The journey couldn't be more contrasting and filled with déjà vu. The last time I travel across the ocean following this path I was so cocky and self-righteous. I was heading to claim what I stupidly thought I could possess. I had been overly excited by war. Stupid and pretentious. It seemed to be years ago, but I wasn't that much of a fool. I wished I had had years with Onyxia, instead I received mere months. As the time passed, and the only view of the world I had was the bleak ongoing horizon, I went over the months leading to our split. So many actions I would change if I could only go back and alter the past.
As much as my heart fell heavy with insistent worry, at the harsh judgement her family must feel for me. Giving her back in such a disregarded fashion. The more time passed, the more I had the hallowing feeling that she must have had. Traveling to some new world where everyone saw you as an enemy and the land was so unfamiliar you couldn't never mistake it for home. I sat closely to my brother, feeling guilty everytime I glanced at him. He should have never been allowed to travel. His long, thin limbs struggled to retain any dwindling heat as we furthered into the winter weather of Scandinavian shores. I was surprised he even made it this far in the journey, we only had a short few days to go. I hoped for enough luck given that, our storages for food and fresh water were thinning quickly as the huddle of men spanned over ten ships ate more regularly like bears preparing for hibernation.
I looked at the setting sun, no for the first time did a churn of loneliness twist inside of me at sleeping without caressing hands. I've been sleeping in an empty bed for half the year now, I couldn't contain the yearning that my solitude was soon ending. If she'll even have me. Sarabii had revealed that she had burnt all of Onyxia's letters in hopes that I'd never know. I had no idea of her mood. If she even wanted me to come. But I made her promise, and she won't go back on her word. My son fidgeted within the warm folds of my cloak. I swallowed hard, could I be leading my son to his death? Surely not, but the fear still lingered. The boy had been good. He hadn't wailed and misbehaved once throughout the entire trip. He was stuck in a rhythm of sleeping, eating and excitedly splashing at the sea water.
The boats gently swayed with the current, as air fluttered into the sails. With my son hugged against my chest and my thin- boned brother huddled opposite me, I felt a shelter of warmth against the icy wind. Both of them settled, sleep coming swiftly enough, yet my eyes remained on the glistening sky as night built and the world grew dark. Brilliant strikes of colour filled the sky, a stunning painting of blues, greens, pinks and purples caressing the pitch black blanketing of stars and formations. It moved in swirls and quick licks of light. It was beautiful and haunting. As lingering as my wife's memory within my mind, as my eyes closed and my mind quieted, I could almost feel her. Her lips on mine. The smell of her hair. Touch of her fingertips.
In the skip of days like a rock being thrown over a lake, I'll see her again for the first time in six months. A pit of disappointment and loss sat heavy in my stomach, this was the third time that I missed out on seeing my own child grow. I've seen my sister's belly fill. I was there when she gave birth, but I didn't get to see Rekker born. I didn't see him raised fully. I will see this child born. I'll beg, plead, Onyxia until she lets me. I've already missed out of six months of her pregnancy. I refuse to miss out on anything else. No matter what our first conversation be, I'll make that clear to her. Very clear.
A sharp jab to the side woke me quickly enough, I opened my eyes to the sight of my brother. "We're here, Alex." He murmured before moving to the front of our ship to gaze upon the high mountain greenery in front of us, quickly building from a distant lump in the ocean to an intimidating continent. Snow had kissed every surface but melted under the just warm breath of the sun. I had spent the past days thinking and sleeping over what I would and should say to my distanced wife. I suppose it was all useless because I didn't have any clue at how she feels about me now.
My son now far from my side and the shore too close to be hours away, I panicked. Picking up my child I passed him over to my brother, the look of confusion and uncertainty was enough to tell me that I was taking a cowardly way out. But I didn't know if Nyx told them about Rekker. I didn't know what Nyx had told them at all. For all I knew Lucifer could demand our deaths, and Bellatrix could have me emasculated. I had no intention of any one cutting my balls of this day. So if I was choosing a path that will keep them secured to my body, then call me craven.
