Phasma followed him down the hallway, allowing him to lead as he took the series of rights and lefts that led to the interrogation room she had been placed in.
When he finally walked in, the SWOOSH of the doors noticeably startled her, lying on the interrogation table now in a horizontal position, and she started to shake, looking at the door in a mix of fear and apprehension.
"It's me," he said without emotion, trying to ignore the rapid beating of his heart at seeing her like this and the overwhelming urge to rip the restraints off of her, then run out as fast as he could carry her to the landing bay.
But the mechanical breathing sound of Phasma behind him in the doorway reminded him without words that would be the most foolish thing he could do. He wouldn't even get her out of the restraints without being shot, for in his heart, he already knew that his unborn child held more promise in Snoke's eyes than himself, and if made to choose between the two it would be no choice at all.
Removing his helmet, Kylo strode over to stand beside her. Serela's eyes, red from crying, looked up at him pleadingly and she reached for his hand, which he gave her, but when she squeezed it for reassurance he could not squeeze it back.
Wishing that Phasma would give them the decency of a little privacy, Kylo nonetheless bent his head down low so they could speak softly, at least somewhat reducing their risk of being overhead here on a ship where everyone already knew their business.
"Hi," she whispered, her voice sounded hoarse. It was then he noticed a red mark on her cheek that looked like it had come from a hard slap. Looking down on the floor, he also noticed the puddle of sick still lying there where Hux had left it when he stormed out, opting to leave her in the room with the smell of it until she was moved to her permanent quarters.
"Who did this to you?" he cradled her face in his free hand, his thumb absently rubbing her cheek in silent affection.
He was so desperate for her to know how much he cherished her, how much the news he was about to deliver was just as crushing to him as it would be to her.
"The man with red hair came by to visit me," she answered him, and watched his face shift from concern to anger at the words. She had just given him all the information he needed as explanation for her injuries.
His eyes glazed over with hatred, "He did this to you?" he seethed through gritted teeth, already planning how he would repay him in full for today's events. It was one thing to target Kylo himself, but to go after the mother of his unborn child to get to Kylo... he would make him suffer relentlessly.
Serela's eyes watered again with the memories of Hux's assault, and hestroked her forehead, cursing himself not for the last time for bringing all of this on her. The vision he had never asked to see years ago had obsessed him in his quest to find her, but here now he had destroyed her life in so doing.
"My mother..." she began to say, but stopped when the fresh tears came, a strangled sob caught in her throat and threatening to tear its way out of her. Tears spilled out of her eyes finally like a dam being unleashed.
"Shhhh," he tried to comfort her, but she broke down crying right there on the table, her arms and legs still bound with him trying to console her.
"She's gone!" Serela moaned again and again through her heavy sobs, "She's gone, she's gone, she's gone!"
"I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear, but the action reminded her of Hux's lewd threats and she stiffened, turning her head away.
Startled by her response, Kylo gently turned her head back towards him and studied her face. Her normally bright eyes were dimmed here in this fluorescent lighting, her whole body seemed to sag against the table lifelessly, as if her will to live were draining away from her with every moment she was trapped in here.
"Please Kylo," she begged, "Please get me out of this place. I don't want to be in here. It's not good for the baby."
He swallowed, bracing himself for what he had to tell her now, but his mouth felt dry and the words too difficult to form.
Trying his best to ignore Phasma behind him and Serela's obvious heartbreak, he struggled to find the cold, impassive voice he had used everyday before he had met her. This was not a time he wanted to be aloof, but Snoke's words resounded in the corners of his heart as a warning.
She must convert or die.
Make sure you're convincing.
Looking down into her innocent eyes it was almost laughable to think that he could have ever converted her to the Dark side. Even here, in the Darkness of this ship of the First Order, he could feel the slight tugging of the Light at the door to his heart, beckoning him back to it if only he would come. Although he had rare instances of temptation by the Light before Serela, he realised that he had never been so tempted before her. There had always been something else, a wall there in his heart that he had long since crossed over but from time to he would climb back up to the top and look back at where he had come from, a part of him longing wistfully for the days on the other side.
Kylo shook his head, Snoke was right, he had been compromised. Now for the first time, he could actually feel his anger rising again, as it always had before her, but now he felt it brimming to the edge, directed at her and threatening to burst out of him involuntarily. It was so easy here to feel himself make the change back from Light to Dark. Even now in spite of her presence he could feel the hatred and anger burrowing away into his flesh to settle inside his heart, taking up residence as it tried to push out the Light that always crept in when he was with her.
The person you were on Takodana was another man's life, the Dark side seemed to scold him, anyone could pretend to be of the Light for a time, but now your true colors will shine through. She will see you here, in your element, a force to be reckoned with, and she will witness your power and authority, succumbing to it or serving her purpose and die.
The venomous turn his thoughts had taken alarmed him and he almost stumbled back, holding onto her hand for balance as she gazed up expectantly, waiting and hoping that he was here to set her free.
"I can't," he breathed, trying to hold himself back from reverting into the monster he had found himself becoming again even in her presence.
"What's happening Kylo, why am I here? What do they want with the baby?"
