That night, there were no dreams. At least no dreams Hannah could remember. She woke up without the usual headache – as a precaution, she'd just taken a homeopathic sedative Emily had given her – and stretched her legs and arms. The kitchen door slammed shut in the next room, so Emily had probably just left for work.
"Hannah?" she suddenly heard Amber's voice through the door. "You awake yet?"
"Yeah, only just." She got up and stepped into the kitchen, where she found Amber sitting at the table.
"Did you have a good night's sleep?" the neighbor girl asked.
"Yup. Smooth sailing. No nightmares." She grinned at Amber. "So, you girls made any plans to meet up later?"
"We're just going to hang out tonight," Amber replied, clearly trying to assume a carefully neutral tone. " I'll be staying here for the next couple days. My parents are taking Ivy to Window Rock, but I don't mind lounging around here."
"Let me get this straight. You're skipping a trip to Window Rock so you can bum around with us? You are so in love," Hannah established dryly.
Amber couldn't help giggling. "Okay, guilty as charged. There's just something about Navajo people, you know?
"So, what do your parents think of Em?"
"Oh, they love her. I can tell."
"You told them that you two are an item?"
"Don't have to. They're not blind." Amber got up from the breakfast table. "By the way, I have to go. I promised I'd spend some time with them before they're off to Window Rock at noon. See you tonight, okay?"
"Say hi to your family from me," Hannah called after her.
As soon as she'd scarfed down her breakfast, Hannah went into Ben's bedroom to drag out his laptop and USB modem again. This was going to be expensive, but fortunately, Ben would only see the bills after he got home. She just had to know more about the history of Navajo Nation, now that she was slowly starting to believe she'd dreamed about real past events.
After doing a Google search on 'Navajo History' she clicked on a few links that looked interesting. "The Long Walk," she mumbled to herself, scrolling through a page filled with details about the cruel transportation of Navajo natives to a reservation in the east of the country, at which they were forced to walk for days without pause. It had happened just after the Civil War. Before that, Mexicans had still been active in Navajo territory. Hannah pulled the laptop closer when her eyes fell on a description of Mexicans stealing people to turn them into slaves – entire villages had been ransacked, women and children abducted to serve in the mines. The website featured some scans of black-and-white photographs of soldiers wearing uniforms that looked strikingly familiar. Her heart started thumping even louder when she saw some old pictures of Navajo villages built just after the Navajo people's release from the reservation in the east. The houses looked exactly the same as in her dreams. Octagonal, low constructions with dark clay on the outside.
Oh my God. So now she knew. It wasn't just her imagination, and those skinwalkers were probably not making her dream about the past either. If this was true – if she really knew Josh from a past lifetime – shouldn't she tell him?
She cringed. Not the most brilliant of ideas right now. They'd just shared a few kisses together – hardly the right moment to claim they'd already shared an entire life together. Josh would probably think she was a sucker for predestination and get out while he still could.
Still, she couldn't let things rest. Even though Amber and Emily tried to distract her by taking her out that afternoon and keeping quiet about the skinwalker curse, she couldn't stop thinking about her – now absent – dreams about the past.
On Friday morning, she finally decided to go back to the Page library and bury herself in history books. If that didn't help, she could ask Nick for help. After all, he'd been reading up on Navajo history a lot.
"You're all set for a day trip to remember?" Emily asked dryly, when Hannah clomped out of her bedroom with a shoulder bag crammed full of notebooks, pens and a big bottle of water.
"Yeah, I'm off to the library. I want to read up on Navajo history, now that my dreams about the past have stopped."
"Ah. Because of the reincarnation hypothesis," Emily nodded. They'd talked about it last night, Amber playing the part of talk show host, making her case for her past-life theory.
"Well, yeah. I really want to find out whether all those images I've been seeing are real memories. Maybe not the most exciting trip ever, but hey."
"Why don't you just take Ben's laptop to Grassroots?" Amber asked. "They have free WiFi there. Seems a lot easier than perusing books in the library."
