Epilogue –Past and Future Collides
"When a person dies, all his actions come to an end with the exception of three: 1) Sadaqa Jaariyaa, 2) Knowledge from which benefit continues to be reaped,3) And the prayers of his pious children for him."
~Sahih al-Bukhari.
Aahil sat in the huge auditorium of Daniyaal, Imraan, Uwais and Zoya's school. The deeply cushioned chairs were so comfortable that Aahil could have fallen asleep in them, but deep sorrow settled in his heart. The chair to his right was empty, the chair that his wife was meant to be seated on, but there was nothing he could do. Allah had called her home, and he knew that she would be waiting for him at the doors of Jannah so that they could walk into Jannah together, hand in hand. However, his anxiety was peaked higher –almost as high as his heart rate had been the day his wife died in his arms.
His four lifelines were anxiously waiting to receive one of their first milestones: their report cards on their Matric year. Ever since Waliya passed away he had tried his best to keep his promise to her and love them unconditionally. He had loved them unconditionally since the minute he held them in his arms.
The principal of the school made dua for the class of matriculants and gave some inspiring speech about the fact that their result is not the end for them. Aahil agreed, but he felt the empty space in his heart, and he knew that there was only one way to ensure that it lessens. He pulled out his much read letter from Waliya and began reading it. It was torn, and had a few tear stains, but this wasn't the original copy. When he first got it, he made over five copies of the letter and put it neatly away. The one he held in his hand was his seventh torn copy. But, this was one of many letters she wrote to him. It was his most treasured letter.
"My Aahil, my darling, my love, the light in my life,
I know you are so upset with me. I am so sorry that I couldn't tell you the truth, I was a coward. But, I promise you that I love you. I always have, from the minute we had signed our Nikkah and I could see you and touch you.
I know, I was the shy little weird thing, but I loved you.
Are you upset with me? I left you all alone with our four children. I left you with such a big burden on your own. I know that our parents will help you, but...
Aahil, you will always be the love of my life. I will wait for you at the gates of Jannah, In Shaa Allah, but...
If you have to remarry because I left you alone with our children, please do. But, don't marry for the sake of our children. Marry because you want to. I will not be upset. I promise you, I can't hold it against you.
You deserve that happiness. You have always deserved happiness.
You were always the smile in my eyes, the reason I could smile even when I wanted to cry. You erased my insecurities and held me when I felt like I was the ugliest. You carried me when I couldn't walk. You hid my faults and made me look flawless. You held my hand when I couldn't walk. You guided me and loved me when I felt like I was unlovable.
I love you Aahil Khan. You are the love of my life. Always have been.
I cannot thank you enough Aahil for being the man that held my hand in the dunya. I can't wait to meet you in Jannah, In Shaa Allah. For loving me, and making me so much more patient.
You made me the happiest woman alive and even though we had the shortest time ever, Allah will allow us to meet in Jannah. You are the source of my happiness and the one I am most comfortable with.
I love you for everything you have done with me.
You made my life bliss.
I love you, a lot. And I don't want you to be miserable for the rest of your life. You can't live alone for the rest of your life, Aahil. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved by a woman for the rest of your life. I don't want to hold you back, my love.
You have given me a lifetime of memories and happiness in our short time together. You have given me more than most people have in a lifetime.
Please, don't ever be sad about our time together. We had more than most people ever will. You made me feel like a princess and that was all I ever wanted. But you gave me more than I have asked for. I am sorry, that I never got time to spend with you and our babies.
Baby, with our babies, please love them so much that they never miss me. I know you will never let them miss me. But, let them know that I loved them before I even gave birth to them. Let them know that I have only ever wanted the best for them. And, please, my only desire Aahil for our children, is that you make them all Huffaaz. Let them be Protectors of the Quraan, even our little girl. Please, Aahil, it is my only wish. It is the only thing I ever ask of my children.
Let my children know, that I only ever had that one desire for them. I have no great expectation, except that they live according to Allah's desires and wishes. I have no great demands, except that they fulfil Allah's commands.
I love them all, so much. I know that they will be as beautiful as you are, because you have rubbed off on them. I know that they will be good, pious children, because their father was an upstanding and outstanding man.
You are an amazing person, you will make them great. You know how to handle children, after all, you handled me well enough.
Babe, laugh, it was a joke. You don't have to be so serious all the time.
To be a mother and father baby, you need to be balanced. You need to play with them and be friendly to an extent where they feel comfortable enough to tell you what is wrong and when something bothers them. You need to be approachable to your children, love. You need to loosen up a bit to be able to see the warning signs in them.
You will need to be intuitive and insightful, and you need to be watchful, baby. They will need your insight on things that you may not be able to answer. Please, be patient with them, love. They will need thrice as much patience as you've shown me. They will need your attention constantly, especially as they hit their teenage years. Aahil, please also remember that they are my babies too, and they will all have different personalities and it will be difficult, but I know you will cope.
It is not that I doubt your capabilities, Aahil, I just want to give you a little advice. I know that you love them, as you always have. But you are now alone with four children and suddenly I am not by your side, I am not there to help you.
