To tell the truth, I don't want to go on a date with Michael; I want to spend my Saturday with Luke but his dumb ass had to go and show he likes Mali-koa. Calum's sister. The sister of the kid that he hates. And he's all googley-eyed and flustered over a Hood. A stupid, stupid Hood. I hate the Hoods. They keep ruining my life.
At least Michael is attempting to make it better. He told me to dress, like, really nice (his exact words, because he doesn't know how to properly speak to a woman), and I'm now standing in front of my mirror, looking like the real Alice. Except, I have pink hair. I've been so bitter lately and not just because I was on my period; Michael is irritating, Calum is a pain my neck, and Luke hasn't made a move on me all week. Don't even get me started on Mali. I'm genuinely hoping something will happen tonight with Michael and I. Anything, just to give this week the ending I deserve.
Sighing, I plop down on my bed and fall back, staring up at the ceiling. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. God, don't make me go.
"You know, your mom named you after her favorite Disney character," I jump at the sound of Luke's voice. I sit up quickly and adjust the bottom of my dress. "Alice in Wonderland. She loved that movie." I look over to him, seeing him leaning against the doorframe with his arms over his chest. This is the most Luke and I have talked since yesterday. The only thing he said that wasn't a one-word sentence was what I wanted for dinner then I muttered something about Mali's head on a stick. He either didn't hear me or I frightened him so bad he decided not to speak again. Also, we got pizza.
"I'm named after a movie that I'm pretty sure the creators were on some serious drugs when they made it?" He shrugs. "That's reassuring."
"She loved that movie. And she said that you looked just like her when you were born."
"That's a little creepy."
"You did it," Luke smiles. His response doesn't make much sense, but he's trying to make nice with me. He knows what he did, and I need to remember what he did before I let myself fall back into him.
"Why are you bringing it up, anyway?" I get back up and dig through my closet, careful not to moon my stepdad. Yeah, Alice, your stepdad.
"Because, in that dress, you look just like her. All you need is that little bow in your hair."
"Which is exactly why I opted the bow out. I don't want to look stupid," I pull out a black pair of shoes, not of the heel or flat type, and start putting them on.
"No, you look stupid wearing tennis shoes with a dress."
"And you look stupid when Mali-koa Hood is standing in front of you," I mumble, yanking my shoestrings back as tight as my foot can handle.
"Alice," he sighs. I roll my eyes, not wanting to hear whatever stupid excuse he has. Plus, I need to finish getting ready. "Alice Riley, did you just roll your eyes at me?"
"Oh, are we playing Daddy-Daughter now?" I stand back up, smoothing over my dress and then fold my arms, staring up at him.
"Yeah, we are," Luke remains emotionless as he straightens himself up, walking over to me in two short strides. He lifts my chin and makes me look in his eyes. "I'd watch the attitude. And I also heard what you said. Just drop it, Alice." I wince, jerking my chin away. He's been calling me by my name too much lately, it doesn't even sound right. I at least still try to call him Daddy when we're home (Dad when we're in public). He could do me the same service.
"I wish you'd just tell me you like her or not, so I can quit trying with you," I push pass him to go into the bathroom. My hair is still wet and I don't want to make my dress pink.
"Alice," I ignore him. "I don't like her, okay? I don't know what it is that makes me do that. You know I love you." No, heart, stop skipping a beat, you're supposed to be mad at him. "I love you, baby girl." Heart, I know you're cold, but stop melting.
"Don't butter me up when I'm getting ready for a date," I huff, trying to put on makeup with a shaking hand.
"Do you really have to go with Michael?"
"I don't have to, I want to, and it'll be fun. Anyway, he said if I'm miserable, I'll never have to go out with him again," trying to act like I want to go on this date is probably Oscar worthy. I'm tired, I have homework I should be doing, and Michael can be a little arrogant.
"Fine, I'm probably going out tonight," I stiffen. Seriously?! "I'm going alone. Don't be so paranoid." I sigh. I'm going to be more busy worried about Luke being out tonight instead of enjoying my night.
"What will you be doing?" I attempt nonchalance, delicately putting my makeup away with an eyebrow raised. He shrugs. Wow, a shrug? That's all my question is worth?
"I'm just going out."
"Gonna spy on me?" I spare him a glance before walking back out of the bathroom. I might have gotten ready a little too early and I forgot to blow dry my hair.
