POV Lauren Jauregui
*One week later*
Camila's naked and sweaty body was over mine warming me, the tip of my index finger played roaming down her back stopping right on her blessed back dimples that were slightly above her big ass, it was possible to feel her breath beginning to regulate gradually. A kiss was deposited on my neck by Camila, making my hair stand on end.
This week Camila and I met quite often and all the encounters were her initiative, which surprised me, but not today, today it was my request, I thought that with her here I was gonna get distracted, and it actually worked, but my thoughts betrayed me and I always went back to thinking that tomorrow would be another one of those bad days, I was already feeling a bad dome surrounding me. Camila who had her head buried in my neck looked up to look at me.
-Are you okay? – she asked drawing my attention, I looked into her bright eyes and took care of then flashing a smile forgetting that the worst was to come, I don't know how, but Camila had the power to make me forget things. You know when you use a drug and start trippin' thinking about nothing? It was like that, Camila doped me completely. I nodded my head in response.
-Good. – she said smiling slyly approaching her face to mine to then seal our lips – I need to go.
-Now? – I asked surprised while Camila stood up naked providing me with the best view in Miami.
-Yes, Laur, Sofi is in Dinah's house and then maybe Rob will want to go out. –the brunette answered as she put on her skinny jeans leaving her entire body modeled from the waist down, I decided not to argue, I just enjoyed the view I was having in the moment.
Camila walked from one side to the other looking for her clothes that were scattered all over my room. I turned my body reaching the nightstand, pulling the drawer and taking from there a pack of cigarettes and my silver lighter. I grabbed a cigarette bringing it up to my mouth to then light it dragging as much smoke as possible. I looked back at Camila who now was on all fours with her ass completely upturned in my direction. FUCK.
-Camila. – I called her making her get up and look at me as I took another drag on my cigarette – I just don't throw you back in this bed and fuck you until dawn out of respect for Sofi, who has no idea why you are not with her – I noticed that Camila also wanted the same because her eyes sparkled.
-Stop being perverted, okay? – Camila smiled with her tongue between her teeth, oh that smile – I really need to go.
She walked to her purse, but stopped with her eyes fixed on my dresser. I got up grabbing my robe, putting it on, feeling the soft silk touch my skin, and walked until stopping by her side. Camila had grabbed a picture frame where was my mother and I, bringing me back to reality, in a quick act I pulled the picture frame from her hand.
-Don't touch this, Camila. – I said with my voice slightly altered, I walked in long strides to my nightstand, throwing it inside the drawer and closing it roughly, I turned to look at Camila, she was with her eyebrows arched and with her eyes reddish.
-I wasn't going to eat the picture frame, Lauren.
-I DON'T CARE, CAMILA, IT'S MINE AND I DON'T WANT YOU TOUCHING IT. – I yelled.
Camila shook her head, she looked incredulous, then she simply grabbed her purse and disappeared from my line of sight while I remained in silence. The sound of her heels colliding against the stairs woke me up.
"Go after her!" – my subconscious shouted.
I ran to the top of the stairs descending them fast while Camila opened the front door.
-CAMILA! – I shouted – WAIT! – Camila stopped at the door, she was holding something in her right hand.
-What is it, Jauregui? – she asked turning to look at me.
-I... I'm sorry. – I stuttered panting due to my little sprint.
-Why are you like this, huh?
-Like this how? – I asked. Camila huffed looking at me with a serious countenance.
-Are you serious right now? – she let out a chuckle – Strange, you are strange. – Camila made a brief pause – Everything was completely fine and then you... You know what? Nevermind.
I made a move to approach her, but with a gesture with her hands Camila stopped me as she walked to the table that was near the door leaving on it the small envelope she was holding, I didn't move, I just kept my eyes fixed on it as Camila left my house, the strong slam of the door scared me, so in large and hurried steps I went to the door opening it abruptly. Camila was already entering her car.
-CAMILA! – I shouted again, the Latina looked up looking at me with part of her body already inside the car.
-I'll see you one of these days, Jauregui. – those were her last words before closing her car door and disappearing from my line of sight.
"How could I be so stupid? She was just looking at the picture." – I cussed myself mentally.
I went to the table where she left the envelope and picked it up without giving much importance, and then went back to my bedroom leaving it on the bed to then drag myself to the bathroom, where I let the water jets get rid of the pain that my chest began to feel. After a good long shower, I put on my robe and threw myself on the bed letting my body sink into the soft mattress. I grabbed the golden envelope, it had a thin black lace bow, I opened the bow revealing what was written on the envelope:
"Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one. Before us lies the open road, a future filled with love and adventure. Please join us.
