The doorbell pealed. While Faith hurried to the door, she sent a prayer heavenward, asking for peace and wisdom.
Aaron was alone.
"Where are the kids?" Faith peered beyond him.
"I gave them the address," he said. "I came a few minutes early. I thought we could pray."
"Good idea." Faith tried on her smile.
Aaron's eyebrows drew together.
"What's the matter, Faith?"
She laughed sharply.
"So much for pasted on smiles. I've been reading Mama's journal. I've come across some disturbing stuff, but we can talk about that later. I think that prayer idea is the best suggestion you've made in a while."
Aaron reached out and took both of her hands in his. He bowed his head.
"Father," he said. "Grant us your peace. Minimize our cares and help us to focus on Jacob and Teresa. Share Your wisdom with the four of us. You are the Wonderful Counselor, but You have chosen us to do Your work today. Speak through us. Let Your love flow freely. Amen."
As Faith echoed his Amen, Aaron pulled her into his arms. He held her against his chest, laid his cheek on her hair, and softly massaged her back. She felt safe. The peace he had prayed for settled in her heart and mind.
"Thank you, God," she whispered.
Jacob and Teresa arrived. Her eyes looked less haunted. The frown lines on his face had eased. When Faith hugged Teresa in welcome, her mouth turned up slightly, and she cut her eyes at Faith's face.
"Thanks for helping us," she said. "Just knowing we're not alone has made a huge difference."
"And having a course of action helped too," Jacob added.
He opened a folder he was carrying. "There are two homes for unwed mothers in Louisiana, a Baptist home in Tallulah and one run by Mercy Ministries in Monroe. Going to either one would mean that Teresa would have to go away for awhile, change schools and all that."
"I don't really want to leave, except to get away from my Dad," Teresa said. "But we looked at the cost of apartments. There's no way we could afford one without both of us dropping out of school and working."
"Well, we don't know yet that your father is going to react adversely," Aaron said. "Let's try to deal with facts, not assumptions."
Teresa sighed. "If you knew my Dad, you'd know it's a fact, but I'll try to keep from believing that."
"I talked to my lawyer friend," Faith said. "He knows a couple who are in an open adoption. He's going to try to set up a meeting so you guys can talk to them. I also got some other information. When it's a private adoption, the adoptive parents usually pay the medical expenses of the birth mother. Sometimes they help with living expenses, too. The only catch is that if she changes her mind, she has to pay it all back."
"Is that legal?" Jacob asked. "Isn't that considered buying a baby?"
"No. It's only illegal if they pay the birth mother a lump sum for her baby. Paying her medical and living expenses is legal because it's in their best interest for her to be healthy and not have any worries while she's pregnant. Stress in a woman's life can affect the fetus."
"I checked into scholarships and childcare for women with a baby," Aaron said. "You were partially right, Teresa. There are more services available to single mothers than to married ones, but there are some possibilities for married women who live below the poverty line."
"Possibilities?" Teresa said. "No guarantees, though."
"No guarantees," Aaron agreed.
"Right now, adoption sounds like the best plan to me," Jacob said. He looked over at Teresa. "Do you still agree?"
"Probably. I asked my friend with the baby to let me babysit her kid to get an idea of what it's like. I kept the baby over a weekend so they could have some couple's time. She's right. It's pretty frustrating when the kid is crying at 2AM. Then you can't catch up on your sleep because the kid's awake. I know it's supposed to be different if it's your own flesh and blood, but..." Her voiced trailed off, and she shrugged. "I think we need to meet with the couple and the lawyer before we make a decision, though."
Faith's cell rang. She glanced at the caller ID.
"Speak of the devil," she said. "Hey, Wade. What did you find out? Tomorrow night?" She looked at Teresa and Jacob. "They're right here. I'll ask them and call you right back." She snapped the phone shut.
"Tomorrow." Teresa sounded hesitant. "Don't you have a game, Jacob?"
"Yeah," he said. "But the JV plays first. Our game doesn't start until 7:30. I'll tell the coach that I won't be there for warm up. And if I miss part of the game, I'll just miss it. This is more important. How early can they meet us?"
Relief washed over Teresa's face. Her eyes shone.
"He just got some love points," Faith thought as she dialed Wade's number.
"What's the earliest they can meet?" she asked. "Jacob has a ballgame. He's willing to be late if necessary, but the earlier the better."
She hung up again. "He's going to check," she said.
While they waited, Faith got everyone some tea and cookies.
It turns out that both couples could be there by 5:30. The men were basketball fans and perfectly understood the need for an early meeting.
With that settled, Aaron brought up telling the parents.
"The more people who know, the greater the chance that your parents will hear about this by some other means," he said.
"Is your Dad a high school basketball fan?" Faith asked Teresa.
"Nope. He'll be parked in front of the TV."
"We could talk to him while the game's in progress," Faith said. "That is – if you like what you hear."
"And I'll tell my parents as soon as the game is over," Jacob added.
"That might be pushing it," Aaron said. "If we meet with the couples at 5:30, the two of you won't have much time to talk before the game and make an informed decision."
