AN: i barely read through this when i finished so if theres any typos don't laugh okay enjoy
-
Sam sat silently at the edge of Ashton's couch. The leather stuck to her thighs as she bounced her knees up and down, her eyes nervously glancing around the room. Ashton was on the phone with his coach in the kitchen, pacing back and fourth in front of the sink.
"Yeah, yeah...I know," he sighed, running his free hand through his messy brown curls. "I have the plans for practice written down already."
Sam was absolutely terrified to be in this house right now. Everything was going just fine earlier in the day; they got dinner together, watched the sun set behind the mountains from his roof, and made out on this very couch for a good 20 minutes straight. Everything was just fine, until Ashton asked her why she left the party so abruptly the night before.
And when Sam refused to tell him why she left (and who she left with), Ashton got mad. Really, really mad.
Sam wanted to leave. She wanted to get up, get out of Ashton's house while he wasn't looking, and run down the street to the safety of her own. She knew if he found out who she was with all last night, she'd be done for. And as much as she wanted to utilize this opportunity to tell Ashton to leave her friend alone, she knew he'd end up winning no matter what.
His love is toxic. Sam thinks she can outsmart him, but the moment she tries to do so, he reels her back in like she is nothing but his little puppet. Sam thinks she doesn't need him, but she knows damn well that she misses him more than anything every time he's not around.
He's been different for a very long time. Ashton hasn't been acting like himself since the beginning of last summer, yet Sam can't get herself to turn her face and run while she still can.
And now, she was sitting here in front of a TV that displayed her shaking reflection with a black tint, waiting for Ashton to come back and punish her. She could tell he was quickly wrapping it up with his lacrosse coach, and she could tell that he was already growing very impatient with her. Sam's been reluctant to speak ever since the topic of the party came into their conversation.
"...Alright, bye." Ashton finally hung up his phone and walked back into the living room. The empty house made his heavy footsteps echo as he padded across the hardwood floor, his arms crossed over his chest.
He stopped and stood just a few feet in front of her. Sam stared sadly at her boyfriend's hardened face, wanting to give up and let him say whatever it is he wanted to say. She'll let him degrade her and then she'll leave. But she knows that as soon as the door closes behind her, she'll miss him already.
"What." she said bitterly.
"Answer my original question," Ashton snapped. "Where did you go last night?"
"Last night? I went to your stupid party last night," Sam retorted. "But you were too busy playing beer-pong with your narcotic friends to realize I was even there."
"That's bullshit," he snorted, rolling his eyes. He took a step toward her and she cowarded back, sinking further and further into the couch. "I'm not a dumb ass, Sam. Tell me where you were."
Sam stared up at Ashton with wide eyes. She was frozen like a deer in the middle of the gravel while Ashton was the oncoming freight train. She was at a loss for words, so she didn't speak at all.
Ashton clenched his jaw as he narrowed his fiery hazel eyes. "Sam..." he started.
"I - I wasn't with anyone." She said.
And as soon as the words slipped out from her quivering bottom lip, Ashton lashed out and grabbed her by the forearm, shaking her back and fourth. "You're lying!"
"Ashton let go," Sam squeaked, staring at her arm in disbelief. "Please. It h-hurts."
"Then tell me who you were with," Ashton spat, bringing his face closer to hers. "Are you cheating on me?"
"What-? No!" Sam finally shook herself free from his grasp and scrambled off the couch, stumbling backwards. "You're fucking paranoid, dude! I'm not doing anything! I-"
Ashton tried to follow her, but stopped halfway through taking another step forward. "Wait," he said. "I think I know what's going on here."
Sam looked at him oddly from across the room, cautiously taking her hands away from her face. "What?" she exhaled.
"You were with Luke," Ashton stated, his voice dull. "Weren't you?"
Sam didn't know what to say; she knew either way she'd find some way to fuck it up. So she just stood there and looked away, gulping. She ever so slightly shook her head, but she wasn't sure if Ashton could see.
He stared her down with hatred in his eyes. The same eyes she seems to get lost in whenever she looks into them, they shot daggers through her heart and tore her apart inside.
"Well...well what's the shame in that?" Sam dared to speak, and once she did she knew she had to roll with it. "I don't get why you won't let me."
