Of course you probably guessed that last night, when I went over to Aidens, I didn't tell him. It's not that I chickened out... I just didn't feel like it was the right time. But like I said, when is it ever the right time?
The next day at school I felt like I was drowning the whole day. Literally, submerged in one hundred feet of water, unable to swim my way to the surface—the water never ending. Everything was so—fucked up. I was gonna hurt someone I truly did care about. I never wanted Aiden to get hurt. But I realized that if I stayed with him for the sake of just staying with him, I'd be hurting him even more—and myself.
I decided that I needed to tell him. Today. No excuses, no backing out. I needed to do this and I would.
–
We're sitting at the lunch table and Aiden is talking to me but I'm not listening. I'm thinking of how I should end things with him. 'I'm falling for Ashley, Aiden.' No, I didn't need to tell him about Ashley just yet. 'I think we're moving in two different directions in our life.' He wouldn't understand. He wouldn't get it.
“Spencer, are you even fucking listening to me?” Aidens harsh words broke me out of my inner thoughts.
I put down the fry I was holding and answered, “Yeah, I'm sorry what were you saying Aiden?”
“What is wrong with you?” He asks, through clenched teeth. Should I tell him now, in front of everyone? I didn't wanna embarrass him.
“It's nothing, Aiden. Can we talk later?” I plead with him, not liking the projected outcome of having this conversation here.
“No, lets fucking talk now, Spencer.” He stood up, his voice a little louder—colder.
“Aiden please.” I begged. My plea falling on deaf ears.
“Lately you've been starting arguments with me, on purpose and--” He was full out yelling now, drawing attention to our table.
“Aid.” I cut him off, trying to reason with him.
“Are you trying to make me break up with you Spencer, is that what you want?” I looked past him, and caught Ashley's eyes. The look of concern on her face, wanting to know if I was okay—that confirmed it for me. I was gay, and I was in love with Ashley. No sense in trying to deny it anymore.
I took my gaze off of Ashley, averting my eyes to Madison who looked worried and nervous for me. I could read her eyes and she was asking me if I wanted help. I shook my head. I looked back at Aiden, he didn't look hurt he just looked angry waiting for my answer.
“Is that what you want, Spencer?” He asks, again. Becoming impatient with my silence. I didn't know if I wanted it to happen this way. I felt like this was the easy way out—getting him to dump me so I could feel better about myself. But I know that I don't love him in that way anymore and I never would. I would never love any guy like that anymore—any person that wasn't Ashley.
“Oh, fuck you Spencer.” He said before storming off. I guess he took my silence as a yes. And on some level that's what it was. I didn't want to end things like that so I chased after him, catching Ashley's eyes again, giving her a small smile—letting her know things would be okay from now on. Aiden wouldn't be a factor anymore.
“Aiden, wait up.” I yelled after him, as he stormed down the hall. I had to run to catch up with him.
“I don't wanna talk to you, Spencer.” He says, turning his back to me, opening his locker.
“Aiden, please. I didn't want it to happen like this.” I say as he yanks books outta his locker and shoves them into his back.
“So you do wanna break up?” He asks, choking the words out. I could tell he was about to cry.
“I...” He stops and looks at me. I needed to do this. I sigh and continue. “Yes Aiden, I think we should break up.” The expression on his face, breaks my heart. I feel like the most terrible person in the world. I hate myself for hurting him. He wipes the falling tears and shoves two more books in his bag and stomps off without a word. “Where are you going?” I yell after him.
“Somewhere you're not.” He yells , before stomping through the quad and off to his car in the parking lot. He screeches out of his parking space and out of the lot. As I enter back into the quad, all eyes are on me. I just broke up with the most popular guy at school. Without Aiden, I was a nobody. I didn't play any sports, I wasn't head cheerleader, I wasn't anything. I realized that my whole high school life has revolved around Aiden. People only respected me because I was with him.--I guess a lot was about to change.
As I sat down at my table next to Madison, everyone turned from me and went back to doing what they were doing. Madison stared at me but didn't say anything. I'm so glad Carmen hadn't come to school today. I didn't feel like dealing with her mixed emotional episodes.
“I'm fine, Madison.” I finally tell my best friend.
“Chocolate Ice cream and Dane Cook tonight?” She questioned. Whenever Madison broke up with someone we'd always done this, it became ritual—she had a lot of boyfriends.
“Actually,” I smile looking over at Ashley, who hasn't taken her eyes off me. “I think I'm gonna go over to Ashley's tonight.” I look back at my best friend who's smiling.
“Okay.” She shakes her head in understanding. “Tomorrow night then?” I nod my head yes.
The rest of the day, sucked—putting it lightly. I swear every single girl in school gave me a dirty look. And I heard some freshmen whispering 'oh, that's the girl that broke Aidens heart.' and her friend whispering back, 'He's so dreamy, and he's the captain of two varsity teams. She must be stupid.' Saying the last part a little louder then a whisper as I passed by.
Kids. They need to learn they're place.
–
Ashley had text me after the incident in the quad and asked if I wanted to come over after school and of course I said yes.
So we're here. Laying on her bed. Both of us on our sides, just looking into each others eyes then she speaks.
“Are you sure you're okay?” She asks for the millionth time since I got here. Her concern is adorable.
“Yes.” I say simply, smiling at her.
“Kay, good.” She smiles back.
“I feel weird.” I admit, all of a sudden.
“Why?” She sits up and looks down at me.
“I don't know.” I say sitting up too. “I guess because I've been with Aiden for so long, it feels weird.” I shrug.
She looks down and says, “Do you regret it?” Hurt evident in her voice. She thinks I regret leaving him for her... I don't.
“No.” I assure her, lifting her chin so our eyes meet. “Not for a second.” I smile. She gives me a weak smile and I can tell she's still not sure.
“I just don't want you to feel like you made a mistake, leaving him.” She pauses, turning from me. “Like this is a mistake.” She adds.
“Ashley.” I say and she turns to look at me. “I knew it from the moment that we met.” I smile, quoting the lyrics to the song she wrote for me. “There's not a doubt in my mind.” I say and she hugs me. Her embrace feels so good. Needed. We both pull back slowly, our cheeks touching.
I knew what was coming next, I didn't know that I would be the one to initiate it. I leaned forward, dying in anticipation as our lips got closer. My breath hitched as our lips touched—electric. My heart was pounding and I'm sure she could feel my pulse through my lips.
The kiss didn't last long, a few seconds maybe. As we pulled back, she opened her eyes and looked at me and I felt it. I knew it that moment that everything I was feeling was real. I loved her—more than I ever loved Aiden—loved anybody. I opened my mouth to speak but the words wouldn't come out. I needed to tell her, let her know how I was feeling. Let it all out, but my mouth wouldn't cooperate with my mind.
She gave a look, studying me—reading me. Understanding me. Something I feel Aiden never did—understand me that is. She smiled before saying, “I love you, too.” My heart fluttered. Was I really that easy to read. It didn't matter. I smiled and kissed her again. Relieved that she felt what I was feeling too.
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Soooo. What do you guys think? lol. They FINALLY kissed. Was it all you expected? A let down? Lemmy know. Oh btw I know this chapter was really spaced out. When I uploaded thats how it came out and I'm way too tired to fix it write now so I'll do it tomorrow. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!