Robert Simpson & Camila Cabello"
It was Camila's wedding invitation.
I blinked several times, I read, reread and read again. "Robert Simpson & Camila Cabello" I repeated to myself, not even their names match on paper, let alone in real life.
I threw the invitation to a corner, I didn't want to think about anything, I just wanted to sleep for two days straight. An unknown pain, an unbearable pain hit me like a car crashing into a wall at 250 km per hour, I could feel my bones being crushed. I closed my eyes leaning my head on the headboard. I began to breathe deeply, letting out all the air calmly, regulating my breathing.
This is definitely the worst day of the year. I opened the drawer where was the picture frame with my photo and my mother's, I picked it up and brought it to my chest. Accommodating myself on the big bed and covering myself, I let out a sigh hugging it, I could say that I was fine, that everything would be okay, but I just didn't feel like that.
-----
POV Camila Cabello
After my night yesterday with Lauren I realized that I met the worst side of her, the stupid side, and if she thinks that I'm going to run after her she is completely mistaken, she's the one who fucked up, she's the one who needs to fix it. Upon arriving home I was only able to fall on the bed and black out. Sofi was in Dinah's house and she slept there, their friendship gave me a pang of jealousy, because Sofi whenever she can, she prefers to stay with her than with me. Also, I'm too busy, I never have time for her, but today I would, today I would take her to go shopping, to go to the movies and to go lunch in one of the best coffee shop/restaurant there was in Miami.
I rang the bell of Dinah's door and she showed up at the door in less than 10 seconds.
-Mila! Come in. Sofi is finishing getting ready. – I entered Dinah's house, but before I approached my best friend and hugged her, to then throw myself on the soft couch, completely sinking my body in it, relaxing fully, I had barely noticed that I was tired, Lauren had wore me out.
-Camila, I know that there is something going on with you. – Dinah started to speak, drawing my attention, before continuing she made sure that Sofi wasn't around – You've been acting strange for a few days now and yesterday, what was that? Calling me late at night for me to stay with Sofi? – Dinah was each day cornering me more, I swallowed hard.
-Dinah... – I tried to speak, but Dinah interrupted me.
-No, I haven't finished. – she said in a serious and harsh tone, I cringed a bit, because when Dinah gets mad you better move out of the way.
-You are my best friend. – Dinah made a brief pause huffing, but not of anger, but rather tiredness, that made my heart break – I will always do everything with my eyes closed for you, Chancho. Anything without expecting something in return, but I just wanted consideration. – she smiled at me sadly.
Dinah was hurt because I kept secrets, but she wouldn't pry, she is the best friend in the world and she is right, I needed to come clean to her about Lauren, but not now, I wasn't ready.
-Dinah, I... I... – I stuttered – I'll talk to you later, I promise. – I smiled and she smiled back, I stared at her and she looked relieved, which relaxed me a little.
-Chancho. – she said coming over and sitting next to me, Dinah grabbed my hand conveying me safety – Is there another guy? Like, Rob is gone? – she asked calmly, but I could see the gleam in her eyes.
I felt like laughing, but I controlled myself, Dinah's pet peeve with Rob most of the time annoyed me, but many times it also made me laugh.
-There. is. no. other. guy. – I said slowly, I wasn't lying to her, since there wasn't another guy, I couldn't feel guilty.
-You are not cheating on him? – Dinah asked confused.
I opened my mouth countless times without knowing what to say, the silence was already awkward, I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't want to tell the truth.
-Kaki! – Sofi's shrill voice caught our attention, I removed my hand from Dinah's hand and got up going towards the little girl, hugging her.
-Hey, are you ready to go? – I asked filling her little face with kisses.
-Ye... Yeah. – I continued giving her kisses, Sofi began to struggle trying to get away – Stop, Kaki! – she grumbled laughing.
I started to laugh along with her and then let her go, Sofi approached Dinah and hugged her tight.
-Bye, aunt Dinah, thank you for the four cheese pizza. – she whispered trying to hide it from me, Dinah hugged her tighter and whispered something I didn't hear, the two laughed and backed away – Thank you so much and thank you for letting me sleep with you. – Sofi's face was red as a pepper.
-I'm the one who should thank you, I'm tired of sleeping alone, you know, I haven't slept with someone in a long time.
-DINAH! – I scolded her, the cynical woman looked at me without understanding my reaction, which made me laugh – Idiot. – I said softly and Dinah shrugged.
-It's okay, Mila, I'm not a kid anymore. – Sofi said, making me look at her with wide eyes just like Dinah, that made my stomach wrap and my throat knot. Dinah and Sofi were laughing.
-Sofi, let's go, this subject is over, I don't want to know. – I motioned for her to go outside.