"Sails down! Row in!" I ordered, the men swiftly followed. I prayed to the Gods that we didn't look like a threat. That it looked peaceful. Yet, I spotted a dozen or so archers hidden away behind bushes and the higher ground. "Best we keep our shields close in case they fire," I murmured, before relaying in my home language for the benefit of the men and so, hopefully, the bystanders crowding around the dock don't understand. A dock we were only a few minutes away from, possibly half an hour at most.
Scanning the shore repeatedly and rapidly, I didn't see my father-in-law, nor the tall, intimidating twin brothers Erik or Bjorn. I did see Frederic, he was talking to a statuesque woman I imagined to be Genevieve. Both were frowning and seemingly whispering to one another. I ignored that for now, as my eyes finally landed on the monarch of the household. Queen Bellatrix walked through the parting sea of people to stand right at the docks tip. Her pale blue gown flowing gently around her as the long, drooping sleeves fluttered like the wings of a bird. A heavy crown upon her head, and that thickly curled hair braided into buns. "King Alexan!" She called out, her toneless voice giving nothing away. "It's been a long time since we've seen each other."
I moved to the ships head, leaning towards her, "Guten Morgen, Euer Majestät. Es war zu lang, ich habe Ihre Anwesenheit verpasst." Good morning, your majesty. It has been too long, I've missed your presence. I greeted in her own language of Germanic. "It's really good to you, Bella. Really long." I jumped onto the wooden deck, walking up to her as she opened her arms warmly to embrace me. Not what I expected, but much appreciated beyond anything.
She hugged me tightly for a moment longer, before letting me go to clutch my arms supportively. "I'm so sorry to hear about your father." I nodded in acknowledgement. We were six weeks into the journey when the raven came. He passed in his sleep surrounded by his closest friends and our family. I had made sure before we left that Jaymen and I were able to speak to him at length so nothing went unspoken.
I looked around for my pale haired wife, but didn't find her in sight. My heart felt heavy. I barely heard the rest of the men landing, nor the brush of my brother approaching to stand beside me and say his greetings to my mother-in-law. "It was a funny thing, you know?" She smiled, "We were on our way to save our daughter but we found her half way there." Speckled blue eyes scanned me, and I lowered my gaze in shame. There was no hiding that I ruined my marriage. I deserved her judgement and resentment. "She didn't divorce you. I have to admit, that was surprising, but not as surprising as hearing that you let her leave." She began walking, motioning us to follow.
I felt it, so many eyes watching. I was the foreigner. The outsider. The unwanted guest. Last I saw some of the men surrounding me, I stole their princess. Yet, here I was to take back my queen. A true villain. I fiddled with the gold band that was Nyx's arm ring. She left it behind- No, I had taken it off her- so she simply couldn't find it. But I did. I had worn it every day since she left, even gained some looks of scorn from my own people for it. She had trusted it to me on our wedding day, and that meant something to me. I didn't see how valuable it was at the beginning, but I now did. This band meant everything to her. It was her loyalty. Her heritage. Her spirit. Who she was.
It was her.
And she was mine.
I heard gruntal sound behind me, turning to see my son desperately trying to wrestle out of my brother's arms. "Alex..." I quickly snatched my irate child from my win's grasp. Jaymen bruised too easily and took far too long to heal. My son may still be an infant, but he has the ability to do damage beyond his years. I scolded my child firmly into silent stillness, hoisting high against my side. Earning a raised brow from Bella. I sighed in defeat. "My son." I introduced, stiffly. "Rekker." The naughty boy hid his face in my newly tattooed neck. I had added to my shoulder and back tattoo, on my neck, chest and down the rest of my arm. In tribute.
She tilted her head to the side, observing us. "Please, do come inside the hall." Sighing deeply, I followed the monarch, forever feeling like an ant under her perfect kidskin boots. It was a short walk, but felt like forever under so many speculating eyes and the slow withdraw of my men into places to relieve themselves and the unpacking of the ships. I felt alone if not for my brother's warm presence beside me, and my son clutching me out of fright for the unfamiliar surroundings. From a windy winter to one that's passing. It was still cold, but bearably so.