"Why on Earth would I ever do that?" I roll my eyes, walking back in the bathroom and quickly plugging in my blow dryer, hoping that'll give him enough of a hint to leave me the hell alone. "Well, I guess I'll leave you alone. I'll give you and Michael rules before you leave."
"Whatever," I mutter, turning on the dryer and watch Luke disappear from the mirror. What if he isn't going alone? What if that maybe he and Mali-koa are going out and he thought telling me he loves me would throw off the trail? But, what if he really is going to be alone? Am I just being a jealous, paranoid freak? Stop it, Alice, you're going to give yourself a headache.
I'm going to explode. I did get ready a little too early, I texted Michael I was ready and just come get me, my hair is frizzing because I waited too long to blow it out, and Luke is giving me a lecture. It's 6:30, I'm trying to tame my hair and my mouth, my mind is still telling me Luke is going out with a girl, and I want to crawl in bed.
"Are you listening to anything I'm saying?"
"No," I run my hands through my hair for the billionth time. "can I borrow whatever you use for your hair?"
"I don't use anything anymore."
"You don't have hair gel? Hair softener? Hairspray? Anything?" He's staring at me like I'm a fucking lunatic.
"I usually use water."
"Water isn't going to help me!"
"Stop yelling. Jesus, I can go look," he rolls his eyes, going upstairs. God, it's like I'm living with an old brother instead of a stepdad. Both of them useless right now. I have texted Michael literally 15 times to come pick me up, that Luke is making me nervous, that I'm ready; he read them all, didn't reply to any of them. Have I mentioned I'm ready?
Michael:
coming :)
Oh, now he's gonna come. It's 6:40, Luke has been upstairs forever, and looking in the microwave reflection my hair is becoming more of a disaster. "Daddy!" I stomp my foot, running upstairs.
"I love you, but you have been a brat lately," he steps out of his room, holding a little spray bottle. "c'mere." He leads me to the bathroom, setting the bottle down and grabbing my hairbrush. The last time he did my hair for me, I was probably 12 or 13. He did such a terrible job and I was self-aware at that age that I finally just told him I could do it.
"I'm not a brat," I fold my arms, letting him run the brush through my hair. I hear him sigh, then feel mist going around my head. Fingers go up through my hair and I think I tense up at the feeling. His palms then gently flatten against my head and I'm dying to look in the mirror to see whatever it is his whacko self is doing.
"Done," he says, sounding irritated. I turn to look in the mirror and I regret being a jerk to him. My hair looks near-perfect and he looks beyond perfect. And there goes my heart, sinking down to the floor; Luke is dressed almost in black tie attire except God forbid he wears something other than jeans.
"Thank you," I mumble, still looking at his reflection. Whoever he sees or meets is lucky as hell. I probably brought this on to myself anyhow; I mean, I get upset then push him away for as long as I can manage before he does something that makes me fall for him all over again. He's so irritating that way, being all loving and attractive and perfect. Then he dresses like how he is now, makes me jealous of who he'll bring home tonight. I'm tempted to ask Michael if I can just stay the night with him (forcing me on the couch to avoid the "adventures" on his bed). I also hope I don't end up with a new mom as a late birthday gift.
"You look beautiful, baby," Luke's voice flows through my ears and I already am aware of the blush on my cheeks and the overwhelming sensation coursing through my whole body. I think my breath catches in my throat when he brushes my hair to the side, my neck now exposed and I'm pretty certain where this is going. The thing is, do I let him? I watch in the mirror as his lips brush against my skin before leaving a kiss that makes my heart thump into my ribcage. His hands take hold of my hips while he continues to kiss all over the left side of my neck, leaving me entirely breathless and definitely wanting something to happen tonight. Jesus, I'm also a broken record with how much I'm repeating myself.
"Daddy," I breathe out, feeling my eyelids close all on their own. A satisfied smirk forms against my neck and teeth take over quickly. It's painful but in a good way, and I didn't know someone could find pleasure in being bitten. My head leans over even more and my fingers tangle in his hair to push his head in further. Arms wrap tightly around me and the pleasurable pain increases. It can't possibly be a real feeling.
Luke turns me around and mumbles something before lifting me on the counter, settling himself between my legs and quickly pressing his lips to mine. Fingers tangled in each other's hair, noses nudging together, body heat from our blushing cheeks are stopped by the doorbell ringing. "Ignore it." Luke mutters, starting to work down the right side of my neck to make me stay.