-Geez, so much moodiness. – Dinah said amid laughs, I looked at her rolling my eyes.
-Look, Dinah, I don't want you to encourage her about it. – I scolded her pointing a finger at her, Dinah raised both her arms pretending to surrender – Anyways, changing the subject, you haven't forgotten about the wedding rehearsal, have you? – Dinah made a surprised face while Sofi huffed behind me, I turned around looking at her, scolding her. God, these two are already big girls capable of understanding things.
-I can't believe that you still want me as a made of honor. – I rolled my eyes.
-Of course I do, Dinah. Even if you hate my fiancé you are still my best friend.
-I really do hate him. – she admitted the obvious, I opened my mouth to argue again, but Dinah continued to talk – I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten.
-Thank you. – I flashed a smile, approaching my best friend and hugging her, she reciprocated and then I turned around already finding Sofi in the passenger seat – Later we'll talk, now I have to give Sofi the best day of her life. – Dinah nodded smiling.
-----
After stopping by the box office to buy the tickets for the movie we would watch later, Sofi and I arrived at the coffee shop that I love so much.
-It seems to be old, Mila. – Sofi said as we entered the place, she observed fascinated every detail.
-It's very traditional, everything in here is a delight. – Sofi turned her attention back to me with a twinkle in her eyes. We chose a more private place, near the window.
-It smells like our abuela's house. – I nodded my head and smiled at Sofi's observation, indeed it smelled, our grandmother made delicious foods, I miss it so much.
Davi, a young man who works there and is even one of the owners, came to write down our orders with a smile on his face, he already knew that I was a regular customer and that I didn't mind to spend on his family's delights. I ordered and he left, leaving us alone.
-Mila? – Sofi called me, making me stop watching the people outside in their day to day rush.
-Yes. – I said looking at the little girl who was in front of me.
-That woman over there looks like your friend. – she said pointing and I slowly turned my body to look at where Sofi pointed. The brunette had the side of her body to us, but it was possible to see her face.
-She does... – I said thoughtfully, analyzing the physiognomy. God, it was Lauren, couldn't I have a moment of peace? I was huffing of anger still, she was so stupid, I couldn't understand her.
-Yes, it's that one... What's her name? – Sofi asked, I looked at her a little impatient.
-I think it's Lauren. – I answered, I would ignore Lauren's presence here, like I had said, I will not run after her.
-You aren't going to talk to her? – Sofi arched her eyebrows.
-No, I just... – I turned around again to look at Lauren and... she seemed to be crying – She is...
-Crying, Camila. She's crying.
My heart lurched, what the hell was Lauren Jauregui doing in a coffee shop crying? Lauren was crestfallen, it was possible to see her face a little red, on top of the table there was a bouquet of flowers, FLOWERS? Someone broke her heart? Lauren had someone? Was she capable of loving? Or rather, cry for love?
-Camila, if you are not going there to talk to her, I will. – I looked at Sofi surprised.
-No, Sofi, you will not.
-But Mila, she's crying and alone, that's not fair. – Sofi said with a sad and downcast feature, I let out a heavy air that was stuck in my lungs.
-I... I'm not that close to her.
And in fact, I wasn't close to Lauren Jauregui, not in a friendly way, but I couldn't leave her like that, I have to admit that it hurt to see her so vulnerable.
-I know what to do. – I grabbed my phone and searched in the contact list the number of the person who would help me with this, I dialed the number and waited for her to pick up.
-Camila?
-Hey, Mani. How are you?
-I'm good and you?
-I'm good too. – I made a brief pause deciding if I would tell or not Normani about this. Yes, I would tell, she would know how to act – Mani, I'm calling you because...
-Come on, Camila, tell her. – Sofi whispered.
-Shush it, Sofi.
-Is that your little sister? Vero speaks highly of her, I need to meet her and see what's so special about her and why she pulls so many sighs from my woman. – I started laughing along with Normani, completely straying from the focus of the conversation.
-You can visit us whenever you want, but Mani, I'm not calling you to talk about that, but because I'm in a coffee shop and found Lauren... Mani, she's in tears, I don't know what to do or how to approach her, you are the best friend...
-CAMILA. WAIT. LAUREN IS CRYING? ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? – Normani stopped laughing immediately, she was already altered, apparently it wasn't common to see her crying.
-I am, Normani. She's in tears in another table, I've never seen her like this.
-Shit, shit, shit. – Normani cussed several times, which scared me.
-What is it? You are scaring me, Normani.
-What day is today?
-It's the 20th, why? Why is the day important?
-Shit, Camila, I'm a terrible friend. – I heard Normani's voice get choked.