If felt like a dream within a dream, I couldn't grasp that this was reality. Not until I found myself in a room with King Lucifer sitting high and proud on his fur covered thrown. I did my best not to glare or sneer as he openly laughed at the sight of me. "By the Norns!" He cackled, "My dear King Alexan, you look quite the farmer. Worse off than the very farmers that are here!" Said farmers laughed at their sire's humour. "Come to grovel-"
"Nyx!"
The cry of my child filled the air, silencing everyone. He reached out his little arms towards her, I followed his gaze until my eyes met familiar blackish eyes. My son huffed and grunted as he tried his best to reach her still trapped in my arms. Her hair was hip length, even in three long braids, two that were draped over her shoulder, down the front of her body. One down her back. A thick woollen coat embraced her, only showing a peak of her soft violet gown. Covering whatever bump there was. She wore none of the heavy black makeup the others did, fresh faced as I'd find her in the mornings after sleeping next to each other. In my bed. Our bed. Here, we didn't have a bed. Only she had one.
We just stared at each other across the room like idiots. She didn't move to walk towards me, my child was complaining uncontrollably, and I just stared at her as if she'd disappear if I blinked. Finally it became awkward enough to force me to talk. "My Queen." I gruffed out, my throat parched for reasons I didn't care to think about. "You look... better than I last saw you." I lowered my gaze, giving up on containing my son, I set him on the floor so he could gradually stumble his way to my wife. Biting my lip, I watched his fat little arse wobble on unsteady feet until he reached her side. Nyx just smirked, discreetly lowering a hand for him to reach for. "Time with your family has done you wonders," I commented, "Perhaps it was best that your letter never received my viewing, you had more time without me-" I cut myself off from saying 'more time without me causing you grief'. I must be the only husband that has violating his wife in front of his peers, ignored her for other women, pushed her to slash her wrists, degrade her, and finally allow her to be beaten enough to miscarry our child.
I winced at the thoughts, filching away from the haunting memories. I looked around at the judging stares, crumbling inside as my bravery and security shrivelled. I wasn't a king her. I wasn't thought highly here. I wasn't anyone. "Clear the room!" Bellatrix boomed, the room indeed cleared very fast at her demand. She glared at her husband, "Best leave them to talk, wouldn't you agree husband?" There was a firm undercut to her voice that spoke of an untold story.
He scoffed, standing up. "Talk?" He snickered, "What would they want to talk about?" His voice an unneeded boom. I tensed, my shoulders hunching. Here I wasn't king, he was, and he smugly stomped down from his throne. "Why should we offer any hospitality to this..." Making an offending gesture towards my appearance, I received the insult without him speaking further on the point.
There was no way I was going to entertain him, I was here for his daughter but memory was my ally. I remembered how he treated her before our marriage, I can only imagine what his put her through. Nyx remained expressionless, her thoughts and feelings hidden professionally. Even when our eyes met, the dark globes masked everything. I swallowed hard. My heart pumped with longing for her, and she looked like she hated me. Watching in envy, I watched my son playfully tug at the thick fur of her cloak. Nyx smiled down at him. I cleared my throat, "She's carrying my child." I rasped, fingers creaking as my fist opened and closed. "I want a moment with my wife." I wanted to groan, I just wanted to be alone with her. I wanted to know what she was thinking. "Nyx... please..." The beg was met with silence, her long lashes fluttered but she said nothing.
Lucifer moved towards my wife in a threating manner and an uncomfortable pace, I moved forward with him. Nyx, shielding my son behind her, didn't outwardly show that she was threatened by the tall brute of the man at all. Brave woman. My woman. But he didn't touch her, luckily for him. "My daughter was found on a ship, with just her handmaidens." He pointed out, "Not just that, she was found with your swill in her belly." I bared my teeth, taking a step forward. "If that is your baseborn growing in that fat, useless body of hers. Fucking pathetic she is now, can't do a thing! Whines like a bleating goat, just sits on her arse." Bella started to protest, "Shut your mouth woman! You will not speak until you're spoken to!" His face reddened to an alcohol fuelled temper. "Blast! I'm tired of being spoken over. You want to defend your whore of a daughter?" He screamed at her wife, "She had a simple job. She had to suck his cock. She had to bed him. She had to behave." I rushed forward, as his hand wrapped around my wife's elegant neck.
