Chapter Thirty-Six
ORION
The rest of June was a flurry of activity for Orion; getting up at seven to drive to Providence with Erin and spend half his day at the docks and the bait shop, driving home at three and rushing to get a shower and get the stink of fish off him before driving to the coffee shop downtown and sit in one of the over-sized armchairs to watch and listen to the band practice their sets. Irene had joined them for a couple of small gigs in Providence, but she was still trying to learn their songs and thus had been reduced to playing only covers--though Orion had to admit that she was also pretty good at bullshitting her way through a song she didn't know, good enough to convince newcomers that she knew what she was playing. However, because her drumming style and David's were so different, the guys actually ended up changing the beat on some songs, and Irene was picking those up amazingly fast.
Orion loved watching the full band play again, and there were several fewer fights between this group than there had been when David was still drummer. Irene didn't force her opinion like Dave had, and she was open to suggestions, even from Eric (who she still held a grudge against from the whole lunchroom incident with the rubber band).
He suspected that if he hadn't been so tired by the time he got there, Sean would have called him up to practice with them for the shows he was guesting--his first one of the Summer was actually just a week away. But as it was, Orion usually managed to stay awake for only half an hour or so before he dozed off in one of the chairs and was gone to the world until Carson would come over and hold a cup of coffee under his nose and wake him up.
But, that was okay with Orion--he liked singing with the band, but Irene had never heard him sing before and the thought of singing in front of her made him nervous. He knew it would happen sometime (in a week) but he preferred to wait until it was absolutely necessary. Besides, he sang better in front of crowds than in small groups, where he had more time worry.
Orion sat in one of the chairs in the coffee shop now, listening to Karen play the beginning of their song "Stone Shore", nursing a cup of coffee and trying his best to stay awake. He'd had particularly long day that started with waking up late and throwing on a pair of dirty jeans that still smelled like fish and river, driving to the shop and having to hop on a boat to go out with Corey and help haul fish in. He'd gotten a call from Erin when they were on their way back in, asking him to pick Eliza up from her friend's house and bring her to the shop so that Erin wouldn't have to risk them running late to the airport. Picking her up had been fine, but halfway back into the city, Eliza informed him that she 'forgot' her travel bag and they had had to turn around and get it, and mysteriously, Eliza couldn't find it when she got there. It took an hour for them to finally find it, and when they did it was in the back yard, hidden behind Mrs. Edger's flowers.
Orion had been less than pleased.
When they finally got to the shop, Eliza had started pitching fits about how she didn't want to go, causing a ruckus in front of customers, and Orion had been forced to haul her into the office and explain to her that it was that kind of behavior that was the reason that she was spending the rest of the summer with their grandmother.
After a couple hours of babysitting, Erin finally put their bags into her car and left for T.F. Green with Eliza, promising Orion and Corey that she would be back the next afternoon.
That alone was enough to wear Orion out, but to top it off, on his way home from work, his phone rang with a call from his dad. He'd reluctantly answered, and forty-five minutes later, severely regretted his choice. He spent fifteen minutes trying to evade Johnathon's questions about college, before he finally just told him that he'd decided not to go. Then he had spent half an hour arguing with his father that he did not have to go to college, and he already knew most of what he needed to know for photography, and what he didn't know could be learned through experience and speaking with other photographers. Johnathon insisted that his son needed to further his education and not just focus on photography, that he should be prepared and have a back-up plan in case 'the whole photography thing fell through'. Orion had hung up before he had to hear his father tell him that he didn't really think he was going to make it in his chosen career.
After that, Orion had wanted to do nothing more than throw his phone across the room and start destroying things. But he had somewhere to be, and he was too tired to worry about having to pay for a new phone if he broke his--not to mention whatever else he might have broken in his fit.
So, he'd hopped in the shower, washed the stench of fish and river and sweat from his skin and hair, brushed his teeth and pulled on a fresh t-shirt and basketball shorts, not caring that he didn't look particularly awake or ready to face the world again.
When he got to the coffee shop, no one commented on his appearance, already too familiar with it to question.