This, is just to remind you that I have complete faith in you. I know that you can and will bring up three of the most amazing boys and one little princess. Daniyaal, Imran, Uwais and Zoya have the best father ever. {Sorry, babe, I told you I loved these names. They are named such in my letters...guess I lied again, I already named them.}
Come on love, smile, live and love again. And don't let the memory of me hold you down. I trust in you, and more than that, I love you completely.
I'm always waiting for you.
Waliya Khan
Your wife."
He tried to smile, but his eyes were full of tears as his mind played many beautiful memories of their short time together. In the last eighteen years since she passed away, he could never look at another woman, let alone think of someone else to take her place. She was, is and will always be his princess. She was his Waliya, and he could never allow another in her place. He pacified his heart with the thought that she promised to wait for him at the doors of Jannah, and he knew, without a doubt, that she will ask for him.
Before he knew it, all four of his children had him surrounded as they pushed their results in his face. But, looking at their results was a pointless situation. All four of his children had shared the top matriculant spot in their province. It was something unheard of, four people to share the top spot in the province, but Aahil grinned, that were his and Waliya's kids, they were bound to be remarkable.
"Daddy! Open it! Open it!" his darling Zoya said with a grin on her face.
He smiled at her and kissed the top of her forehead. "Why don't you and your brothers open it, and the one that reads it the quickest can give it to me?" he suggested.
"Okay," they echoed and gained looks from the other parents.
Zoya ripped hers open, scanned over her results and shoved it into Aahil's hands before he could even say "thanks". Rolling his eyes at her, he accepted the page and waved away the comments he knew the boys were going to give him. "She was faster," he defended her long before they voiced their complaints.
Aahil tended to spoil Zoya a lot more than the boys because she was an exact replica of his Waliya, and Imraan a lot as well, because in his mannerisms, he was a copy of Waliya. Aahil knew that in a sense, his children all had a bit of Waliya in them, but those two just showed more and more of Waliya in them than the others, that he could not help but spoil them rotten.
It was not to say that Daniyaal and Uwais weren't spoiled at all, in fact, they were just as spoiled as the other two. They hated the cold like their mother, they loved their hot chocolate and would not drink anything else. Daniyaal learned to cook everything that Waliya ever made.
He was 11 years old when he came across Waliya's cooking book, and since then he and the rest of the children began to cook. Imraan and Uwais had mastered all of Waliya's signature baking dishes, while Zoya was a culinary genius with desserts.
Aahil could remember the first time that they cooked for him. He was completely blown away at the way the food tasted exactly as Waliya used to make it. After that day, he took them out and treated to them to whatever they wanted for just allowing him to taste the food the way the love of his life made it. He actually sat on the table and cried.
"Dad, dad," Uwais said in a soft tone after Aahil had read through all their reports, but he broke Aahil out of his reverie.
"Jee, son?" he said, tears in his eyes, but he would not let it spill. Slowly, they began walking out and to the car. It was only once they were seated that Uwais spoke again. "Today daddy, we only want one thing from you," he pleaded.
"Anything, my Uwais."
"Please tell us more about mummy," Imraan said and Aahil heard the way he sounded close to tears.
"Okay," he said, but his own voice was unsteady.
They pulled off on the side of the road and crossed it, walking into a somewhat unused and almost forgotten about park. The structure of the swing set still looked sturdy, the seats were good and strong and Aahil led his children there as he sat on the same swing as he did that winter night when he brought Waliya here on their first date.
Zoya sat on the swing next to him, but the boys preferred the ground in front of their father.
"I brought your mother here on our very first date," he said with a nostalgic smile. He could clearly picture her reluctance to be out in the cold, and the way her sleepy voice sounded cute as she complained about being out in the winter's early morning. "She was a completely extraordinary woman," he began telling his tale. "She was the most exquisite lady I had ever had the pleasure of meeting. She was not only physically beautiful, but she had this pureness that radiated from her, that made you smile just by being in her company, even if she wasn't speaking to you. My Waliya, she was the queen in my life, she ruled my heart completely and she still does. I have loved only one other woman after her," he said with a great amount of guilt.
His statement wasn't taken very kindly by his four children. In front of him, he noticed how his sons all tensed up, and he saw the way Zoya's fingers tightened on the chain of the swing. "Who?" Uwais almost growled out.
They may have never known their mother, but from what they have heard, what they have learned about her from the letters that she left them, they were fiercely overprotective of her. They never handled anyone speaking bad about her, and always defended her.
With a smile on his face, Aahil answered his children. "Zoya," he said as if it were the most obvious thing.
"My gosh, daddy," Imraan exclaimed.
"I thought there was someone I needed to kill," Zoya spat out annoyed.
"These dad jokes aren't funny, dad," Uwais huffed and pushed a lock of his brown hair away from his face.
"I was worried there for a second," Daniyaal said quietly.
Aahil laughed. "Waliya stole my heart the first time I heard her speak. She had the most pleasing voice to me. She was the sweetest little fairy in my life, she brought the love and light into my life." H sighed and pushed back his hair. "I don't know what to tell you about her. She was simply amazing, may Allah grant her Jannatul firdaus, In Shaa Allah."