"So you were?" Ashton stepped up to her so their faces were just inches apart, trying to grab her arm again. But she drew it away and backed up. "Sam."
"Stop it, Ashton," she said, vigorously shaking her head. "You're...you're scaring me."
She didn't know what he was going to do. She didn't know how much longer she could hold up until she completely breaks down into tears due to her fear. Now that she's been caught red-handed, there was nowhere to run. So she decided to stand there, suck it up, and endure whatever the consequences of this conversation will be.
-
Luke was sitting at the desktop computer in his room, his tired eyes scanning over his work projected on the screen. He finally finished his first college application and it took him a good 3 hours to do so. He had no idea how he was going to do this for at least another five universities.
Letting out a sigh, Luke sat back in his chair and stretched his hands behind his head. He checked the time at the top of his screen and saw that it was already 10:30. "Damn," he said to himself, blinking his eyes over and over again. He was exhausted.
He submitted the application and decided he would inform his mom about it in the morning. He didn't really run anything by her, like she had said she wanted him to do, he just kind of sat down and completed the whole application himself. There was no time to waste, after all. Most of these are due within the next 2 weeks.
Luke was about to get up and walk to his bathroom to take a quick shower befofe heading to bed. That is, until he heard a knock on his front door.
He stopped halfway through pulling his shirt over his shoulders. Luke stood there in the middle of his bedroom, staring at the wall, his ears listening for the noise again. Although it was a Saturday night, it was still pretty late. Who could possibly be at his front door at this time?
But there it was again, and Luke knew he heard it for real this time. Somebody was knocking on his door, rather softly, he might add, and he had no idea who it was.
They kept knocking, whoever it was, and Luke knew he was going to have to be the one to get it because Liz was already asleep. So, Luke cautiously tiptoed down the hall, careful not to wake his mother when he walked by her bedroom, and jogged down the stairs as quickly as he could. He flicked on the lights in the foyer and skidded to halt with his fingers wrapping around the door handle.
And when Luke opened the door, he came face to face with the very last person he had expected to see. Sam.
She was standing there, shivering, with her arms folded loosely across her chest. Her wavy blonde hair was matted at the top and tucked behind her ears. Her green eyes were bright, tear-striken, and absolutely terrified. There were bruises on her forearm and a deep, red mark across her cheek.
As soon as Luke was able to take her whole appearance in, Sam stepped inside and gently wrapped her arms around his torso, resting her head upon his chest. And just like that, she broke down into tears.
"Sam-?" Luke tried to say.
"I hate him," was all she said, her voice cracking. "I hate him so much."
"Sam what happened?" Luke stumbled back and shut the door, holding Sam's face up with his finger beneath her chin.
He inspected her face more thoroughly. After a few moments, he knew exactly what happened. And he was not happy about it.
"Shit," he breathed, trying to calm her down. She was already wailing at the top of her lungs and he was afraid she would wake his mom up. "Sam, shush."
"I can't do this anymore," she was saying. "I-"
"Okay, come here." Luke lead her through the house and into the bathroom on the first floor. He brought Sam over to the sink and turned on the lights. Grabbing the towel from the rack, Luke hastily ran it under the sink with shaking hands.
"Hold still," he said quietly, and he dabbed the towel along the mark on her cheek. She flinched and drew back, trying to turn away. "Sam."
"What?" she sniffled, burying her face in her hands. "Luke, I-I don't know what t-to do -"
"Listen to me. That's what you can do," he replied, his voice just above a whisper. "Come here."
Sam stood there reluctantly for a moment, wiping underneath her eyes over and over again, before she took a deep breath and turned back to Luke. He finished cleaning her up in silence, and wiped away the rest of her tears with his thumb. "Tell me what happened." he whispered.
Luke wanted to know what exactly happened. Because, although he had a pretty good idea, he wanted to be completely sure. But by the horrified look on her muted face, Luke quickly figured out that maybe Sam didn't want to talk about it right now. "On second thought," he said, shaking his head. "It's okay. You don't have to."
Luke tucked her hair behind her ears again and inspected her face on last time. Sam stared up at the ceiling so she didn't have to look him in the eyes. "Do you need anything else?" Luke asked.
