My meeting with Evergreen Publishing went decent enough. The vibe there was fine and they didn't seem like they were foaming at the mouth for a Harry Styles exclusive but I'd be lying if I said they didn't mention him. The Pebbles Publishing disaster took up so much space in my head the entire time I was there that I almost didn't hear them when they asked about him. The apprehension I walked in with expanded tenfold but I kept a cool head and in the end told them I'd consider their proposal. The difference is this time around I'm going to tell Harry as soon as I can, full disclosure this time around.
Once I made it home I did what I've been doing all week while waiting for Harry's return; poured a glass of wine, pulled on one of his shirts, and sat down to write. My readers have been loving it and although I love writing for them the loneliness has been killing me. Without him here the house feels so empty but luckily for me I only have to endure it for a few more hours. I could barely contain my excitement last night knowing he'd be here in my arms in less than a day.
We've been having a pretty good laugh together all week thanks to the magazines constant lies about me dating Damien. Paparazzi snapped a few pictures of us leaving the club the other night holding hands and have been running with the story ever since. They failed to realize that for one, Damien's gay and for two, he was helping me walk in my heels so I didn't fall over due to how much I drank. When the news broke Harry started playfully texting me about competition and asking me how I could cheat on him just days after his birthday. I told him the distance got to me and that I was running off with Damien and his fiancé to start a life together as a triad. It's been cracking us up all week in one way or another so I guess for once I'm thankful for the paps.
I definitely prefer us laughing to the alternative. We tried phone sex for his birthday earlier this month and that... well let's just say it could've went better. Neither of us are very good at dirty talk, too awkward for our own damned good I guess. By the time we got the ball rolling I could hear the other boys howling in laughter and Harry angrily yelling at them to stop being, in his word, fůcking perverts. After we got busted I think we were both too embarrassed to try again so I sang him the birthday song and we said our goodbyes.
I've tried to keep my mind off of it but I've been pretty bummed about my epic fail at seducing him. If I can't do it over the phone without feeling like an Awkward Alice I have no idea what I'll do face to face. I long for the type of sexual freedom I write for my characters knowing I'll be too concerned with every little detail when my time comes. Am I in good lighting? Is everything smelling okay? Tasting okay? Should I make more noise? Less? Is my voice annoying? Am I squishing him?
And that's just the tip of the iceberg, I don't even want to get started on the acne scars, excess fat, stretch marks, cellulite, and possible double chin, depending on the angle. Just thinking about the insecurities I have makes me exhausted.
Thankfully I've harnessed the willpower and restraint of a monk over the years. I doubt if Harry will get any from me for a while. And when he does it'll be in the dead of dark so only the whites of our eyes can be seen, problem solved.
~*~
Harry emailed me a while ago that he would be landing soon and then from there he'd be heading to the studio for a second before coming home. I couldn't be more glad. Don't get me wrong I'm bursting at the seams to see him but I have so much work to do before he gets here. So far I've made a cake that's supposed to taste like a Twix bar for his birthday we didn't get to celebrate and I'm letting heart shaped whoopee pies cool before I decorate them and put them together for Valentine's Day. Herbed Cornish hens are in the oven with mixed vegetables and his choice of red or white wine is on chill in the wine fridge. I still have to set the table, find a good music mix, and pick out an outfit. I've been running around in a tight grey pj set I'm sure he wouldn't mind seeing me in but I want our first Valentine's Day as a couple to feel official even if we aren't going out.
The table is a snap to put together and as I put the finishing touches on the music mix I hit shuffle and let it play. I have just the right collection of Indie music that we both like with a sprinkle of R&B for me and Classic Rock for him. Tank hits my ears first singing about his next breath and I'm transported into a music video. All that's missing from my performance are backup singers and rain falling from the ceiling so I can slide on my knees and rip my shirt open.
As I spin around with my mic, also known as a piping bag full of cream cheese icing, a flash nearly blinds and scares me to death. I scream even though I know full well who the photo taking culprit is.