He steeled himself to answer her questions, all the while aware of Phasma's listening ears which connected to her running mouth, most likely running all the way back to Hux and Snoke.
"Our baby will be the product of half Light, half Dark. Unusually powerful even from a young age. His name will be Darth Renor, and he will grow to be a powerful Sith Lord for the First Order."
Her dim eyes looked at him in horror, "We were going to name him Han, for your father," she whispered.
Alarmed that Phasma had overheard this, he tried to cover up the truth in her words with a lie.
"That was never the plan. Han Solo was a traitor and a smuggler, and I killed him weeks ago before I came to you and learned of the child."
Serela's mouth was agape, "You killed your own father? Our child's grandfather?" she asked horrified.
The more he allowed the words of the Dark side to flow through him now, the easier they came.
"Yes."
Her head fell back, her mind feeling as if it would explode with this revelation, and she finally found the words on her lips that her mother had told her to ask weeks ago.
"How many people have you killed Kylo?"
He seemed to hesitate, if only briefly, "Hundreds of thousands."
"Nooooooooo!" her screamed echoed throughout the room and into the rooms surrounding it with it's volume and power. Something deep inside her had snapped. Her heart was shattered, well and truly broken as she realised her mother may have been right all along. She had been a fool to only see the good in him, when the bad was lying just under the surface, waiting for the right moment to strike.
"I'm sorry this upsets you," he said, his voice devoid of emotion.
So many questions pounded in her head, the need for answers that only he could give, but the fear to ask any more questions if she wasn't prepared to accept any answer he might give. Except for one.
"What happens now?" she wept, and he bent down to take her face in his hands again like he had so many times before, and for a second she thought he was about to kiss her.
"Now, you must stay strong and healthy for our baby, and spend these months here deciding to whom your allegiance belongs, to the Light, or to our child and the Dark."
"You would never seriously let them kill me for refusing."
"I would not have a choice Serela. I am powerful here yes, more than almost anyone, but even I am only one man, one cog in the wheel that turns the galaxy in its quest for balance. When I saw you in a vision 15 years ago the Force told me that together we would balance it. With the arrival of our baby I intend to do just that."
"Raising him in darkness cannot be at all what the Force meant when it indicated balance! Kylo, you have to see reason here!" her pious voice irked him and he looked irritated with her, something she had never expected to see from him.
"You would not understand," he chastened, "You were raised too innocently and naive. The powers that turn the wheels of this universe will be served by what we have created together, our child will be more important than perhaps anyone who has ever lived. The Supreme Leader knows this and is determined to protect the baby from others who might wish to corrupt or harm it."
"You mean like me... and my mother?"
"Yes," he answered without a thought.
Reaching down to remove her restraints and help lift her into a sitting position on the table, she flinched away when he tried to touch her. Hurt, but unrepentant for the things he had said, Kylo looked at her and offered his hand.
"Come, Supreme Leader Snoke has instructed me escort you to your chambers where you will be staying indefinitely."
"You mean until the baby is born and you kill me?"
Kylo did not answer, when she did not take her proffered hand he turned on his heel and headed for the door, lifting his mask and putting it back on.
When he turned to her and she could not see his face, only the image of the man in black who had chased her through the woods months ago, she wanted to scream. Had her mother been right? Was this really who he was this whole time, only showing a facade to her in order to get what he wanted? What was it he truly wanted?
As she tried to stand on her own two feet for the first time in hours, she took one step and slipped in the vomit still sitting on the floor. Falling to her knees and catching herself with her hands, Serela saw Kylo's black boots walk up and she felt his strong hands lift her under the shoulders and pull her back up to standing.
"Come with me," he said, "There is more to tell you before I must leave."
They walked side by side down long hallways and corridors, no green to be seen anywhere. Every place Serela looked there was metal, metal, and more metal. No signs of life except the masked soldiers in white she had escaped from that first day he had seen her.
Captain Phasma followed in their wake, maintaining a close proximity to them in case Serela should try to do anything rash.
She did not however, after all, she had never been on a ship in her life, where would she even begin if she were to escape? Each hallway looked the same, every overhead light identical to the next and every soldier followed by another that could be it's twin. Even their heights appeared to be so close in stature that she would have a hard time telling any of them apart. Kylo and Phasma seemed to tower above them all, and she noted how the soldiers began to move jerkily, almost statue-like as they passed, as if afraid one wrong move would be the end of them.
Serela remembered that fear with Kylo, the second day he had chased her in the woods and saved her from a gory death on the rocks below the cliff. When he had taken his mask off for the first time and her heart jumped as if reunited with someone it had long ago known and sorely missed. Had it meant nothing, just a normal response for a girl to have towards a handsome, dangerous man?
"Your chambers will be adjacent to Captain Phasma's. You will spend your days and your evenings with her." Serela almost laughed at the idea of days and evenings, how could anyone know which was which on this ship?
"You will be visited by a First Order physician everyday and surveyed to ensure the health of the child and yourself as you carry it to term. Your meals will be delivered to you and you will not be permitted to leave your room until or unless Captain Phasma becomes satisfied that you do not intend to try and escape."
