Sam: It's Crowley, right?
Crowley: So, the Hardy Boys finally found me. Took you long enough.
[he approaches, looks down at the rug, turns it up to find the Devil's Trap painted underneath]
Crowley: Do you have any idea how much this rug cost?
Sam: You wouldn't happen to know where the Devil *is*, perchance, would you?
Crowley: Thursday... Birdies tell me he has an appointment in Carthage, Missouri.
Sam: Great. Thanks.
[he puts the Colt to Crowley's head, pulls the trigger, nothing happens]
Crowley: Oh yeah, right, you probably need some more ammunition.
Dean: Uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kinda signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the Devil and lose?
Crowley: Number one, he's gonna wipe us all out anyway, two, after you leave here I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere, and three, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T MISS, OKAY? MORONS!
[tosses Dean a bag of ammo, vanishes]
Crowley: [Realizing he is stuck in a demon trap] So, do what to I owe the reach around?
Meg: [Meg walks in] Crowley.
Crowley: Whore.
Crowley: Castiel. When last we spoke, you, well, enslaved me. I'm confused. Why aren't you dead?
Castiel: I... don't know.
Crowley: Well, you want to be? 'Cause I can help with that.
Crowley: Kevin. What a pleasure to see you. Sorry about your little playdate. Her name? Ah. Well, if you're gonna make an omelet, sometimes you have to break some spines. And who is this lovely young thing? Must be your sister.
Linda(Kevins Mother): [punches Crowley] Stay away from my son.
Crowley: Charming. Defiling her corpse has just made my number one on my to-do list.
Dean: [to Sam] Plan "C" tanked.
Crowley: Maybe you should try plan "D" for dumbass.
Beau: Our next lot, the word of God, capital "G" - very old, very rare.
Crowley: $3 billion.
Dean and Sam: Whoa.
Samandriel: The "Mona Lisa."
Crawley: The real "Mona Lisa", where she's topless.
Samandriel: Vatican City.
Crowley: Alaska.
Beau: Palin and a bridge to nowhere? No, thanks.
Crowley: All right. The moon.
Dean: You're bidding the moon?
Crowley: Yeah. Claimed it for Hell. You think a man named Buzz gets to go into space without making a deal?
[torturing a vampire] "Chocula here feels every tickle"
Crowley: What are you planning to do about Raphael?
Castiel: What can I do, besides submit or die?
Crowley: "Submit or die"? What are you, French?
Dean: Since when do you give a crap about vampires?
Crowley: Since, uh... what's today, Friday? Okay let's see... since, mind your own business.
Castiel: Hello, Crowley. You look stressed.
Crowley: ...Bollocks.
Bobby: You know where Death is?
Crowley: No. Haven't the foggiest.
Bobby: [cocks shotgun] Well, then get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt, you crap margaritas.
Dean: You sold your soul?
Crowley: Oh, more like pawned it. I fully intend to give it back.
Dean: Well, then give it back!
Crowley: I will.
Dean: Now!
Sam: Did you kiss him?
Dean: Sam.
Sam: I was just wondering.
Bobby: [innocently] No!
[Crowley shows a picture of his cellphone of them kissing]
Bobby: Why'd you take a picture?
Crowley: Why do you have to use tongue?
[listens to Dean talking with Bobby]
"Is that Bobby Singer? Give him a kiss for me."
NOTE: Bobby and Crowley are not gay. When selling souls you have to kiss.