A Million Pieces
I Surrender:
In the beginning, I didn't give her a second look. I never gave a second look to anyone. But still, my world changed when she did something no one else ever did. As I walked down the street, minding my own business as usual, she had somehow bumped my shoulder as she passed by me. Or maybe I bumped her, I wasn't really sure. All I could focus on was her turning towards me, quickly and shyly apologizing, then quickly pacing her way down the sidewalk.
I had found her flustered embarrassment cute, but that wasn't what drew me to her; it was something entirely different. It came to me as a sense, as a random knowing in my head. Seeing the map she dropped on the ground where she had bumped me, I picked it up, momentarily considering giving it back to her. Since she needed a map, it didn't take me long to catch on she was a tourist here. My only question was, why would someone with so little time left travel so far away from home?
I followed her all the way to her first location. It was a church, which to me seemed like any other, but apparently if you wished something sincerely enough here, then it would come to you. Even though I kept myself distanced from her so she wouldn't see me, I could still hear her words. What was she wishing for? I heard her say she wanted nothing but to be happy and well again. So my sense was correct..
As she began turning around, I began walking forward to go past her to make it look like I wasn't just standing there staring at her like some creepy guy, which I wasn't. It was something I never had to worry about before, no one took notice of me, but she did. I caught her taking a glance at me as we passed each other again. As soon as she fully left my sight, I immediately turned around and began following her again. The next location on her list was a popular shop but I saw her stop so she could take pictures of the beautiful scenery. The sparkling blue water with the tall buildings on the other side really were breathtaking. It's been a while since I took the time to appreciate it all since I've been able to enjoy it everyday for two years thus far.
"Are you following me?" I heard her voice say to me. When I thought she was catching me looking at her, I had turned away and pretended I wasn't, which I guess looked very obvious on my part. I looked around to make sure she really was speaking to me. I had to know.
"Me?" I pointed to myself.
"It just really looks like you've been following me."
"I wasn't.' I said simply which she seemed to believe. She went back to avoiding me so she could take a picture of herself on her phone, being sure to capture the scenery in the background.
"Hey," I caught her attention again. My anxiousness grew when she looked at me, as it had been doing every single time, "Do you want to make a bet?"
"A, bet?" She looked confused which made me laugh on the inside.
"Yeah." I smiled, "Want to bet in an hour we can meet at the same place again?"
She didn't answer, so I continued talking.
"If we do, we can tour together, I can show you around since I know this place really well." I felt myself become nervous. She must think I'm some creep, but that wasn't what I was. All I wanted was to help give her the wish she wanted to come true; at least half of it. I waved my hand in defense, "I'm not a weird person, I swear. I'm a student here, I can show you my student card if you want-"
"No, it's fine. It's fine." She stopped me. I bit my tongue to keep from making a complete fool of myself. She was the first person to talk to me like this in so long, I didn't want to pass it up, but I was still afraid I was weirding her out. I mean, if I was a girl then I certainly would be weirded out as well so I couldn't blame her for possibly wanting to taze me and run away. "In one hour?"
Her question surprised me. So she was agreeing? I couldn't help but smile big as I held out my hand for her to shake just so I could make the bet official. "Yes."
She didn't shake my hand. Instead she gave me a disbelieving smirk and walked off, leaving me hanging. All I could do was nod awkwardly to myself and do a little rock, paper, scissors to make myself feel like less of an idiot. Check mate. It didn't matter though, she still agreed but only because she didn't believe I could make it happen.
I really did hope I could make it happen. I knew I would because I was determined to make this the best day of her life. I could see she was as lonely as I was. I didn't want her to end up like me. I wanted to give her wish to her. I couldn't make her all well again but I could help make her happy, at least for a little while. There wasn't much time left and I could feel it just by looking at her.
I wondered if she could feel it too..
I did keep my promise. I watched over as she looked around the outdoor market, being sure to visit every single stand she possibly could. She seemed happy to be here, but I wanted to help make it even more special. She needed a friend. She was like me in that way. I was alone and I didn't want her to feel that way. With the time she had left, I wanted to help her make the happiest memories she could.
She reached for something, which made me quickly reach for it too. I actually felt her fingers brush against mine, making a sudden jolt of electricity flow through me. I wondered if she felt it too. She jumped a little and looked over to see it was me who suddenly appeared next her. She stood up straight, acting like the sudden meeting or touch didn't affect her and she wasn't phased at all. But she was, it was written all over her face, making feel joyful inside. She did feel it too.
I reached my hand out again for her to shake it, but she didn't. She turned and walked away, making me smirk. She was filled with pride wasn't she? That thought had made me laugh to myself. I caught up to her which had me running up the stairs. Thankfully I don't tire easily. I awkwardly stood next to her, not understanding why I was feeling so nervous. Was it because we were to now spend the day together because I won the bet? Or was it because I suddenly found her to be so pretty?
"Are you traveling alone?" I awkwardly asked just to break the silence between us, immediately wanting to slap myself. Of course she was traveling alone. She's been alone this entire time hasn't she? I knew very well how alone she was. I was happy she wouldn't have to ever learn how it felt to be as lonely as me.
She nodded her head which I expected, of course. I went to go casually put my arm around her just to feel that electricity again but stopped when she started talking to me. I hoped she didn't notice that horribly awkward move.
"You can speak comfortably to me, you know." She said as if she were holding in a laugh. Great, she did notice. Well, at least I was amusing her. I smiled awkwardly and nodded in understanding, rubbing the back of my head. I watched as she pulled out her phone, looking at the digital map since she no longer had the printed out version which was hiding in my pocket. I heard her mumble, "Where am I supposed to go?"
