Hi :)
I am truly sorry for my lack of updates. :( Moving has been crazy, and today the cable guy came and FINALLY hooked up our internet. I never knew moving was so hard. We had sooooooo many boxes to unpack. My Mom has way too much kitchen stuff if you ask me. She has different cutting boards for poultry, fish, and red meat. And then she gets mad when I don't use the right one.
Clearly we are not related.
I've been dying a slow and painful death without internet. It was like 127 Hours over here. Obviously I had my phone, but I write in Word and then copy and paste it into here, so if it gets deleted, I don't lose my work. And when you write on a phone the format gets messed up anyway.
Anyway, please accept my apology. I'm horrible at updating, I know. You guys don't deserve that, so I can't apologize enough. <3 Forgive me? :)) <3
Enjoy this and listen to the song on the side while you're reading it, which is Happiness by the Fray. One of my favorites <3. Or favourites, to spell it the British way.
Harry
I watched her intently as she trailed her fingers on the surface of the dark water. She leaned her head back, soaking the ends of her long hair, before she turned to me, wearing that smile that I loved.
Even in the dark, her wide hazel eyes were radiant, a deep golden color that could never be replicated. Her eyelashes cast long shadows across her cheek bones, hiding the freckles that lay underneath. I took her hand in mine, marveling at the softness of her palm. She took a step closer to me, water dripping from her shorts and from the hem of my shirt that she wore.
There’s nothing more dangerous than a beautiful girl. Those words had been said to me by my father when I was seven years old, the day he and Mum told my sister and I they were getting a divorce. At the time, I hadn’t believed him.
Now I understood. And every time I looked at her, I was reminded of his words. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to want her, but I did. I was supposed to leave her alone, but I couldn’t.
The ocean breeze pulled at Maddie’s hair, her scent of strawberries washing over me, “What are you thinking about?” she whispered, unaware of the intoxication the sweet smell had. She must use strawberry shampoo.
She blinked up at me as I took a tiny step closer, her pink lips slightly parted.
“I’m thinking about…doing this,” I playfully splashed ocean water all down her front, laughing at the pouty face she made.
“Harry!” she whined. I continued to chuckle at her expense. I was caught off guard when she shoved me hard on my chest, sending me toppling back into the shallow water.
I emerged a second later to hear her light giggle. I growled teasingly, shaking my wet hair. Salty water splattered her already drenched clothes. Turning, she splashed towards the sand and took off running along the beach. I stood and gave chase.
Her infectious laugh could be heard as she ran, her long hair flowing behind her. She was fast, but I was faster, and I caught up to her in a matter of seconds.
“Harry!” she cried as I tackled her into the sand, carefully of course, so my body weight didn’t hurt her. She let out peels of giggles as I pinned her down and tickled her sides.
“Someone’s ticklish,” I commented as she squirmed under me, kicking my legs and giggling all the while, “You thought you were going to get away that easy, huh?”
“H-Harry! No!” she shrieked breathlessly, placing both of her hands on my bare chest in a weak attempt to push me away, “Can’t b-breathe!”
I ceased in tickling her, balancing on my forearms as I smirked down at her from my dominating position.
A giggle left her pink lips, “You win,” she murmured. Her sweet smile made my heart trip with longing.
“I always do.” I rolled off of her and lay beside her on the soft sand. She turned her head towards me, eyelashes fluttering lightly. Our noses were centimeters apart, and I could feel her soft breath dancing on my skin. I let my eyes wander over her face, as if to memorize it.
Desire coursed through my body. It wasn’t lust, it was something stronger, deeper, harder to resist. I wanted to kiss her. But I couldn’t. That hadn’t worked out very well the last time I’d tried it. I needed to stop doing this to myself. She was making a mess of me.
I hastily rose to my feet, raking a hand through my curls. Maddie pushed herself up to a sitting position, her tangled hair falling around her. Confusion at my abrupt actions was apparent on her features.
“It’s late. We should go back,” I said softly, turning away from her to look down the dark beach at the two sets of footprints left in a damp sand. I knew one of the tiny flickering buildings in the distance was our hotel, but I couldn’t be sure which one.