Serela turned to him, wanting to rip that mask off and scream at him, to rage and give into the Dark forces that even now seemed to snake their arms out of the walls and try to pull her towards it. She wanted to give into her anger and make him feel some measure of the suffering all this had brought upon her.
But she didn't.
"Where would I go Kylo? Where could I possibly go now? You burned my home and murdered my mother with it, my village is likely destroyed too. What could I possibly try and escape to?"
The mask appeared to regard her for a moment as if thinking of saying something, but they continued their walk and in a moment his mechanical voice spoke again, changing the subject.
"If at any time you decide you are willing to cooperate and join the Dark side, Captain Phasma will send word and you will be brought before Supreme Leader Snoke and myself to pledge yourself to our cause."
She snorted at that one, "As if that would ever happen."
Kylo's body noticeably stiffened at that, and she could see the tension in his shoulders as they rounded another corner and he finally stopped in front of a door, pressing a series of numbers until it SWOOSHED open.
Serela walked inside feeling almost defiant, if she was a naive fool, then it was because she had been fooled by a master manipulator.
Kylo stepped forward into the room, leaving Phasma out in the hall and shutting the doors behind him before she could think to enter with them.
"This is not how I would have chosen for this to go," his voice was softer now, even with the helmet.
"Then choose another path," she chided, "Choose me, and our child. Choose life instead of this death machine."
Shaking his head, he placed his hand on her face once more, and this time she did not cringe from the contact.
"I cannot. This is the life I chose long before I met you. I tried to tell you so many times, to bring you here with me of your own free will, until it became apparent that without the use of force you never would. What I'm doing right now is what I must in order to protect you and our child."
"You can't protect him murdering people and hiding your face behind a mask."
"No, but I can protect him by doing my duty and raising him as a father should raise his son."
"So one day he can grow up to kill you too, Kylo?"
A long, desperately slow silence followed, and then she heard the hum of his lightsaber and saw a flash as he turned to the wall and began slashing at it with everything in his body.
She fell back in alarm, crouching in the corner of the room near the bed while Kylo took out his anger on every piece of furniture he could find, reducing them to pieces as the angry red blade swung from one side to another.
When he finished, he retracted the blade and stood panting slightly, then looked at her with that horrible mask.
"Don't...EVER...mention...Han Solo...to me...AGAIN..."
Serela felt a wetness on her face that told her she had been crying while he destroyed her room, and when he stepped in her direction to offer her a hand to pull her up she refused, looking at him with new eyes.
"You lied to me about everything," she accused.
"Not everything, many things, but many things, yes, I did."
"Why?"
Exasperated, but still winded from his tantrum, Kylo snapped back, "Because I desired you Serela! Your body, your affection, those were all I ever wanted from you!" Even as the words left his mouth he knew they weren't true. The part of him he kept buried, the Light he struggled against constantly, it had desired her, but for so much more than her body.
Her lips were pressed tight together in an effort to keep from screaming, and as he turned to leave, she stood up in her small untouched corner, yelling as he pressed the numbers to make the door open.
"Tell me it was all a lie then Kylo! Tell me you were like this every moment I was with you and I was too young and stupid to see it. Tell me our baby and I mean nothing to you."
Even in the mask Kylo looked down at the floor, "I care for you Serela," he admitted, "But I am Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren, and I am accountable to people for my actions. I will no longer allow my feelings towards you or our child to cloud my judgments."
He looked back up at her, and through the mask she could almost sense the stoic facial expression as he told her, "You and I both have choices to make. I have made mine. I have chosen the Dark side just as I chose it long ago. For your sake and our child's, I hope you make the same choice. I hope you choose him, and me." He turned to leave, Phasma standing at the door waiting for him.
"Kylo wait!" she cried, "Don't do this to me! To us! Our baby! This isn't who you are!" her voice had reached a fever pitch as she slumped to her knees on the hard metal floor.
"No Serela," he said unfeelingly, his eyes fixed on a point on the wall behind her, refusing to look at her face as he pushed the button to shut the door to her chambers, "This is exactly who I am. You can learn to accept it, or we and our child will have no future together."
Author's Note: Well there it is! The first 20 chapters done! I promise you that I have never in my life made it so far into a story before. Usually I get about 5 chapters in and then get distracted and/or give up. If only I could be this possessed to keep at my original fiction! lol.
This is more than likely the halfway point for my story, although I'm not sure if it will be another 20 chapter exactly or 19 or 21 or whatever, but this is where the shift will begin. Now that they are together on the Finalizer, he will be in his element and it will be time to see if the change of environment has the same effect on her as being in her environment did on him. Uggggh I love writing this and even though I wish I could get even more people to give me an opinion on it I'm just happy to see so many people reading it, as it must mean I'm at least doing something right! Feel free to comment if you agree with my assessment of Kylo and your perception of his inner battle in the movie. I've just finished watching it for the 3rd time (of course I've rewatched just the scenes of him without his mask waaaaaay more times than that) and it feels more and more clear to me that he will definitely turn back to the Light like his grandfather in the final episode of the saga, if not sooner.
Ok, geekout over! Back to writing!