January 28, 2016
Hey there Song bird,
It's KK and I saw Jacob-senpai four times to day I watched him walk to home room and I remembered that he last my number when he changed his so I wrote down my phone number under the words "KK's number" and when I saw him the second time going to art which is my throws period I gave him my number and I saw him walk to lunch but I didn't talk to him so I saw him walk out so I said," Jacob I gotta question?" And he looked at me and then I said," You need a girlfriend." I thought it was hilariously funny but my friend Devin thought that was stupid cause Jacob-senpai might get a girlfriend and then I explained that I was gonna use the first verse of Girlfriend by Avail Lavigne if he does and besides he doesn't like any of the girls at school anyways and this morning I was sitting in the gym with my seventh grade friends and a few of my eighth grade friends and then I asked my friend Mycala what her mom thinks of all her friends and she said," My mom things your the emoish one of my friends." And I thought that was hilarious because I'm emo and I've been known to wear only black, dress, act, listen to music, wear my hair down in my face, and basically act like an emo but I've been clean for about a month of two now from scratching the crap out of my arms which is good. I have a crush on Jacob-Senpai and I stopped because if I ever dated anyone or even Jacob-senpai, he or whoever I date won't be happy they would be sad that I would do that but I told Jacob-senpai about it, and about my ADHD and Dyslexia. He deserved to know, he is my friend. Goodness I'm into the boy, I like Jacob-Senpai and I can't tell him I have a crush on him because he told me he wasn't into any of the girls at school and besides he might have a girlfriend and he'll never be into someone like me, short, lazy, not fit in the stomach, has ADHD, has Dyslexia, has mild-depression, use to scratch the crap out of my arms because of Kori and depression, likes the dark, wears glasses, Chinese, is emo, is obsessed with meatballs, obsessed with scissors, sometimes can be hyper at times when I don't want to be, a camera nerd, a girl who likes owls, a girl who spends all her time on YouTube, reading fanfictions, listening to music, a girl who use to get bullied in the past and might get bullied in the future to as well, a girl who likes necklaces and braclets, a girl who feels like she's alone in the battle she's in trying to win to prove that she's worth something, a girl who feels like she's unloved by her family and friends when they really do love her for her being herself and being loyal and faithful, a girl who is independent, a girl who doesn't know how to act as an actual girl because she is a tomboy ever since she was younger, a girl who works a bow and arrows, a girl with short and blue colored hair, a girl who hates on herself because she feels like she's not pretty enough, skinny enough, tall enough, or good enough for any of the boys at school or any of the girls she had eyes on that are bisexual or gay like her but she is bisexual which is probably a phase, and a girl who hates almost everyone but her friends, family, and her senpai so why would Jacob-senpai ever fall in love with a girl like me with all this things I hate about myself or things that he probably won't like about me? I don't know what to do anymore, my mom says I gotta love myself to get a man or woman who loves me for me. And I'm trying to love myself and all the little things about me. I wish I can answer my question. I now don't give a single crap if Jacob-senpai sees this anymore. He'll see what I feel like and why I'm the way I am, and my secrets that I have been keeping from him. I like Jacob-senpai so much it's not even funny and I haven't stalked him because that's his business. He'll never love a girl like me who is hyper because of her ADHD. I want him to love me for me if he and I ever end up together. I like Jacob-senpai so so so much.
See ya tomorrow Songbird,
-KK 🎶🏹🎶