And now he watched as Irene softly beat out the background for 'Stone Shore', so quiet that it blended in with the melody Karen was playing on her keyboard, the two instruments seamlessly merging into one tune. If it wasn't for the heavy, hot mug of coffee in his hands, Orion would have been asleep already.
As it was, he managed to keep his eyes open enough that he could watch her face as she played; she was so intensely focused, not seeing the world around her, but the world that she wanted to be in--her dark brows furrowed and her hair fell over her shoulders and covered half of her face, her mouth was set in a straight line, and to people not paying attention she may have looked angry--but if you were really watching her, like he was, you could see how passionate she was about the song in the way that she moved; in the gentle but firm motions of her arms, guiding the drumsticks where they needed to go. You could see it in the way that her head dropped a little in the softer beats, and the way her eyes fluttered closed in the more intricate parts.
He smiled at how purely /alive/ she looked in that moment--how alive she looked every time he'd seen her play so far. It was almost like she became a different person, and Orion suspected that it was as close to the girl she'd been before Rico died that she would ever be again.
Since that kiss in her bedroom, neither of them had brought up anything about a relationship, and they hadn't kissed again. There had been occasions when they were sitting at La Cocina together (now that Irene was in the band, she was fully a part of his friend group, and so coaxing her to join them at the local Mexican restaurant was not nearly so hard as it had been before) that Orion or Irene one would grab the other's hand. Usually it just kind of happened; like neither of them seemed to quite realize what they were doing until suddenly their fingers were interlaced and resting on the seat between them--or on Orion or Irene's leg if they were sharing a booth with one of the guys.
That didn't mean that Orion hadn't /wanted/ to kiss her though. There had been plenty of times: sitting on her couch waiting for Selene to get home, neither of them having the distraction of homework; weekends out with everyone where they'd go up to Providence and spend a day in the arcade and Irene would get pissed off at Galaga and Pac-Man; after band practices when she was so happy and full of life from the music she'd been playing.
But every time that he wanted to kiss her, and every time that he nearly did, there was something in the back of his mind that was holding him back. It was this little whisper that reminded him that the whole reason that he was with Irene was because she was deciding whether or not to kill herself and he still had no answer. At this point, it was hard for him to think that she'd still want to take her life, but he knew that it could still be a possibility; almost five months ago, she had given him a deadline of August to make her change her mind about it, to make her stay on the Earth. And here it was, the last week of June, and he still had a month and a half before he got an answer.
And it was setting him on the very edge of a cliff that he really did not want to fall over.
"Alright guys, let's call break and eat!" Sean called out as they finished the song, setting his acoustic down and hopping off the stage. He nodded a greeting to Orion, which Orion returned, and walked over to the counter where Carson was stacking individually wrapped cookies in a pyramid formation.
Eric jumped down from the front of the stage and came to sit next to Orion, patting his shoulder as he walked around the back of his chair. "You look tired, man," he said as he sat down.
"What else is new?" Orion replied, taking a swig of his coffee. He yawned as he set the mug down on the table between his and Eric's chairs, still keeping his fingers on the hot ceramic in the hopes that it would keep him awake.
"Bad day?" Eric asked, settling back into his chair. Orion thought that he looked a little tired himself; since graduation, Eric's dad had been pushing him to find a job, while his stepmom had been asking him to stay home and take care of his little brothers while she went out and tried to find some work herself. It had taken a lot out of him, trying to please both of his parents, while at the same time basically trying to raise two six-year old boys who were typical six-year-old boys and didn't always want to listen. Orion had been around them a few times in the past couple weeks when Eric was forced to ask that they move band practice to his house; they weren't horribly rowdy, but it did make it challenging for the band to get through a whole song without Eric having to stop five times to keep the twins from getting into something they shouldn't. Orion tried to help out as much as he could--they all did, with the exception of Irene. Orion was beginning to think that she didn't like kids at all--but sometimes he was so tired that he fell asleep even amidst all the chaos.
"Yeah, you could say that," Orion said. "Today was the day that Lizzie went to spend the rest of the summer with our grandmother in Florida, and of course, she had to make things difficult--she actually hid her luggage in Mrs. Edger's flower bed."
"Wow," Eric replied with a chuckle. "She really did not want to go, huh?"
