took it, but I could tell she was giving me weird looks.
"Thanks... not that you seem to care, but I'm Andy."
I sighed, and though I wanted to be friendly to this girl, I also didn't want to introduce her to the weight of Brian hanging over my shoulders or my past. "Beca. Sorry, just.. tired."
She nodded. "Yeah, I get it. If you ever need anything, I'm here."
I formed a tight smile in response and the rest of the period was quiet. Making my way to my third period, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to money. I needed to get a job, yet I had no sense of the area around Brian's house and I had no idea where I even could get a job. I glanced at my schedule and then made my way into the correct room, watching as the other seniors talked and laughed happily as they waited for the teacher to return. The bell rang and the door suddenly opened, and my eyes met a familiar pair of long, toned legs. I allowed my gaze to travel upwards over the woman's silvery beige mini skirt and towards her black blouse framed by a silver necklace. My eyes finally rested on her face, and I swear my heart fucking dropped out of my chest.
I was in deep shit.
She didn't notice me as she walked over to her desk, and I tried desperately to disappear, but it was no use as she started to call role. After every name, she looked up to find a hand raised, and I knew that mine was approaching quickly. I tried to position myself so that I was behind another student, but it didn't work at all.
"Rebecca... Harrison?" She looked up to find me and when I forced my hand to raise, I watched as her voice died. Her piercing green eyes took me in all at once, and I knew she recognized me from that night at the bar.
"It's.. Beca.." I hardly whispered, not knowing what to do with myself. I could tell that she didn't know what to make of the situation either, and as she forced herself to continue calling role, I watched her eyes flicker back to mine more than once.
A shoulder nudged mine from the side and I saw the same girl from the previous period sitting next to me. "Long time no see," she said, smiling slightly.
"Hey.. Andy," I responded, completely unfocused on the girl but at least happy I remembered her name. I knew I couldn't let myself open up to this girl, but there was no harm in being friendly, right?
I knew she was still trying to talk to me but I couldn't hear anything; all I could focus on was the glare of my new biology teacher's eyes on my back. I couldn't look up because I knew she'd already be staring at me and I didn't want to face her. I'd lied to her about my age, and I'd allowed her to sleep with a minor, and now not only that, but I was her student.
The bell rang after what felt like an eternity, and I tried to follow Andy out the door unnoticed but her stone cold voice rang out through the silent classroom, and I couldn't have ignored it if I tried. "Rebecca, would you mind staying after class?"
I had lunch next so I knew I couldn't use being late as an excuse. I wanted to shrivel up and die but that was out of the question, and I could only turn around to face the hardened expression of the blonde that I'd slept with to forget about Brian.
She got up, her black heels pounding on the floor as she closed and locked the door behind me, and I took three giant steps back when she turned to face me. I didn't scare easy, I mean damn I'd been through the foster system and I'd survived it, and I was getting beat on nearly a daily basis. But there was simply something about the blonde standing in front of me. There was something about the way that her eyes penetrated the guard I had set that scared the living shit out of me.
"Please tell me that you've been held back at least four or five times and I didn't have sex with a minor..." she said, closing her eyes briefly before allowing them to meet mine. I shrunk back and my butt pressed against the desk behind me, preventing me from going anywhere.
I reached behind to scratch the back of my head. "I will if you want me to lie.."
Her eyes bored into my soul and I felt myself shiver, though it was hot in the room. "How old are you Rebecca?"
I looked down, finding it nearly impossible to maintain eye contact with her. I'd never got her name that night, which at this point kind of sucked, because she certainly knew my name and was not afraid of using it. "Seventeen," I whispered.
I could feel her eyes on mine again but I didn't look up, though I heard the loudest breath of air that I'd ever heard escape her lips. She turned and pressed her head against the chalkboard, eyes closing as she tried to let out her frustration. I felt so bad, because usually if I slept with someone in a bar, I'd never see them again and they would never find out that they'd just slept with a minor. She now knew, and I didn't want to stick around to find out how she was going to handle it.
She held her head against the chalkboard while whispering, "I've never been in a situation where I didn't know what to do.. I don't know whether to scream at you for lying to me or at the secretaries for putting you in my god damn class."
I didn't know how to respond to that. I wanted to force myself to apologize but I couldn't speak, let alone try to whisper the word 'sorry'.