No. there was no possible allowance on this world that I'd let his as much as touch a strand of her white hair. He fucking touched her. He had bruised her. He had degraded her. Gods know what he's done to her over the months I've been parted from her. I grabbed him by his pompous cape, yanking him back so hard he scattered on the hard floor. "Get your hands off my wife!" I roared, stalking him as he shifted back. "I don't need your permission or your command, she is mine. No longer yours. If you harm her again, I will ensure you regret it." A thin hand grasped my elbow sharply, pulling me away from the blistering old man. I turned to face my angelic wife, she merely shook her head and tugged me back. I swallowed hard, nodding in obedience to her order. Bending to pick up my alarmed son.
"For the sake of the Norns, would you get up!" Bella snapped, uncompromisingly irate. "Get up, give them peace! You're one to talk! You'd stick your limp rod into any woman that breaths your way!" My disgrace for a father-in-law was torn between tearing me to pieces and subjecting his wife to a tongue lashing for making him feel less of a man. That was the type of man he was, a dickless worm that needs to hit a woman to get his cock working. A piece of shit. "Let's go!" She screamed, the demand inflexible. Finally he gave in, spitting at my feet before glaring his way out of the building.
My blood still pulsed with violence, but I had gotten what I wanted. "Jay..." I huffed, trying to get a hold of my shallow breathing. "Take Rekker, and wait outside somewhere." My thin, reedy brother came over, taking my only son. "Please." Our eyes meeting, they were the same blue. "I won't leave you alone for long, I promise."
After not hearing her voice for so long, the soft purr of Nyx's voice spread through me warmly. Heating my blood and prickling my skin to life. "My brother and sister are in the room just down the corridor," She offered, "You may wait with them, Alex and I shall meet you after our... chat is over." She smiled, but it seemed forced. "I'll walk you there," She gestured for him to walk forward, before turning to me, her face stone. "You stay here." Her lips pressed firm and her eyes sharp.
I stayed, my hopes quickly dying. My son was too taken with Nyx to complain about being separated from me after such a long journey to an unfamiliar place. She seemed pleased that I had brought him. Not so enthusiastic that I was here. I kicked my heels for a few long minutes before deciding to sit on one of the shallow seats lining the hall's side. I buried my face in my palms. This was it. She was going to divorce me. It was a smart move on her behalf, she can take our child from me on her turf. I closed my tired eyes, groaning in frustration. This was not how I wanted my marriage to turn out like. We had been apart longer than we'd been together, and we hadn't even been married a year.
"I feel sick, Nyx" I murmured, hearing her footsteps. "I feel like my body is burning, like I have a fever." From my head down to my sweating feet, my body seemed to hum with warmth the weather didn't depicted. "Come here," I opened my eyes to find her standing a distance away, with a slight eye roll she came forward, standing in front of me. "Take off you cloak, it's too warm for it." She obliged, it wasn't that warm, but if she rid of it I could see the evidence of our growing child. I stared at the firm curve of her body obsessively. I felt like smiling, but it never reached my lips. "No one told me. I-I-I never got to read your letter. Or letters, if there was more." I uttered, pointlessly.
It was nothing, it was an excuse. I shouldn't have waited anytime at all. I shouldn't have let her go. I should have gone with her. I failed her. I failed myself. Nyx was quiet for a moment. "Rekker is here, where's his mother?" She voiced, nothing above her usual calmness. "Is she not here?" I shook my head. Onyxia hummed softly in her throat, seeming surprised. "Shouldn't your wife be here?"
I looked up at her, flatly. "My wife is right in front of me." I pointed out. "I don't want anyone but you. You are my wife, only you, always you." I argued, "Unless you look me right in the eyes and tell me otherwise, you are my wife." She huffed with scepticism. "I haven't had sex since we last parted." Irritated that I had to defend myself against her silent labelling. "I can't...." I growled, frustration building too quickly for me to focus.
