All it took was one conversation with my best friend for years of built walls to come crashing down. All it took was 5 minutes to break 4 years of walls to crash down and break my heart. All it took was my best friend to make me realize I do have feelings. All it took was a couple of words to make me remember my haunting past. All it took was a simple slip of the emotionless mask for me to break down and cry. I was weak. Weak people cry and bimbos cry because a dude cheats. Well that's what I used to think but now I understand better. Just because your strong doesn't mean you don't cry it just means that you can hold onto a lot and finally when you do let out the bottled up emotions it means that is was too much for you to handle by yourself but it's OK because everyone needs a shoulder sometime. I understand why girls cry when they get cheated on I now know the pain they feel. For me it's not the fact that he cheated it's the fact that I trusted him enough to say I loved him and he stabbed me in the back with a fucking butchers knife. He knew I had trust issues, he knew my opinion on guys but he just proved my theory that all guys are the same. I didn't want him to change and be a good boy I liked him as a bad boy. I fell in love with his bad ass player type attitude but I just thought that he would drop the player act and be faithful.
"Party tonight, you bound?" Andy asked breaking me out of my thoughts. It's been two days since I broke down. Andy didn't push the subject of my past she simply told me that whenever I was ready she'd be there to listen. But I'm taking baby steps I was left feeling raw and exposed to her when I broke down so I needed time. But honestly I don't think I'll ever be able to tell her that my past was so much more screwed than she knew. I couldn't risk losing her because I was a stupid and disgusting bitch as my mother said.
"Damn right I'm bound." I said painting on a fake smile and running a hand through my hair.
"Alright I'll be in here so you can do my hair and shit." She said and walked out of the room. I let out a breath I didn't notice I was holding in, I didn't want her to know that I wasn't OK.
*Andy*
I walked out the room and let out a sigh. I knew she wasn't okay but I couldn't understand why because she won't tell me about the real reason she fucks around with boys. It frustrates me to know that the girl I would trust my life with couldn't tell me a secret. But I knew it was big because Nadia doesn't cry she's the strong one in this friendship. She told me that weak people cried and people with emotions cried so she never cried. I still cry though I would never admit that to her because she would classify me as weak. She knows that my home life isn't easy either. But I couldn't pin this all on her because we all have that one secret that we refuse to tell anyone. Even I have that secret....
*Nadia*
I got out my pink dress that was tight on the top and flared at the bottom and had sparkly lace over the flare part. I also got out my hot pink and white high tops and random jewelry. I walked over to my desk with the mirror on it and plugged up the flat iron. I looked at myself in the mirror and looked at my watery eyes. Tonight I wouldn't cry. I was going to have fun with my best friend and forget about all my problems. Tonight I was going to get over Zane. I plugged my iPhone to the speakers and started to play Tonight I'm Getting Over You by Carly Rae Jepson. I sat back down and hummed the lyrics as I started to style my hair. Andy came in minutes later and I was still straightening some parts and leaving other parts wavy. She came over and started unloading her different color make up. I did a part through the middle of my hair and put it in a high wavy ponytail and left the back out and straight. "Sit my young grasshopper." I joked and motioned for her to sit. She half smiled and sat down.
"Nice song choice." She said referring to the song.
"I need a boost." I said as I started to style her hair. I put it in a curly style with a bang the went over her eye. I then sat down and she started on my makeup. She used light pinks and silvers and I looked amazing. "You never disappoint." I smiled as I looked at my now flawless skin.
"Why, thank you m'lady." She said in a weird accent that made me laugh. I danced my way to my dress and slid it on and then put on my shoes. Once Andy got finished getting dressed we both looked in the body mirror.
"Zayum them girls is sexy." She smiled.
"And one is very single and ready to fuck." I joked.. well half joked. I turned off the music and slipped the phone in my jacket pocket.
As soon as we pulled up I knew exactly who party this was. Cameron's. I knew this house, the big fountain in the middle that I played in several times, the huge pool that was in the back yard and the beautiful bricks that led to the front door. The door was open and everyone was wasted... Yep, it's your typical party. We walked in and walked straight to the kitchen knowing that's where the gang would be but I heard a familiar voice and froze in my tracks. Zane. Andy started to pull on my jacket but I couldn't bring myself to move and then I heard his angelic laughter and my heart skipped a few beats. No! No! No!
Not not, not ever. My brain chanted and that's when I slipped my emotionless mask back on and walked in through the kitchen door.
"Hey babe. I missed you." Cameron said pulling me into a hug.
"Missed you too Cam." I said honestly. I walked over and pulled myself up on the island in the middle of the huge kitchen. Andy walked over to Damon and they were talking among themselves. Jo was already here with Jason. My eyes kept trying to glance at Zane but I refused it even though my skin was heating up from where he was staring at me. Cameron came over and placed each arm on each side of me and leaned in so his lips were to my ear.