I couldn't take watching the struggle anymore. We were going to spend the day together as the deal said. And as promised, I would be the one to show her around. I was her map now. I gently grabbed her wrist and playfully rolled my eyes.
"How are you able to find your way around with that thing?" I chuckled, pulling her along to come with me. She didn't fight me off, instead she put her phone back in her pocket and let me take the lead as promised. This was already so fun and it was only just starting. I was already happier now then I have been in a long time. I was sure the same was going to her as well. Turning my head, I could see her smiling. I was already on the path to succeeding.
I showed what I wanted her to see. I hardly ate, which she briefly scolded me for.
"How can you pass up on food this good? You paid for it, you eat it." She pointed to my food, her words muffled since she was literally stuffing her cheeks. I laughed. She really was cute. I decided to make her happy by eating a little more. I wondered if I should tell her. If I did, when should I say it? When would be the right time? The clock was ticking. What would she say? As I looked at her while I thought about it, I decided not to say anything at all. She didn't have to know and I was okay with that.
I was only afraid of one thing, and that was falling for her.
"We should take lots of pictures together." I said, taking the camera from her. I was surprised at how close she was to me when I lifted the camera to take a picture of the two of us. I could feel that electricity again. I snapped the picture, again showing her what I wanted her to see. The picture was nice, the scenery in the background was beautiful, and I couldn't help but think we looked really good together.
"I like this one." She smiled. I hadn't seen her smile like that before. I could see pure happiness and a glint of admiration in her eyes. Was she perhaps thinking the same thing about us as I was?
We walked together for a couple hours. We shared funny stories about our childhoods and apparently how idiotic her friends were. I did share one brief story about a roommate I had here. He had gotten really drunk and I had to drive for an hour to a hospital so they could sober him up because he had a big exam the next day. And she thought her friends were idiotic? I didn't mention that I don't see him anymore. I began to wonder how he has been doing lately.
"Are you thirsty? Here," I handed her some of my own money, "go get us some soda."
"Why do I have to do it?" She pouted, taking the money anyway.
"Because I bought you lunch earlier. And you should learn how to interact with the people here more." I smiled.
"I am, I interact with you."
"I don't count." Well it was true, I wasn't from here either. Therefore her point was invalid. It shouldn't be a big deal anyway, she was still using my money so who was the real loser here? Stumped, she clutched the money and went inside the store. "Surprise me!" I called out as she went in.
She came out a few minutes later with two bottles of soda, holding them up as if she won them. She pointed to the steps, "Let's sit here."
I nodded, taking my soda and sitting next to her. She gulped hers down while I mostly just held mine. Our nonstop chatter didn't keep her from scolding me again.
"Do you want to dehydrate?" She looked at me with her eyes big and cute but her tone was sarcastic. I chuckled, going to take a sip just to make her happy. When I did, she pushed the bottle up more with her hand so I would spill it all over myself. Thankfully I didn't, but she still laughed at my expression since my life seemed to flash before my eyes (as she described it).
"This is a white shirt, you almost made me stain it forever." I playfully scolded her. It only made her laugh more. Her laugh was honestly, the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.. I acted like it didn't phase me. "Okay, okay. Laugh it up." I rolled my eyes but she could tell I was only joking. She patted my should to give me some pretend comfort.
Later on, I took her back to the church. "Why are you taking me back here?" She asked me.
"There's a wish I wanted to make too." I smiled casually as if it were no big deal, but to me it really was. "The view from this side is also really nice."
"It really is." She nodded, looking off into the distance.
As I stood there saying my own wish in my head, I heard the bell ring. I turned towards her and tapped her shoulder which got her attention. I took a step back and held my hand out to her as I slightly bowed, showing I was asking for a dance. I nodded a little to silently tell her it was okay to trust me. She blushed ever so cutely but smiled confidently and took my hand. I don't think I will ever be able to get over that feeling.
"I was never able to dance." She commented as we swayed side to side. She let me lead which I was okay with.
"Well obviously. It's like you have two left feet." I joked, continuing to sway with her just fine. She laughed in return and looked down at her feet moving perfectly alongside mine.
"This isn't so bad." I heard her mutter contently.
I removed my hand from around her waist and used my other hand that was holding hers to twirl her around. When I pulled her back in, it almost seemed like she was losing her balance so she nearly clashed into me but I still threw my other arm out to hold her in place. That was everything changed not only for me, but for her too.
Everything was silent. I looked into her eyes, not able to deny that I didn't feel more for her now. A simple act of kindness has turned into something more and it scared me. My heart was going out to her and I wanted nothing more to spend everyday with her like this. I didn't feel alone anymore. She looked at me too and I could hear her heart racing in her chest. She was just as scared as I was. She felt everything I felt.
But she couldn't. I knew why. Falling for me was wrong to her. I knew it was wrong for me too but she didn't know that. She pulled away from me and backed up. The situation must have been awkward to her because she tried breaking the tension by pointing at something saying it was interesting but there wasn't anything there.
I couldn't take it anymore. I had to let her know in some way that I knew and that I wasn't going to leave. I couldn't take being so distant any longer. I wanted to let her know it was going to be okay. I didn't even have to think about it. I took her wrist and pulled her back towards me and into my arms. I held her as tenderly as I could, letting her know nearly everything I wanted to tell her. Soon enough, I felt her tightening her fingers around my jacket and hugging me back. What was my wish? I wished to no longer be alone. I wanted to feel alive again, I wanted to feel complete. However, it came true the moment I saw her. I could surrender myself to her.
I had never felt so complete...