-Please, Mani, calm down and explain. – Normani sobbed from the other side of the line, perhaps it wasn't a good idea to call her.
-Today is Lauren's mother's birthday, she passed away, but it's a nostalgic day for Lauren, it's when she feels vulnerable. – Normani was already crying on the other side, shit, that's why she was so nervous last night – Shit, Camila, I hate myself, I should be there for her.
Sofi looked at me curiously, she was eating, but she didn't take her eyes off me trying to understand the conversation.
-Where are you now? – I asked feeling a nervousness go through my body.
-Today is Vero's day off. – I nodded my head as if she was seeing me – And I came with her to the beach house. Camila, please, don't leave my Lauren alone.
When Normani said "mine" a lump formed in my throat, I felt like crying, their friendship was so beautiful.
-I won't, I'll keep in touch, Mani. Don't worry.
-I'll never forgive myself for this, I promised her, Camila, I promised.
-Hey, it's okay. – I calmed her down – She will understand, Lauren is a great person, but now I'm going to hang up, Sofi and I have the mission of helping Lauren today.
-Yes! – Sofi said excitedly making Normani laugh through the tears, I turned back and Lauren was still crying, but not like before.
-I'm going to talk to her. – I said and Normani murmured something before hanging up, but I didn't hear.
-So, Mila, what's up with Lolo?
Lolo? What? Ok...
-She lost her mother and today it would be her birthday and Lauren gets pretty bad. – Sofi's little face got sad – But, don't worry, I'm going there to talk to her. – Sofi nodded her head and I got up from the table, going towards Lauren's table, the most isolated, there was an empty chair.
-Lauren. – I called her, my voice failed.
She looked at me with her emeralds in a sea of tears, her face in the nose area was quite red, the bags under her beautiful eyes indicated that she didn't sleep well and probably cried all night. Lauren then lowered her head again as soon as she realized it was me, wiping away her tears.
-Hi. – she said dryly.
-Beautiful flowers, are they for me? – I tried to cheer her up.
-You can have them, I won't give them to anyone anyways.
-Can I sit? – I asked a bit anxious and afraid, feeling like I was walking on a floor full of shards.
-Feel free, I'm already leaving. – Lauren got up quickly throwing money on the table and in hurried steps headed towards the exit, I huffed because of her attitude, she is very difficult.
I got up, grabbing the bouquet of roses and almost running I went after her, passing by my table where I saw Sofi, I asked her to remain there until I get back, the girl nodded frantically already understanding. I stepped out of the coffee shop, my eyes ran across the environment finding Lauren who was already opening the door of her silver Volvo, I ran up to her and grabbed her arm, causing her to turn to me.
-Lauren. – I said a little too loud and panting due to the little sprint.
-Leave me alone, Camila, don't you have wedding things to do?
My wedding?
She was trying to attack me, she was on the defensive, she was trying to repel me, that was her defense mechanism, but I knew exactly what day is today and why she was acting like this, I wouldn't let her harsh words push me away from her, not today.
-Today, especially "today" I have something more important than my wedding. – I smiled calmly at her.
-Like what? Going after little criminals with no future in Miami or deciding what food you will cook for dinner for your little fiancé? – she laughed ironically, if I didn't know the reason for such an act of Lauren I would have already hit a slap on her face a long time ago – Oh, I already know. You want a good fuck to bear the tedious nights with him, that's why you are after me, right? But today I am not availab...
Before she could finish that disgusting sentence, I kissed her, I kissed those rosy and fleshy lips. I held her face with my free hand and the other just rested behind her with the bouquet in hand. It wasn't a carnal kiss, there was no tongue involvement, just a brush of lips, we stayed like this for a few seconds, until Lauren begin to resist and push me away. I threw the bouquet on the ground and held her pinning her against the door of her car. Lauren tried to resist at all costs, but I held my ground, until she gradually stopped struggling and wrapped her arms around my waist, holding me tight. With her velvety tongue she asked for passage, but I didn't give in, I just cut the kiss.
-Calmer? – I asked a bit bewildered.
Lauren had her cheeks red, she was embarrassed, probably due to the things she had said to me, her eyes were in a light green, almost transparent, I could spend hours just watching the stages of her greenish spheres.
-I know that today is a very difficult day for you. – Lauren widened her eyes in surprise – But you are not alone. – I grabbed her hand and intertwined our fingers. Lauren looked at our hands and then at me.
-Camila, I...
-Shhh! – I scolded her – Everything is fine, we have a place to go now, don't we? – Lauren just nodded her head slowly, she was surprised, but she was calm and seemed to trust me – I'm just going to go get Sofi and I'll be right back.
-Sofi's here? – Lauren asked, it was possible to see her face light up a bit, I just nodded.
