***This chapter is dedicated to actualtrash666 because of how involved you were. You had me cracking up, and for that, I thank you! :D***
Chapter 16
Ruth stood silently for a moment as I closed the distance between my mother. "I'll give you two some time to yourselves, and then we'll have your individual meetings with Dawn." On her way out, she squeezed my shoulder gently, reassuringly.
For what felt like an eternity, my mother just stared into my eyes; her face was as flat and still as stone. I felt hypnotized; I couldn't pull my eyes from hers. "Do you want to sit down?" I heard myself say.
She looked me up and down, crossing her arms against her chest as if someone would steal her purse. "I suppose." Spinning on her heels, she glided to the very last set of seats in the farthest edge of the foyer.
I sat down next to her, automatically pulling my knees to my chest. "How have you been?" I kept my face turned from hers, choosing instead to stare between the loving reunions in front of me. The other families were completely oblivious to me; each were in their own worlds.
My mother sighed heavily. "If you are going to speak to me, look me in the eyes like a decent human being," she paused to scoff in disgust, "and get your feet off the chair. Sit with your back straight so I can get a look at you."
Doing as I was commanded, I placed my feet on the ground and straightened my back. With a long breath, I pulled my attention from the other family's exciting reunions and met my mother's eyes once more. "I'm sorry," I mumbled.
She scoffed again. "For the love of Christ, Max, I haven't even been here five minutes and you're already mumbling and apologizing. I see that your time here hasn't given you a spine."
A sharp ache banged at my chest, but I didn't say anything. Instead, I chose to chew on my lip. In a way, it was refreshing to know that my mother hadn't changed in the slightest. At least I knew now without a single doubt that she would never change. I didn't have to obsess on being good enough for her because I never would be.
It was as plain and simple as that.
I wished the facts uplifted me, freed me from her venom; however, I found myself in the exact same boat as before I moved into this house. Nothing had changed.
"It doesn't matter, I suppose," she began once more. "Some things will never change, huh?" Finally feeling comfortable enough to release her hold on her purse, she sat it down by her feet and looked me over. "I will say that you have definitely made some progress. I haven't seen you this heavy in years." She covered her mouth to hide the giggle that escaped her lips. "Don't you think that maybe you're doing too well, Max?"
Blinking at her, I lifted my brow questioningly. "What do you mean?"
A cruel grin stretched her thin lips too far; it felt like her skin was about to peel back, revealing the gnarly lizard-woman she really was. "When I pick you up in a few months, I still want you to be able to fit into the car. At this rate," she pinched my cheek hard, "you'll be too big to fit through the doorway."
I wanted to yank myself from her touch and leave; I wanted to tell her that she was evil, pure evil; however, I was glued to my seat. My mouth hung open stupidly, and I just stared at my mother, the woman who was supposed to love me unconditionally. I was in utter disbelief at the words that left her mouth.
She knew why I was in this house; she put me here. If she hadn't forced me into the car, I would have still been at home with her. Even with that knowledge, she couldn't resist the temptation to criticize every little thing about myself.
To make matters worse, she poked at the one thing I didn't need help obsessing over: my weight. It felt like she slapped me across the cheek.
"You shouldn't say that," I mumbled defensively.
Mother laughed again, this time louder. "Don't take everything so personally, Max. This place should teach you to lighten up a bit. It's costing me an arm and a leg as it is; the least they can do is give you a sense of humor." She stared at me silently for a moment. "You do look at lot better though. So, I guess that's something."
My stomach twisted painfully as a fire began spreading through my veins. I clenched my fists in a desperate attempt to stifle the flame; however, the heat spread too quickly. "You need to make up you mind!" I snapped loudly but not loud enough to gain attention from the others. "Do you think I'm too fat or do you think I meet your physical standards? Which is it mother? You don't get to think both of them!"
Her eyes burst into their own flames. "Don't you dare speak to me like that! You can't even sit here for ten minutes without an outburst?" She grabbed my chin with one hand, clamping my mouth shut. "It's obvious that you aren't trying very hard at all to get your shit together!"
I tried to yank my face from her, but her nails dug into my skin painfully.
"You will never speak to me like this again. Do you understand?" Her tone was so condescending.