I didn't want to argue with her. "You want to stand here and mock me? Truly?" I questioned, the teasing light in her eyes faded. "I have thought about nothing but you since you left. I've punished myself because of you, everyday, since you left. I've hated myself. I've been disgusted with myself. I've lost respect for myself." I bit out, "I can barely look at my own reflection. Ask me to do whatever you please, I just want your forgiveness. Your love. You." I reached out, but she stepped back, her brow frowned. "I lay, with my son, in our bed. I could still smell you upon the pillows at the beginning. It was like you were a ghost. I couldn't stand missing you that much. So far from my eyes, so close here in my heart. I can't even look at my son anymore because I'm responsible for murdering his little brother or sister. I came all this way, but I don't feel strong enough to face your presence. Being away from you is the hardest thing I have to do. I feel like I'm dying. I didn't have you there to help me mourn, you said you'd be there when he died!" My body trembled, and just because it was her and me, I let my guard down and vulnerability take over. "I am in pain, Nyx. So much agony. I feel so lost, I haven't felt like I've had a home. I can't even sleep in my own room." I looked at the ground, my voice shuddered. "Every night I just want to be home. I don't have a home anymore. You took that away from me. Home is being in your arms." I whispered, before looking up at her. "You won't even let me touch you." I croaked, gesturing to the visible distance between us. "You are the beat in my heart, the music in my laughter, the tears in my eyes. You are my whole world. Whether we are together or when we are apart, you are first in my thoughts, the first in my heart. I love you so much."
Nothing, her expression gave away nothing. Bored. Unimpressed. Resentful. Sympathetic. It was like she felt nothing, towards me anyway. I breathed deep and sorrowful, pulling at the long, jaggered dirk from my sheath. I knelt down low at her feet, at this she frowned further before raising a brow. I set the dirk before be, holding it for her to see. "I gave you my sword." I said, softly. "I gave you the blade of my family, to protect and keep until we had a son to pass it down to." I glanced up at her rounded body. "You vowed to do so for eternity. Or at least till it happened, I suppose." I shrugged, her brow quirked once again but she was watching and listening. "I made a vow too that day. To take care of you. To have as my own. To protect. To honour and respect. To protect you. Keep you safe. I was supposed to look after you. I know I didn't do that." I risked a hand on her stomach, feeling the hard shell of her womb protecting our baby. for some reason I didn't expect pregnant bellies to be hard, until I touched Emery's and now Onyxia's. I lifted my blade, meeting almost black eyes. "I'll make a another vow to you now, and if I so much as think to break it you have my permission to pierce my heart with this knife. I pledge my word and my body to you. Your servant and your master, I will never raise thought in rebellion to your graces." I brought the cold steel to my lips then sheathed it. "I love you, Onyxia. I know I could've done more, I should've done better. But I want you to know, I love you."
She didn't say it back, but I expected that. Nyx didn't say anything though, she just stared at me. Analysing. The sword was in her pit. Come on, Nyx, I called to her, Come back now or lose me forever. I chewed on my lip, causing it to bleed. Her eyes jolted at the movement, following every nip on the fatty skin. "Get up, A.J." She murmured, her dark eyes murky with quick, intelligent thinking. "Stand up." She repeated, sounding more like a queen. I paused, only for a moment, before obeying. I'd do anything she asked. She crossed her arms over her chest. She nodded at me, smirking with mischief. "Pull it out." I frowned. What? Blinking at her, I froze. "Pull it out, Alex, I won't say it again." I rolled my eyes, scowling at her. Sighing, I unlaced my trousers.
Nyx took the knife from me in one hand, the other grasping my exposed organ. I wasn't afraid of her, I trusted her. Even when she when she holds a sharp knife to my balls. "You want to talk. You want to confess. It's not enough. It's nothing to me, words are nothing to me. Empty air easily filled." I opened my mouth to protest that I was trying to be genuine. She spoke before me, "Shut up. Just fucking shut up. I'm already tired of it." She resettled her hand around my quickly hardening length, it was out of my control. My heart wasn't the only thing that missed her.
I looked her in the eyes just as steadily as she did mine. It still hit me hard just how beautiful she was, pregnant she practically glowed. "Answer my questions, and don't lie. I'll know if you lie, and I'm sure you want this back in once piece and still attached." She pulled gently on my cock. "If you didn't receive any of my letters, who did?"
