Chapter Seven
They stayed in their embrace for a while. Jacqueline’s arms were wrapped around his waist as she settled her head on his chest. James loved the feeling of holding her, of feeling as though he was depended on. He liked feeling needed.
James could tell Jacqueline was not ready to tell him what was going on, even though he wanted to know. She was scarred, and she would open up in her own time to whomever she liked. He was not one to demand she divulge her personal secrets to him all at once.
She wasn’t shaking anymore, she was just holding him, and he her. He could smell the subtle scent of lavender. He presumed the only luxury she spent her money on was scented soap.
James soothingly ran his hand up and down her back until he felt her breathing slow right down.
Jacqueline pulled away from him after another minute and looked to the floor, seeming a little embarrassed. “You should leave, Monsieur Alcott,” she said softly. “Your fiancée will be wondering where you’ve gone.”
James nodded. “I do hope you forgive me in time, Jacqueline. I might not seem like it, but I am trustworthy and if you ever do want to tell me anything, you can. I don’t know what happened to you, but I want you to know that you are safe here.”
Jacqueline’s blue eyes softened a little as a rare smile teased her lips. “You don’t understand, Monsieur,” Jacqueline said simply. “With privilege comes … security. You don’t know what true fear is.” She wasn’t taunting him or threatening him, she was just talking plainly … contently even.
“Perhaps not,” he admitted. He’d never feared anything in his life. He’d been very privileged in life. He’d gone to the best schools, had the finest clothes, attended the fanciest parties – he’d never wanted for anything. He didn’t know what it was like to go hungry or be poor. “But you can tell me when you want to.”
Jacqueline folded her arms across her chest in a gesture of self-protection. “What’s to tell? My tale is none of importance.” She offered him a small smile and turned away from him, walking back down the hallway to her bedroom.
James found himself seeing her into her room, bewitched by her swaying hips and perfectly bouncing curls. James reluctantly realised he had to return to the ball. No amount of tobacco burned that long – that is if Sarah believed he’d in fact stepped out for a puff.
He made sure the door was locked behind him when he left the orphanage. As he walked away from the orphanage he couldn’t help but smile. The little he’d gotten out of her was progress. Even if she was upset with him, she’d still smiled at him. And that small smile was worth more then any woman he’d ever been with because she was worth more then any woman he’d ever been with. Jacqueline … whatever her surname was … was it for him.
It was at least another half hour before he arrived back at the Smith’s residence which was still alive with music and chatter. Nobody noticed him as he slipped inside. The band was playing a lively jig as the guests twirled around in circles with their partners. Surveying the room from where the announcer stood, James saw his sisters standing with his mother having a seemingly intense conversation. That couldn’t be good. Henry was on the dance floor with a young lady he didn’t recognise and his poor father was standing with Sarah’s parents no doubt talking about how much money they could get out of him for the wedding. But where was Sarah?
He scanned the room once more to see if he could locate her but he couldn’t.
“Looking for someone?”
He jumped as a woman appeared beside him. It was Sarah wearing a very unamused expression on her face. She held an empty champagne glass between her hands. She twirled it between her fingertips by the stem.
“Not at all, I was just enjoying the general splendour,” James lied obviously.
“Oh, please,” Sarah scoffed. “Honestly, at your own engagement ball? Can’t you keep it in your pants for one evening?”
He’d never heard Sarah speak so brazenly before. She was usually quite proper. “I don’t know what you mean, Sarah.”
Sarah glared at him murderously, her sharp, green eyes capturing his glance. “I told you that after we’re married I do not care who you soil. But I don’t want people laughing at me before we say ‘I do’.”
“I was not soiling her,” James said defensively. “We were just talking!” He didn’t like Jacqueline being talked about like that. She was pure. He wouldn’t have Sarah dirtying her name.
“Of course you were. Whatever it is, just wait until we are wed. Now, let us mingle. Your sisters are terrible liars by the way. Smoking?” Sarah scoffed before looping her arm in his.
The night dragged on from then. The conversations blurred and the music sounded all the same. All he could think about was Jacqueline and how she’d cracked just for a second. Her emotionless façade had failed for a moment and he’d seen the scared young woman that she hid inside. All he wanted to do was comfort her and hold her once more. Holding her felt natural. It felt real. More real than any rendezvous he’d ever had.