"Got dāmn it Harold! You scared my ghost to death!" I gripe, turning to put the piping bag down and press together the last of the whoopee pies. Everything is ready aside from my appearance but I can go and get dressed at any time.
He laughs, saving the picture in his phone, "Your ghost?"
"You scared me so bad I died so all that was left was my ghost," I stop, scrunching my face at my own confusing joke which makes him laugh even harder.
"I've missed you so much," he laughs and somehow he's crossed the room and wrapped me in his tattooed arms.
I must've been too blinded by his smile to notice his movements. I guess I missed him even more than I thought and somewhere deep down, I'm okay with that. Slowly he pulls back giving us enough space to move around but he keeps his arm around me.
"Not that I don't appreciate the effort sweetheart," he says, "but what's all this about? A chocolate cake and these heart shaped things?"
"The chocolate cake is supposed to taste like a Twix bar, for your birthday and the whoopee pies are for Valentine's Day. I made both since I know how you love sweets," I explain, pulling the hens and veggies from the oven.
His eyebrow raises, silently goading a truthful response from me.
"Fine I'm the one with the sweet tooth but it makes me feel better to blame it on you and you've been away so when I ate sweets I had no one to blame it on. Just let me have this," I ramble out in one breath earning one of his photogenic smiles. "I just wanted us to have deliciousness for our first Valentine's Day together."
He crooks his finger at me with one of those smiles that I'm a fool for on his face. I watch him walk to the steps to the kitchen and reach around the corner a bit. When he turns back to me he has the biggest bouquet of white calla lilies in a glass vase and an even bigger smile on his lips.
"Oh my God, Harry they're beautiful!" I exclaim accepting the vase and immediately stuffing my nose in them even though flowers never smell like anything to me. I never understood why girls always did that but now I do, it was practically a reflex. Sitting the flowers in the center of the counter so I don't knock them over I turn back to his beaming face.
"I'm glad you like them," he grins, "I have a couple other surprises for you."
"It's like Christmas," I joke but secretly I'm freaking. I didn't even think to get him a gift all I got was a lame aŝs card and I was thinking of giving him a shoulder rub while he told me about his flight and the last days of the tour. What do you get the man who has everything? The only thing I know that would make him happy that he wants but doesn't have is a baby and Lord knows I'm not here for that.
"I was racking my brain trying to decide what to get you that you wouldn't fight me on and try to give back...but I couldn't think of anything. So I decided since you like my rings so much I'd get you one of your own," he says dropping down to one knee.
I can feel my heart searching desperately for an escape from my chest and for once I don't want to stop it. It feels like we're moving in slow motion but my mind is racing a mile a minute. Why would he do this? What is he thinking? What am I going to say? Yes? That would be too much for either of us to handle especially right now in our relationship, it's still so new. No? That would ruin the entire night and probably our relationship. How do you let someone who's proposing down easy? How can I let him down at all? Look at him. Wait, look at him.
In the midst of my split second freak out Harry's stood from his kneeled position and is fumbling with a box and an envelope in his hands trying to pull them apart without ripping either of their packaging.
"Sorry," he laughs looking up at me, "I tried to stick them together so I wouldn't lose one in that sea of socks in there."
My eyes go to his bag on the floor and my cheeks flame. I thank God it's hard to see me blush if at all.
I laugh, a relieved sound that releases the pressure from my chest. "Just hand it over Styles it's the thought that counts not the wrapping."
He smirks, holding the interconnected items to me before mumbling, "Smart aŝs."
"Thank you," I reply ripping into the envelope first, "for the gifts and the compliment."
He shakes his head but doesn't say anything. The large brown envelope is near confetti in my lap but the card that was inside is flawless in every way.
"We go together like Kanye plus Kanye," I manage to get out before cackling. The little drawings on the front crack me up but I don't miss the sentiment behind the words in front of me. As funny as the delivery of the message is I get it loud and clear, he's happy to be with me.