"As far as I know, only Sarabii." Nyx's eyes widened slightly. "She wasn't your friend, ástin mín. She was too jealous of you to be." A part of my rejoiced that it was unlikely that my former lover and my wife would interact again, but another part felt bad when I saw the hurt that small betrayal revealed.
Nyx shuffled on her feet, the knife going lax in her hand for a second. "Even without being notified, you waited a long time to come." The slight ring of judgement in her voice lingered with something deeper that distracted her.
Was there something within her messages that bothered her to have Sarabii to read? Or any other woman for that matter? Had she confided something in them? "You're worth the wait." I said simply, but my thoughts lingered on whatever she may have written. "I owed you time."
She huffed in amusement. "Oh, yes." I missed her bright smile, just seeing it was heartbreaking. "You look like you've aged ten years. Although, I have decided if you should keep the hair and the beard." Running a hand through my longish hair, I studied her. "I suppose you were encouraged by your friends. How are they?"
I shrugged, my expression as stony and cold as my voice. "What friends? They hardly seem relevant anymore."
Nyx frowned, opening her mouth a few times before she replied. "What do you mean, Alex?" She asked, "Have you broken ties? With all of them? Alex! You're a king, you can't go about without anyone you can trust guarding your back!" Gods, she even sounded like a fishwife. This woman was perfection. "Your uncle and your cousins can not be trusted! Not even your mother to be honest."
I nodded in agreement. "After her imprisonment for her involvement in what happened to you, my mother most definitely sorted her wits out. Solitary aided her in picking the right side." My, Willow practically was a distraught mess after two days, she was even worse so when I freed her at two months. "I know what you mean, but my back is guarded. I promise nothing will happen to me, and if it did, you'll be well provided for. I'll give you everything."
"Don't be stupid, I don't want your wealth. Or your lands." Even after accidently offending her, that knife didn't move from where it was carefully placed. "Hansfinn? Halvdan? Lutz Gudný? Aksel Snædís? You've stopped speaking to all of them? Why? What did they do? Why don't you trust them anymore?"
"Trust..." I chuckled, darkly. "What was there to trust, hjartað mitt? They were the encouragements to a misused youth and a damn stupid boyhood. I wouldn't pity them if I were you, wife, they didn't speak kindly of you when you left for home."
"So, you abandon them just because they were insulting and rude?"
"No, I discarded them because you never liked them, firstly. Secondly, I've changed, they couldn't keep up." I said bitterly.
Her eyes scanned me, lines marking a furrowed brow. "I don't want you to lose your friends over me." Her voice was sad and guilt ridden enough to gain my attention. I made to move towards her but I forgot what part of me she held. That part of me was hard, hot and heavy in her palm. As much as I've being dreaming of being inside her again, it hit me that I've never actually made love to a pregnant woman before. At least not knowingly and with one so well formed. "You're very hard." The soft accusation hinted at her jealous side. Good, I wanted her to be possessive over me.
The next question was a clear one. If I haven't been spending time with my friends, who have I been spending it with? Well, most certainly, my people. I had done more to tend and meet the needs of those I rule over in the past months my wife has been absent than I have the whole nineteen years I've been alive. Aiding in the repair of homes. Building the food storages to the highest they've ever been. Even helping out on a few farms, the workers where a little unsettled for seeing their king plowing a wheat field, but they got used to it the more I showed up. Most importantly, I spent good time in the company of my father, and my son.
"Sarabii Ingefred." I blinked as Nyx regained my attention from my absent thinking. I wrapped a hand around the back of her head, she leaned into my touch, yet her eyes were alight with forbidding misplaced uncertainty. She'd doubt me for a long time. I couldn't blame her. "Where is she now? I don't think she'd take kindly to her child being taken."