-Yes, I'll go get her, okay? – she nodded again.
I turned and entered the coffee shop, the place's delicious smell invaded my nostrils. Sofi was finishing devouring my food too.
-Wow, you are really hungry. – she looked at me surprised and began to laugh embarrassed – It's okay, finish it quickly while I pay. – she just smiled and wiped her mouth with the napkin.
I went towards the cashier and looked outside, Lauren's car was no longer there, a twinge of disappointment hurt in me, I shook my head and huffed. Why did she have to be so stubborn? I paid the bill and headed towards the exit, as soon as I set foot out of the establishment I felt a warm hand holding mine and intertwining our fingers, I was startled but then relaxed when I saw two pairs of emeralds looking at me.
-I thought you had left.
-I was going to, but thought better, I just went to leave the car in a nearby parking lot. – I smiled at her and we headed towards my car.
-----
We stopped by a flower shop that was next to the cemetery where Lauren's mother was buried. Sofi and I were faraway, giving the brunette some privacy.
-She's so beautiful, Mila. Have you seen those eyes? She gets even more beautiful when she's crying. – I also was crying touched by that scene, but smiled like a silly person at Sofi's observation. Sofi was a small version of me, because that was exactly what I was thinking.
-Yes, Sofi. Lauren is beautiful. – I said looking back at the brunette who has turned my life upside down.
I got up and went towards Lauren who was kneeling before her mother's grave, as I approached, her crying became more present, causing a pang in my heart. I knelt next to Lauren and held her hand, squeezing it, and she reciprocated the act.
-I can stay here as long as you want, don't worry. – I squeezed Lauren's hand tighter conveying her safety, she seemed to not have strength, she just nodded.
We stayed like that for a good time, in silence, Lauren time or another squeezed my hand with a certain force, which hurt a bit, but I didn't care, I wanted her to feel that I was there, that I wouldn't let her go through this difficult time alone, and you know what? It makes me very happy to know that even though she's a difficult person I conquered a space in her, I was able to break her armor in such a short amount time.
-When my mother fell into a deep depression, she tried to kill herself twice. – she said breaking the silence and pulling me out of my reveries, I looked away from the grave and looked at her, who had her eyes shut tight, thick tears started to fall down her face – She had no strength to fight.
I didn't quite understand what she meant by what she said last, but I didn't want to interrupt her. I brought my free hand up to her face and wiped the tears that never stopped sliding down her face. She looked at the grave in such an intense way, it seemed that she was seeking strength to continue speaking.
-Camz. – Lauren said with a teary voice.
CAMZ? Camz? I looked surprised at Lauren who now was looking at me, I saw the pain in her eyes, as if telling me was going to revive her demons, her pain, her fears, Lauren had her eyes filled with tears, the green sparkled, she looked even more beautiful. GOD!
-I'm here, Laur. – I said almost as a whisper conveying her safety, the brunette wouldn't let go of my hand for anything so I began to caress her hand, showing that I was there and wanted to hear what she had to say.
-I feel so fragile, so vulnerable and empty. – she laughed sadly and lowered her head, looking back at the grave, but I kept my eyes fixed on her.
-Don't talk like that, Lauren. I understand that today is a difficult day for you, I was able to see that last night. Lauren, I saw in your eyes that you weren't well. – I said sobbing.
Lauren looked back at me with curiosity.
-Lauren, you are the strongest person I've ever seen, and that annoys me sometimes because I wanted to be like you. – she stared into my eyes, that made me so weak.
-Camila, everything you said now... – Lauren made a brief pause, the brunette lowered her head shaking it – I want to tell you the reason why I'm like this right now, but you won't understand, Camila, you won't, no one ever understood. – Lauren's last words came out like a whisper, she brought her free hand up to her eyes, wiping the tears that insisted on falling.
-I want to try. – I inched closer to the fragile girl who was in front of me, then I let go of her hand and hugged her, I hugged her as tight as I could.
-No one ever wanted to try.
-Shhh, I'm not "no one", I'm Camila Cabello and I want to hear everything you have to say, people are very dumb for not hearing you. – I said firmly.
-Do you have any idea how much I miss her? – I shook my head and she laughed humorlessly, and then cut our contact.
-You know what it's like waking up every day and not believe what you've become? Do you know what it feels like to wake up, but without having reasons to keep breathing? – she sighed to then continue, I didn't like one bit what she was saying, but I didn't interrupt her, at the moment she needed someone to listen to her, not scold her.
-I lost what was most important in my life, my mother.
-Lauren, I'm so sorry. – I whispered with a tightness in my chest.