“Will you stay?” her voice was tentative, “For just five more minutes—and watch the sky with me?” She looked to me with puppy dog eyes. God knew I couldn’t deny her what she wanted.
I sat back down beside her, watching her as she lay down in the sugary sand and then doing the same, so my head rested next to hers. I gazed at her as she searched the sky for stars. A cute little frown appeared on her face when she found none. The light pollution blocked them from our vision.
“No stars,” she remarked wistfully, and I knew she was thinking of home.
“You’re homesick.” It wasn’t a question, but she nodded anyway. She looked at the sky like it might have a cure.
“Me too.”
A moment of silence passed between us.
“Tell me about it,” I whispered to her.
“Hmm?”
“Your home. In North Carolina.”
She looked at me. Her eyes were mesmerizingly gold. She was remembering her childhood.
At that moment, I imagined what Maddie might have looked like as a little girl. Eyes too big for her face. Tangled hair. Skinned knees.
I lay on my side and watched the way her eyes sparkled when she told me about starfish, and her Grandfather’s cherry turnovers and birdhouses made from tuna cans.
“We had so many trees. The tallest one was an oak tree,” Maddie recalled, “It was my childhood mission to climb to the top. When I was nine I finally did it!”
“But we had this annoying neighbor. Billy. He double dog dared me to jump from the bottom branch to the ground, instead of using the rope ladder.”
“The Maddie I know would never pass up a dare. Especially a double dog dare,” I imitated her accent with a grin.
“No way was I letting him get the better of me! So I jumped. I broke my arm and the doctor said no dancing for six weeks. Billy and his mom came and visited me in the hospital.” Maddie shook her head at the memory.
“Did he gloat?”
“Actually, no. His Mom went and got us candy bars and he tried to apologize. He told me that I looked pretty in my hospital gown. I told him to eat shit.”
My laughter echoed across the beach along with the crashing waves, circulating around us. It was dark, but I could still see her defiant pout.
“Who taught you to be such a smartass?” I teased.
“Grandpa.”
I flipped over on my back, not taking my eyes off of Maddie. Her hair left thin swirling patterns on the surface of the sand when she moved.
“You’re such a troublemaker.”
“I had to say something to get him to leave!” she protested over my laughing, “His cooties were infesting my hospital room.”
We were silent for the next couple of seconds. Moments passed into minutes as Maddie perused the sky for a star. She was so absorbed in the inky black of the sky that she didn’t even notice me gazing at her in idle fascination. I wanted to take a picture of her like this, capture these moments.
“Mads, can I ask you a question?”
The light in her eyes flickered. She nodded.
“Why did you live with your Grandparents?” I rubbed my thumb along the hem of the flannel shirt that she wore. My flannel shirt, the front unbuttoned and the bottom wet and sticky with sand. It still looked better on her than it ever would on me.
“My parents traveled a lot for their jobs. When they were home, they never seemed to have time for me. They were always fighting.” She shrugged, a faraway look in her eyes, “But I had my Grandparents. I was lucky.”
I remembered how broken-hearted Maddie had been when her parents promised they’d fly to London to spend Christmas with her, and then cancelled last minute. I imagined it had to be unbearable at times, to feel like no matter how hard you tried, you’d never be important enough for the two people who were supposed to love you the most.
I reached down to touch my hand to hers. I received a lovely smile in return.
“Can I ask you something?” She whispered, even though there was no one around but me to hear her.
She waited for me to give permission with a nod before she continued. She hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip, an endearing habit that I’d come to realize was a result of nerves. I held eye contact, encouraging her.
“Are you happy, Harry?”
I looked at her in surprise, a sharp breath escaping my lips. She was watching me earnestly, her eyes pleading with me to put my masculinity aside and tell her the truth.
It was such a simple question. My breath caught in my throat.