I ground my teeth, not because I was angry but because I seemed to be stuck with my children. Sarabii wanted to keep Rekker as much in her power as possible. Nyx would never give up our child to me if she decides to end our marriage. Neither child would choose to live with me, I think. If they were old enough to choose. "He's my son too. I'm tired of having my children robbed from me." I admitted, honestly. "I won't let you take this one from me. I won't let anyone take Rekker from me. I don't care about bloodlines or who came first or whatever judgment that can be placed on a child." My wife didn't say anything further, but at least I knew that she took in everything I said. "Sarabii is back at Kastala Brúviður. I didn't want her to come. I don't trust her."
"Did you have sex with her after I left?" I shook my head, staring at her flatly. "Did you have sex with Zahia Tadinanefer?" She asked, her eyes narrowing slightly.
"That was only one time, and you were there when it happened." I pointed out, "I didn't even know her last name."
She hummed, nodded with acknowledgement and toying with the long blade in her hand. It was still dangerously close to castrating me. It was an accepted fact to me that sex with my wife was unlikely until she wanted to. Right now, today, it was obvious that she didn't. "Is Eréndira Hatshepsut still at the castle too?"
I shook my head, "No, I sent her away when..." I cleared my throat, "When we lost our child."
"Oh," For a moment her eyes glassed, a pang of agonizing sorrow pinched me. I caused that. It was my fault that we lost our first child. By the Gods, our second child will greet the world awake and screaming. "And what about your.... little 'princess'? Kyarah Demetrjusz? That blonde cocksucking whore that plotted the loss of our child. Where is she now? Still warming you bed? You certainly preferred her touch to mine." A well-deserved glint of spite filled her dark eyes. I made a noise of protest when the blade pushed a little too hard on my sensitive equipment. Nyx wasn't noticing what she was doing, too lost in anger and memory. I grasped her hands, pulling them safely away from me. Tucking myself back into my trousers. I didn't need to stand like that for longer, I knew Nyx will have my balls for breakfast if I ever betrayed her again. For the sake of keeping them attached, I doubt I'll even look at another woman again.
"She's not 'my' anything." I snapped, "And she's rotting in a dark cell. Does that make you happy?" I questioned. "Are you satisfied with her suffering?"
Nyx scowled, turning from me. "I'll be satisfied with her death." She snarled like the bloodthirsty warrior I loved her to be. Quietly seething in anger and unbalanced instinct, her teeth grinded and her eyes analysed me judiciously. My dirk twisted in her hand, the silver blade glistening. This wasn't how I thought our first meeting would have gone, but it was half expected. She has no reason to trust me, and every reason to fall out of love with me. "Anything else you want to tell me?" Nyx demanded, visibly effected by standing so long in such a deep state of pregnancy. My mouth opened and closed, "I'm only giving you this one chance to be honest," Her voice firm with warning. "Use it wisely."
I skited a little closer to her, watching that knife carefully. Just say it and maybe she won't hate you. I sucked a deep breath, making sure to retain eye contact. While I had eyes. I looked down at the knife briefly. "Before we were married, I came back to my chambers a little... deep in drink, so to speak." She raised a brow, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Eréndira and Kyarah were in my chambers with another girl." I swallowed deeply. It was one thing to be unfaithful, it was another to deflower one of your wife's loyal ladies. "It was before we really got to know each other. Got to love each other," I reminded her, urgently. "They had one of your handmaidens, I don't know her name. Tall, skinny, dark hair and eyes." Nyx's lips thinned and her eyes darkened with a familiar vengeance. "I had her." I admitted, "It was her first time, and I wasn't exactly in the mind to be gentle or kind. I-"
The slap was sharp and painful. Nyx winced at the burn to her hand, as I brought my own hand up to my scorching cheek. Her breath was shallow and angry. "You bastard!" She spat, hurt and livid. "Two months! You had two months to tell me!" Her screams echoed loud enough that I heard the footsteps of people eager to overhear our arguing. Luckily, so did Nyx. She lowered her voice to an outraged whisper. "Were you ever going to tell me? You coward! You could have had the balls to tell me. How do you expect me to trust you again?" She feebly shoved me, not getting much leverage on swollen feet. "I will not allow you to share my bed ton-"
"I am your husband!" I hissed, of liking the idea of anymore nights alone. She's had her time. I let her go home. I let her leave. I let her return to her family. She was standing her well-kept and healthy, free of suffering. Well, I suffered. I mourned. I agonised. She owed me something, even if it was as simple as a bed to sleep in.