-N... No, y... you are not, y... you d... don't know what it's like to wake up every day feeling guilty for your mother's death. – Lauren said through her sobs, she was right I really didn't know, I never felt that. But why did she feel guilty? I wanted to ask, but now wasn't the time.
-It wasn't your fault, Lauren, I'm sure of that. – she was blaming herself, that was terrible, thank God I didn't leave her alone, I don't even want to think about what she could do in this state.
-In her second suicide attempt, my father won in court the right to have her committed in a sanatorium. – she said sobbing violently.
I pulled her into a hug again, stroking her soft hair as the cool breeze of the evening was beginning to make a presence, I don't know for how long we stayed like that, Lauren was in pieces and that was tearing me apart.
-Laur, your parents' choices are not your fault.
-Mom was a strong and successful woman. – Lauren said pulling away from my embrace and lying on my legs, right there, in that cemetery's dirty floor, but I didn't mind, nothing mattered now, I just wanted to see her well.
With my hands I began to stroke her hair while Lauren cried uncontrollably. My heart felt like it had an open wound.
-She had half of the Jauregui's companies and she was the president of the headquarters in Miami. – she said full of pride, I leaned down a bit and deposited a kiss on her head – She was very good at what she did. I wanted to be determined like her.
Lauren's eyes shone not only because of the tears but also because she still remembered the positive things.
-Camz?
She sat up and looked at me, I just nodded for her to continue.
-She was admitted in a sanatorium with no visitors. – Lauren's eyes were so red – Do you know what it feels like to have your mother's presence torn from you? – Lauren bent her knees, hugging them and resting her head on them, and she started to cry more desperately.
Her breathing was unregulated, and I realized that I could no longer hold in my tears, I kissed Lauren's head several times, letting her cry. She looked so fragile now, I was in pain just by seeing her like this, a part of me just died. She wasn't okay and I couldn't do anything.
-Laur, that's horrible. – this was the only thing I was able to say, what kind of monster was her father to institutionalize his own wife in a sanatorium without visiting rights?
-Yes, it was very horrible, I couldn't believe it, I even went through the beginning of a depression, but I had Taylor, I tried to be as strong as I could... I couldn't leave her alone with him. – she looked up with her sad eyes to look at me.
-Him? Him who, Laur? – I asked curiously, the brunette remained looking at me but then shook her head.
-No one important... But everything calmed down when we got the news of my mother's death. I say that it calmed down because I had the feeling that she was in a better place and in a better way. But since that happened, I don't stop thinking about her and how much I miss her. How much I need her.
-She's proud of the little girl she raised. – I said with a smile.
-How can she be proud, Camila? Tell me. My own mother wouldn't look me in the eyes anymore, she was ashamed and I lost her little by little.
Lauren was no longer crying, she told everything crestfallen with her eyes on her deceased mother's grave, time or another she looked at me so intensely as if to convey all the pain she was feeling to me.
-Gradually I was getting empty, my mother's sanity was fading gradually as well. – she looked at me and smiled sadly – I'm no longer afraid, I don't believe in God, I don't believe in the devil, I don't believe in hope or in love.
I swallowed hard with her last word.
-And if it was up to me I would have left this world a long time ago. – she looked at the grave again – But I'm a coward, Camila, I just can't. Especially after Normani showed up, when she came into my life everything changed, it was like I was reborn.
A good feeling coursed through my body, it was beautiful to see their friendship, or rather, their sisterhood.
-You are the strongest person I know, Lauren. – I paused bringing my hand up to her chin, lifting it, causing Lauren to look at me – Lauren, that is something that causes envy in anyone.
-You don't know me. – she laughed ironically pulling her face from my hand.
-I'm sure she's in a better place, she is watching over you, all this strength you have, all this armor you use for protection, it was all set up by her. Laur, she's protecting you.
-I know, I feel her presence. – Lauren whipped her tears.
After a few minutes in silence, we were in each other's arms when someone else's presence behind us caught our attention, Lauren and I turned around, it was a somewhat chubby man and with him was Lauren's sister, Taylor. I guess the man was her father. Lauren broke the embrace and stood up furiously wiping the tears quickly, that fragile image she had a few minutes ago faded.
-What are you doing here, you filthy pig? – Lauren said in an exalted tone, I was startled with her harsh words, and looked at her with wide eyes.
-Lauren, don't talk like that with our father. – the man held up his hand as a sign for Taylor to not speak more.
-It's okay, Taylor, I didn't come here to fight. – the chubby man said.
I took the opportunity to analyze him, he was wearing sunglasses despite no longer having sun, I deduced that he wanted to hide his tears, but it was in vain, his face was red due to crying.