I’d never really stopped to think whether or not I was happy. I’d always just assumed that I was, because I could never bring myself to think otherwise. If I was being honest with myself, then I was happy when I was on stage with the lads, listening to people sing our songs back to us. I was happy when I went out for drinks with my friends. I was happy when I ate the brownies my Mum sent in little tins every other weekend. But that happiness came at a price. It was a price that a couple months ago, I was more than willing to pay. Now I wasn’t sure if it would ever be enough.
I was caught between two realities. My own life wasn’t in my hands anymore. It was cradled in the thick, wide fingers of Maddie’s Uncle, who had room to do what he pleased with it. His promises were as good as nothing, I knew that. Our agreement wasn’t set in stone. He and I both knew that there was money to be made from that tape. And until it was destroyed completely, I would live in dread, knowing that what I had could be ripped away in a matter of hours.
At first, agreeing to Rufus’s proposition had seemed like the easy path to take, the compromise, the lifejacket. I did everything he asked of me. I publicly pursued his daughter. Our relationship was covered by every gossip magazine and website. Wherever we went, it was assured that a couple dozen paparazzi would follow. We were constantly in the news. All of this skyrocketed Isabelle’s career. In our own sick ways we used each other. She used me for fame. I used her to make the pain of being used vanish. Like somehow it would make all my mistakes evaporate into thin air like the flick of a switch. It was a complicated negotiation.
I hated every second of it. The guilt. The lies. The blackmail. I hated that it was just as much my fault as it was Isabelle’s that I was in this mess.
I never slept all the way through the night anymore, a truth I tried to hide from my flat mate. I didn’t want Louis to know that I couldn’t sleep because then he would want to know why. I’d only ever told one person. I’d blurted it out because I’d been desperate to make her see that she couldn’t let someone else walk all over her dreams. I couldn’t stand by and let Isabelle walk all over Maddie.
I turned my face away so Maddie couldn’t see the burden I’d been trying to hide for so long. I shouldn’t have told her about the tape in the first place. Not because she didn’t deserve to know, but because she didn’t deserve to be dragged into it. I wanted to protect her from the cruel games that her relatives liked to play. I didn’t want her to have to lie like I had to, every day.
I watched the waves hurtle onto the sand, foaming and then peacefully drawing back, making way for another. I could feel Maddie’s eyes on me.
“Harry?” she asked softly, almost timidly. When I didn’t respond, she reached out and touched my arm. Her touch was soothing, and I turned my head to meet her gaze. I knew she saw the sadness on my face, I could see it reflected in every shade of gold in her irises.
I could tell she knew what was on my mind, and I could tell she blamed herself for bringing up the subject, “Harry, I’m sorry,” she whispered, casting her eyes downwards.
“No, Maddie. It’s not your fault.” I swallowed thickly.
She lifted her eyes, filled with sweet innocence. They met mine. I felt the electricity pumping through my veins, the same sensation I always felt when we made eye contact. I’d felt it the first day I’d met her.
I tugged at my curls angrily. “Jesus, I’m such a fuck up,” I closed my eyes, trying to slow my breathing, trying to block out the fear and bitterness, and knowing that it wasn’t working.
Fuck, Harry. Get a grip.
Maddie’s eyes searched my face, her heart-shaped lips parted in uncertainty. I could read the worry in her eyes, “No,” she murmured gently, “No Harry. You’re not. Please believe me, you’re not a fuck up.” She sat up, her eyes never leaving my face.
I rubbed a thumb over my bottom lip, shaking my head slowly, “I shouldn’t even be bothering you with this. It’s my problem, I have to deal with it--”
“Not alone. No one should have to face the world alone,” I watched her face as she reached out a timid hand to touch the tattoo inked across my bare torso. The hum of the ocean played in the back ground, my heart drumming in my chest. The tips of her fingers explored the wings of the moth, the too-long sleeves of the shirt I’d given her brushing my skin. I closed my eyes at her caress, letting the entire world shrink down to us.
“You’re not alone,” she stilled. I reached up and brushed her hair behind her ear, the pain lessening, like a weight being lifted from my chest. We shared a smile, which swiftly turned into a heated gaze, her fingers tracing the swallows below my collarbones, leaving hot trails like brush strokes across the inked skin. I wondered if she could feel my heart racing under her touch.