She puffed, ready for a hard battle, she came right into my face. "And I am your wife." She spat it out as if it was a foul accusation. "I am not your possession. I don't have to do what you want me to do. I am not a slave, I am a woman." Lifting the knife, she pricked it against the underside of my chin. "Don't undermine me, husband." Our eyes didn't break from one another. "Do not shape me into some weak, simple minded maiden. I don't need you to save me from some daunting creature. I am the creature, I lurk under your bed and fuel your nightmares. If you don't respect me, I won't think twice about eating you whole." The blade flicked away without a nick, but it was just as sharp as her warning. She smiled humourlessly, "I'm sure we've kept your brother waiting long enough..." Just like that she walked away. Six months, and my shieldmaiden hadn't let her sword yield one bit.
Shyama PoV
Who knew chasing rabbits would be this difficult? I've literally been running, bolting and hurdling this way and that, and I still couldn't catch at least one. I couldn't think of anything more exhausting. It was too cold, although the snow had stopped and the icy winds ceased. I felt more the forest wildling rather than the king's cousin. To be truthful, I enjoyed it more. There was nothing more boring than the daily trails of womanhood in training. I missed Onyxia's presence most because of that. Here I was stuck with my cousin Emery, my absent mother and the passed king's sister. All boring and overly interested in sitting still. I didn't want to sit still!
I craved to move. I thrived for the old excitement of watching Onyxia fight and battle. Watching her rule over everyone, even the men! I wanted to watch her build her very own castle with the tones people threw her way. She was a worthy queen. One I felt aunt Willow was threatened by. Even without Onyxia being present. She was possessed in her obsessions. More often than not, I'd find her bickering foul words about Onyxia. Catching her talking to herself as if half insane with misplaced jealousy.
She blamed the people. She always did, even over the most bizarre, unrelated things. They had loved and admired their new fiery, generous and strong Queen. They mourned her absence and felt at loss for their King's open grief. Often, when I accompanied Alexan on his trips to various farmers, workers, and peasants, I would hear them comment. On how beautiful she was. How kind. How regal. They missed her as much as he did. And Willow's repayment was ever the same. Even as I crossed over the nearest hill I could smell it in the air and find sorrow upon the horizon.
It had started as soon as Alex left. Leaving the regency to my cousin, but Emery was too shy and soft spoken. Willow overpowered her easily. Raising taxes. Demanding more supplies, more labour. Over working them, and if and when they couldn't met her demands, they would be punished and suffer. Public beatings. Houses burnt. Children stolen into the regent's services. Slave children to grovel at her every whim.
The world glossed over the hardships of a child. We were forever painted in a glowing blur of thoughtless cheer and joyful ambiance. It is true, what one loves as a child while living this daze, will live on in the hearts of adults forever. Yet I am convinced, if one doesn't act upon the love we never received, then once we grow older our hearts shrink and die. We are doomed to becoming cold, unfeeling beasts that don't remember childhood. The scariest monsters aren't the ones in stories, or the shadows surrounding our beds in a stormy night. No, the scariest monsters are the one that greet you at the breakfast table, tell you they love you and treat you kindly. You never know when those monsters will take off the cloaked façade and reveal the ugly, darkness that lays underneath.
I touched my scar, almost adoringly. Yes, I will never be beautiful. I will never be the first choice. But I had something in common with my heroes. They too had scars, and they too knew the secret knowledge that I did. That I scar isn't a tale of near death or a reminder of a dark past. It is the very evidence of strength and resilience. It doesn't say I'm weak, I'm feeble, I lack confidence in the way I stand or the way I speak. It says I survived. I was proud of that.
It wasn't up to me what path of life I will take, but I wouldn't bow to monsters. I will kick and scream and throw my shoes at them. I would roar like a bear. I would bite them like a wolf. I would run faster than a hare. And I will be more frightening than circling crows. I will not bow to any monster, even the ones that followed behind me. Even the ones that dared to make me call them my parents.