Chapter 29 –Complications
"And remember when you were but few, and He multiplied you"
~Surah Al –Araaf, verse 86.
For the next few months, Waliya was confined to bed rest by her mother, mother in law and Doctor Patel. Eventually, after the news of her pregnancy spread like wild fire and people started visiting her, she kept hearing the same line repeated like a mantra: It is difficult, you need to have your bed rest, dear.
Waliya was frustrated with them all. She knew that they were all worried about her but to keep her confined to bed was doing nothing for her mood. She could understand if they wanted her to limit her stress and try to cut down some of her daily chores, but to not allow her to move was grating on her nerves.
After her 17th week check up, she was in the car and complained to Aahil about her boredom at home, and how she felt like her body had become lazy.
"Aaaaaahiil," she said, a slight pleading tone could be heard. "Please, please love. I don't want to go home yet. I need some exercise, love," she pleaded.
He gave her a stern look. It was a conversation that they had often, but he was worried about her. He loved his four little beans already, but his wife was his life. He couldn't imagine his life without her, he didn't want to imagine his life without her. Whenever she brought up the topic of going out and exercising, all he could hear bouncing around in his head was the doctor saying that multiple pregnancies are all different and that there are far too many risks.
"Aahil, pleeeease," she said looking at him earnestly. His heart was honestly breaking, he wished he could give in to her and let her go out and have all the joys she desired, but he didn't want her at harm. "You know that exercising is healthy. I promise, just give me ten minutes."
Glancing at the broken look on her face, Aahil gave in. Finding the nearest playground, he pulled off and went to open her door. "Come darling, you said you didn't want to go home now. Let's go sit on the swings and have some outdoor time," he said cheekily.
She rolled her eyes at him, but nonetheless she put one foot out and he helped her out of the car, taking care of her huge, bulging belly. He placed his one arm around her waist while he held her other hand in his own, and walked with her slowly to the swings. "Sit," he instructed as he went behind her and started pushing her on the swing. "I'm scared, baby," he admitted to her as he pushed her gently.
Few other kids milled around on the other equipment, but Aahil paid them no mind as he tried opening up to Waliya. He had to tell her what was festering on his heart before it all exploded and hurt her on the day when she could be already emotionally distraught. Love was based on truthfulness, and honesty.
"Why?" she asked quietly.
"Because I love you," he answered. He knew he might have just confused her, but patience was the key. "I know that every day we make dua that we have righteous children, that they grow up being flag bearers of our Deen. I know that we make dua that they are healthy and safe from Shaytaan's influence. But baby," he said and gulped. "The doctor said that multiple pregnancies are difficult and I don't know why but that comment has been running through my head since I heard. I am worried that something will happen to you, or one of the babies and I won't be able to do anything that can help."
Taking him by surprise, Waliya stopped the swing and got off to go to his side. There, she reached on her toes and held his face in her hands. "You can always help me, or our babies, love," she whispered as she looked straight into his eyes. "You can make the difference, baby. You just need to make dua for us, all of us. You know that dua has the power to change so many things, love. Just keep making dua for us."
As she finished spoke, she pulled his face down lower and pressed a soft, innocent kiss to his lips. "That's all I want. Well, that and to promise me that it doesn't matter what happens, you will love our kids unconditionally."
Sealing the promise, Aahil kissed her. "I promise you, my love, I will love our children unconditionally."
Several days later when Asmaa, Jade and Christina popped in to come and see Waliya, she hoped that they were coming to save her from boredom and take her outside –perhaps to the mall, but they were as heartless as anyone else. She was looking forward to them telling her that they came to take her out for ice cream, or for much loathed shopping trip, but it was not in her favour. Instead, they only parroted what everyone else said.
"On whose side are you guys on?" she whined. "I thought friends stick together."
Asmaa laughed. "I love you, Wals, but we have to do what's best for you. Besides, you said that you and Aahil were doing small, routine exercises every night. Why are you complaining?"
Waliya huffed and rolled her eyes, but said nothing. The girls however, knew that while she was not the most dedicated shopper, or the health freak amongst them, she hated being confined. It was almost as hard for them to see her being caged in a decorated prison, as it was for her to stay in the little flat.