"Are you kidding? Ben's laptop is carbon-dated. There's no WiFi adapter on that thing," Hannah complained. "He hasn't bought new stuff in years. He'd rather wait till things disintegrate before he replaces anything."
Emily suppressed a giggle. "Poor you. Well then, the library it is."
The three girls cleaned up the kitchen. Emily and Amber went on a trip to Water Hole Canyon, while Hannah drove off to Page Library to plow her way through piles of books, seated on the very same couch where she'd met Nick the week before. Her cell phone was switched off. She'd called her mother in Alaska – who was staying with their aunt for the summer – for a quick chat, but now it was time to leave the modern world behind for a while.
The hours flew by. Hannah completely lost herself in the nineteenth-century history of the reservation and the Diné people. She was so focused on her books that she forgot to have lunch altogether. When she finally switched on her phone again and read a text from Ben saying they were on their way back, she felt weak with hunger. The good thing was that she had ten pages of notes. All the info she'd gathered in the library made her head spin. The more she'd learned about Diné history, the more she'd gotten convinced she really was seeing images from the past in her dreams. The descriptions of the tumultuous time period between 1800 and 1840 on Navajo soil exactly matched her dream experience – she'd lived an unsafe, troublesome and dangerous life.
On her way back to the Datsun, Hannah's stomach no longer twisted with hunger pangs, but with nerves. She'd see Josh again, and last time they spoke he'd said he needed time. How would he react to her after three days of separation?
Heart in throat, she drove back to the log cabins and bit her lip when she saw the empty driveway. Okay, so they weren't back yet. No problem – she was in dire need of a fresh shower and some serious lunch anyway.
After showering, Hannah settled on the porch steps with a book. Her heart sped up to a hum when at three o'clock sharp, she could hear the Chevy's engine rumbling in the distance.
Josh parked the car on the drive and turned down the volume on the radio to shut up Ben, who was singing along.
"Hey, sis!" Ben bounded out of the car and up the porch steps. His nose was sunburned, and his blonde hair had gotten even lighter in the past few days. "You still alive?"
"Barely. I was bored to death without having you guys around, obviously."
As Ben hugged her tight, Hannah was acutely aware of Josh turning off the engine, locking the car door and approaching the steps leading up to the porch. When her brother let go of her and popped open one of the beer cans on the table, Josh sidled up to her. A blush crept up her face as she gazed into his dark brown eyes.
"Hey, shan díín," he said softly, a gentle smile on his face.
"H-hey," she stammered. "How – how have you been?"
Just great. The desire pulsing through her veins was turning her into a monosyllabic, stuttering idiot again. Hannah wished she could fling herself into Josh's arms and get a hug from him, too. A long and intense one. But Ben was sitting right here – it'd be downright embarrassing to have Ben bear witness to a prolonged 'My Best Buddy is Groping My Sister' show. Or the other way around. So far, Josh wasn't making a move.
"We had a good time," Josh said. "The weather was great, no flash floods, and we visited all the sites I wanted to show to Nick. Mission 'Promote the Rez' accomplished."
Ben and Josh went on to tell Hannah about their hike on the reservation. Hannah told Ben a convenient lie about dropping by the police station. She also told her brother she hadn't suffered from nightmares any more after he left on Wednesday, but of course she couldn't tell him why.
"Good to hear." Ben patted her on the shoulder, giving her a warm smile.
Hannah flinched. Damn, she felt awful, having to keep things from him. She wished she could tell him about the skinwalker curse, but there was no point freaking him out or being put into a straitjacket before the barbecue had even started.
"Wonderful." Josh chimed in. "But I'm still going to help you make a dreamcatcher. I haven't forgotten."
It was strange to see him again. Strange, because somehow it felt as though Wednesday morning had never happened. Josh sat across from her, a little ways away from her, and he didn't try to hold her hand or scoot closer. He'd said he needed time – and she was willing to give him what he asked for – but still. She felt a bit betrayed by the polite distance he was keeping. Now it really felt like she was his big sister. She was actually happy she could flee to the kitchen and prepare the burgers and salad when Josh and Ben got up to fire up the barbecue.