Sam swallowed hard and sniffled, shrugging her shoulders. "A hug."
Luke's heart ached for her. Deep down, he was beyond livid at this point, because he knew damn well what Ashton did, but he remained calm on the outside. Sam was obviously in a very fragile state at the moment, and blowing up was the last thing Luke wanted to do.
So, instead, he did what was right and put his arms around her frail, quivering body. She buried her face into the crook of his neck and they stood there in the middle of his bathroom for a pretty long time. A few minutes passed and Luke began to rock their bodies from side to side, while staring at Sam's reflection in the mirror. She had closed her eyes and wrapped her arms tightly around Luke's waist like she wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon.
-
Luke finally convinced Sam to come up to his bedroom for a little while. At first she was nervous because she didn't want Liz to catch them, but Luke had assured her that his mother was already asleep (and a very heavy sleeper at that).
Luke had a feeling she would be staying there for a long time, so he let her borrow a shirt to wear. Sam ended up being a little more uncomfortable in her skinny jeans than Luke had anticipated, so she ended up sitting on his bed with practically nothing on but his shirt.
In a different scenario, Luke would've been ecstatic to have Sam sitting before him in nothing but her underwear and his t-shirt, but he knew that this wasn't the time for Luke's eyes to be celebrating. She really needed somebody right now, and Luke was going to do everything he could to be that somebody.
"...And I'm just so sick of it, really." Sam was saying, as Luke sat across from her, listening intently. She went over everything that happened between her and Ashton. But her story didn't stop at just tonight. It turns out that these kinds of things have been happening for a while, much longer than Luke thought.
"Wait. Hold on," Luke said. "So you're saying that he's done this before?"
Luke was absolutely furious. Never mind the fact that Luke cares about Sam more than anybody else in the world, you don't hit a girl. Point, blank, period. And when Luke sees Ashton on monday morning, he's going to let him know just how pissed off he is. And this time, Luke is determined to actually have the balls to do so.
Sam shook her head. "He's never done....well, this...before. I just mean that he hasn't been the same lately. For a pretty long time, actually. He's just not the same, I don't really know how to explain it."
Luke let out a pft, rolling his eyes. "I'm so angry."
Sam smiled only just a little bit. "It's okay."
Luke was staring at the wall this entire conversation, but his eyes immediately shot back over to Sam as he furrowed his eyebrows. "Sam," he said sternly. "Don't start with that again."
"I -"
"It's not okay," he kept going, sitting up straighter. "It is not okay. Alright? Say it with me now, ready? It! Is! Not! Okay!"
"Luke," Sam leaned forward to shut him up, though he could tell she was trying not to laugh. "You know what I meant. I just feel bad for bringing you into this."
"Don't feel bad," Luke shook his head. "I'm glad you came here."
"This was the only place I could think of to go to," Sam shrugged, her eyes gazing around the room. This was the first time she's ever stepped foot in Luke's bedroom, and he could tell she was curious about it. "I'm glad I did."
She got up off the bed and started walking around, her arms still wrapped tightly around her body. Luke had to refrain from staring at her butt.
He looked up when he heard her gasp. "Is this yours?" she asked, tugging his guitar out from behind his desk.
"No, Sam. It's just in my room." Luke snorted.
Sam giggled. "I had no idea you played."
She held the instrument up to her chest and strummed the nylon strings, looking up at Luke with a bright smile. "Can you play for me?"
"Uh... sure," Luke said, scratching the back of his neck. He's never played hs guitar in front of anyone before, but he could tell it might cheer Sam up. "Bring it here."
Sam walked the guitar over to Luke, and then continued to pick around his bedroom while he played a few chords. He didn't do anything special, just a melody or two with his fingers.
Sam nodded her head and hummed along to the music as she grazed her hand along the top of Luke's desk. He stared at her as she did so, wondering what she was up to. Luke didn't really mind that Sam was snooping around his room, he didn't have anything to hide.
Well, turns out Luke did have something to hide, and he didn't realize it until Sam found it.
She pulled his song-writing book out from his desk drawer. Luke's eyes widened and his hands froze as Sam opened it up. "Oh."
"What is this?" San asked.