"We've already pretty much decided," Jacob answered. "After we did our research, Teresa and I talked. Abortion is out. Keeping the baby is not the best thing for the kid. That only leaves adoption."
"The only thing we're not sure about is whether I should go to a home or try to stay here," Teresa said. "I guess our parents' reactions will pretty much make that decision for us."
"We want her to stay," Jacob added. "I want to be there for her during the pregnancy and be part of the adoption process. If I'm going to give up my child, I want him to know that it was because I loved him not because I abandoned him and Teresa."
Aaron and Faith agreed to meet the kids at the church at 5PM.
"We can have a prayer together before we go," Aaron said. "We can go in my car to the meeting. We'll drop Jacob back at the church afterwards, and then Faith and I'll go to Teresa's house with her."
After the kids left, Aaron reached out and brushed Faith's hair away from her face.
"You were great with Teresa," he said. "She likes and trusts you."
"I'm glad someone does," Faith said with a laugh.
"So what was your funk all about when I got here?" Aaron asked.
Faith laced her fingers together and folded them backwards. She shook her head.
"I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet, Aaron."
"Okay," he said. "It's your family. If you change your mind, I'm just a ring tone away."
Faith held up her cell. "Right. You're still my #1 fast dial."
He reached into his pocket. Her phone began to play "I Will Always Love You." He grinned as the song ended abruptly.
"I just wanted to make sure you hadn't change the ring tone," he said.
"I thought about making it "Hit the Road, Jack."
"Inserting Aaron would be awkward," he said. "Too many syllables."
"Hit the road, Ron, you are such a con, a con, a con; hit the road, Ron," she sang. "That works pretty good."
He laughed. "Okay, then, I'll hit the road. Unfortunately I had to bring some work home, but rest assured, I'll be back."
She walked him out to his car and leaned in the window to kiss him good-bye.
#
I had a conference the first week of February. It was a relief to get away from the house. Communication between David and I had settled into a predictable pattern. We talked about work and surface family issues. He refused to talk about Zach. Even when Josh came to me and told me he was concerned about Zach's spiritual walk, David wouldn't talk. He told me that it was clear that the boys were more comfortable talking to me and that I was handling things fine. I thought maybe my being away would force him to interact with his sons.
When I got back, though, nothing had changed. The house was like a tomb. I was relieved when Anya came by and challenged the boys to a snowball fight. As I watched them play in the snow, laughing and carrying on, my heart ached for such normalcy. It was not to be, not for some time to come.
The next day, I was at the college helping in the library. Near lunchtime, David came and got me.
"We need to talk," he said. My blood froze when he looked at me. Something was terribly wrong.
We got in the car and began to drive away from town. David glanced over at me.
"Syd," he said. "I had an affair with Anya."
Wracking sobs followed the confession. The only other time I had seen him so distraught was when Maw Gilbert died. I feared that he was going to wreck the car.
"Pull over, David. Now!" I commanded. "You are in no condition to drive. You just broke my heart. There's no need for you to break my body, too."
He pulled into a scenic outlook. He sat behind the wheel and cried. "I'm so sorry, Syd. I'm so sorry," he said over and over again.
"Does Carl know?" I asked.
"Anya's telling him now," he said.
"What triggered this onslaught of true confession?"
"Anya told one of the students. She told the President of the college."
"So, you're only confessing because your hand is being forced?"
"I suppose you could look at it that way. I asked the President to let me tell you. I'm supposed to go in and see him first thing in the morning." He was staring down at his hands. He looked up at me. "I tried to break it off, Syd. I don't know what was wrong with me. It was like an addiction. I prayed for God to intervene. It was like I was wearing blinders. When I was confronted today, they were torn off. How could I be so stupid?"
"Well, it looks like God took you seriously. Exposure opened your eyes. God never was one to pussyfoot around sin."
"I'll understand if you want to divorce me," he said. "You can have everything we own. I don't deserve anything."
He began to sob again.
"The first thing you need to do is go to Carl and tell him that you're sorry," I said. "Words won't help ease the pain, and he may even deck you. But you need to face him and tell him you've repented. After that we'll talk."
We drove to Carl and Anya's apartment. David knocked on the door and went in. Seconds later, he came back to the car.
"He told me to get out of his house and that he never wants to see my face again," David said. "In two languages."
I leaned back against the seat.
"Let's go home," I said.
Silence reigned in the car. When we got home, I went into the kitchen and made some tea and toast. I took it into the living room. David sat on the couch with his head in his hands. His shoulders were shaking. Tears were dripping from his hands. I sat the tray down. David looked up.
"We need to eat something," I said. "This nightmare has only begun. The boys will be home from school in a few hours."
He shuddered and took a swig of tea. He stared at the toast.
"I can't eat, Syd," he said.
"Tell me," I said.
He started to give me a brief synopsis. I held up my hand.
"Wait. I don't want the abbreviated version. I want the unabridged story."
"Everything?"
"Details."
"But, Syd, counselors discourage details. They say it only makes the pain worse."