Hannah set the microwave to defrost the burgers, then rummaged through the fridge to pull out the ingredients for a niçoise salad. Cutting the onions was a horrible job – she always cried her eyes out, no matter how sharp the knife or how quickly she turned on the tap. With a grunt, Hannah tried to rub the tears from her cheeks with the back of one hand.
"Hannah?" a voice piped up behind her.
She saw Josh stepping into the kitchen through a blur of tears. He moved up next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Are you crying?" he asked gingerly.
Her heart melted into a puddle when she heard the worry in his voice.
"Yes. It's that onion." She pointed an accusing finger at the cutting board.
Josh started to laugh. "Don't tell me. What did that onion do to you?" he asked, all fired-up. "Did it call you names? Hit you? Don't be afraid, I'll protect you."
Hannah bit back an inane giggle. "Nutcase," she blurted out, rubbing the tears from her eyes.
"Crybaby," he teased.
Hannah bit her lip. His teasing called for a smart comeback, but the look in his brown eyes suddenly made her forget all her vocabulary. Silently, Josh pulled her closer, using one thumb to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "There," he said. His fingers brushed her upper lip, where a single tear had landed. Hannah stared at him speechlessly, her breath hitching in her throat. Josh pushed her up against the kitchen counter and looked at her longingly.
"I really missed you," he whispered.
Hannah's heart almost exploded with love. "I missed you too," she mumbled.
Josh lowered his head and lightly kissed her brow. Her heart stopped when his hands slid down to her hips and he kissed her again, on her mouth this time, hungrily. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips against his mouth with a soft groan, suddenly wanting him so much it ached.
Before Josh could deepen the kiss, Ben stomped into the kitchen. "Where are those burgers? Oh, here they are," he muttered, yanking the microwave open.
"Sorry," Josh said, turning around. Hannah turned beet red.
"No problem," Ben replied with a smirk. "Don't mind me. I'm not here."
"Come on, I'll help you grill the burgers," Josh offered. He let go of Hannah, but not before planting a feather kiss on her mouth, grinning boyishly. She stared at him as he walked away from her, her eyes roving over his muscular arms and broad shoulders. Completely dazzled, she went back to cutting the onions and mixing the salad. Wow. She suddenly felt a lot better.
When she came outside with a bowl of salad, Ben asked her to keep an eye on the burgers as he and Josh unpacked the camping gear. Barbecue tongs in hand, Hannah's mind drifted as she stared at the beautiful red mountains on the other side of Lake Powell. Maybe she should go camping on the rez as well. Emily could join her, or Ben – or Josh. She wouldn't mind pitching a tent with him and get all close and personal inside it. She smiled dazedly, still not entirely able to believe her luck. For once, she was experiencing a pleasant vision.
The smell of scorched veggie burgers brought her back to reality, though.
"Hey, what's burning?" Ben shouted, pulling at the ground sheet balled up inside the Chevy's trunk.
"Oh, shoot." Groaning, she tried to save her veggie burgers by flipping them again. Oh well – the other side didn't look so bad.
Josh stormed out of the log cabin holding another pair of tongs to help her out. "Firefighter to the rescue," he chuckled. "Food hasn't been your best friend tonight so far, huh? First that onion and now the burgers."
Hannah rolled her eyes. "Honestly, I think it's me. Don't blame the food."
"Good thing I'm always around when you're in trouble."
Hannah snorted. "Oh yeah? Maybe it's you. You're trouble."
Josh fell silent and stared at her, the smile fading from his lips. Gingerly, he took a step back.
Okay. Clearly, she'd said something wrong. But what? "I was just fooling around. Sorry."
Josh let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Yeah. I know."
"Sorry," she clumsily repeated.
"It's okay," he said curtly, turning around to help Ben fold the ground sheet.
