I stood transfixed, watching them. I don't know how long I stood there, but she seemed so comfortable, standing by his side. And he, seemed just as eager. I had seen her dance with many men at the last ball. And just like last time, my eyes remained on her and her every movement. But never before, had I seen her so at ease, so content with those in her company.
They were standing so close, almost a breath away, talking passionately about something, I found myself wanting to step forward and stop them, or to learn what they were talking about. But I couldn't, it was as if my feet had somehow been glued to the floor. Maybe something was stuck to my shoe that must be it! There was no other logical explanation for what was happening. Something was thumping rather loudly, it was beginning to make it difficult to hear. I couldn't figure out what it was for multiple minutes, until I realized it was my own heart thumping like a woodpecker against my chest.
Their conversation continued, and continued, and with each passing second she seemed to be getting more and more comfortable. At times her rosy cheeks tinting red, the redness spreading to her ears. She looked beautiful, the redness contrasting beautifully against her pale cheeks. I was momentarily distracted by her blush, but was then reminded that another was getting this reaction out of her. The fire within me continued to blaze, I was sure I looked like a man ready to kill by now, my eyes focused on them, and by teeth bared. But despite these strange emotions inside of me I couldn't look away, let alone move. It was like I was in a trance cursed to watch them. Maybe I deserved this, having treated Miss. Linton so harshly in the past, maybe this was my punishment.
My mind continued to explain, what my heart could not. Maybe they were friends, surely that must be it. It was the only explanation I could give myself as I watched her playfully elbow him in the ribs, as if they were long acquaintances that met up regularly. Maybe they were, I thought, then quickly banished that from my head, before my anger sparked out of control. The man set a hand over his heart, as if her elbow had hurt him. But he wasn't the one in pain at all, I was. My heart seemed ready to burst out of my chest, and it was beginning to get difficult to breathe. This exact feeling had occurred on the ship, when I thought she was about to drown and again when I thought she had died. No, I kept convincing myself she was fine and well, and this man in front of her, was someone who she saw from a brotherly angle. But these assurances were falling to deaf ears. They were just friends, they had to be.
Suddenly the curtain blocking them from the rest of the world, was pulled back and the old lady came to stand by them. The blush on her cheeks, left at once as she turned to face this woman. I had never been so happy to see an old woman before, as I was now. Miss. Linton seemed to have completely forgotten the man standing next to her, while the man took multiple steps back. With each step backward he took, the easier it became for me to breathe. I was almost certain my breathing had returned back to normal again when the music changed to something fast tempo. The noise of people running to the dance floor distracted me for a few seconds that I almost missed the man's hand shooting out and reaching for Miss. Linton.
What was he doing? Was he trying to grab her, and take her somewhere!?! She hesitated for a few seconds, and I took this hesitation as a cue to step forward and help her escape this situation. I had almost reached them, when something in her expression changed and she stepped forward and tightly grasped his hand. I was suddenly reminded, of the time she held my hand during our little adventure. She now held his hand with just as much confidence and ownership. She then proceeded to drag him towards the dance floor and away from me.
I continued to walk towards them, but dancers had begun to block my way. It was like she was getting further and further away, even as I attempted to walk towards her. There seemed to be no hesitation now, as she let him put a hand on her waist, and take her hand into his. She let him hold her, as if he had done it many times before. And he too, held her like she was his. But she wasn't, she did not belong to him. How dare she let him hold her like this? Other men had attempted to hold her with such possession, but she had always managed to restrain them, by stepping on their feet, or by scolding them while dancing. But as she galloped across the ballroom alongside him, she seemed more relaxed and happy then I have ever seen her.
This man, I had to learn who he was, and who he thought he was, to hold her like this, to actually think he could make her happy. He didn't know her like I knew her, he couldn't protect her like I could, he hadn't seen her scared, happy, relived, and fearless like I had. I knew her, and he didn't. But somehow whoever he was, he was able to draw more laughter and more smiles from her, then I have ever seen shoot across her face. They danced three times together. I was reminded of the time we had danced together, she seemed uncomfortable then, unable to look at me. But while dancing with him, she stared straight at him! straight into his eyes, and he looked straight back at her. After a while the music stopped, and still holding hands they walked to the nearest seats, almost crashing into them from perhaps exhaustion.
