I blinked and felt someone's arms engulfing me. Thera was murmuring something next to me and it took me a second to regain my surroundings once more. I had only fainted for a few moments, but someone was already carrying me. I was hoping that I didn't create a scene or cause panic. The last time I had interfered with Meilin's dealing with an enemy, I had managed to attract the entire room's attention. I silently prayed that wasn't the case this time.
"What? She's with child," the man hissed. His voice was familiar but with a sinking heart, I realized it wasn't Meilin. "Thera, what were you thinking—"
"Bohai?" My eyelids fluttered and I peered up at his alarmed expression and saw that it was, indeed, Bohai who was carrying me. His brown hair was frazzled, as if he had run his hand through it many times, and his dark eyes held something dark within them. When he saw me, his expression grew more irritated.
"Bohai saw you faint and carried you out of the room while Master was still handling the whole affair," Thera offered as an explanation. "Master doesn't even know that you were there."
"With the state he's in, I doubt he would care," Bohai grumbled as we walked down the hall. His brows came together as he looked down at me and he sighed heavily. His annoyance was clear as day but he was trying to hide it. "Lady Daiyu, is it true that you're pregnant?"
I swallowed down my nausea before answering. "Yes. Roughly three months."
Bohai exhaled loudly. His shoulders were tense and he stiffened at my words. "You should've told us. We would've taken better care of you." His lips thinned out and his eyes flashed with anger. "You have to take better care of yourself—"
"Bohai," Thera snapped. "You can't talk to her that—"
"Thera." Bohai's eyes were dark and Thera's mouth clamped shut from the command in his tone. He was livid. His hardened gaze flickered to me and I couldn't believe the amount of control and authority in his tone. He was usually laidback, but this was the first time I had heard him speak with such power. He sounded like a Commander, for once. "Lady Daiyu, Meilin isn't the only one who knows how to get angry," he said through clenched teeth. "You shouldn't have seen any of that."
"But—"
"You shouldn't have too much stress on you. You'll lose the baby if you stress too much; seeing something as gruesome as that without being used to it will put you under tremendous stress. You couldn't handle bloodshed when you weren't pregnant; what makes you think you can when you are pregnant?" His tone was harsh but his words were true. He cast a glare at Thera when she opened her mouth to say something. She remained silent. "With everything that's happening, I don't have the patience to deal with you trying to overcome your fear. Too much stress can cause you to miscarry and it will threaten your life. Meilin wouldn't be able to handle that with what's happening right now."
I sniffled, bringing a hand to my eyes and swiping at them. They burned with unshed tears and I felt so lost right now. Everything was happening so suddenly. I knew he was telling the truth and I knew that I was foolish for trying to muster strength at the wrong time, but I could only think of Vita and what she was probably going through at this point. "Poor Vita," I mumbled as fresh tears welled in my eyes. "She doesn't deserve any of that. She doesn't—"
Bohai and Thera were both silent as I cried, none of them offering words of comfort. I knew that they were suffering more than I was right now. Thera had grown up with Vita, side by side, and treated her like a sister. Bohai, on the other hand, had helped Meilin raise her as if he was an older brother. Vita was like a little sister to him. He was, no doubt, just as angry as Meilin was and the rest of the Peccata was.
"Lady Daiyu, you have to tell him." Bohai sighed deeply and paused when we stopped in front of one of the rooms. Thera moved forward and opened the door while Bohai sauntered inside, carrying me with more ease and gentleness than he had initially done. His movements were slower this time too, as if he was scared he would drop me. "The faster Meilin knows, the better he'll be able to take care of you."
"I know," I murmured, wiping my face and sniffling. Bohai gently placed me down on one of the couches as I quickly swiped at my eyes. "I know, but there isn't a good time. I was planning on telling him when he got home, but with all this—" My throat closed up and my eyes burned once more. "—I don't know."
"Whatever the case, you have to take better care of yourself. I don't want to see you fall over like that again." He pinched the bridge of his nose before letting out a loud sigh. He ran a hand through his hair and stared down at me for a moment before glancing at Thera. "Take care of her, Thera."
Thera nodded. "Of course."
He spun around and left the room. I watched him leave and lightly rested a hand on my growing stomach. I had put the baby in danger by being in that situation—one that I knew I couldn't handle. I had wanted to watch the punishment of Keung, but was I naïve to think that I could stomach such a gruesome bloodbath? He most definitely deserved it, but death was death, and a mauling like that was hard to remove from my mind.
Thera's cold hands rested on top of mine and I saw that she had an alarmed expression on her face. Panic thrummed beneath her skin as she kept her cool, her expression on the border of anxiety and fear. "Is there pain? Has something happened?" She bit her bottom lip. "I shouldn't have allowed you to see that. Nikator didn't know you were pregnant, so he's not to blame. I, on the other hand, knew and yet I—"
I clasped her hand gently and shook my head. My smile faltered but I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm fine and it's not your fault. I'm old enough to make these sort of decisions and I knew what I was getting myself into. I'm the only one to blame."