"I thought you'd enjoy it," Harry says with a smile on his face.
"I do," I reply, opening the card to see the inside.
There's a few different inks used in Harry's handwriting so either he wrote each section at a different time or he was using very faulty pens. Some of the handwriting is sloppier than others, further evidence of my assumption. It warms my heart that he was probably huddled in his bunk on the tour bus writing bits and pieces for me.
When I start to read I realize each section is like a mini journal entry from while he was on tour.
"Today is the first day I'm away from you and I have to admit I'm surprised by how odd it feels. It's almost like that feeling you get when you think you've forgotten something at home... That was about to be a really bad metaphor. I guess what I'm trying to say is I miss you."
A smile touches my lips as I read on.
"The show was great tonight, I wish you were here."
"You'd love the way the stars look here tonight. I wonder if you'll see this exact same sight? I hope you do. They're beautiful just like you."
A part of me wishes he had dated these just so I could recall if I had watched the stars that night. I continue to read, the flutter in my chest growing faster by the word.
"I heard our song today on the radio and it made me think of you. Well, it made me think of you more than I already was. Miss you."
My smile widens thinking about our love of Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran. We've sang our faces off to that song more times than I can remember.
Some entries are shorter than others. The smaller entries are only a few words long, most of them being some form of him missing me. I can't deny or control the feelings rushing through me as I read.
"Counting down the days until I see you again."
I get to the entry he must've made the night my place got broken into, not too long before his birthday.
"It's gutting me that I can't be with you right now. I need to know you're safe, I couldn't take it if anyone ever hurt you. The lads send their best while keeping me under watchful eye so I won't leave and come to you. I want to lay beside you, hold you in my arms. I need to feel you to know you're whole. Stay safe for me sweetheart."
"I'm 23 today. The crew threw a party for me and the lads and Gemma took me out to the clubs but hearing your voice this morning was the highlight of my day regardless of how embarrassing the conversation got. I blew out the candles on my cake wishing for you and all day it felt like you were here."
The final entry makes my eyes water so much I have to take a deep breath.
"Home is only a few hours away now. I think I'll burst with excitement before we land. My feelings for you are stronger than I think either of us know. I can't determine when it happened but I'm falling for you. I didn't realize I was writing you love letters this entire time but here they are. Here I am. Happy Valentine's Day. - H"
I need to look up from the card but I don't think I can. Frank Ocean singing about thinking about forever floats through my ears and it's taking everything in me not to cry in front of this beautiful man. Instead of looking into those pretty eyes of his I open the small box and pull out a dainty little ring. Five diamonds perch across the top of a shiny silver band but what catches me even more off guard than the diamonds is what's engraved inside the band. A heart with the words Always - H beside it rest engrained in the metal forever. I can tell he tried to make it as chill as possible but the message is there loud and clear. Combined with his words from the card I can only come to one conclusion, he loves me. I'm not sure how deep the love goes, he could just love me as a friend and since we're together it could develop into more but one thing is clear he does love me.
I thought knowing that would make me afraid; definitely too afraid to look up into those green pools of his and certainly too afraid to kiss his plump lips until we're so wrapped up in each other I can't think straight, but that's exactly what I did. His kisses are so sweet the tears threatening to fall finally do. I've never been more glad that we kiss with our eyes closed.
Quickly wiping them away I slip my arms around his neck, holding him closer. He takes the opportunity to lift me onto the counter our lips never disconnecting, our tongues clashing and curling together hungrily.
He slowly separates us with measured kisses but doesn't leave the comfort of standing between my thighs. I watch him as he grabs the box from beside me and removes the ring with shaky fingers. I've never seen him this nervous, centimeters from my lips as he breathes me in. When he holds the ring up for my hand and looks into my eyes I smile seeing the need for me there. Instead of my left hand I offer him my right allowing him to slide the ring on before cradling his face and kissing his lips softly.