"It's tough love, Wals," Jade said as she sat next to Waliya and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.
"Besides," Christina said as she came closer to the bed. "It's not like we didn't come loaded with things to bribe you for a smile," she laughed as she poured out Tempo chocolate bars from her handbag.
Waliya's grew wide with excitement, but then she frowned. "You guys only want to make me get fat! Is it not enough that I look like a whale being pregnant with four kids? I mean, it's four kids!"
Laughingly, Jade joked, "I guess that means that you only have eleven more to push out after this."
With one look at Jade, Waliya broke down into tears. Immediately the girls all hugged her, but the hug she felt the most was Asmaa. "What if I am not a good mother? How am I going to handle four children at once?" She hiccupped. "I mean, I am so grateful for having them, I know many other people can't have children...but four?" Tears ran down her face as she cried, Jade, Christina and Asmaa rubbed her hair, back and shoulder as they tried to calm her down. It didn't help. She just started crying even more.
"What if I can't manage with them? What if I don't take good care of them? What if I can't take good care of them? What if I lose my temper with them because all the crying? What if I am too tired to help them because I didn't have enough sleep? I don't know how I am going to manage or what I am going to do."
Although she spoke what was on her mind, Waliya hadn't said the biggest fear she was facing. Her heart was pounding against her chest wildly, but her fear went deeper. However, her faith in Allah was deeper than anything. She knew that He would not burden her with more than she could bear. She trusted that she would be able to do well, but she doubted her ability to do good with her children.
"Shh, my love, shh," Jade said softly as she rubbed Waliya's shoulders.
"You'll be a great mother, angel," Christina said lovingly.
"Wals, you will be one the best mothers I know," she comforted her. "You are strong and brave and you have Aahil ready to help you."
"Besides, you know you will always have our help and both families will help you, Wals. You have the love and support of a massive group of people." Christina kept rubbing her head down and trying to smooth it down and help soothe her pain.
"I know," she cried. "But it doesn't soothe my heart."
They knew what she meant, she was having mother to be fears, and they knew that there was nothing she could do. "Okay, maybe we should just have a Harry Potter marathon and it will cure your blues," Asmaa suggested as Jade went to insert the DVD into the laptop and pressed play as they all got comfortable.
When Aahil returned home that day, he found Waliya's feet resting on Jade's lap, Waliya sleeping against Asmaa's shoulder and Christina leaning against the empty space where Waliya's legs should have been. The lounge was dirty, empty sweet wrappers on the floor alongside the empty ice cream tubs and yet, Aahil didn't mind when he saw the sleeping smile on his wife's face. He picked up all the empty wrappers and tubs and threw it away knowing that if Waliya saw the mess, she would feel embarrassed and upset with herself for falling asleep before her husband came home.
But, Aahil understood that she was suffering with the pregnancy and the way that everyone was forcing her to rest all the time. He knew that keeping her inside for so long was making her moody and short tempered, so he didn't mind that for once he came home and found the place untidy –as long as his wife was happy.
Walking into his room, he found a plastic bag with an empty cake box and some chocolate wrappers, as well as two empty bowls of popcorn. He laughed, and loosened his tie and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Taking an educated guess, he knew that her friends would not let her go and cook, so he was going to order for them all some pizza. Which he found to be difficult: did they eat meat? Do they have preferences? Then, he decided that he was going to order what he and Waliya liked, there was a likelihood that they would like one of the four pizzas.
Forty five minutes later, he woke the girls up by waking his Waliya up and telling her to wash up. However, he was not prepared for her assault. As soon as her eyes opened and landed on him, she leaped off the couch and threw herself on him. "Aaaaahil!" she said excitedly.
He just managed to catch his balance, but he still stumbled two steps back as his arms wound themselves around her growing belly and waistline. Chuckling, he answered her, "Jee, my love, in the flesh."
"I missed you!" she cried, still holding onto him. "Why didn't you wake me up when you came home? And, how long have you been home?"
Although she was throwing question after question at him, he liked her being somewhat normal with him, but he didn't like the fact that their audience was waking up. He took his one hand and wrapped her legs around his waist and then carried her into the bedroom as he began answering her questions.