They were exhausted you could tell. I thought she hated these events, hated having to act like a proper lady, to entertain others at these events. But today she seemed to fit right in, like a totally different person, then the one I knew, and had grown to care for. They continued to talk, playfully shoving each other. At some point during their second dance, I had begun to walk towards the door again. I was having trouble walking, my legs seeming to weigh 200 pounds each. And it didn't help me, that even as I walked towards the door, my face was still facing towards them. Someone must have noticed by now, as my eyes followed their every movement, studied their every step. I was blowing my cover, people would surely ask as to why I was so intent to watch them. I knew I had watched them long enough, I knew that if I stood here any longer, I would be hurt beyond repair. I was no longer angry I realized but hurt... I was hurt, I felt betrayed! How dare she!
I knew I had tried to push her away enough times, for her to dislike me, but in the past few days, I had become sure of her feelings for me, of her loyalty towards me as her boss and as a man. She had endured many hard days looking for me, and the relief and happiness that spread across her face, when she realized I was alive, was proof that she cared for me. Wasn't it? Seeing her standing there, alive and well, had brought me more happiness and joy then I had ever felt. I was bombarded with so many emotions, that I became confused my them, only able to say " its you" over and over again. They danced a dance I was not familiar with, something that I would never have thought to partake in. Maybe it was the dance that was bringing her this much happiness and not the man next to her. Maybe if I learned the dance, then I could bring her just as much if not more happiness, then the man next to her.
The music had now come to an end, and they had begun to walk to the side. I was suddenly hit with inspiration and desire, to go ask her to dance to this galloping music, and to see her smile and laugh with me. My feet no longer felt like sand, and each step was strong and steady. I was now a few meters away from them. All she had to do was turn around and she would see me. I was so close to her that I could smell the perfume coming off her skin. The man was starting to walk away from her, and I knew I would not get a better chance. With another step, I was within hearing distance, and I heard the loud sigh Miss. Linton let out.
She said three small words, which stopped me cold once again. "I'll miss you". I had been wondering who this man was all evening, and now I knew I would do anything to not only learn everything about this man, but also to ensure that he never saw Miss. Linton again. " your one of the few men, that I don't actually despise" she says. This not only startled me, but feels like a dagger straight into my heart. Questions flooded my mind. How many men in her life did she despise? Was I one of them? And how dare she not despise this man? When had she become so transfixed with this man, that she was able to say this? I had asked her in the past, how she felt about marriage, about settling down, and she had harshly dismissed me. But now standing next to this men, she all but admitted her feelings for him. She had feeling for him, I realized. Feelings for a man that wasn't me.
They were now facing each other again, and he reached out and grabbed her hand, for what felt like the hundredth time today. He grabbed it, and held it like it was the most precious pearl he had ever seen, and it was, but a pearl that wasn't his. I suddenly felt the need to push him away from her again. To hurt him in a way, that he would know never to come near her again. I had almost decided on the perfect way to kill him, when he brought her hand to his lips and place a kiss. He had kissed her, kissed her in front of everyone, in front of me! He had kissed someone that wasn't his, someone who was... she was mine... MINE!
How dare she let another man kiss her. Damn her she knew how I felt about her, our kisses were proof of that. And yet, here she stood, face turned scarlet, letting another man kiss her without jumping back or stopping it. She did absolutely nothing to stop him. Nothing! Dropping her hand he turned around to leave. And she stood there, watching him leave, and I stood there watching her. I was directly behind her now, close enough that if she were to turn he back would brush my chest, but she never turned, she never turned to look at me. She just stood there watching him.
Fine then, I thought stare at him, run after him, do whatever you want. I didn't care, I didn't care at all. I turned my back to her, and all but ran out of the hall. I could not remember the last time I ran so fast, I ran all the way to the carriage. With a heavy heart, I knew that it would be much easier to change her feelings for me, as she had already begun to admire another.
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That was by far, the longest chapter I have ever written!
I know there are probably like a hundred mistakes in there, but please ignore them, I will try to go back and correct them, at a latter time.
I don't plan to continue this fan fiction, but if you guys would like for me to do so, please let me know by commenting!
Your comments make me really happy!
Thank you, and I cant wait till Wednesday!
love Lily White