-You are disgusting, I want you to get out of here and never come back, you don't have the right to be here.
Lauren exploded through her tears, taking two steps forward towards the man, I quickly grabbed her arm while Taylor stood in front of the man who made Lauren lose all control, my hand let go of her arm and descended to her hand, holding it firmly.
-Lauren, I already told you not to talk like that to dad, you idiot. – Taylor said with a disgusted face at her sister.
-Taylor, shut your mouth, you don't know anything, just shut up.
-No, Lauren, don't tell me to shut up because you are not my mother, the only one who has the right to tell me that is our father.
-YOUR FATHER, TAYLOR, YOUR FATHER. – Lauren said almost shouting, I had never seen Lauren in such a way, if I had gotten scared last night, now I was terrified.
-Fuck you, I'm tired of that arrogance of yours, I'm tired of you always thinking that you have the monopoly on truth.
I looked at Lauren and she seemed surprised by her sister's harsh words.
-You will swallow those words, Taylor, I love you, but you are blind. – she squeezed my hand again, this time she looked at me with a sad and downcast countenance – Let's go, Camila, I already wanted to leave. – Lauren said flashing a weak smile, to then pull my hand lightly.
Taylor let out a chuckle, which angered me, can't she see that her sister is not well?
-Camila. – Lauren and I were already walking away when Taylor called me, we stopped and I turned around to look at her – Send a kiss to Rob for me. – I blinked several times, trying to assimilate everything. But Lauren didn't give me time, she pulled my hand and went towards the bench nearby, she grabbed Sofi's hand and then we left that place, in hurried steps.
POV Lauren Jauregui
I could go back and give a well deserved slap on Taylor's mouth for several reasons: for talking to me like that, for mentioning Rob's name, for speaking like that with Camila and so on. But I controlled myself, just pulled Camila by her hand, I wanted to get out of there, I wanted to forget everything, I wanted to erase this day from my memory, even knowing that it could have been worse if it wasn't for Camila. I got in her car, along with her and Sofi, I opted to go on the seat next to the little girl, and I made a great choice, the entire time mini Camila maintained a conversation with me, trying to distract me, Camila said some things but remained attentive to the road, I didn't know to where she would take me but I trust her. After today I feel that we are beyond the "just sex" phase, we were becoming friends. I honestly don't know what came over me, or what led me to tell everything I told her.
At the end we stopped in Camila's apartment, where Sofi spent most of the time playing video games. I lowered my head resting my elbows on my thighs and sinking my hands in my hair. I closed my eyes trying not to cry, but the lump in my throat wasn't cooperating. Camila had gone to the kitchen to prepare hot chocolate for the three of us, but it seems she was also talking to someone on the phone, probably Rob, which made me more downhearted. Was I being a nuisance? Maybe I should go, spend the rest of my night with my bottle of Whiskey and my inseparable pack of cigarettes. Drinking and smoking until numbing this pain I felt. I looked at the wall where there was a clock indicating that it was already past 9PM.
-Lauren. – Mini Camila's voice caught my attention.
I looked at the girl without realizing that the tears streamed down my face, but Sofi's hand prevented them to continue their way, with her index finger she wiped them away.
-I'm going to my bedroom but promise me to not cry anymore. I know that today was a hard day for you, but I don't like to see you sad.
You know when your whole body softens, like plastic being melted by fire? Well then, that's how I felt. The little girl bent down staying at my height and hugged me tight, catching me by surprise, I reciprocated hugging her with the same intensity. I gave a light kiss on her face before she pulled away to look at me.
-Good Night, Lolo.
-Good Night, Sofi. – I whispered.
The little one smiled and turned heading towards the bedroom, passing by Camila who was leaning on the wall watching us with a smile on her face.
-Sofi. – I called the girl, who stopped and turned to look at me with a sleepy countenance – Thank you. – I thanked, Sofi nodded and smiled at me, to then disappear to her bedroom.
I looked quickly at Camila, but looked away looking at the floor. It was time to leave. I got up. Camila came towards me stopping in front of me, she had a weak smile on her face.
-I think I better go. – I said softly almost like a whisper, Camila broke her smile looking at me confused – Thank you. – I thanked Camila, turning around taking the first step, but I stopped when she called me.
-Lauren, wait, don't go. – the deputy asked.
I shook my head but Camila grabbed my arm a little too tight, I looked at her hand on my arm turning to face her. Camila let go of my arm and blushed like a strawberry, a beautiful strawberry.
-I'm sorry. – she apologized – I, well... Just stay, it's so cold and I don't want to be alone now. – I looked at her, but nothing convinced me that I should stay.
-Rob won't come?
-No, he has something to do today, I'll prepare something for us to eat.