"Ameen," they echoed.
"She was so much shorter than I was," he told them fondly. His eyes glistened as he submerged himself into a memory and began explaining to them in detail.
The little cliff they were on, was windy once again. The sun was about to set in an hour or so, which gave Aahil the idea of taking Waliya out to the cliff and let them make Salaah there together.
They sat a bit far away from the edge of the cliff due to Waliya's fear of heights. Aahil wouldn't admit it out loud, but he too was slightly afraid of how tiny the city looked below them. For a while they sat comfortably beside one another and watched the sun sink slowly in its descent with Aahil keeping a firm hand around Waliya's waist.
As the sun set, Aahil looked at Waliya and shifted closer to her and observed her delight as she watched how beautifully one colour changed into the next and glittered off the many houses, factories and malls below them. "It's beautiful," she whispered mesmerised.
His eyes never left her, but he still answered her. "Yes, it is," he smiled and then leaned forward and kissed her cheek.
She blushed and pulled away as she placed her palm on her cheek. "Jazakallah," she said, her cheeks as gloriously red as the setting sun in front of them. "Uh, uhm, let's read our Maghrib now?" she suggested and quickly stood up to fetch the bottle of water from the car.
They made tayyamum knowing that they will never have enough water for two, spread out their musallahs and began reading. After their Salaah, Waliya went back to the spot and sat down, still entranced by the sunset.
"No way! No way! No way!" Waliya exclaimed as Aahil presented her with the container of homemade cinnamon rolls smothered in cottage cheese sauce and nuts. "I can't believe you remembered!"
She lurched herself at him and grabbed the container from his hands as soon as she placed a sloppy kiss on his bearded cheek. "Of course I did," he chuckled and took one from the container and held it up to her mouth. "Open up," he said after whispering 'Bismillah' under his breath.
Grinning at him, she obeyed. "Hmmm," she moaned in pure delight. "It is so yummy, Aahil!"
He grinned so wide it nearly split his face, but he was glad all the same that he made certain to go and get them for her. It was worth it seeing the pure look of love and excitement and happiness on her face. "My secret," he teased her.
She rolled her eyes, but nonetheless pulled his hand up and took a bite from the cinnamon roll in his hand. "Ya Allah, you need to lose your evasiveness."
Despite the serious statement that seemed the tiniest bit annoyed, the smile on her face proved the opposite. She ate the one that was in his hand, and then took another one and another one. But when she noticed that Aahil wasn't eating, she spoke up. "If you don't take one and eat, and then if there is nothing left, you can't blame me," she laughed.
Aahil merely rolled his eyes at her good naturedly, and pulled the half-eaten one from her hand, stared her straight in the eyes and bit from the cinnamon roll. "Yuck," she said with a cute, little scrunched up face.
He laughed at her.
"She was the most adorable little lady you could ever meet," he said with unshed tears. "She loved things in order and she loved things tidied, but she hated to clean. She loved cooking and baking, and when she passed away, the neighbours all came and told me how she would spoil them with different types of cake and desserts just because she could. My Waliya had a heart of gold and a heart so big that I am fearful that I will never get to meet her in Jannah," he confessed.
The air that had turned sombre with his confession was once again turned light by Daniyaal's suggestion that they spend the rest of the day in the playground where his parents had their first date, while the five of them Khatam the Quraan on behalf of their mother. "Dad, you taught us our hifz, and I think it is only fitting on such an auspicious day that we all Khatam the Quraan here and make dua for mummy. May Allah grant her, and all others Jannatul Firdaus."
As his children bickered who would start the Khatam, Aahil thought of one saying, but could not remember who had quoted it.
"Three supplications will not be rejected (by Allah (Ta'ala)), the supplication of the parent for his child, the supplication of the one who is fasting, and the supplication of the traveller)."
Many a times he heard Waliya beg Allah for pious children when she could not sleep, or when she was in pain while pregnant with her. While he watched them bicker amongst themselves, he smiled. His wife's dua was granted and he felt like a proud father and husband. He had four beautiful, respectful and well mannered children with him, all of whom were concerned for their mother's Aakhirah. All of whom made dua daily for her, gave sadaqah in her name so often, that they barely kept enough money for them to spend upon themselves.
Aahil could not be any prouder of his children, and any happier that they were his offspring. He marvelled at the way Allah had blessed him so abundantly, and in his heart he knew that the reason Waliya had left him so early in their life was because she would have tipped his scales so much in the goodness and happiness side, that he would have hand Jannah on the dunya. But the dunya was a test for a believer, and not Jannah itself.
He made dua daily that Allah joins him with his love in Jannah, because without her, this dunya lacked lustre. She was his only light, and he could never have another.
"Alright, I'll start since I am the oldest," he called out and thus him and his family spent the day at the playground, where he spoiled his wife with hot chocolate and ice cream on a cold winter's night for their first date, reading Quraan hoping to lessen some of her sins.
THE END