Hannah sighed. If only she could find out which buttons to push and which ones to leave alone, or discover what his touchy-feely subjects were. Because she sure as hell wasn't going to stay away from him. The attraction between them was so strong she felt it in every fiber of her body. Even now, when he was standing at a good twenty paces away from her, she could sense his presence, his aura reaching out to her.
Sure, being with Josh would be challenging. But it would be even more difficult to not be with him.
"Man, that trek through the rez made me hungry." Ben burped, gulping down his last swig of beer. "Let me do the dishes and leave you two turtledoves outside." He got up and piled up the plates to take them to the kitchen.
Josh grinned. "Thanks, shik'is. It's dreamcatcher time."
Hannah got up and fetched the paper bag from the living room. Hopefully, Josh wouldn't notice she'd already cut off a piece from the leather strap to make a necklace for her medicine bundle. It was astonishing how much the magical item influenced her peace of mind. She could feel the leather press against her ribcage, just right of her heart. It made calmness spread throughout her body. All fear was gone. In fact, she was even slightly curious what would happen if she ever ran into the skinwalkers again.
Josh was pensively staring into the flame of the lantern on the table when she returned. Josh looked up and pulled her down next to him, so close she could feel the warmth of his skin, making Hannah blush lightly. "Hi," she mumbled. "Here's the stuff we need."
He pulled the ring made of twigs from the bag. Hannah watched Josh wind the strap around the first bit of the ring, moving his long, slender fingers slowly on purpose so she could see how he did it. "Now you try." He handed her the dreamcatcher hoop. His fingers touched hers for just a split second, but it made her shiver pleasantly. Carefully, she tried to imitate Josh and wind the strap around the twigs as tight as she could.
"Like this?" she asked quietly, looking aside.
"Yeah – like that," he replied in a husky voice. "Jó nizhóní. You're doing great."
It felt inexplicably comfortable when he talked to her in Diné Bizaad. Somehow, it reminded her of her dreams of him, talking to her in his own language. Could she risk telling him something about her visions?
Josh picked up the white thread, then took both her hands and showed her the best way to attach it to the ring and start the weaving pattern. As he was watching her weave, he suddenly brought up dreams himself.
"The Diné believe the night sky is filled with thoughts, good and bad ones," he softly told her. "They can enter a person's dreams. The dreamcatcher catches those thoughts, giving you the good ones only."
Hannah finished the first round of stitches, starting the second round with Josh's instructions.
"When the entire inner part of the ring is filled with the woven thread, you leave a small hole in the middle. That's the gateway for the good dreams to enter your mind. The bad dreams get stuck in the web and dissipate in the first light of day."
Hannah looked up to see if Ben was still busy in the kitchen, but the light above the counter was out. The window looking out over the porch was dark. In the flickering light of the candle flame, Hannah saw her own face reflected in the glass, Josh's face right next to her. He watched her with an almost imperceptible smile. The soft light gave them both a halo, and for a moment, Hannah could almost understand what kind of aura Amber perceived whenever she observed the two of them together.
Josh's smile grew cheeky as he turned toward her and pressed a light kiss to her cheek, so soft it felt like a butterfly landing on her skin.
"Stop weaving for a minute," he whispered close to her face, taking the ring from her hands and picking up the silver wire from the table. "I'm going to weave in some silver. And turquoise."
"There's no turquoise bead in the bag," Hannah pointed out.
Josh laughed warmly. "I know. You'll get mine."
Hannah's eyes widened as she saw his hands fumbling for the small braid in his hair. He held it up in front of her. "Why don't you take it out," he said. It was the turquoise bead he always wore in his hair, together with the small red feather symbolizing his father's clan.
"But," she stammered. "But that's your – thingie. You always wear that."
"That's right," he nodded solemnly. "It is my thingie. And now I'm giving it to you." The corners of his mouth tipped up in a smile.