His arms wrap around my waist and his hands slowly travel down to my aŝs as our kissing intensifies. My hands find their way into his hair and my hips grind into his on their own accord until I feel him fully harden against me. A moan escapes my throat at the feeling but I don't stop or retreat, I want this, I want him.
He pulls back from my kiss as if I burned him. Looking into my eyes he asks, "What's happening here?"
I smirk and lean in to kiss him again, "You know what Harry."
He accepts my lips caress but pulls back again, hand touching my cheek, his stare serious and lustful. "This isn't going to be a Fifty Shades kind of situation is it?" he whispers over my lips, teasing me, only pulling back to see me respond.
I giggle, breaking the seriousness of the moment. "What do you mean? You want to spank me Mr. Styles?"
His eyes light up at that alerting me to the secret side of him I have yet to see. "Don't test my restraint," he laughs, "I haven't done it before but I read the books, I know the basic concept. I'm asking if you know what you're getting yourself into? I know you're a virgin but you're not sexually illiterate like her right?"
I explode with laughter partially at him calling Ana sexually illiterate but mostly at the fact that he's being sort of mean to her. I guess his 'be nice to everyone' mentality doesn't apply to fictional characters. "I know what to do I just haven't done it yet Houdini. Have you seen my writing? Porn and I are very well acquainted."
His eyes widen momentarily at my crudeness but his bedroom eyes return soon after. He laughs again shaking his head, "Is that right? I guess we'll see won't we?"
Pulling my face to his he covers my lips with his softly before lifting me. I know he can feel me shaking against him as he carries me to his room. Initially I thought it was him, with me probably weighing more than he benches I could understand the cause of his jelly arms. It wasn't until the shivers radiated through my body, to the point it felt my insides were quivering, that I realized it was me.
"Just relax B," his baritone voice soothes as he lays me down, "we don't have to do anything you're not ready for."
I shake my head before he can finish his customary good guy speech.
"I want this," I tell him in the surest voice I can muster. "I'm just nervous. I know what I'm doing but I don't know what I'm doing." The admission is a given but it still took a lot out of me to say. I hate asking for help or showing my weakness, my anxiety. There's a million images of this going wrong in my head battling the one image of it going right. But to prove it to myself and him that I'm ready I pull off my top before I can stop myself.
"You're so beautiful. You don't have anything to worry about. Just let me know if you want to stop at any time. I'll take care of you, just lay back and relax," he replies with a smile before leaning over my body and kissing my lips slowly slipping his tongue into my mouth.
He peels my pajama shorts off with my help and then I for once do as I'm told and let him take control. With no task to keep me occupied I find it hard to find something to do with my hands or where to look.
Black fabric falling catches my attention for only a second. My eyes immediately latch onto his as his shirt hits the ground. They dance with desire in this light like soft green balls of fire flicking my skin with each longing gaze at my body.
I keep my eyes on his as the sound of his zipper unzipping pierces the air so sharply it's all I can hear. I don't look down when the heavy material of his jeans connects with the hardwoods, I can't I just stay focused on the loving look in his eyes.
I know if I look now, I'll back out. Either from fear or embarrassment so even as he starts to touch me I keep my eyes on his.
"Do you want me to take my time or all at once?" he whispers, his voice is tight.
I watch the vein in his neck move frantically to keep up with the racing of his heart before I answer, "All at once. Surprise me." I try to give him a smirk but I doubt it came off right. I don't want to know it's coming, I debate on closing my eyes.
His eyes bulge but he nods anyway. He kisses my lips sweetly then gazes into my eyes for the okay.
I nod and watch his eyes leave mine and go below and between us as he guides himself to my entrance.
My heart is beating so wildly in my ears I feel like it'll burst my eardrums. I close my eyes trying to zone out. I can't feel anything besides the knot in my stomach until a shooting pain forces stars behind my lids.
I think I scream. I think Harry asks me if I'm okay and tries to pull out. I'm sure I stop him and tell him to keep going. The worst of it is over right? Even if I did have a mini-stroke a few seconds ago. It'll all be worth it in the end... I guess.