Another jerk of my chin didn't free me from her grasp; instead, I just stared at her as tears began to stream from my eyes.
"Do. You. Understand." She spoke to me as if I were stupid, unable to comprehend simple words.
"Yes," I spat finally.
Her grip tightened hard enough to make me grit my teeth. "Yes what?" Her eyes squinted challengingly. It was almost like she came here just to fight with me.
"Yes, ma'am." When the words left my mouth, she released me, quickly going to rummage through her purse for hand sanitizer. I wiped my chin and looked at the tiny dots of blood that were left behind.
"Wipe your face. It's nice to know you still cry all the damn time." With her next breath she asked, "Are your grades any better because if you have to repeat this last school year again, I'm going to lose it." Her tone was cool; any heat dissipated from her voice.
She got what she wanted; there was no need to be angry anymore.
"I've been doing a lot better," I began defensively. My words were the truth. Despite everything, my grades really had improved. Math still haunted me in my nightmares, but I was slowly getting the hang of it.
Mother sighed, "I guess we'll have to ask that Ruth woman, huh? So help me, if your grades aren't buckling down..." her voice trailed off.
I wiped my eyes. "I've been doing my best."
She laughed coldly. "When has that ever been enough?"
Sighing, I sank into my chair. Tears fell faster than I could wipe them away, so I gave up in defeat, allowing them to drip down my cheeks and soak into my shirt. I came to the realization that I would never be good enough.
So, what was the point in trying? My mother was right. I was worthless; I was a waste of space. The only difference from right now and when I first arrived at this house was all the extra weight.
I knew at that moment that I would make it through the rest of the day, and when I was finally alone, I would purge. There was no point in lying to myself anymore. There were no consequences that outweighed my decision.
This was who I was.
This was all I would ever be.
Turning away from my mother, I returned my gaze to the other families. It was in that moment that Steven turned from his smiling parents and met my gaze. Instantly, his smile faltered as concern ignited in his blues.
I appreciated him, even from across the room; however, it did nothing to change my resolve. I just had to make it through the day.
"Are you even listening to me?" My mother asked loudly, causing me to snap my attention back to her.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "What were you saying?"
I didn't even notice her hand as she slapped me. All I felt was the sharp, stinking pain lingering on my cheek. "You're never going to change, Max," she hissed quietly. "If I am speaking to you, I expect you to listen to me! It's not a hard concept to understand. I am your mother, and you will treat me as such. Do you understand?"
Lifting a hand, I caressed my cheek and closed my eyes. For the longest moment, the only thing I could focus on was the pain. In a way, it was liberating; it freed me from having to exist in the same space as the woman who brought me into the world.
For a moment, I was alone.
"You're still not listening to me," my mother shouted.
I opened my eyes to find her standing above me.
"What is wrong with you?" That voice belonged to Steven. His parents were just a few steps behind him.
My mother's face fell flat as she quickly pulled herself together. "I'm having a private conversation with my son," she spoke past Steven. Instead, she addressed his parents. "Can you please control your child?"
There was a long silence, and in that silence, my face and the tips of my ears burned. Steven's parents glanced between my mother a me, and his mother stepped in front of her son protectively. "Can you please explain to me why you just struck your son?" Her voice was calm, level but held a deadly edge that almost begged to be awakened.
"I don't think that is any concern of yours. How about you worry about your own kid, huh?" My mother turned her back to Steven and his parents. Quietly, Steven's father wrapped an arm around his son's shoulders, ushering him away. Steven tried to stop, but his mother placed a hand on his shoulder gently.
His mother's touch seemed to calm him because he allowed himself to be led away.
Quickly, Steven's mother offered me a small, reassuring smile before taking a step toward my mother. "I'm not going to tell you how to raise your child, woman."
My mother spun around quickly to counter, but Steven's mom went on.
"Right now, these children are in fragile conditions. Did you know that just a month ago a boy died in this clinic?"
Mother fell silent, and this time, her face burned.
Not waiting for my mother to speak, she went on. "That's what I thought. A boy our sons' age died from the very thing that haunts both our children. Don't you think that in a time like this your child needs your unwavering love and support?" Steven's mother was quite a but shorter than my mother, but in that moment, it felt as if she were towering over my mother.