The ball came to a close in the wee hours of the morning. Carriages began to take the guests home at sun up which meant that the Alcotts could finally depart as well.
James was absolutely exhausted and could not wait to spend the entire day in bed but he knew that would not be the case. It was better to stay awake rather than sleep the day away otherwise he would never fall asleep the next night. All he needed was a hot cup of tea and a decent breakfast to keep him awake.
Once back at Ethridge, the family changed from their best clothes to their day clothes and then returned to the dining room for breakfast at eight in the morning. Henry was practically falling asleep in his porridge next to James. Sebastian had his nose buried in the newspaper and Emilia sat opposite him with a coy smile on her face as she daintily sipped her tea.
His sisters were at their gossiping best. Emilia knew something. If she knew something it meant that he was in for one of her ‘talks’. She wouldn’t rest until she knew everything. She had an annoying way of knowing everything about each one of her children. It was both a blessing and a curse.
James ate his porridge messily just so that he could escape the dining room as quickly as possible. He excused himself from the table quietly and dashed upstairs to his bedchamber so that he could seek solace from his mother for a little while.
He closed the door behind him and thought about what he was going to do for the rest of the day. He could go and see any one of his sisters and berate them for blabbing. He could go and see Jacqueline again and see if she was interested at all in talking but three times in two days seemed a little much. His sisters it was, one which one would he choose? Kitty probably. She was most likely the culprit. As a bonus he would get to see his little niece and nephew. He was their favourite uncle after all. They weren’t old enough to have favourites of course but he knew he would be once they could talk.
James fetched a coat from his wardrobe and stepped over the pile of dirty dress clothes that he’d left on the floor for the maids to collect once they turned over his bedchamber. He really needed to be neater. As Jacqueline said, he was born to privilege, he didn’t know what it was like to fend for himself. After he’d buttoned his coat he collected his clothes off the floor and brought them over to his bed. He folded his shirt, trousers, waist jacket and coat as neatly as he possibly could. He then laid the cravat across the pile because he had no idea how that was folded. He was satisfied that it was good enough, enough to surprise the maids anyway.
James picked up his pocket watch from his side table and put that and his money pouch in his pocket in order to leave the house. But as he opened the door, sure enough his mother was standing outside ready to knock.
Her brown eyes warmed as she smiled and gestured to him to turn back around. “We are having a chat, mister,” she said excitedly.
James rolled his eyes. “Mama, I’m going out.”
“No, you’re not,” Emilia said firmly. “We’re having a conversation. We don’t talk as much as we should and I want to know what’s going on in your head. You’re my oldest child and I want to know that you’re not going through anything alone. I’m your mother and there are few who will ever love you as much as I do. So, sit.”
James conceded. He returned back into his bedroom and went over to his bed to sit on the edge. Emilia eyed the pile of folded clothes on his bed with an amused expression.
“For years I could not get you to even change your clothes and now you’re folding them? Are you feeling alright?” she teased.
“Mama,” James groaned.
“I know, I know,” she said as she sat down beside him. “Now,” she began. “I spoke to the girls last night after I saw you disappear from the ball and we had a long chat about you and Sarah. I know this is not a love match. If it was then I would have to think that you were mad. What I don’t understand is that you’re marrying Sarah when you’re clearly head over heels in love with Jacqueline.” Emilia spoke frankly as if it were the simplest issue in the world.
James wasn’t in love with Jacqueline, it was too soon for that. He could tell that it was possible though. He didn’t know what love felt like, but if it felt like he did about Jacqueline then he knew he was heading toward love quite rapidly. “I’m not in love with her, mama,” he sighed.
“But Kitty told me you’d already professed your love for her,” Emilia protested.
“Kitty exaggerates,” James exclaimed. “You know that. She’s the most dramatic person in the world. I’ve known Jacqueline for nearly three days, I’m not in love with her.”
Emilia pouted as if she were a child. “Clearly she must be special if you’re leaving an engagement ball to see her.”
She was.
“Why are you still engaged to Sarah if you’re sneaking off to see this woman?” she persisted.