He's tentative, barely moving as if I'm going to shatter to pieces if he moves any faster.
"You realize going this slow is agonizing right?" I ask with more sass than I mean. The pain is making me crazy and his careful strokes aren't helping, if anything they're making it worse and prolonging it.
"Sorry," he grunts and stops completely.
"Still not helping," I sing, my voice sounding so strained it makes us both laugh.
"I'm thinking," he replies with a smile before kissing my lips.
His lips flutter from my own down the side of my face until he reaches my neck. Involuntary my body arches into his as he kisses my spot.
"Oh," I hiss in pain, cursing my movements yet praising his.
His lips barely leave my neck to mumble an apology I wasn't owed. Gripping my thigh in his agile hands he pulls my leg up higher from the spread eagle position I was in.
I keep in the yelp I want to release and wince in silence instead.
My other leg ends up in the same position making me grateful for the yoga I've been doing and the increase in my flexibility.
"This should make it a little easier," he mumbles as his teeth latch onto my nipple making my pelvis move towards him again.
I groan in pleasure and pain as he soothes the bite with his tongue. It still hurts below but definitely not as badly. The pain is nagging now and dulls more with every stroke.
His forearms border the sides of my head as he thrusts. I take in everything around me trying to block out the twinge of pain.
I'm more aware of the soft caress of the silk comforter beneath my back as I slide up and down with our movements. My eyes catch the shaking of Harry's arms as he holds himself up and more than that, holds himself back. I notice how tightly his eyes are shut and the sweat dripping from his tattooed chest like rain down onto me. Each drop gives me the same chilling effect as a surprise droplet falling from the sky onto your skin on a hot day. The amount of focus and control he's exhibiting keeping a steady pace, not too slow or fast, turns me on. Before I realize it the pain is nearly gone and I'm starting to feel the tiniest tickles of pleasure.
When my breath catches Harry's eyes snap open and he stops moving. His gaze is filled with passion and want, it sends a thrill through me like nothing before. I've never felt wanted before, not truly. The look in his eyes goes deeper than physical lust and the words written on his card and my ring loop in my ears.
I slide my hand from the back of his neck into his hair. The silky chocolate strands glide between my fingers as I pull him down to meet my lips.
Our tongues immediately find each other, playing a tantric game of tag until he moans against my mouth. The noise forces my hips forward like a magnet revealing every sexual tell I have.
"You feel so good," he whispers above my lips, kissing them quickly before moving on to my neck.
My head falls back and I plummet into the sensations. Random sweet nothings whispered to me in my favorite voice in the world, licks, nibbles, and kisses to the spot on my neck that makes my toes curl, and the edge of pain from Harry's deliberate thrusts, I'm on the perfect wave.
It isn't until his left arm moves from beside me to between us that I realize even perfection can improve. When the pads of his fingers connect to my clįt I completely lurch forward only to be stopped by the closeness of his body to mine. I let out a breathy moan and my head falls to the side allowing him better access to my neck.
It feels so different from any time I've touched myself. His fingers, although soft, are rougher than mine, heavier, they make more of an impact. When he moves them in quick spurts I feel myself get wetter. It isn't until he moves them in a circular motion that I feel my orgasm coming.
"God. Harry. Don't stop," I squeak, my body tensing, preparing itself for ecstasy.
His moans vibrate in my ears making me clench around him and moan his name.
"I won't," his teeth are clenched, his movements fast. Neither of us are concerned with any residual pain, only the pleasure that's to come as long as we keep doing exactly what we're doing exactly how we're doing it.
I can't catch my breath. My only source of oxygen are the gulps of air I take in as I gasp my pleasure. We share our pants, I can't breathe without breathing him in.
His forehead dips to rest against mine, I can feel the sheen of sweat across it. His eyes are focused on mine right up until the big moment. I have no idea what he does then because my eyes slam shut and all I see is the image of him staring at me behind my lids. His eyes are dark and focused, his bottom lip caught firmly between his teeth. He's beautiful and I've never come harder in my life.
