You told me i have to be okay without you but I can't.. And every tear that slipped in my eyes meant like a dagger ripping my heart out. And i wonder if I'll ever be the same again.
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Have you ever seen a ghost dressed in rust-colored demi pants, moss green shirt with a black leather jacket, wearing high-heeled black boots?
After I have smacked Mandy's head, all the bitches in the campus seemed to be aware of my presence. Whenever I'm walking to the path they were into or near to, they will surely clear the trail so I could pass. I don't understand why they seem to be afraid of me. It's not that I'm a bully nor a bitch like them. But somehow, i kind of liking the way they were afraid of me. The last thing I want is to fight or argue with anyone.
It's been three days..
I haven't seen Ken nor the any of the band's members for the past three days. Gray and Dawn are always out together and i don't want to be a third wheel. So i just opted to be on my own.
I miss Ken so bad. But sometimes it is not always just what we want.
Ken is like a sun. She's too warm, too bright. Everyone needs her and she's too responsible to keep everyone in her warmth. But I can't share her with anyone else. If I choose to have her, then she have to give herself only to me. I don't want anyone else coming to her or she's coming in to. I love her into destruction. And i wonder if I'll ever be the same.
I was walking towards the auditorium for my film class when i bumped into a guy. He was holding a bunch of books that throws in the ground in the impact.
"Hey, y'know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm just in a hurry!" He says as he adjusted the glass that falls in the bridge of his pointed nose. He bends to pick his things.
"It's okay." I said dismissively and helped him in picking up his books. "Here!"
"U-uhm..T-Thank you.." He said and run inside the auditorium. I just shrugged when i can no longer see him. He's kinda weird. Well maybe it's just because he's in a hurry.
I was about to go inside the auditorium as well when i saw a piece of paper. It was glossy and a kind of a special paper. Curiosity be told, something urges me to pick up the paper so I did. And I really wish that I haven't.
It was a picture of Ken having the time of her life. She's wearing a blue-black sexy dress that highlights her sexy figure. If she weren't holding a pretty brunette whose arms are in her neck and making a dirty dance on her, I'll probably be happy to see it.
Shit! It's just three days!! Three days and she has already moved on. And here I thought I've made my biggest mistake in letting her go.
I took a deep breath and crumpled the paper. I glance on my wristwatch and headed to my film class after throwing the paper away.
"Shoot! She's goddamn sexy!" I heard someone giggles at my back. I look around and saw a group of students swooning over someone while looking at the poster. Before I could stop myself, my attention drifted to the poster. It was Ken and Gray both smiling in the camera.
Grab the woman of your dreams!
The caption makes me want to spank anyone. It was only three days. And changes were rolled altogether. She's now an endorser huh?
I grasp a little and push myself inside the auditorium to stop the torture of her memories. Why everything tries to remind me of her? Damn! This is the worst part of moving on. Doing things you have accustomed to do with the one you love and it sucks!
I seated on the last row at the corner. The class only requires us to watch the show today and write a review about it.
Someone took the seat beside me but i didn't bother to know who it was. I'm too busy minding my own life to bother over such little things.
"What's up?" I heard my seat mate said loud enough for me to hear.
I turn my attention to her. She's still wearing that damn blue-black dress. And shit that she was so sinfully gorgeous!
"What are you doing here?" I asked bitterly.
Ken gave me a humurous laugh and smirk. It was different on how she used to smile at me. Hers were sweet and loving but now was pure amusement.
"I don't know you, Do I?"
My forehead creases at what she had said.
"Stop your ploy. I don't want to talk you either but you started this conversation and I was left with no choice."
"I thought I have to pretend we haven't met?" She replied sarcastically. "I thought I have to pretend we haven't kissed; that we haven't sex."
With the way she said the word that means so much to me hurts like a knife. I didn't know it was just sex with her when it means all for me. She was my first and she was fully aware of it. But she's now treating it was just a piece of membrane and not a precious thing to be remembered in a special way.
"Then so be it!" I said blankly devoid of emotions.
Ken lifted the corner of her lips and stretched her hand at the back of my seat.
"Yeah! You want me to pretend we hadn't fall in love with each other. You keep denying your feelings for me when in fact you cannot live without me. "
"You're so full of yourself!"
"Well, look at how miserable you are without me. Why don't you just admit it? Why is it too hard for you to tell 'i love you' ?!"