-You don't need to, I'm already going. – I turned again heading towards the door. I held the doorknob and turned it, but right before opening it, Camila showed up in front of me, preventing me from leaving.
She brought both of her hands to my face, her touch made my eyes automatically shut and a stubborn tear trickle down my face. I sighed feeling Camila's warm breath hit my face, her forehead was glued to mine. Then I opened my eyes and saw her, the deputy remained with her eyes closed.
-Please, Lauren, at least once stop being so stubborn. You are not well, let me take care of you. – Camila opened her eyes and I sank down in the brown of her eyes, those so beautiful eyes, but I looked down and shook my head.
-Sleep with me, please. – I looked at Camila confused, she pulled her face away from mine, sliding her hand from my face to grab my hand – Come.
-Camila, I don't...
-Shhh, Lauren. It's cold outside and you are not wearing proper clothing, not to mention that I promised to a certain woman of sculptural body that I would take care of her best friend. – Camila said winking at me – Yes, I spoke to Mani now and she said that the last thing you want is to sleep alone.
-Thank you. – I thanked with a smile on my face, I think this was the most sincere smile I was able to give all day.
-Go take a shower. – I just nodded.
-----
When I got out of the bathroom I came across Camila sitting on her bed. She was wearing reading glasses and looked focused on what she read. On the book cover was written "Psychology, study of the mind", I arched my eyebrows and walked to her big bed, the deputy noticed my presence because she lowered her book putting it aside along with her glasses.
-It smells like you. – I said to Camila, smelling the sleeve of the sweatshirt that she had lent me, making her laugh – May I? – I asked pointing to the bed.
-Oh, of course. – she smiled pulling the cover indicating me the place, I dragged myself to her very soft bed by the way, sitting next to her and pulling the cover, covering me. Camila looked at me, but I couldn't decipher what her feature said.
-Laur...
-I know, Camila, thank you for everything, I really wouldn't be able to handle everything if it wasn't for you. – my eyes filled with tears remembering what she did for me today.
-Shhh, you don't need to thank me. – she said inching closer to me.
With both of her hands she wiped the tears that ran down my face. What the fuck, from where comes out so many tears? The deputy let go of my face and hugged my neck, pulling me closer to her, my arm wrapped around her waist making our bodies glued, just like my breath Camila's also became more intense, it was incredible how our bodies reacted to our touches, but there was no mischievousness in that hug, just affection. We stayed like that for a good time, just listening to each other's breath, until Camila decided to break the silence pulling away from my body a little to stare at me.
-Lauren, as a psychologist I usually have a lot of curiosity, and what happened today in the cemetery, the way you treated you father caught my eye. – Camila made a brief pause to analyze me, I kept neutral waiting for her to continue – What's your problem with him?
That question took me by surprise, I really didn't know what to say. As much as Camila has done for me I really wasn't ready to tell her certain things, not even Normani knows the real reason for such anger I feel for Mike. I decided not to answer, I just lay my head on her chest. In the beginning Camila stiffened but then relaxed her body, starting a slow caress in my hair.
-Camz. – I whispered.
-Hmm. – she answered, I lifted my head from her chest and looked at her brown eyes.
-Don't tell this to anyone, okay? – I asked almost in a supplication, she just nodded.
Then I inched my face closer to her full lips, sealing them to mine in a perfect fit, my tongue automatically asked for passage and Camila didn't protest, just gave in, letting my tongue invade her mouth. When my tongue touched hers Camila moaned in satisfaction.
We stayed just kissing for a while. When we disconnected our lips I opened my eyes and smiled.
-Can I really sleep here? – I asked afraid of the answer, I was still not okay and I needed Camila's safety, she conveyed me peace, she just nodded in response – But you know that this goes totally against our deal, right? We are not a couple. – I reminded her, Camila rolled her eyes letting out a chuckle.
-But we are friends and friends sleep in each others' house, doesn't Mani sleep in yours? – I nodded my head – There you go.
-Mani lets me sleep cuddled with her.
-But I'm not Mani, stay there on your side of the bed that I'll stay on mine.
Camila answered with a smile on her face, I started laughing shaking my head, to then move away from her, accommodating myself on my corner. I felt Camila's soft and warm hand grabbing my arm and autonomously pulling me close to her, I didn't intervene, I simply lay my head on her chest as she stroked my hair with her hands. The scent that exuded from her was the same coming from her sweatshirt, such a delicious scent, a natural scent. I closed my eyes enjoying everything that came from Camila, from her scent to her touch in my hair.
Her breath which was unregulated now remained calm, just like the beating of her heart. I fell asleep, forgetting everything, all the problems, all the anguish, finally feeling better.