Hey so this took a while
and by that i mean like centuries
i love writing parodies, almost as much as people love writing the originals
so hopefully i won't have such a big gap between chapters
rollka :) xx
Deep down inside I knew I was not a morning person, or an outdoorsy person. But somehow Aelfbrick had made me both. I was outside at ten in the morning walking by the lake. To be honest I didn't even know this time of day existed at weekends.
We didn't talk. He was busy admiring the landscape while I was concentrating on not getting mud on my shoes and hoping Zombie-Pirate Chicken Nugget wouldn't jump out and attack my feet. He really had a thing for shoelaces, like a "grr I have to kill you" thing not an "OMG I LOVE SHOELACES!!!!" thing, or maybe it was a bit of both. You never knew with that cat, like his name, he was a bit weird. It was the kind of name someone would come up with whilst drunk, I suppose, but I assure you, I was completely sober when I named all of my cats. Cat naming is a serious business, ask T.S Elliot.
A few more minutes of silence passed and I aimed a sly kick at the bush in which both Zombie-Pirate Chicken Nugget and Benjamin Jerald Chunky Monkey Phish Food were hiding. The latter was named after my two favourite people and my two favourite flavours. The name was a bit of a mouthful so I used shorten it. Though I stopped using his first two initials some years later when I understood what BJ also stood for.
He stared at the lee shore far across at the other side of the lake, His eyes sparkled knowingly, like water reflecting the sun on its wind tossed ripples.
"Something's on your mind" he said finally. "Do you mind if I ask what it is?" The question was purely rhetorical. He didn't expect me to object. He had an air about him that was subtly persuasive but not manipulative, either I was just weak minded and naive or he genuinely cared about what was going on in my mixed up head.
"Hmmm I don't know how..." I started.
"You know exactly" he said smiling wryly. "You're wondering why I'm such a 'social retard' aren't you?"
"Errm well..." I began. He had basically got the jist of my thoughts. Some people were annoyingly good at that. Obviously I would have phrased it differently. A lot differently. Definitely excluding the word 'retard' because, to be perfectly honest and slipping into chav talk, he was' well buff' or as they say in Essex "proper reem" which in English, is the furthest thing from a retard, however, the people who use this kind of language usually are mentally challenged...
"It's just that you don't really seem to know about all sorts of everyday things and you don't act like, err, that normally..." I trailed off into a mumble. This was embarrassing. What if I managed to offend him like the last time I was confronted with that kind of question? Louise still hadn't forgiven me because of that. I had panicked and garbled something about her nose making her more streamlined. I had picked a great time to discuss the benefits of having a ginormous schnozzle.
He looked down at me and smiled mischievously as I reddened.
"I was only jesting, Miss Fluffkin. And you know full well that I am somewhat out of the ordinary." he said in a superior way that made me want to thump him, in a friendly way, of course. "You don't know me, and I don't know you. Let's talk. We can't stay complete strangers." He had dropped his annoying tone and I nodded in agreement I wanted to know the boy who had turned up on my doorstep less than twelve hours ago, but so far I knew less about him than he did about kitchen appliances.
"Ok so wh-" I began.
"Let's talk later" he said decisively, realizing he was about to be interrogated and resuming his lake staring like he'd never seen one before. "I think it's time to go swimming."
"What, here?"
"Yes, here. Are you scared of a little water Fluffkin?" He was mocking me. I really didn't want to but I did have a certain amount of pride that would not stand his teasing.
"You first then" I said kicking off my shoes and shrugging off my cardigan.
"Fine. But you're coming with me" he said wading in up to his waist into the water. He turned and looked back at me "Coming?" he seemed as though he was trying to call my non-existent bluff.
"Yeah..." I said bracing myself for the cold. I stepped in carefully trying not to slip on any weeds or the thick mud that lurked underneath the smooth pebbles.
"You're taking too long." He half sang as he splashed towards me and scooped me up over his shoulder not flinching at my kicking and squealing.
"Let me go!" I cried, half laughing, half preparing myself for the cold. "Let me gAAAHH!!"
***
As you can guess, I got dunked in the lake and then had to drip home with a smug and rather triumphant looking Aelfbrick. It's times like those when I wished I was actually fat rather than just paranoid (but not paranoid enough, hence the ice-cream and god knows what other crap I'd eaten in the last 24 hours) because a. I'd be well insulated with all my flubber b. Aelfbrick might not have been able to pick me up or would have broken himself in the process and maybe suffocated too, an idea which probably shouldn't be listed as a pro.
"You're a very honest person, Kayleigh," he spoke out of the blue, shattering the daydreamy illusions of a big beached-whale-like me, blobbing along, doing whatever it is that whales do, which in my mind was for some reason doing a wobbly whale-ish dance. Don't ask how this came about, I have absolutely no idea. Just blame the youtube.
"You really are," he continued, taking my dazed silence for disbelief. " I don't think you mean to be half the time. You just are. Maybe I'm over-interpreting, but you're so genuine. And beautiful, not dauntingly so but I can't help but admire you, even when you're falling over or reciting cat names or just generally embarrassing yourself." He sounded like he had been merely watching me and all of his observations had tumbled out like he'd contracted a minor case of word vomit from me.
I liked this guy. He was odd and definitely wasn't perfect, but neither was I, as he had a habit of subtly reminding me. He didn't seem to care that I was kooky, clumsy and generally the furthest thing from graceful that you could get. Most of the time these traits didn't work to my advantage and seemed to be highlighted when I was trying my best to hide them.
“Well…” I said quietly, flattered but slightly embarrassed, I didn’t think that I was that open, I just thought that he could read me like a book. “If I’m ‘honest’ then what are you?”
His brows knitted together and he looked at me seriously. They looked like two caterpillars, having a staring contest, not that they were overly hairy or bushy or anything. It’s just that when you stare at something on someone’s face for too long e.g Aelfbrick’s eyebrows or Louise’s nose, they just look a bit weird, but hey, at least he had eyebrows which, is more than can be said for me this time last year when I burnt them off when trying to cook, yeah, I’m that good.
“I, Kayleigh Fluffkin, am an elf.”
I nearly choked on, ok, I had nothing to choke on but I still managed it.
“Are you ok Kayleigh?” He still had his serious face on but reached out and placed a pale hand on my shoulder.
“I’m, ahem, fine” I said slightly shakily after a small coughing fit. I studied him for a moment, thinking back to the not so fruitful research I had done the previous day.
“Are you a brick as well?” I said mischievously.
“Ha. No.” He smiled in that way that told me he was going to impart some knowledge he thought was important which, in short meant he was going to boast a little, even though up until now he had been quite modest.
“The root of my name, means ‘elf ruler’ but that’s a copyright infringement.”
“Oh. Is that what you are?” That was peculiar apparently copyright laws affect elves too.
“Not yet. I’m the heir to the throne.” This was some big ass boasting, but done, as always in true Aelfbrick style, with a nonchalant air.
“So like a prince?”
“Sort of.” He grinned sheepishly as he watched the enormity of the situation dawn on me. He knew this would alter my point of view, it made me feel like my world was now spinning on a completely different axis.
This was odd. I had had the elf equivalent of Prince William in my house. Too odd.
“Um. Wow.” I could hardly voice any of the thoughts that were whirring around my head and occasionally crashing into each other.
“I know; it’s hard to believe.”
“It… it just changes everything.”
“Everything?” he looked worried, upset. “Does it scare you?”
“N-not exactly” I stammered. “It just…”
“I know” he nodded reassuringly and put his arm around me pulling my soaked body to his chest. “Let’s go inside”