"Empress . . . "
"I shouldn't have believed that I could handle such a scene." My stomach churned uncomfortably and I shifted on the couch until I was in a bearable position. "Bohai was right. If I can't handle someone dying under normal circumstances, I shouldn't have ever believed that I could handle it when I'm pregnant." I rubbed my forehead. "I have to think about the baby before I think about growing a backbone and becoming the Empress."
Thera regarded me with a neutral expression before nodding stiffly. She was a master at controlling her emotions and I could tell that she didn't want to stress me out by panicking. "I am ashamed that I didn't take care of you well enough," she said in an even tone. "I will serve you better from now on."
"Don't feel ashamed." I patted her hand. "There's nothing for you to feel guilty about. I'm fine, can't you see? I'm still shaken up, but I'll be fine—"
"Daiyu!" The door to the room banged open with a loud thud and Jia barreled inside. She had a noticeable bump, but it wasn't swollen and large as if she was going to give birth. She was roughly five months along, but she was still as energetic as ever. Her skin glowed beautifully and she had a rosiness in her cheeks, though right now she was out of breath and looking startled. "Daiyu, you're alright," she said as she quickly strode in the room and grabbed my hand. She scanned my face for any signs of worry before dipping down and hugging me. "I was worried when I bumped into Bohai just a moment ago—"
"I'm fine," I said as I squeezed her shoulders. When we pulled apart, I noticed that she wore a worried look. Her brows were pulled together and she had most likely heard what had happened.
"Fang suspected that something was happening since Meilin destroyed a few villages," Jia said as she sat down next to me. She glanced between Thera and me when she spoke. "He left for the palace and since Kang wanted to play with Prince Daewon, I went to the palace sometime after him. Once I dropped off Kang, I saw Bohai and I heard everything." She chewed on her lower lip. "Poor Vita."
Thera's expression grew strained and she gave us a tightlipped smile. The pain on her face was evident, even as she tried to control her emotions. "When you see Vita, please don't show pity towards her. She hates that more than anything."
Jia sniffled but nodded. "I can't believe that happened to her," she said as she wiped her eyes. "She's strong, but that's just horrible."
"We all risk our lives for Master," Thera said. I noticed that she hadn't shed a tear, but one look at her pained eyes told me that she was holding back. Years of controlling her emotions had made her the hardened warrior she was today. I knew that the rest of the Peccata were the same—except for Remus, who cried on many occasions.
Jia reached forward and touched Thera's shoulder. "Go see her, Thera. We'll be fine."
"But—"
"I know that Bohai left to see how she was doing. You should go too. She'll need you."
Thera hesitated but once I gave her a nod, she left the room without much of a fight. We watched her leaving form before Jia turned back to me. This time, she was frowning at me. "Daiyu, what were you thinking? You put your life in danger and the child's in danger," she reprimanded.
"I already got an earful from Bohai," I said halfheartedly. "The situation was just so sudden and I wasn't thinking properly. I only wanted to show that I changed . . . "
"You don't need to prove anything."
Right when Jia was going to say something, there was a rap on the door. Jia had left the door open and standing in the doorway was Fang, looking as composed as ever. His stony expression remained unchanged and his dark eyes were on his wife. Jia stiffened at the sight of him and I felt her press against me closer. Confusion tugged at my heart and before I could question it, Fang was speaking. His voice didn't hold a shred of warmth. "Jia, I told you not to come here."
Jia jutted out her chin. "I can do whatever I want."
His jaw worked and I saw irritation cross his usually neutral expression. "You promised to stay at home," he ground out. He was on the verge of losing his cool. The events that had transpired had no doubt taken a toll on him as well.
"Kang wanted to play with Daewon . . . " she trailed on with a shrug.
"Don't make excuses."
"I'm telling the truth!" Jia gripped onto my hand and squeezed, as if she was trying to gather strength. She had told me that lately she was snappier with Fang and that Fang was fussing over all the little details—not letting her go out too much, not letting her eat certain things, making sure that she rested, etc. As a result their relationship was becoming more strained. It wasn't his fault, though, since Jia was sick on many occasions throughout the months and that the healer had told her to stay in bed most of the time. Fang was only worried about her, but Jia, as she had told me, needed air every now and then.
Fang narrowed his eyes. "I can tell when you're lying."
"I'm not lying."
"You're not telling the whole truth." He pulled away from the doorframe and walked inside the room. He didn't even look at me as he focused on her. "You always have ulterior motives. This time it's your curiosity. You could've waited until I was home—"
"Fang, I don't want to argue with you."
"Jia—"
"I know, I know, I'll stay in bed," she said as she rose from her seat. She walked over to him and grabbed his hand. He looked suspicious as he studied her. From what I knew of Jia, she wasn't one to back down from a fight. I could see the way Fang was preparing for her to continue arguing, but she surprised him by wrapping her arms around his midsection.