"No. She even started making a scene in the front room of the shop when I brought her back to work with me, and I had to drag her into mom's office and explain to her that there was absolutely nothing that she could do to get out of it. I just don't know what made her start acting like such a little brat in the first place."
Eric laughed and shook his head. "She's jealous, man," he said simply.
"Jealous of what?" Orion asked.
Eric rolled his eyes, like it should have been the clearest thing in the world. "She's jealous of Irene. Or more accurately, she's jealous of the attention that you've been giving to Irene since you guys started hanging out. Her five-year-old brain doesn't comprehend that you've been trying to save her from herself--she just sees that you really like Irene, and she's not used to that."
"Couldn't have said it better myself," Karen said, propping her elbows on the corners of their chairs as she came to crouch behind the table between them. "You've got to think; the last time you showed special attention to a girl, it was Shelley Matthers, and Eliza was three--just barely three--and she doesn't remember that at all. Plus, she wasn't really old enough to understand what was going on. In this case, she's still not quite old enough to get the whole situation, but she can at least tell that you like Irene, and that Irene likes you, and Lizzie's not cool with that."
Orion felt the tips of his ears flame up and he looked at Karen almost like he couldn't believe she'd just said that.
"What?" Karen asked with a shrug and a look of pure innocence. "We all know it. We've known it longer than you have."
"She's right. You guys haven't exactly been hush hush about it," Eric threw in.
"We're not dating or anything," Orion countered. "We just hang out."
"And kiss in her bedroom while your friends are waiting downstairs to make sure that nothing's horribly wrong," Karen said matter of factly.
"I figured something like that must have happened," Eric commented. "You guys were up there for an awfully long time."
Orion spluttered, and now his ears were definitely red, all the way up and down. He felt the flush creep onto his cheeks, too. "How do you know that?" he asked, not bothering to deny the validity of Karen's statement. He was past the point of publicly denying his feelings for Irene.
"She told me, of course," Karen said. "I'm practically her best-friend now."
Orion sighed. "It's still no excuse for Lizzie to act like such a brat."
"No, but now you know the reason. And your grandmother probably knows the reason too--don't worry, Lizzie'll be like a different kid by the time she gets back," Karen told him. Karen had met his grandmother once, a long time ago, and had learned very quickly that she was not a woman to be trifled with and she would put you in your place in a heartbeat.
He didn't comment on that, just sighed again and picked up his coffee mug, taking a long drink from it, as though it were something a bit stronger than a cup of joe.
Soon they were joined by the rest of the group, and Orion was forcing smiles and pretending that he felt normal. That he wasn't stressing and irritated, that he didn't want to just pack a bag, get in his great uncle's hippy van and take off across the country--leave it all behind and seclude himself in some faraway place.
While the guys talked about sets and their next concert, Orion thought about his future; he thought about how he was going to afford this tour they were planning, how he was going to start his photography business. He thought about what life on the road was going to be like for them, where they were going to sleep, how they were going to eat. It was a dangerous plan, and one that could very easily and quickly result in them getting stranded somewhere. He thought about too, whether or not the girl who may or may not be his girlfriend was still going to be alive when he got ready to leave on this journey.
And if she did decide to live, to stay with him, was she going to come with them? Orion had kind of forgotten that she was a year behind and a year younger than he and Eric and Sean. She still had an entire year of school left before she graduated.
Could they take her away from that?
Could they afford to leave her behind?
Could Orion even stomach leaving her in Levenson while he toured around the country, after all that had happened?
There were so many unanswered questions; so many fears brewing and boiling inside of him...he felt like it wouldn't be long before he exploded with the pressure of it all.
He picked his mug up from where it had rested on the small table, and stood up from his chair. The others all looked up at him curiously. He left the circle of chairs and started towards the counter to return his mug. "I'm heading out," he told them as he walked away.
"Are you okay?" Irene asked. He glanced over his shoulder at her, saw the concern in her eyes, and felt a small stab of guilt in his gut. Since when was she the stable one in their messed up relationship?
He set the mug down, and Carson took it to set it in the sink. "I'm fine," he lied, not particularly caring how convincing he sounded. "Just tired. I'm going to go home and sleep."