She walked toward me then, her expression hardening again. She looked at me intently as she forced my chin up. She crossed her arms and I tried to keep my eyes off of her chest, but no matter what I did, I couldn't force myself to look at anything else. "Rebecca. Jesus Christ, are you seriously checking me out right now?"
I finally looked up to meet her eyes. "Uh.. no.."
"Look, I'm not going to ask you more than once, but you need to understand that telling anyone about what we did could get me in serious trouble, even if it happened before the start of the school year. Does anyone know right now?"
I just shake my head and she pushes further. "And no one is going to find out. Promise me right now that I am never going to be the topic of conversation between you and one of your friends or something, or anyone for that matter. This isn't a joke. Promise me, Rebecca."
I shivered at the use of my full name from her lips, because although I favored Beca, Rebecca sounded amazing coming out of her mouth. Then I almost laughed, but I kept it in. In a conversation between me and the friends I don't have? "I promise."
With that, she turned and walked towards her desk, exhaling sharply as she lowered herself into her chair. "Good. Now get the hell out of my classroom."
I willingly complied. It was amazing how this woman could transform into someone else almost as quickly as Brian could. She'd been playful and her eyes had been literally sparkling as she talked to me, and now.. it's no where near what it was that night. I practically ran out of her classroom and toward the lunchroom, feeling sick to my stomach. I'd planned on eating alone, but as I entered the cafeteria, Andy caught my eye.
She waved, obviously seeing me look for a table. "Hey! Beca! You can sit with us, c'mon we have an extra chair."
I gazed at an empty table to the right of me, but I really didn't want to make this girl think I was a bitch, so I walked over to where her and her friends were sitting. I sunk into the chair beside her and she looked at me worriedly.
"You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."
I laughed nervously, eyeing the people around the table. "I'm fine... thanks for asking."
She just shrugged, pointing around the table. "That's Derek, that right there is Crystal, and then this is Logan."
I lifted my head towards the other three seniors, I assumed, and they all spoke up.
Crystal mouthed a, "Nice to meet you," while I got a simple, "Hey," from Derek. My eyes shifted to Logan then as he leaned forward, his lips forming a mischievous smirk as he looked me up and down.
"Well hello."
Andy pushed on Logan's arms, and he simply shoved her back, though she just laughed. "Don't start that shit, Log, she's not interested in you."
He ran a hand through his thick brown hair and smiled, bracing his arms on the table again. "How the hell do you know? What do you say Beca, would you be interested in getting lunch sometime?"
I was thoroughly surprised that he was so interested in me, even when I'd put little to no effort into what I was wearing, but I just shook my head. "Sorry dude, I'm gay."
Derek burst out laughing, and he slapped his friend on the back. "Dude, that's rough."
Crystal cracked a small smile too. "That's just going to make him want you more."
I shrugged and felt around in my pocket for the fifty dollar bill, but I wasn't at all hungry. All I could focus on was the image of my new biology teacher, who I still had yet to determine the name of, and the thought of finding a job.
Logan just shrugged, my statement clearly not affecting his ego at all as he got up to make his way towards the lunch line. I turned to Andy, not able to get the thought of a job out of my head.
"Hey do you know where I could get a job around here?"
"You just move or something?" she asked, stabbing her salad with a fork while glancing at me curiously.
"Last year, I just haven't gotten out much."
She nodded, shrugging. "I'm not sure. I know there's a few fast-food places not far from here that are hiring eighteen and older. Does that work for you?"
I shook my head. "I'm seventeen."
Andy looked down, heavy in thought before making a realization and looking back up towards me. "Hey you know what? My uncle manages the grocery store around the corner and I bet I could convince him to give you a job if you really want me to."
I realized that could be exactly what I needed, especially if it wasn't far from the school so I could walk. "That would be awesome, do you think he'd really hire me?"
She smiled, nodding. "Yeah, absolutely. The guy loves me, and if I tell him you're a friend, I don't think he'll say no. It'll probably only be minimum wage though, but.."
I stopped her right there. "That's okay, I just need a job."
She shrugged, eyeing me strangely before laughing a bit. "Alrighty then, I'll call him after school today."
"Thank you so much."
She just nodded, and though I knew I couldn't let myself grow close to her, I decided maybe a friendship could be good for me.
I just had to keep her away from Brian.