Fang's expression remained the same as usual—cold, stony, intimidating—but he eased up and placed a hand on her head. "You have to take care of yourself. The healer said that you should have bed rest—"
"Fang, I know." She didn't let go of him and when she pulled back, all the fight had left her body. "We can talk about that later. Fang, I know you're really upset with what happened to Vita."
"She lost her arm, she was tortured, and she was violated." Fang's words were cold, but his hands clenched into fists before he relaxed them. He ran a hand through Jia's hair, as if forgetting that I was sitting a few feet away. He absentmindedly tucked a few loose hairs behind her ear. "Vita is strong. I met her a few moments ago and she was as strong as always. We can't pity her or think that this is the end for her."
Jia breathed in deeply. "Still, it's painful."
"It is, but the ones who did that to her are now dead. Vita will be the one to determine whether or not she is someone to be pitied or not. Knowing her, she will pick herself up and become stronger."
She nodded and rested her head on his chest. Fang, as if noticing me for the first time, suddenly looked a little embarrassed. He patted her back and coughed. "Jia, you should sit and rest." He gave me a polite nod. "Lady Daiyu, how is your health? Bohai told me what happened."
Jia pulled away from him abruptly. "Is Bohai telling everyone what happened?"
Fang raised a brow. "Telling everyone what? He only told me that Lady Daiyu fainted and that you ran after her."
"I see," she mused. "Well, he was really angry when I saw him."
"Naturally." He turned to me. "Lady Daiyu, you must also take care of yourself."
"Yes—"
"Meilin is already worried about Vita; please don't burden him any further." Fang frowned at Jia. "As for you, you need to rest. I'll have a room prepared for you. I'm staying in the palace for a few days because of this mess, and since you're here, you and Kang should stay as well."
Jia sighed but agreed nonetheless. "Fine."
"Lady Daiyu, you should inform Meilin of your situation when the time is suitable. Right now isn't ideal since he's uncontrollable and angry. Wait until he cools off."
"Yes."
"I wonder how Meilin will react," Jia said when she pulled away from Fang and sat back down next to me. She knit her brows together as she pondered for a moment. "I don't think he's ever mentioned anything about kids before. I mean, since he's emperor he needs an heir, but I've never heard him personally speak about kids before. Fang, what do you think?"
Fang was quiet for a moment. "Meilin didn't want kids when he was younger."
I smiled weakly; Meilin had mentioned a few weeks ago about how he didn't know how to be a father, but I wasn't sure what to feel about him not wanting kids at all. I could only wonder how he would react.
"But that was when he was seventeen," Fang said with a shrug. "I'm pretty sure his viewpoints on life are drastically different now. Besides, not many people want to have kids when they're that young. I'm sure at this point he's ready."
Jia nodded. "I'm sure he'll be happy, Daiyu."
"I hope so." I sighed. "I don't want to tell him right now since . . . "
"I understand, but it's better to tell him sooner rather than later," Fang said as he walked over to the door. "I have to get going now."
Once he was gone, Jia exhaled loudly and shook her head. "I still can't believe you witnessed Keung and his men die. I wouldn't be able to see something like that. I don't know how you did it."
"I fainted, so I'm not sure if it's even that big of an accomplishment." I stared down at my hands and clasped them together. Bohai had been right in saying that I shouldn't have been there. I had stressed my body and had put the child in danger. I was still too naïve. "Meilin is able to do so much and handle so many things without even thinking twice about what he does. I'm sure he's never fainted at the sight of blood."
Jia smacked my shoulder gently. "You can't compare yourself to Meilin."
"I know—"
"He's a warrior and he has lived differently than you. Obviously the experiences you go through will be handled differently since you've both had different upbringings. Besides, some people can handle bloodshed, while others simply can't." She smiled at me as she placed a hand on top of mine. "Besides, Meilin likes how you're so innocent."
I inadvertently winced at those words. Innocence. I was really starting to feel ashamed of that word. In the beginning when I had been chosen by Meilin, I had called him a monster, had felt that he was the scariest being to ever grace this world, and yet I had been so ignorant to his struggles and his life. My reactions towards things were so drastically different than his indifference, or the Peccata's calm assessment. I was innocent and that's what made me so ignorant towards the world.
As if reading my expression, Jia clucked her tongue. "You can't think negatively. Daiyu, everyone loves you for who you are. Your innocence is beautiful."
"But because of this innocence, I wasn't able to understand Meilin and even with everything that happened with Vita, I wasn't able to see Keung die—"
"That's not your fault. Being able to handle bloodshed doesn't mean that you're ignorant of the world or that you're a bad person. It definitely doesn't mean you're weak. Many people have a misconception that not being able to see someone die means that you're weak. It doesn't mean that. It all depends on your upbringing, how much you're used to seeing stuff like that—eventually you become desensitized to it—and who you are."
"But—"
"Don't think badly of yourself. Right now, you should be focused on your child and yourself." She gave me shoulders a soft squeeze before grinning at me. "Now cheer up. I know it's hard with everything going on, but we have to be strong for our men. They're going through a lot right now, so let's focus on being their support, ok?"
I nodded. "I'll be strong for Meilin."
"That's the spirit."