As he started out the door, there was a small chorus of bye's and Eric telling him to get some rest.
Orion hopped in the Jeep and cranked the engine, pulling out of the parking lot and onto Main Street. He turned as if he were going home, to make the lie more convincing. As soon as he was out of eyesight of the coffee shop, he hooked a right onto one of the side streets and drove the Jeep into the older part of town, where the houses were even smaller than his and less well-kept. He passed a few houses that were boarded up and marked as condemned. Some houses had lawns filled to the brim with an odd mix of car parts, lawn equipment and children's toys. Some lawns had dogs running around inside fences, looking menacing with chain and spiked collars.
To a lot of Levenson's population, this part of town was a scary place meant to be avoided at all costs (despite the fact that this used to be where everyone lived, once upon a time, and if the mayor would allocate proper funds, it could be restored to a nicer condition) but Orion was familiar with it, and found no discomfort in his surroundings. He had been in this part of town enough to know that the same rules that applied to the rest of Levenson applied here: you don't do anything worthy of being messed with or beat up, you don't get messed with or beat up.
He secretly kind of loved the slums of Levenson; there were stories around every corner, and the old houses held so much character. He couldn't imagine all the things that had been done and seen in this part of town. And the people who lived here were some of the nicest he'd ever met, despite their appearances or the presumptions that others had about them.
Besides, Karen actually lived here herself, and he'd spent more than one night holed up in her tiny house avoiding the world.
He pulled to a stop in front of a weathered blue house on one corner, the driveway so full of vehicles that he had to park on the street.
When he got out, he was greeted by an old chocolate lab that wagged his tail profusely at the sight of him, and Orion had to smile at that, at least.
"Hey Russ," Orion greeted the dog. He hadn't seen the old guy in months, and for Russ' s part, he was doing pretty well. His fur had grayed a little bit more, but he still seemed to be moving around okay.
Russ led him under the carport and around to the backyard, stopping proudly at the open backdoor. Orion scratched his head and thanked him, before stepping inside. The smell in the kitchen when he walked in was...interesting: a lot of pot, vanilla incense that was already threatening to give him a headache, and an undercurrent of pepperoni pizza. The kitchen was tiled with cheap gray linoleum and the walls were a faded yellow color. The appliances were all old and mismatched, the refrigerator clearly being the oldest with its rounded body and metal handles. The air inside the house was a bit hazy, and Orion got a taste of it's effects just by inhaling the smoke.
"Orion Sage, holy shit man!"
Orion looked away from the oven where he'd been trying to determine if there was still pizza, and up to where the high school's dealer was standing in the middle of the living room, his arms open wide as if he expected Orion to hug him.
"Hey Matt," Orion greeted mildly. Matt's hair was longer than Orion remembered it being, and he had a blanket of fuzz on his jawline, like he was trying to grow his beard out but it had decided to stop right there.
He walked over to where Matt stood, Russ following behind him happily. The boys shook hands and Matt pulled him in for a hug despite Orion's protests.
"What can I do for you, dude?" Matt asked when he released him.
Orion fished around in his pocket until he grasped his wallet and pulled it out. He opened it and lifted a few bills out, reaching to give them to Matt.
"Give me whatever this'll get me," He instructed.
Matt shook his head, pushing Orion's hand back at him. He turned around and snapped at one of the other guys in the room, one that Orion didn't recognize. The guy picked up a joint from the coffee table and handed it to Matt, along with a Zippo lighter.
Matt handed both things to Orion with a lazy grin. "Consider it a graduation present," he said. He took a step back and swung his arm out wide, offering Orion any of the free seats in the living room.
Orion sat in an armchair across from the couch, and Matt reclaimed his seat, Russ settling down at his feet. The old TV set clicked on and slowly faded to a local station and Matt and the two other guys in the room turned their attention to the game show that was on, while Orion set the joint gently between his teeth and brought the lighter up to the other end. He pressed down on the trigger that released the tiny flame and held his breath as he lit up. Extinguishing the flame and setting the lighter down on the glass side table next to him, Orion slowly inhaled, smoke filling his lungs and wrapping his head in a cloud.