"Well – okay," Hannah gingerly accepted. She carefully took the bead out of his hair, putting the red feather with the other feathers from the paper bag. Mouth agape, she watched Josh weave the bead and the silver wire into a tiny shape in the upper left corner of the dreamcatcher, on top of the work she'd already done. He tied a knot, wove the white thread a bit further and then gave the ring back to Hannah.
"Wow! It looks like a little butterfly," she mumbled, staring at the pattern he'd made.
"No, seriously? What a coincidence," he snickered.
"Oh, shut up." She pushed him playfully, unsure what attitude to adopt. This meant a lot to her. Josh had given away the bead symbolizing his clan to decorate her dreamcatcher.
He didn't reply, but leaned into her and kissed her slowly and softly on the mouth. They were both completely silent for a moment. No sound was heard, apart from the radio in the kitchen playing a mournful piano tune. Josh put his hand on her knee, sending a tingling sensation up her thigh. He came closer still, his hair tickling her cheek, his other hand stroking her neck. If only she wasn't holding that stupid dreamcatcher. All she wanted now was to fling her arms around his neck, press herself up against him and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. But if she dropped the dreamcatcher and started groping Josh instead, she'd probably ruin his work.
Dazedly, she opened her eyes when Josh let go of her and ended the kiss. He rubbed his cheek against hers.
"You shouldn't lose the thread," he whispered, his breath faster than usual. His eyes wandered to the dreamcatcher in Hannah's hands.
"When you kiss me, I always lose the thread." She smiled shyly.
Josh smiled back, his cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink. He gently caressed her upper arm and stared at his own tanned hand on her light skin. "When I start touching you, all I want is to hold you forever. But that feeling also scares me." He looked up with uncertainty in his eyes, his voice wavering. "I haven't opened up to anyone like this, not for a very long time."
Puzzled, Hannah blinked her eyes. What was he talking about? He hadn't been a bachelor for that long. She took hold of his hand, looking into his dark, melancholy eyes.
"I'd like to, though. You can't imagine how much," he continued softly.
Hannah nodded. "You need time. That's okay." Actually, it was sort of weird, but she could see Josh meant every word he said. He was battling some demons in his head, that much was clear.
At that moment, Ben stepped out of the log cabin. "Hey, that's one cool dreamcatcher! You made that all by yourself?"
"Not the bead and the butterfly. But the rest, yes."
"Good to know. If you ever get tired of teaching high-school French to pimply teenagers, you should start your own New Age store selling those things."
Hannah chuckled. Silently, she worked on, finishing the weaving and helping Josh fix the three large feathers to the bottom of the ring. He stuck his tiny red feather under the large bead in the middle, and finally used the last bit of leather strap to make a loop at the top so she could hang the dreamcatcher on a peg in the wall. "Here you go," he said, dangling it on her outstretched index finger and pressing a kiss on the palm of her hand.
"I can't thank you enough." Hannah was completely enthralled by the wonderful piece of Diné art she'd made almost entirely by herself.
"You don't know that." Josh got a mischievous dimple in his cheek. "Why don't you give it a try?"
Ben chuckled. "He's challenging you, sis. What are you going to do about it?"
Blushing, Hannah threw her arms around Josh and snuggled up against him.
"Thanks," she mumbled against his neck, kissing him just below his jawline. His arms pulled her closer, and she was where she belonged.
Later that night Amber, Ivy, and Emily joined them for drinks. Ivy told them stories about her visit to Window Rock earlier that day. "Our parents also want to visit Canyon de Chelly. That's going to be a two-day trip at least."
Amber nudged Emily. "You want to join us? I bet my parents wouldn't mind."
"Yeah, sure! I'm sure I can fit it in."
Hannah sat up when she heard the name of the canyon from her dreams. She'd been there years ago, when she was fifteen. Actually, she was dying to visit the place again. "Sounds cool. Can Ben and I come, too?"
"Of course you can. The more, the merrier."
"What about you?" Hannah asked Josh. Would she be able to remember anything important if she visited the canyon with him? Not the happiest memories, probably. If Amber's theory was correct, she'd decided to break up with him in a previous life near that canyon.