Standing there completely dumbfounded, my mother said nothing.
"I think that's something you should consider next time. Can you imagine your life without your child?"
My heart fell to my stomach at those words. In all reality, I didn't know if my mother even wanted me in her life. Did she hate me to the point that she wished me dead?
"I'm going to leave you to sit on that for awhile." Steven's mother took another step toward my mother. "Let me explain one last thing to you before I leave," her voice was quiet, just barely above a whisper. I had to strain just to hear what she said. "If I see you strike your child like that again, I will personally wring your neck. Do you understand?"
Without saying a word, my mother nodded.
"Wonderful!" Steven's mother's voice suddenly turned chipper. "You'll let someone know if that happens again?" Her attention was turned to me.
I nodded as a small smile pulled at my lips. I had to admit, it was nice seeing my mother smacked down from her high horse.
She sat back down next to me silently and didn't mutter a word for the remainder of the time we spent in the foyer. I didn't mind; honestly, I enjoyed her silence. It was a shame that I didn't have the time to revel in it. Dawn emerged, called my name, and waited patiently for me and my mother to stand.
Dawn tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she led us into her office. The visit wasn't as much therapy as a general check-in. Dawn opened a manilla folder and spread its contents onto her desk. "Max has been doing much better in all his classes," she said with a wide smile.
I actually felt my ears burn but only because I didn't receive praise in the company of my mother often.
Or at all.
Dawn held out a sheet of paper across her desk. "Would you like to see his marks for the semester?"
My mother waved the paper away and very distantly mumbled, "I'll take your word for it." It was hard for me to see her sudden disinterest. Only a few moments ago, she threatened me if my grades weren't improving.
With a pause and glance between me and my mother, Dawn continued. "He has shown the greatest improvement in his math classes."
"Steven and Geoffrey have been helping me with my homework," I chimed proudly. It was nice to know that all the long nights spent with Steven looming over me with a flashlight were paying off.
Dawn's eyes lit up. "That's wonderful, Max." She went through all my grades despite my mother's disinterest, and I had to admit that they weren't that bad.
They were actually pretty good.
"I imagine that if Max keeps this up, he will not have a single problem transitioning back into the school system when he is discharged from our care."
My mother nodded. "That's good."
"It's more than good, Ms. Rowe. Most of the boys who leave here end up having to be held back a year. Max is building a great foundation for him to stand on."
Yet again, my mother remained silent; she chose to simply nod.
"Max's heath has improved as well." She flicked through her papers, stopping at a bundle held together by a large white paperclip. "At his first weigh in, he came in at ninety-seven pounds, and as of last week, he weighed just over one hundred and ten pounds."
I cringed at the number, and felt my stomach lurch at the thought, but I swallowed hard, shoving those down and away from my mind.
Dawn, obviously reading the disgust on my face, quickly went on, "I want to point out that for your height and age, you're right at a healthy BMI. You're still on the lighter side of it, but you have definitely made a dramatic improvement." She smiled down at me brightly. "You should be proud."
I found myself smiling, but when I glanced up at my mother, she still sat as stony as before.
"Do you have any questions for me, Ms. Rowe?" Dawn asked as she gathered the papers and placed them back into the manilla folder.
"He's doing well?"
Dawn blinked at my mother and offered a confused smile. "Yes, ma'am. All his hard work is paying off."
"Then that is all I need to know." My mother stood up. "Thank you for your time."
Standing, Dawn extender her hand cordially, and my mother took it. "We'll see you next time."
I waved at the counselor as I followed behind my mother. She waved back at me and opened her desk to stuff my file back into its place. We made our way through the foyer and sat back into our seats.
After a few moments, Dawn emerged and called Steven and his parents into her office. Once they were behind Dawn's double doors, my mother stood up suddenly. "I'm leaving," she said blankly.
"Oh," I mumbled. "You aren't going to stay for lunch?" As the words left my mouth, I felt a sharp pain stab into my heart. It wasn't like I wanted her to stay, but I couldn't stop the words from escaping my lips.
"No, I have things that I need to do. I can't waste my whole day in this place." She pulled her purse over her shoulder and began to walk away. After a few steps she stopped and spun around. The last words my mother spoke to me before pushing her way out the large glass doors were, "Do better."