"I heard about you and Zane sorry my best friend is such a dick." He replied before chuckling and pulled away. I smiled at his attempt to try and cheer me up but really I was okay. My eyes slowly glanced over to Zane with eyes filled with guilt, pain, heartbreak and jealousy. Oh he was jealous because Cameron was so close, eh? Good to know. I pulled Cameron down by his collar and moved my lips to his ear.
"Get me a drink. Please." I said before releasing him. He nodded his head and went to get a drink. As soon as he left Zane walked over to me. My heart started beating at a very abnormal speed and my stomach went wild.
"Can we talk?" He asked. I would not let my mask slip so I put on a forced smirk.
"We're talking now McKnight." I said in a 'duh' tone.
"In private." I leaned in and brushed my lips against his ignoring the spark and passed his lips and went to his ear.
"Are you trying to get in my pants?" I said pulling back. I placed my hand on his chest and felt how fast heart was beating. "Only for me my ass." I spat out harshly before pulling away. He looked at me different emotions clouded his eyes.
"Nadia please can we talk in private." He begged.
"Don't beg you sound like a fucking dog. Oh wait that explains the begging actually." I said with a innocent voice I made sure to keep my mask and a smirk on my face. Yes, I am a multi tasker.
"Nadia please." He begged again. Where is Cameron with my fucking drink? My heart beat was back to normal the more the betrayal took over me.
"You are not going to ruin another party for me McKnight." I said in a calm voice. I pushed him back and jumped off of the island and walking out the kitchen. On my way to the real party I bumped into Cameron and took my drink. I downed it and walked to the dance floor where I started grinding my hips on some light skin boy. His hands held my hips firmly and pleasure went through my veins as I felt his hands on me. I stood on my tip toes and moved my lips to his ear.
"Let's go somewhere more private." I smiled he nodded eagerly and grabbed my hand until we reached a door. I opened it and it was a closet. Good enough for me. I closed the door and he pushed me on it roughly and attacked me with his lips. I was loving the feeling of his lips he slid his tongue into my mouth and I moaned from pleasure. This guy was good at what he do. His lips moved down towards my neck as he started sucking on it. "What's your name?" I breathed out. I mean I liked the at least know the name of my fucks.
"Elijah." He breathed as we started to pull my dress up. I'm so glad this won't mean shit in the morning. He pushed himself against me and I let out a gasp as I felt him near my area.. Yep, I'm going to enjoy this.
*Zane*
I clenched and unclenched my jaw. I can't believe this shit! I fucked up again. I ran a hand through my hair as I sat on Cameron's bed. I had walked up here because I wasn't in the party mode. When she came here the way her and Cameron was flirting, she was acting as if what we had never even happened. Jealousy shot throughout my body as I remembered seeing her grind on Elijah. I balled my fist up and let out a groan. It's all my fucking fault, I fucked up and this time I just know there is no forgiving. She won't forget and she tried to cover her the pain but I saw right through and it was like a knife through my heart. I fucked up her trust for good this time. Then Damon, Andy, Jo, Jason, Cameron and Elijah came in. Just the sight of him made me want to beat him to a bloody pulp. Where is Nadia? Right on cue she came in and looked taken back when she saw Elijah but she quickly brushed it off and sat next to him. Just then Brittney came in and Nadia whole body tensed up. She came over and sat next to me.
"Never have I ever?" Damon suggested.
"Hell yeah!" Cameron said with a sloppy grin. Damon got up and grabbed a bottle of whatever and poured everyone a cup. Even though I'm not in the party mode I refused to be buzz kill so I took the cup and put on my signature smirk and looked over a Nadia who was staring back at me. I winked at her and saw her place a hand over her stomach. It's good to know I still have the same effect on her.
"Well let's play." I said.
*Nadia*
When he winked at me I swear I felt like I was in one of those romantic movies where everything goes silent and the world goes in slow motion the only sound was the blood rushing in my ears. I quickly pushed away any unwanted feelings and smirked back at him.
"Never have I ever had sex at school." Damon started and everyone but Jason, Jo, and Andy took a drink. Lames.
"Never have I ever had sex in a pool." Zane said looking at me. Me and Zane was the only ones to drink.
"Something you not telling me?" Damon joked and I playfully rolled my eyes at him. Zane sent me a smirk which I returned.
"Never have I ever had sex in a friends bed." Jo said and everyone but Me and Damon took a sip. Nasty asses. I looked over at Andy and she gave me a apologetic look.
"Andy?" I said in a calm voice.
"Sorry gosh! I changed your sheets." She said looking in her lap. Ewgh! Nasty! Nasty! Nasty!
"Never have I ever had a threesome." Andy said in a chirpy tone. Me and Andy were the only ones who didn't drink. "Ew!" We both said at the same time. Okay, I do alot of things but never would I have a threesome.