"B-But Daddy-" I gasp when he bites down on my skin again, only this is more sensitive. I shiver and moan, fisting his hair in desperation of something to hold on to. "Th-There, Daddy." Again, I push his head in further to intensify the feeling of his mouth. The doorbell rings and Luke is frantic to continue whatever it is he's doing to me. "D-Daddy." I gently and reluctantly push him off of me, both of us breathing heavy.
"C'mon, baby girl, let Daddy make you feel good," the doorbell starts ringing incessantly, like a kid trying to be annoying. Yes, Michael is definitely here. Luke rolls his eyes and drops his hands. "Or, you know, later."
"Remember, I'm still mad at you," I whisper in a playful tone, hopping down from the counter and quickly run down to the door, swinging it open to a freshly blue-haired Michael. "Well, aren't we quite the mood ring."
"Oh, all I did was make myself more approachable," he smiles, stepping in without me inviting him to. What a gentleman. "I see you dressed really nice."
"It was my only instruction."
"You listened well."
"You suck at talking to girls," Luke walks down, adjusting his sleeve. His hair is back to where it was, as if I didn't just heavily make out with him in my bathroom. I probably look like a disaster but no one will tell me I do so they can laugh at me. I attempt subtlety and smooth over my hair, my dress, and ruffle underneath it. "maybe I won't have to worry about you being with my daughter tonight."
"Mr. Hemmings, not to be disrespectful, but do you really think I'm going to up my game in front of her father? I may be a 'punk teenager', but I do have some sense of morality," I roll my eyes. Michael? Morality? Give me a break.
"Michael, I may have been born at night but it definitely wasn't last night."
"Your dad has good jokes," Michael smiles over at me then it disappears into a confused frown. "shit, Hemmings, you already gave her hickeys? You couldn't have waited?" My hands instinctively go to my neck, covering up the spots I remember the feeling of Luke's mouth were.
"Just to remind you who she really is with," he winks at me before turning coolly on his heel to the kitchen. I'm not sure if I should be flattered or upset by his comment; I choose to just go with embarrassed considering I actually am since I have fresh hickeys on my skin before leaving with Michael.
"Okay, possessive boyfriend, you can back down. We need to get out of here or we'll be late for our reservations," he takes my hand and I don't really hold it back because I haven't held hands with anyone other than Calum or Luke and I don't know how to handle the unfamiliarity of Michael's hand in mine.
"Curfew is at midnight, Alice," Luke calls out to me just as I'm pulled out to Calum's car in the driveway.
"You won?"
"Shit, yeah," he grins, opening the passenger door for me. I jokingly inspect the seat, brushing it off before sitting down. He rolls his eyes at my being childish and I just give him a shrug. I'm going to give him hell tonight, I shouldn't, but I'm going to anyway. The car wreaks of weed and some sort of air freshener used to cover up the odor. Probably Calum's pot and Michael's Febreze. "Alice, you smell like man."
"Probably because I had a man all over me," I hear him sigh as I pick at my nails. Of course since Luke was all over me in the bathroom, all I cared about was getting this date over with as quick as possible to get home so we could make out some more. Childish, too teenagery, I know, but dear God I want to have the feeling all over again.
"I know you'd rather be with him tonight, even though you're still mad at him, but could you just pretend to enjoy being with me while we're out? Please? I mean, you were the one who agreed to go on this date," Michael glances between the road and me, a look of sincere hurt crossing his features. "I know you've had a pretty shitty week, and yesterday was basically a slap in the face. I'm just trying to make it better for you. I want you to have a fun Saturday night instead of sitting in your room, hating pretty much everyone, and waiting for Luke's dumb ass to apologize to you; To which we both know he wasn't going to." I open my mouth, to interject that he in fact did apologize, then realize that he didn't. He just said he loved me. Does that mean he isn't sorry for doing what he did? Or is he too stupid to understand what he had done? You know, it's Luke; It's most likely the second one.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, still picking at my already disastrous nails. Sighing, I look down at my phone to see Calum sent me a text.
Calum:
do NOT tell me u got n MY car w/ Mike
Me:
I did get in your car with Michael
Calum:
WHY
Me:
going on a date, bye
I put my phone away, looking out the window as Michael drives. He told me we were going to be taking a long drive out of town, and reservations were for 8 at a really fancy place that I think is Italian and I didn't have the heart to tell him I despise Italian food. Maybe I'll get lucky and it's like a wide range of food so I can order something I wouldn't get somewhere else.