"Its uh - just a notebook." He shrugged. He wanted to tell her to put it away, but he was afraid she would get upset. "For...songs."
"You write, too?" Sam looked over at Luke as her fingers flipped through the pages. She must've noticed the look of discomfort on his face. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "I won't peak."
"No, it's fine," Luke shrugged. Sam had already brought his journal to attention, so he figured he might as well finally show somebody his work. "There's nothing that personal in there."
"Hm," Sam nodded as she sat back down on the bed, flipping through Luke's countless pages of rejected song lyrics and semi-completed songs. When Luke isn't doing his school work or helping his mom with something, he's cooped up in his room writing songs about Sam and how much his life sucks. So far, he's only got about five completed songs.
Luke watched Sam anxiously, nervous about what she would think about the things he's written. He hoped she wouldn't be able to tell that about 99% of the lyrics written in that book are about her.
Something must've caught her attention, because she stopped flipping through the journal about 30 pages in. She held the book up to her eyes and read the single sentence on that page. "I've got one foot in the golden life, one foot in the gutter."
Luke didn't even remember when or where he wrote that. "Oh. Yeah," he mumbled. "That's uh...that's a work in progress."
"That's really clever," Sam said as she looked up from his writing, meeting his gaze and smiling. "I like that line."
Luke shrugged, blushing as he hugged his knees to his chest. "Thanks."
"May I?" she asked, flipping to another page. Luke nodded his head, not really caring if she continued to sift through his songs.
"...I want to breathe you in like you're vapor. I want to be the one you remember," she said, humming to herself. Her eyes scanned over the few stanzas on that page, before she stopped and gasped under her breath. "Holy shit."
Luke was aimlessly picking a few strings on his guitar but he quickly stopped, looking up in fear that something was wrong. "What?"
"I want to feel your love like the weather. All over me," Sam read the lyrics out and slowly turned her head, meeting his gaze with wide eyes. "Luke. These are amazing."
She continued to eagerly look through all the pages, like she had suddenly grown hungry to find more. "We'll never be as young as we are now? Let's save the day, lets run away? Don't let the colors fade to grey?"
"Uh...yes?"
"Luke. You are fucking brilliant."
"You really think so?"
"Yes! These are incredible lyrics," Sam replied, vigorously nodding her head. "You need to finish these, Luke. They would sound beautiful."
Luke stared at her in disbelief. He didn't know how to respond and seem cool about it at the same time. On the inside, he was freaking out. "Oh. Okay," he said, clearing his throat. "I will try to finish them."
"Good." Sam went back to flipping through Luke's journal until she came to a page near the back of the notebook. "Oh wow, here's a whole song," she said. "Jet Black Heart."
That's when Luke finally decided to pull the plug. If it's one song that's actually personal to him, it's that one. "Uh, yeah," Luke reached over and took the journal from Sam's hands. "I just wrote that one a while ago. Sorry, that one is special."
"Oh," Sam nodded in understanding. "Yeah, totally. Well, those were all very good, Luke. I'd love to hear them sometime. Or anything, for that matter."
"Really?" Luke gulped.
"Mhm. I had no idea you could sing," she said, followed by a laugh. "But now that I think about it, you are the epitome of the shy, mysterious kid at school who can secretly sing like it's nobody's business."
"Well, I don't know..." Luke scratched the back of his neck and looked away. "I'm not that good."
"Oh, come on, Luke. Don't doubt yourself," Sam frowned. "I'd love to hear you. You don't even have to sing a song that you wrote, if you don't want to. Sing one we both know."
Luke thought about that for a moment. One thing he liked about this whole discussion about his guitar and his song-writing is the fact that it seemed to be cheering Sam up. And Luke promised himself he would do whatever it takes to help her tonight. "Okay," he finally agreed. "I know what song to sing."
And with that, he gave Sam one last look and went right into the song. He played the first few chords of the intro and her face lit up instantly; she recognized the song immediately. "If It Means a Lot to You" by A Day to Remember
Luke was really nervous. He's hardly ever sang in front of his mom, let alone the love of his life. But, to some degree, Luke had some faith in himself when it came to music, so he figured he's just give it a shot and hope for the best.
"And hey darling, I hope you're good tonight," Luke began, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible. "And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving."