"Never have I ever had sex in the shower." Brittney said. My hand clenched and my nails was digging so hard in my skin that it drew blood, I had to do that to keep myself from beating her ass. Everyone took a drink except Jo and Brittney. The game went on for a little longer until everyone was pretty much throwed. The ones that were closest to sober was Jo and Jason. Losers! Then we started to play in Dares and it was stupid.
"Nadia I dare you to makeout with Elijah." Andy said with a sly smirk. I looked at him raising one eyebrow before crashing my lips to his, making sure to keep my eyes open. I eyes trailed over to Zane who sat there with his hands balled in a fist and jealousy filled his forest green eyes as they went dark with anger. Elijah slid his tongue and my mouth and I let out a gasp. His pulled me in his lap and the whole time I kept my eyes on Zane but I don't think he noticed. Then just to piss him off even more I let out a forced moan.
"Alright times up!" Andy announced clearly satisfied with her work. I put on a smirk and climbed off of his lap with a victory smirk. We played a couple more until everyone couldn't talk or think straight.
*^_^*
I walked to Cameron's bathroom and cleaned myself up before walking back out and kicking Andy. We wound up staying at Cameron's because the condition we was in we couldn't even stand up let alone drive. See, we're responsible. She stirred a little and I continued to kick her until she woke up.
"Go fix yourself so we can go home. I'll be outside." I said grumpily. I slowly walked downstairs and outside. I sat on the front steps until I heard someones clear they throat. My head snapped around and I saw Zane sitting there with a cigarette in his mouth. I turned back around and looked at the messy lawn. I felt Zane hand brushed against my mine and I felt electricity go throughout my body.
"Feel that?" He said as he outed the cigarette. "That electric feeling, it never goes away Nadia and you'll only feel it when you're with me." I looked him straight in his forest green eyes and put on a smirk and got prepared to lie.
"The feelings only one way because I feel nothing." I lied right through my fucking teeth.
"I know you're lying but I'll let you keep saying that and one you'll believe it." He said his voice was serious. I clenched my jaw and anger rushed through my body.
"What are you trying to do Zane?" I snapped. "Trying to make me forgive you. huh? Well news flash I will never fully forgive you. Your a fucking dog who treated my heart like shit." The walls here cracking and the mask was slipping. "Your a fucking coward that's what you are. But it's okay because from this point on I'll never feel the same way about you again. And as for the sparks they will die over time just like my feelings for you." I said my voice shaking slightly. With that I left and stormed towards my car. I felt his eyes burning holes in my back but I was so fucking angry that I didn't care. Just as I got to my car Andy climbed in shortly after. The whole drive was silent which I was thankful for. When we got to the house I walked straight to my shower to relax my muscles and try to forget the anger that Zane easily put there. Once I got out I threw on some shorts and a tight fitted plain pink T with my hair in a messy bun and threw myself back on my bed.
Feel that? That electric feeling, it never goes away Nadia and you'll only feel it when you're with me...
His words rang through my head millions of times. Yes I felt it and I loved the feeling but I'm not stupid. Andy came in and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Wanna talk about it?" She asked looking at me. She's been with me through all this shit and not once did she complain, I knew she was probably getting tired of my problems so for the second time to day I lied through my clenched teeth.
"Nope." I answered bluntly.
"I'm here if you need me. Like seriously I'm staying in your room." She said laying back on the bed next to me.
"Andy..." I said barely in a whisper.
"Hmmm?" She responded.
"Thank you." I whispered.
"That's what I'm here for."
"I know your tired of me unloading all my problems on you-" I started but she interrupted me.
"All the times you were there for me being my shoulder to cry for and being my solider and being the strong one. Nadia this is the least I could do." She said looking at me. Exactly I'm the strong one she's the one with emotions I shouldn't been unloading my problems on her.
"I'm not strong Andy. I cry and I feel, I'm just as weak as everyone else." I murmured. A flash of something went across her eyes but she quickly replaced it.
"Just because you cry an feel doesn't make you weak. If you don't feel than you'll be considered a monster."
"I'd rather be a monster than to feel so much fucking pain Andy." If anything Andy was stronger than me she actually knew how to deal with her problems she didn't dwel on the past because of her problems, she didn't hate her parents even though they treated her to shit. She had been taking care of her brother since she was 14 years old and her parents were complete dicks but I've never seen her shed one tear or complain not once. I was hung up over the past, over my same night terrors and dwelling on something that wasn't even my fault. My past wasn't sunshine and rainbows it was cruel, painful and filled with blood, sweat and tears but I covered it up while Andy dealt with it.. So if anything she's the strong one, not me. "You are so much stronger then me and I'm thankful to have you as a best friend." I confessed.
"Nadia, I'm not strong I just know how to deal and I have a sister who will help me carry my baggage. And so do you, you have a sister to carry your baggage with you. Remember your not going through anything alone." She whispered sleepily. Sleepiness ran through my body and my eye lids grew heavy.