I internally groan. All I'm gonna do this whole car ride is have horrible conversations with myself or Michael will attempt conversing with me. If we were already there I could be stuffing my face with bread while he talks so all I'd have to do is nod my head and avoid any human interaction. Unless I end up in bed with somebody by the end of this night. Wow, I almost sound like a guy. Well, I mean, it isn't that bad to wish for something to happen with Michael or Luke, right?
They're both so attractive it should be illegal to look that good and walk around in broad daylight. They both have piercings on their face, and stubble (stubble is hot, full beards aren't). But Michael has tattoos, which I find attractive (thanks Cal), but Luke is older which I also find attractive. They both are ridiculously tall, Luke taller than Michael. But Luke wears suits and that's always nice to see when he gets home. Michael just wears black pants and button-up shirts. Although, right now, he's dressed really well. I think he's dressed almost like Luke was.
Who am I kidding? No matter how attractive Michael is and how much I tell myself I could be better with him, he isn't Luke. No matter how much I tell myself I like Calum back, he isn't Luke. These boys are pretty, sweet, and incredibly caring (at times), but none of them are Luke. My Luke. My fucking stepdad. The one detail I wish I could wipe away completely so I can have him all to myself and we can go out on cute dates and be cute and shit together. I just want my Luke next to me.
"What're you thinking about?" Michael's voice pulls me out of it, making me look to him instead of out the window. He repeats himself, given I look at him like I'm deaf. "You've been pretty quiet over there."
"Just thinking to myself," I shrug, looking back out the window. I'm curled up on the seat and hugging myself as tight as I can to be warm. I forgot to even think to bring a jacket with me and it's colder than Antarctica outside.
"I have a blanket in the back if you want to use it, it'll be a little cold though," my lip goes up in a disgusted snarl, looking over at him. "oh, please, it's Calum's. He hasn't slept with anyone since he realized he liked you. It's clean." Before I answer him, Michael is reaching back and tossing the blanket over me. Shivering, I cover myself entirely with the ice cold material. "I'm surprised you aren't all 'what? Calum likes me?'."
"You know exactly why I couldn't give two shits how he feels about me," I mutter, using some of the blanket as a pillow against the window.
"Jesus, and I thought it was only the weather that was making it cold in here," I shake my head, still shivering. Doesn't this guy know anything about turning on heat? "Want the heat on?" No, I enjoy freezing.
"If you don't mind," he cranks it up as high as it'll go, and I revel in the sudden blast of hot air that blows over my whole body. "thank you."
"I wish you would've said something earlier. I don't get cold that easy," I shrug. I'm not good at pretending to want to be with someone, am I?
"What's the restaurant we're going to?"
"Uh, it's Italian, I think," damn. "you like Italian, right?" No.
"It's alright, I guess," I watch as it gets darker and darker the further we drive. "you're not taking me to like murder me then chop my body up in pieces to never be found again, right?"
"I wouldn't waste gas coming out here if I wanted to do that. Although, duct taping your mouth crossed my mind a couple times since you've been so harsh," I snort. "honestly, what did I do wrong?" I feel the car slow down and make a turn, keeping a slow pace then come to a stop. Just when the heat started kicking in and I got so comfy.
"Nothing," I sigh. "I just-" just can't bring myself to finish that sentence because I'm going to tell you I wish you were Luke instead. Man, I have it so bad.
"Wish he were here."
"Quit reading my mind, Clifford. It's creeping me out," I throw the blanket off and unbuckle myself as Michael turns off the car, the heat disappearing. If he knows how badly I want to be with Luke, why is he not just turning around and taking me back home? If he wants to help us out, he could just let us be for the night.
"Just come in with me and we can get good food and you can order whatever dessert you want, sound good?" He offers his arm, awaiting for me to link mine with his.
"Any dessert I want?"
"Don't spend everything in my wallet, but yes, any dessert," I think it over for a few seconds before linking my arm with his. I haven't been out with a guy in so long I forget how nice it was to be openly romantically involved, even if I don't exactly like my date.
Michael leads me inside, and I gawk at the elegance that is this restaurant: dimly lit, all black and white, chandeliers hanging low from the ceiling that I'm fairly certain are real diamonds. Waitresses and hostesses are in all white dresses and waiters are wearing all black suits; I might be out of place with my blue dress when even Michael is following dress code.