He gulped as his nervous hands glided along the frets of his guitar. He prayed Liz wouldn't wake up and walking into this. "Yeah I want it, but no I don't need it. Tell me something sweet to get me by, 'cause I can't come him till they're singing..."
Luke muted the strings and strummed them more lightly, softening his voice so it was just above a raspy whisper. "La, la la la, la la la, 'till everybody's singing."
He looked up at Sam and saw that she was staring at him very intently, with her eyes wide and her fingers pressed to her chin. "If you can wait till I get home, then I swear to you that we can make this last."
Sam was slowly nodding her head, her smile growing bigger and bigger. Luke had to look away so he wouldn't get distracted by how beautiful she was. "If you can wait till I get home, then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past."
Luke finished with his voice quiet once again, ending with one strum on the last chord. "Well it might be for the best."
As soon as he was done, Sam hopped up and down in her seat, clapping her hands. "That was incredible!" she exclaimed. "Luke, I had no idea you were so talented."
"I'm...I'm really not," he said shyly. "I'm just okay."
"Okay? Pft, fuck that," she laughed. "Your voice is beautiful. I loved that. I really did."
Luke blushed as he set his guitar down on the bed. "Thanks."
Sam nodded at him and smiled as she wrapped her hand around the neck of the guitar, bringing it to her lap. She plucked a few strings and strummed them, though no coherent sounds came out. "I'd love to know how to play the guitar," she said absent-mindedly. "Maybe you can teach me sometime."
"Sure," Luke shrugged. "I'd love to. But maybe when my mom isn't trying to sleep in the other room."
"Right." Sam giggled and got up, walking the instrument back to the corner of Luke's bedroom. The room remained silent as she did so, and he kind of hoped that they could go back to what they were talking about before.
"...So," Luke finally spoke up, letting out a little sigh. "What are you gonna do about Ashton?"
Sam set his guitar down against the wall and climbed back onto the bed, shaking her head. "I don't know."
"Well you gotta do something, Sam," he said, watching as Sam settled down on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm serious."
"I know. I'm trying to figure it out," she replied. "Maybe I should just forget about it."
"And let him get away with it? Seriously?" Luke said angrily.
Sam shut her eyes and sighed. "Luke, you don't get it."
"Oh, I get it. I get it completely!" he exclaimed. "This isn't fair! It's not fair that Ashton treats you like shit and gets every single fucking thing he wants."
That's when Sam's eyes shot back open and she turned her head, glaring at Luke. "Hey," she snapped. "Everybody's got their shit, Luke. Even the people you least expect."
Luke stopped for a moment, taking in Sam's angry words with surprise. He closed his mouth and stared at her. She was definitely referring to something, but Luke didn't know what it was.
"See? That's the part that makes it difficult to listen to you," Sam continued, her voice a little softer than before. "Because you don't know what its like to be in my position. When it comes to Ashton, half the time you don't even know what you're talking about."
"I..." Luke trailed off for a moment, a little offended, before he realized she was probably right, and he sighed. "Look. I just don't like seeing someone like you being treated like you're nothing. Especially by your boyfriend. And I know you're strong enough to stick up for yourself, I can tell. I just don't get you don't do it."
"Because it's hard," Sam frowned. "I don't know how."
"I'm not saying you have to break up with him," Luke said, though his words made him shutter. "I'm saying you should at least ask him why he's such a dick all the time and tell him to stop treating you like you're his property. "
Sam stared at the ceiling for a long time. Luke could tell she was thinking really deeply about what he had said. "You're the last person who deserves this shit," Luke continued. "Like you said to me the other night. You're real, Sam. And you have feelings and you deserve respect and you need to get your priorities straight. Knock some sense into him. Or I'll do it myself."
Sam chuckled under her breath. "Thanks, Luke," she said sadly. "But I don't think I'll be able to knock anything into him."
"I know you didn't mean what you said when you walked into my house. I know you don't hate him."
"I don't hate him," Sam sat up against the wall beside the bed and hugged her knees to her chest. "I just hate things he does."
"Then fix them," Luke leaned forward and placed a hand on her foot. "You're allowed to do that, you know."
Sam glanced down at his hand skeptically. "Why are you holding my foot?"