I reached out to take her hand in mine, squeezing lightly as she lay back down beside me, on the sand, in the middle of a beach, just us, a comfortable silence floating round our bodies. All I knew was that there was no place in the world I’d rather be than right there beside her on that beach.
“I’m happy when I’m with you.”
Her eyes widened at my unanticipated words. The smile that stretched its way across her face was wonderful. Her brilliantly gold eyes were fixated on mine.
“You make me happy,” I confirmed in a whisper.
“You make me happy, too.”
We lay on our sides. Our bodies were so close, our lips were so close that one tug would bring her soft pink lips on mine. But we both knew I couldn’t do that, because Maddie was unfailingly loyal to her cousin. No matter how badly I wanted to.
“Do you want to go back now?” she questioned of me, her breath tickling my nose.
“No. Do you?”
She shook her head.
“Then let’s stay here for a little while longer, yeah?”
She nodded. We stayed like that for a few moments, and I listened to the sounds of the night. The soft splashing of waves, the crickets, the distant beeping of cars, and Maddie’s soft humming.
“Look!” she cried suddenly, a gasp falling from her lips. She pointed towards the sky, “A star!”
I looked to where she was pointing, my eyes finding the tiny twinkle. Sure enough, one star burned brightly in the midst of the velvet sky. Just one.
“That’s remarkable,” I whispered.
She looked at me with pure, childlike innocence, “Quick, make a wish!” she turned her face back up to the sky and sighed, squeezing her eyes shut.
I did the same, thinking that it was stupid and hoping that it wasn’t. I knew exactly what I wanted.
****
I awoke to a fresh breeze grazing against my face and lifting the hairs on my arms. Zayn must have left the window open again. I blinked slowly, still half asleep, rummaging around for the clock on the bedside table so I could see the time.
Instead, all I felt was cool sand. My eyes shot open and I sat up sharply. The pink fingers of dawn were stretching their way across the sky, hovering over the city. The surf splashed onto the beach.
Shit. Shit.
Maddie lay asleep on the sand next to me, her long dark hair spread around her. She looked so peaceful, her heart-shaped face serene and her skin fair in the dim morning light. I could’ve sat and watched her sleep for forever, watched the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed and wondered what she was dreaming about.
Instead, I shook her gently awake, urgently whispering her name, “Maddie. Maddie, love, wake up.”
Maddie’s eyes fluttered open. Seeing me hovering above her, she sleepily mumbled my name. She sat up, almost clashing heads with me. Her expression changed from confusion to panic when she realized where we were.
“It’s morning. We fell asleep on the beach. I’ve got to get you back.”
Maddie had rehearsal very early, I knew. Our very first concert was tonight, and the entire day would be spent at meet and greets and sound checks. No doubt whoever Maddie was sharing a room with had already noticed her absence.
If someone from our management team found out that Maddie wasn’t in her hotel room, Maddie could get in a lot of trouble, trouble that she shouldn’t be in, considering I’d asked her to stay with me.
I helped her to her feet, fishing my phone out of my pocket. I pressed the home button. Dead. I grabbed her wrist, tugging her down the beach and towards the direction of the hotel.
“Harry, I’m so sorr--”
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but I began to run, yanking her along with me, her words going unspoken. It was my fault, and it wasn’t up for dissent. I’d asked her to stay, and it would be my mistake if Maddie got in trouble.
The beach was deserted, the striped recliners and umbrellas left abandoned by their usual occupants; hairy old men and their twelve pints of beer and giggling Uni girls slathered in tanning oil. I hadn’t realized how far we’d walked.
Maddie kept up with me well for the first couple of minutes, which pricked at my ego a bit because I ran six kilometers every morning that I didn’t have a hangover. But as we neared the hotel, she began to tire, and I slowed my pace to accommodate her. Her breath came out in soft pants, her cheeks flushed from running.
We reached the hotel courtyard and she slid her leather flip flops back on. My hand still wrapped around her delicate wrist, I guided her past the white picket fences and flowering bushes and the hotel staff sweeping the pool deck. I knew by the way Maddie was chewing her lip as she shuffled along beside me that she could feel their nosy stares.