"Alice, snap out of it," he's tugging my arm and I come back down from my daydream of stealing one of those chandeliers to put in my room. I'm not sure how Luke would feel with me bringing stolen objects into the house, though. Following Michael to our table is probably the most unpleasant thing because everything is a maze and people are not polite enough to say excuse me when they want to get past you.
"So, are we paying for the food or just to be here in this building?"
"What do you mean?" Michael sits down at the table, me following suit, and adjusts his shirt sleeve. What is with men and always fixing their shirt sleeves?
"Have you seen this place? It's got expensive written all over it," I pick up the menu and point to the restaurant name written in fancy yet ugly cursive. "I'm sure that means expensive in whatever language this is."
"It's Italian, Alice," the tone of his voice suggests annoyance and aggravation but looking at his face, he has a smile that says otherwise. "and that isn't what it means."
"Then what does it mean?" As I stated once before, I hate Italian food, and here I am looking through the menu to see what Italian dishes I can scarf down without feeling sick to my stomach.
"I have no clue," Michael is busying himself with his menu and my thoughts are busying themselves with Luke. I want to know where it is he is going tonight and if he really is going to be alone like he said. I trust him, but the jealous part of me doesn't believe a word he said (that's also the part of me that got me on this date but I'm trying to forget that happened). I just want to be with him, in my pajamas, watching whatever movie we finally decide to watch, then make out on the couch until we get to third base.
The waiter comes, asks for drinks, then disappears for the next 20 minutes. I'm starving, and I get ridiculously angry when I haven't eaten and I haven't eaten at all today. I might just pass out. Michael is going on and on about God only knows what (I haven't been paying attention I started getting a headache after he mentioned what was wrong with Calum's car), and I don't want to be one of those girls that only makes it through a date wanting or needing alcohol, but I just might end up being one of those girls. Plus, he keeps looking at his watch the entire time. What happened to pretending to enjoy being together? Trust me, I want this to be over just as badly, buddy.
"Hey, are you listening to me at all?" I look up, holding my head and rubbing my temple, to see Michael's eyebrows raised as he awaits a yes or no. I nod. "What's wrong?" I tap my head. I can't talk; It'll hurt my head too much and I'm afraid in my hangry state, I will say something rude or inconsiderate. "I have aspirin in Calum's car. Want me to go get them for you?" I nod again, closing my eyes and clenching my jaw. He could hit me with a hammer for all I care, the only thing that will make this pain go away is getting some damn food. The waiter hasn't been in sight for almost an hour and now Michael is leaving me. Maybe this night is just going to end up being a disaster and be the cherry on this glorious week of bullshit.
First, I failed a test and it may prevent me from graduating with the rest of my class.
Second, I end up on a date with Michael and go with him in Calum's car.
Third, Luke eye fucks Mali-koa right in front of me.
And fourth, the waiter just walked by me without even so much as looking at me or asking if I'd want a refill.
"That is it, I'm leaving," I grumble, picking up myself and my phone, scrolling through to call Luke. I knew he'd ditch me somehow, whether it's the side of the road in a body bag or with the check at a restaurant whose name I can't even pronounce that charges five dollars for Coke.
"Where are you going?" I look up from my phone and I nearly drop it.
___________________________________________________________________________
OKAY I CAN NOT FEEL BAD ENOUGH I KNOW I SAID I WOULD HAVE THIS UPDATED SOON BUT 'TONIGHT' TURNED INTO 3 DAYS LATER DON'T BLAME ME BLAME MY HOMEWORK I HAD TO DO ALL WEEK.
Anyway, slfl starts in 9 days (by the time I post this it will be 9 days) and I'm so excited. I'm going in July for their American leg of the tour. (ALSO PRAYING CASTAWAY IS ON THE SETLIST AND SLSP IS NOT) Are any of you going? What song are you most hoping will be on the setlist? I literally do not want any of the old music on it except for Everything I Didn't Say, Beside You, &/or Heartbreak Girl
unpopular opinion: I hate San Francisco & I also hope it isn't on the setlist
WELL HERE YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE GO IT IS OVER 4000 WORDS LONG AND I HAVE A PART TWO COMING UP FOR YOU GUYS
I love you guys so much and I worked really hard on this boring, shitty chapter so all the good stuff will be in part two (which i'm hoping I can post tomorrow I am not making promises).
- jenn