I feel his manhood twitching inside of me, long and thick like I knew he would be. I find myself not wanting to let the moment go. Nothing's ever been so perfect.
His body sags against mine chilling me with the coolness of his sweat. I feel hot all over, like we'll make steam if we're connected any longer. When he breathes I find myself breathing with him, matching our patterns until we've both calmed down.
"This might hurt a bit," he whispers, his voice more raspy than usual.
Before my brain can put together a response I feel him pull out of me. It smarts but only enough to make me inhale sharply. The real irritation comes from the loss of him, the emptiness.
We lie together, my head on his chest, for a while. I place tiny kisses on his tattoos, small thank you's for the euphoria I just experienced. Neither of us speaks, he just plays in my hair until I've damn near melted.
The next thing I know I'm being softly shaken awake.
"We should shower sweetheart," Harry advises from the side of the bed, a towel wrapped around his waist.
Hearing the water running and seeing the steam falling out of the open bathroom door have me nearly running to hop in the warmth. Harry helps me out of the bed like a gentleman and holds my hand as we walk the few steps to the bathroom. I don't even realize I'm still naked until I see myself in the mirror. I blush seeing my reflection and thank my lucky stars Harry's got a towel wrapped around the important bits.
I don't know if I can look at him totally naked even now. I'm no prude but there are only a few pieces of virginity I have left. Never seeing a cōck in person and never touching or sucking one are the only things I have left. The way I see it I'll be rid of the three of them soon enough, no need to overwhelm my senses or my brain in one night.
~*~
Showers are amazing. I never knew my body was so sensitive but tonight I discovered I can climax from just about anything Harry does to me and it's kind of amazing. A part of me wonders if this hypersensitivity to him will fade once the newness of all of this wears off. I figure it will but I'll be dāmned if I let it go without a fight.
"I'm going to go get some of that cake," Harry starts but stops once he sees me walking differently towards the bed, "do you want some? Or maybe a bag of frozen peas to sit on?"
I glare at him and use the threat that's a part of a woman's birthright, "Do you ever want to have sex again?" How dare he make fun of my soreness and funny walk when he's the cause, even if I did actively participate.
"Right. Shutting up. One slice of cake or two sweetheart? I think you deserve two," he smiles, his dimples making themselves known on his gorgeous face.
I smirk as I lie down and wait for him. Silently I wonder if I should've allowed this to happen knowing my luck with relationships but I know I wouldn't have wanted this night to end any other way. Anything else in comparison wouldn't have felt this picture-perfect at the end of the day. I smile knowing the man I've been obsessed with since I was a teenager took my virginity and dāmn was it good. I smile even wider knowing I can have that same experience and better at any time now.
Seeing his face as he walks in with his hands full of cake makes me glad I waited.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What's up my good people!!!!
How bout that chapter huh? Lol I hope yall liked it!! It was pretty fun to write since I haven't written any good smut since Awake, hopefully it was steamy enough ;) Told yall you were gonna love this chapter!! I doubt if I'll have time to write anymore this week but the next update should be on time as long as my recovery continues to go well :)
This chapter's Question...
Favorite Animal?
This chapter...
*Fans Self*
This chapter's song...
Collide by Justine Skye. This one is all about SMEX lol No, really though it is about knocking boots but the lyrics (Justine's verses) are very telling to Bailey's feelings outside of wanting to bang Harold like a screen door in a wind storm ;) Also, I love this song! I listen to it at least 3xs a day!!
As for new follower S/O's... (Followed within the last 2 days)
This time we have: queenDiamondo, BlackRoseonFire, Tramesha97, flawlessbyKay2, and DarieQueen12!!!
Thanks so much for following and I hope I don't disappoint!
Invite your friends to read and follow and leave me some feedback in the comments!! I love hearing from yall!!!!
Until Next Time,
WBN