“Mama, I’ve been courting Sarah for a long time. It wouldn’t be fair to just leave her high and dry no matter how much you dislike her. You might even dislike Jacqueline more,” James said comically. He could not see how his mother could dislike Jacqueline. She was so reserved and quiet yet there was a pure innocence about her that just made her endearing. There was also the small fact that she was breathtakingly beautiful.
“I doubt that,” Emilia quashed the thought. “Just humour me, James. What is this Jacqueline like?”
James breathed deeply as he thought of a way to describe her that would do her justice. “She’s French … you could probably tell that by the pronunciation of her name. She had an accent and I don’t think her English is fluent but she speaks well. Joseph told me that she is eighteen years old and that she is a Catholic which is why we haven’t seen her in church before.”
“Catholic?” Emilia repeated. “I’ve never met a Catholic before.”
“You do know that we were all Catholic before the Church of England was created. Being Catholic is not something that will change my mind,” James said defensively. As soon as he spoke the words he paused. Had he really just said that her religion will not ‘change his mind’? Had he already made up his mind?
“I know, I was just merely saying that I haven’t met a Catholic before,” Emilia replied. “Anyway, tell me more. What does she look like?”
“Beautiful,” he replied instantly. “Really, really beautiful. Effortlessly so. She’s got the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen and long, dark hair that curls naturally. She really petite, small and narrow but it makes her all the more endearing.”
Emilia squeaked happily. “Oh, I can’t wait to meet her,” she said excitedly.
James did a double take. “You’re not meeting her, mama. I can’t end my engagement to Sarah. I made her a promise. It’s not fair to her.” The more he thought about Jacqueline and her hate for money, he realised that if he did fall in love with him then it would be for him in spite of his money. That factor would add to her perfection.
“You can and you will,” Emilia said firmly. “You will not marry out of obligation. No son of mine will be forced into matrimony by a woman like her. She will find another husband. But my husband’s money will not be going to her. You deserve a woman like Jacqueline.”
“She doesn’t care for money,” James said under his breath but his mother’s hearing was very astute. With five children in quick succession, her hearing had to be.
“Excellent!” she beamed. “She was the one that the fifty pounds was for … how did that go?”
“It didn’t go at all,” he sighed. “She refused to take it. She was quite offended actually. I think she thought I was trying to buy her. She doesn’t value money, the only thing she values is a tatty rosary that she wears around her neck. The rosary itself is lovely but the chain is horribly tarnished. She seems to play with it when she’s anxious.”
“I love her,” Emilia said simply. She was perfectly serious. “Come with me.” She seized James’ hand and pulled him up from his bed. She then proceeded to drag him from his bedchamber into the hallway that led down to his parents’ stateroom. Their bedchamber was much larger then the other rooms in the house. The bed was a four poster with sheer white curtains tied to each post. The reason the room was so large was because it had a separate room for the bath. Emilia released his hand so that she could go over to her dressing table and start going through her drawer that was filled with necklaces, bangles and pearls.
“Grandmamma gave me this the Christmas after you and Kitty were born. It wasn’t for me, it was for one of you whenever I thought the time was right. It belonged to her mother. It’s an antique. It is the most beautiful silver and it shouldn’t tarnish if it’s kept clean. I always thought one of the girls would receive this but it is you. To give to Jacqueline, of course.” Emilia pulled from the drawer a simple silver chain. There was no pendant, it was only a fine, silver chain that was braided to give it effect. Emilia threaded the chain between her fingers and smiled. “It’s personal. Jacqueline might not appreciate such gifts as money but she might appreciate a gift that you have put thought into. Besides, you did not buy this, it belonged to your great-grandmamma.” She held the chain out to James and he accepted it gratefully. The chain felt so fine and delicate between his fingers.
He didn’t know much. He didn’t know what he was going to about Sarah … or Jacqueline for that matter, but he did know that he had to see her again. He could not deny the urge to see her. He did know where it was going to end if he gave into the urges – him in love and her wearing his chain. And in a perfect world, his ring.
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Hope you liked it :)
Dedicated to Kassilassie for suggesting James McAvoy for James, he's perfect and not to mention cute ;) He's got the messy hair and everything!
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