People were beginning to emerge from their rooms, some heading towards the restaurant where Maddie and I sat last night. I pulled her into the nearest set of doors, wanting to get her to her room before anyone noticed she was gone.
We rode the elevator in near silence. Maddie stood next to me, fidgeting nervously with her rumpled clothes. I realized my hand was still clamped around her wrist, and I let go. I felt my heart sink as she moved away from me.
“Your hair’s a mess.” She broke the quiet and I looked at her in surprise. A smile was tugging at the corner of her full lips. Dark purple circles colored the soft skin under her eyes. She muffled a yawn behind her hand.
“Tired?” I questioned, already knowing the answer. She nodded with a sleepy smile.
Her body still hadn’t adjusted to the time zone difference. She’d fallen asleep on the bus the day before. I hadn’t had the heart to wake her up, so I’d carried her up to her room, amid curious stares from just about everybody. I was used to people staring at me, so it didn’t bother me. But I knew it bothered Maddie, so I hadn’t told her.
I followed Maddie out of the elevator and onto the burgundy carpeted hallway.
“You know, I still have the mittens you gave me for Christmas,” Maddie turned her head to look at me behind her, as if she was making sure I was still there.
I’d always assumed she’d given them away or something. She’d seemed so happy when she’d opened the box on Christmas Eve, but then I’d gone and ruined it.
“The red ones?”
She nodded.
“You’ll have to wear them for me sometime.” I told her with a smile. I was rewarded with the blush on her cheeks.
We turned a corner, and almost ran smack into Sima.
“Maddie!” Sima cried, throwing her arms around the younger girl, “Where the hell have you been all night? I was worried something happened to you! I texted and called but you left your phone in our room.”
“I..I--”
Sima suddenly noticed me, her eyes traveling over our disheveled state. I suddenly remembered that I was shirtless. I knew exactly what she was thinking by the sly grin that was forming on her lips.
“Oh. Hi Harry,” she said. She tilted her head to the side, her eyes flicking from Maddie, to me, back to Maddie.
“Good morning.” I was friendly but cautious. I didn’t really know Sima or any of the other back-up dancers well, besides Maddie.
“We should go. We have studio practice in an hour,” Sima chirped, tugging gently on Maddie’s arm. Maddie let herself be pulled away, but not without glancing back and giving me a small smile. If only she knew how just a small smile could make my pulse speed and that area below my stomach heat.
I gave her a lazy smirk and mouthed ‘Bye.’ She giggled silently, before she turned back to Sima.
“Tell me everything,” I heard Sima whisper to Maddie and I almost chuckled. I could imagine Maddie stumbling through excuses and sorrys, her cheeks flustered adorably. I wished I could be there to see it.
**
I know you some of you guys want a Haddie/Marry kissing scene. But I'm dragging it out because I'm evil ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;)
Thank you guys so much for being patient with me, and for not getting mad when I take 5ever to update. I appreciate you guys so much, and I love your comments to the moon and back. You guys are so sweet and it makes me feel really special. Thank you for putting up with me :) <3
How did you guys like Best Song Ever? I loved it! My favorite part was when Leeroy came in and he was doing the choreography and Marcel was doing it in the background too. So cute :)
Don't look at the gif on the side. Don't. Look. At. It.
This is dedicated to PerlaLeon, because she sent me the sweetest message that made me super happy. She's so nice and so sweet. Thank you Perla, you made my day :)) <3 I love you. <3 This one's for you.
As always, vote and fan and comment. Tell me what you think :)) I'm totally open to constructive criticism, as long as it's polite. :) I love to hear from you guys :)
I love you guys so much, thank you sososososo much for 45K reads. I never, ever would've thought I'd get that many views on a story that I wrote, it's so incredible and unbelievable. I wish I could dedicate a chapter to each and every one of you. You're all so special to me, message me if you ever need a friend. :)
Next update will be next Friday ;)
<3 Love you all. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) sending you lots of daisies and smiley faces. Have a wonderful day/night.