"No, I don't think I'll have time. I still have to drop by Tuba City to take care of college stuff."
"Are you looking forward to going to college after summer?" Ivy asked.
Josh nodded enthusiastically. Hannah listened to him talking about his plans to get a degree and start a school in Kayenta. He wanted to make sure more young people would rediscover their roots and say no to gangs and drug abuse.
"Are drugs such a problem on the rez?" Amber asked, sounding a bit shocked.
"Yeah, especially meth," Josh said grimly. "Methamphetamine. Cheap as dirt and just as widespread. One of my cousins from Chinle got addicted to the stuff a few years back. She's cured now, but she was still psychotic for a full year after quitting meth."
"How did she manage to stay off drugs?"
"I helped her."
"Really? I didn't know," Ben piped up in a surprised voice.
Everyone was silent, looking at Josh expectantly. "Yeah, I organized a two-day ceremony for her," he mumbled. "A hataalii eradicates the evil from someone's body by using sandpaintings, sacred chanting, and a prayer circle of friends praying for the patient."
"Did Sani help you?" Emily inquired.
"Yes, although he didn't join me when I went to Chinle. He instructed me how to go about things, and he made me a jish to use during the ritual. That's a hataalii medicine bundle," he explained to the others.
The conversation buzzed on for a while, but Hannah couldn't focus anymore. She'd shared a look of surprise with Ben when Josh told them about the ritual he'd done for his cousin. The fact Ben had never even heard the story before, was telling enough – once again, it was clear there were big parts of his life Josh didn't want to share with anyone except Sani. It all came back to the old man in Naabi'aani who obviously had such a big influence on Josh. She'd only seen him from a distance, that day at the rodeo, but she hadn't forgotten that Sani had ruined her chance to dance with Josh that day because he'd suddenly needed his assistance. Of course, it was ridiculous to be jealous of some old medicine dude, but still – that old medicine dude knew more about Josh than she did.
"I'm going home," Josh announced when it turned dark. The moon graced the night sky, almost full.
"You want to take the tent and the ground sheet with you?" Ben asked.
"Uhm – on my motorcycle? You're full of good ideas."
Ben laughed. "Oh yeah, I forgot."
"I'll take them with me in the Mustang. I'm dropping by tomorrow."
"I bet you will. Can't stay away from my sister, can you?"
Josh thumped Ben on the back with a huge grin, said goodbye to the others and then slid his hand into Hannah's. She got up and followed him down the steps, beaming with a sort of pride because everybody saw them holding hands.
They sauntered toward the motorbike, and Hannah leaned against the rear wheel. "Look, the moon is almost full," she said, looking up.
Josh followed her gaze and smiled. His arms circled her waist and he pulled her against his body, stroking her back, trailing his fingers down along her spine. Her heart raced as Josh gently rubbed his nose against hers.
"That moon is beautiful, but you ... " He watched her from up close, his eyes riveted on her face. "You're even more radiant. You make the sunlight stick to your skin, caress your face, play with your hair, kiss your mouth." His fingers acted out what his voice was telling her, and when his mouth landed on hers, Hannah groaned softly. Her heart was beating so fast she was sure it would spin out of control. Josh made her feel beautiful like never before. Only he could pull off telling her stuff like that without sounding sappy.
Josh let out a sigh, then let go with a look of regret on his face. He gave her a last peck on the lips and started up his motorbike.
Hannah watched the red taillights recede in the distance when he drove away. For a split second, they reminded her of the glowing, red eyes of skinwalkers. It made her shiver. In that moment, the full moon looked ominous, associated as of old with people magically transforming into animals.
No, she had to stop thinking dark thoughts. The nightmares had stopped bothering her, now that she was wearing the medicine bundle. The dreams and the curse were bound to stop altogether the minute she went back to Las Cruces at the end of summer break. She didn't care anymore what had brought on the curse – she just wanted to be happy and enjoy the love running through her veins like liquid sunlight.