"Maybe the wound will be deeper," I said, "but I'll only have to dress it once. I don't want to run into someone in a week who says, 'I saw David and Anya at the truck stop in August.' Something like that would tear off the scab, and I'd have a fresh sore. I don't want any more surprises, David."
And so he told me everything. There was only one sexual encounter, when he met her at a motel while I was gone, supposedly to tell her good-bye. It was the emotional adultery that hurt the most. For months, she'd been his confidant. While silence governed our home, he confided his pain in her. It started as a friendship. Then she asked him for a brotherly hug. Things escalated from there. The band practices got shorter so that the two of them could makeout while Carl was out visiting.
I'd long known that Anya had a crush on my husband. I'd even told David. He had laughed and told me I was crazy. At that juncture, he thought I was, but my words planted a seed in David's mind, and when things began to unravel with Zach, he turned to her for solace.
"I knew that she was sexually abused as a young teen by a man whose children she babysat," he said. She confided that in you. "I should've known that she was vulnerable when she tried to seduce me, but somehow my brain ceased to function."
While he talked, silent tears began to run down my face. He looked at me in anguish, but my expression must have told him he'd better not stop. Finally, he was finished. I have heard of soldiers who ran on broken limbs, not feeling pain until they were out of danger. I was like those soldiers. My broken heart was numb. I couldn't feel anything. Not yet. My marriage, my family was in peril.
"What are we going to tell the boys?" I asked.
David groaned. "Do we have to tell them anything?"
"What do you think? The college president knows. There are consequences, David. Do you want them to hear it from someone else?"
"Can't you tell them?"
"No. They will never regain any respect for you if you hide behind my skirt tails. You have to face them like a man. I'll stand behind you. They'll see that you have my support, but the telling has to be yours."
We decided that he'd tell them that he had an affair but not share any details. Anya's name would only be mentioned if they asked. We both knew they'd soon find out the identity of his paramour anyway. Faith, though, wouldn't be told. She was only seven years old. Luckily she was supposed to go to a friend's house after school and come home after supper, so we had plenty of time.
When the boys came in from school, Josh called, "Hey, what's Daddy's car doing here? Did he get fired?"
"Probably," I thought. "We'll know the particulars tomorrow."
"We're in here," I called.
"You boys need to come join us for a minute," David added.
They must have heard the gravity in his voice, or the pain. They came into the room, but stood just inside the door. There might as well have been question marks where their eyes were.
"Sit down," David said, motioning to the couch. He was sitting in a chair facing it. I was standing behind him with my hands on his shoulders.
Josh sat and leaned back, but his eyes never left David's face. Zach stood by the arm of the couch. He looked like he thought he was in trouble. I wondered briefly what he'd done. Finally he sank onto the couch arm, poised like a fox that senses danger. A wary look was in his eyes.
"Boys," David said. His voice broke and his head dropped. I squeezed his shoulder. He looked up. "I had an affair," he said. His head dropped again, and he began to cry softly.
"With who?" Josh asked. The words were dropped like a stone into a pond. David stopped weeping.
"Anya." He choked out her name.
"Anya!" Zach jumped to his feet. "She's young enough to be your daughter. She's like a sister to us. How could you? You talk to me about sexual sin, and you're humping Anya?"
Zach stormed from the room.
"Zach," I called. "Wait." The slamming of the front door was the only response.
Josh had sat forward when Zach jumped up. Now he said quietly, "Are you going to loose your job?"
He was in his first year of college. He had chosen a state school over Rimrock. His interest was in computers, and the small Baptist college had nothing to offer him. His classes were over early enough that he picked Zach up every day on the way home from school.
"Probably," David said. "I'm supposed to be in the President's office first thing tomorrow."
"What's going to happen if they fire you? This house belongs to the college."
"I know," David said. "I was pretty stupid."
"And we all get to suffer the consequences," Josh said. "I'm gonna go find Zach."
He got up and walked out. I went and sat down on the couch.
"I guess we need to make some contingency plans," David said.
"You plan," I said. "That was always your strength. I'm too tired to plan."
The numbness had finally started to wear off. I felt like I'd just been run over by a bus.
The phone rang. I picked it up.
"Syd?" It was Stephanie, the professor's wife who was my only close friend besides Anya. Faith was at her house. "Do you want me to keep Faith for the night?" I could hear the pity in her voice. She knew. The news had not stayed in the President's office. "I imagine you could use some time to regroup."
"Thanks, Steph," I said. "Tell her something so she won't worry. She knows she's not allowed sleepovers on a school night."
"They're working on a science project. I already told her I'd call and see if you'd make an exception so they don't have to stop. You just try to rest."
I laughed. It sounded hollow. "Yeah, like that's gonna happen," I said. "Can you pray with me?" I asked. "Right now I need a prayer partner, bad."
She prayed with me on the phone. She became my human port in the storm. Later she told me that she knew when I asked for prayer that I would be all right. "You turned to God instead of away from Him," she said. "That was an encouraging sign. I knew I wouldn't be able to provide much comfort, but if you relied on God's strength, He would carry you through the trials."