"...I don't really know," Luke admitted. "It was just the first thing my hand could reach."
They both laughed as Sam crawled over to Luke, settled down on the pillows beside him. "Alright, alright," she said. "I'll do something. Like, I'll actually do something this time."
"Then you better tell me when you do," Luke retorted. "So I'll know you actually stood up to that prick."
"He's not a prick," Samantha giggled, swatting Luke's arm. "Honestly. Ashton is a really good guy once you get to know him. He's just...I don't know."
"Deranged? Sick in the head?" Luke suggested. "Psychotic?"
"Troubled," Sam said quietly, her eyes glued to the foot of the bed as she bit her finger nails. "That's the one."
Luke snorted. He would absolutely love to know what troubles Ashton could possibly have in his life. Ashton's a spoiled brat; what's the worst he could be dealing with, compared to Luke, who has had to endure Ashton's rottenness everyday since the 7th grade?
But, he decided not to press anymore questions about that. He knew Sam would get defensive if he did. "Alright, well," he said, clearing his throat. He checked the time on his phone and saw that it was past midnight. "It's getting late..."
"Can I stay?" Sam asked suddenly, placing her hands gently on Luke's back.
Luke paused halfway through getting off the bed and looked at her over his shoulder, stunned. "Really?"
Sam nodded her head. "I don't want to go home," she swallowed. "Or...or anywhere else, for that matter."
Luke looked around his bedroom as his heart began to pound in his chest. He quickly ran through every possible situation in his head in which his mother were to come inside and see Sam in his bed, but none of them seemed very likely. "Uh...yes," he finally said, nodding. "Of course you can."
"I mean, if you don't want me to I can go home -"
"No. No, I want you to," Luke said quickly. "I...I want you to stay."
"Okay," Sam said, letting out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."
Realizing he was still dressed in a pair of tight skinny jeans, Luke hopped up and walked to his closet. He pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a clean t-shirt. He slipped into the bathroom and changed there, brushing his teeth and washing his face while he was at it.
When he came back out a few minutes later, Sam was already in his bed, tucked under the blankets as she scrolled through her phone. Luke gulped and chucked his clothes into the hamper beside his closet, nervous to get into bed with her. Never in a million years would Luke ever have expected this to happen to him.
Sam scooted over to give him more room. Luke shut off the lamp on his bedside table so the whole room went completely dark. He climbed into the bed and laid his head upon the pillow beside Sam's. As soon as he settled in, Sam turned onto her side and put her head on his chest.
"Thanks for being there for me all the time," she said, placing her top arm over his waist. "It means a lot."
Luke laid there, shocked and staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes. He couldn't believe that she was doing this right now. That she wanted to stay and sleep in his bed with him, out of all people. After dreaming about something like this happening, it finally was and Luke couldn't be more relieved.
He was afraid to move. He didn't want to disrupt the peace of her soft touch on his skin and her head snuggled in the crook of his neck. "I could say the same to you." he said.
Laying there absolutely still was going to eventually get uncomfortable. So, Luke thought fuck it to himself, and flipped onto his side so he faced Sam, pulling her into his chest. He rested his chin ontop of her head and placed his hand on the small of her back. She didn't move away or tell him to stop, so he went with it and stayed like that for a really long time.
Sam began to breathe a little heavier than before, so Luke assumed she was already falling asleep. Which made sense; she must've been tired. And Luke was not going to go anywhere until he knows she's safe, even if that means he has to lay there with his arms around her the whole night. He didn't mind doing that at all.
He was finally sharing a bed with the girl of his dreams. The things that led to this moment were pretty unfortunate, but ultimately Luke felt on top of the world right now. Sam was pissed at Ashton, and Luke was in bed with Ashton's girl. That must suck for him, because tonight was Luke's win. And he's determined to continue to win all the way through Monday morning.
Luke was pretty tired himself. He pressed one small kiss to the top of Sam's forehead hugged her to him as much as he could, and eventually fell asleep.
-
AN: yo fam i made a soundtrack for this book that i will be adding songs to very frequently as the story progresses! its on spotify so you can either find it on spotify (my user is ellvna) or the link is on my wattpad! thanks 4 reading!! -ellena