I met her icy fire gaze and return a stern.
"What will you do if I tell you 'I love you' "
"I'll hold you tight! I'll embrace you so hard that you'll find it hard to breathe but will lose it up a little so you could. I'll kiss you so passionate that you'll be grasping for air but I'll leave a distance for a second so you could breathe. "
The intense gaze of those amber-colored eyes makes me want to cry. I love her. I really do. And I don't know if it's right or if it's not a wrong thing to do so.
That's when i heard her sing. It's as if she's serenading me and I could feel the goose bumps that sent shivers into my veins.
Been busy tryin' to figure you out..
And yea.. I'm busy trying to figure her out as well. She's really gorgeous.
And how you ever did without the love and all the questions...
I don't know either Ken, swear!
I love you so much.
Did he have the right intentions, no...
That's the problem. I have trust issues. I cannot trust anyone with my heart. It's too hard for me to let other's in.
So take a chance with me...
I really wish I could, Ken.
I'm here so I can make you believe again in love that's true...
All love can do is hurt, cut , and bleed. And no, I can't.
'Cause I'll be there, I'll be there for you..
Is it really you? Or i was meant for someone else? How would i know? You're not a guy!
You don't have to search no more..
'Cause I'm the one you're lookin' for..
How can you say that? How?
Oh I'll be there, I'll be there for you..
If you're just a guy Ken..
You just have to realize
I'm not like those other guys..
'Cause I'll be there, I'll be there for you..
Woah oh oh oh, woah..
I'll be there I'll be there for you..
Woah oh oh oh, woah..
My tears fell on my cheeks. I really love Ken. And after this , after all that we have shared, i don't think I could still do things without her.
I'm gonna bring you back, bring you back now..
To a time that was right oh you never had to worry 'bout..
Anything your heart desires,
If you just ask then I'll supply it..
You're all that I want Ken. Just you! Only you! And all of you..
I'll treat you right..
'Cause I'm your knight..
And you're my princess baby..
Put your guard down be my lady!
I pulled Ken and hug her tight. I miss her so much. I love her too bad.
You don't have to search no more..
'Cause I'm the one you're lookin' for..
Oh I'll be there, I'll be there for you..
You just have to realize,
I'm not like those other guys..
'Cause I'll be there, I'll be there for you..
I didn't say a word. I just keep hugging her.
And if I can remind you how it feels..
How it feels to be another's number one..
And it's time to break that spell..
I've been wishin' down this well..
Ohh, and it's all for you, you..
"What if, if it's not you?" I whispered.
You don't have to search no more..
'Cause I'm the one you're lookin' for..
Oh I'll be there, I'll be there for you..
You just have to realize,
I'm no like those other guys..
'Cause I'll be there, I'll be there for you..
Woah oh oh oh, woah.
I'll be there I'll be there for you
Woah oh oh oh, woah..
You know that I'll be there for you..
Yeah I'll be there, I'll be there for you. .
"Promise me, Ken!"
"P-promise what?"
I cupped her face and leaned on her closer.
"Promise me we'll make this together. Promise me we'll surpass all odds. And that if forever is real and not just a word that fools tend to believe, then let me experience it. Let me have it with you.."
Ken's lips slowly form a smile. A smile that is enough to promise me everything that is too uncertain. And for a people that dwells with comfort zone, It is an achievement for me.
"So, will you be my girl for real? Without limits and boundaries?"
I nod at her.
"Y-yes Ken. I want to be yours as long as we can be together. "
She pulled me in a hug that is too tight for me to breath and she kissed me too passionate that I'm grasping for air.
But as she promised, she loosen it up a little for me to breathe. Her forehead touched mine as her lips is just an inch away.
"When you told me that I have to do it alone and pretend we haven't met, i thought my heart will never beat again. But you're now here with me."
I wiped the corner of Ken's eyes.
"I'm sorry. I-I'm really sorry for being a coward."
"It doesn't matter now baby. "
"I-I love you Ken!" I said with full conviction.
"Did you hear it?"
My face broke into a laugh at her famous line.
"Hear what?" I asked smilingly as I touch the contour of her lips.
"M-my heart.." She whispered slowly. "It's doing a stupid cartwheel!"
I kissed her forehead and hug her again.
"D-did you hear it?" My eyes are dancing in mischief.
"Hear what?" She asked back.
"M-my heart.." I said ever slowly. "It's dancing in glee."
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