Her words were like daggers, but as she left, I couldn't help but feel relief. Dawn's words rang louder in my mind than my mothers, and it honestly felt so good to know that despite everything, I was doing better.
Sure, I would never have the life that Steven or Geoffrey had, but I decided I would worry about that when the time came. For now, I just wanted to work towards getting healthy.
As my mother left, Geoffrey glanced over at me. Our eyes locked for a moment, and I could almost feel him asking if I was alright.
Friend telepathy: the act of speaking without actually saying a word.
I nodded.
I would be just fine.
The rest of the day sped by. Lunch ended up being less awkward than I thought because Geoffrey's parents had to leave after their meeting as well. I was just happy that I wouldn't be the only one without his parents present.
Steven's mother and father more than filled the emptiness though. They were just all around pleasant to be near. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but they were just nice. They talked to me and Geoffrey like we were part of the family; they absolutely loved hearing about the obscure places Geoffrey lived while modeling.
I didn't think about my mother a single time.
Once it was finally time for the Davis family to depart, they hugged each of us. Geoffrey even got one, and while he pretended that he didn't want it, he sank into their embrace. When they embraced Steven, they held him tightly for a moment longer and said their goodbyes.
With them gone, the temperature seemed to dip just a few degrees, and I instantly felt a chill. It was in that moment that I found myself thinking of my mother once more. I think I finally understood that I just had to accept that I wouldn't be enough for my mother.
I absolutely knew now that I wasn't enough for my mother because of anything wrong with me; the problem dwelled within my mother, and until she fixed herself, things would always be the same.
I needed to be enough for myself.
As night settled on the skinny boy house, the three of us decided to camp in Geoffrey's room. Of course, Geoffrey passed out as soon as the lights turned off.
He was always going on about how he needed his beauty sleep. I actually took quite a few pillows to the face for interrupting said sleep.
Steven and I were lying on the floor less than a foot away from each other. He propped himself up with his elbows and had the blanket pulled over his head. From his little fort, I could see the light coming from his flashlight. I assumed he was reading.
Scooting closer to him, I tapped the top of his head. The light went off, and he uncovered his head. "What's up?" He whispered.
"I just wanted to say sorry for being so weird lately," I whispered back at him. "I've been going through some stuff.
A smile grew on his lips. "Don't worry about it; I figured you needed some time on your own."
I nodded. "You're not mad?"
"Nope, I knew you would figure it all out." He paused. "Did you figure it all out?"
I shook my head. "Not yet, but I'm working on it."
"That's pretty much all you can do, goober."
Tears welled behind my eyes at Steven's kindness. "I realize that now."
"Come over here." He lifted his blanket and scooted over a bit. "Want me to read to you until you fall asleep?"
I tried to hide the grin yanking at my cheeks as I crawled into his blanket. "That doesn't sound too terrible."
"Well, that's good to hear." His tone was jokingly sarcastic.
As I settled into his side, I felt all the tension work its way through my muscles. "We will be friends after all this, right?"
Steven chuckled as he hooked an arm around me. "Max, we'll be friends forever."
I believed that day was the day my friendship with Steven began to grow. He was no longer someone who had something I lacked; he was my mutual, my equal, and that was all I could ever really ask for.
I fell asleep within minutes of Steven's soft reading voice. It was like a long lost lullaby that calmed my very core.
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As always, thank you all for continuing to follow along with my story! I appreciate all your love and support more than I could ever put down in words!
Please take the time to vote for the chapter if you enjoyed it as well as leave me a comment down below. I try my best to reply to them all!
I am also going to supply some Parental Abuse information JUST IN CASE any of my followers find themselves in the position of abuse from a parent. Poor Max doesn't have someone to give him this information, but it would have helped him very early on.
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CALL 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) then push 1 to talk to a hotline counselor. The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The hotline counselors work with translators who speak more than 200 languages to help callers who speak a language other than English. All calls are anonymous. (The hotline counselors don't know who you are and you don't have to tell them.)
No one has the right to abuse you.
You don't deserve to be abused.
If you are being abused, you are a victim. It's not your fault that you are being treated this way.
It is wrong that you are suffering this pain, fear or sadness.
You are not alone.