"I missed you too, my love. More than you will even begin to imagine," he placed a soft and sweet kiss on her forehead. "I didn't wake you up when I came home because you and your friends looked all so adorable sleeping there and I didn't want to disturb you."
Waliya lifted her head up and caused the hair band holding her hair to fall onto the floor, as her hair fell around his hands, and with a teasing smile on her face she spoke to him. "Why are you looking at my friends? Am I no longer enough for you?" Her words were serious, her tone serious, but the mischievous look on her face told him that she was just playing around with him.
He laughed and kissed her cheeks all across her nose and on her eyelid. "No, my sweetheart, you are more than enough for me. Now and forever," he told her as he gently sat her down on the bed and crouched on his knees in front of her. His one hand wrapped around her waist as the other rubbed soothing circles into her bulging belly. "And, lastly, I have been home for almost an hour. I woke you up, so that you and your friends can have something to eat before they leave me alone with my wife."
She laughed and leaned forward to kiss him. "I love you," she whispered as she peppered him with kisses.
+ + + + + +
Waliya was eight months pregnant.
Over the last three months she kept somewhat busy and active. She was happier that she was out more often, but when she felt more sluggish and slow, she opted to stay home. This time however, she was glad that it was her choice to stay at home.
When she was six months pregnant and had her 36 week check up –alone –the doctor told Waliya that she saw complications. She told Waliya that it seemed as if one of the babies were pushing against the other one, thus causing the baby to bridge. It made things very difficult for Waliya since she had to go to the toilet often, she couldn't eat much but she also had to gain 20 kilograms to make her delivery smoother.
Waliya cried when she came home, but she never let Aahil know that the doctor told her about the dangers that she faced because of the pregnancy. She loved him far too much to let him know that this pregnancy could be the last time she had children. She couldn't make herself tell him that there was a chance that she cannot have babies after the delivery.
It was from that day onwards, that she started writing her children letters. She had asked the doctor for the genders of her children and then, she began penning her letters to her children. She knew that she and Aahil will decide names, but once they spoke about it, he will give her the names she wanted.
He was Aahil, he always gave her everything that she wanted.
By the time she was eight months pregnant, she had finished all the letters she wanted to give her children, but her biggest problem was trusting who to give Aahil the letters. After three days of just fretting over it, she called in the three people she knew she could trust.
Asmaa, Jade and Christina walked into the flat with mirrored worried expressions. Waliya chose a day when she knew that Aahil would not be returning early. "What is it?" Jade demanded, her beautiful face was creased with worry.
Tears filled Waliya's eyes as she tried to find the words to say. "I have a confession to make," she cried. "Please, just please give me some space," she pleaded. She brushed the hair out of her face and cradled her extremely huge stomach.
"I need all three of you to promise me that you will not tell Aahil about this until...well, until you have to."
"Wals?" Asmaa said in a tone that said not to mess with her. "What is going on?"
"The gynaecologist told me that...I will have complications in my delivery and if I don't make it, then I need the three of you to look after my children and make sure that Aahil loves them and he doesn't lose himself and allow depression to eat him away. He deserves to be happy and if he decides to remarry, let him but please make sure that she will look after my children." She let out a deep sigh and tried to regain her breath. "It's not that I don't trust my husband, I do. I trust Aahil inexplicably, but grief makes the sanest man a monster. I love Aahil beyond words, further than galaxies and into the unknown, but I also have my children to think about. I have four other lives to think about. And, like every mother, I have to put their wellbeing first and foremost. And, I need to know that if something had to happen to me, you three will be my children's support. I need to know that you will be there to help them and hold them and to lend a helping hand if my family can't help them. Please," she begged as she started crying again.
They all rushed to her and hugged her as they started crying. The real, caring and loving Waliya was exposed, they saw her raw fear and understood. She made peace with dying, but ...her children's' futures hung in the balance.
"Wals," Asmaa choked on the unshed tears. Her voice was thick and raspy. "Please don't talk like that. You will be fine, Allah will make sure that you and your family is safe. Please, please don't talk like that," she said and began crying.
"Promise me," Waliya beseeched them.
"I promise," Christina said first, as always her heart was far too big for her not to care about the children. "I promise I will always look after your children. I promise that I will treat them like my own and I promise I will do anything and everything in my power to help them."
After they all promised Waliya that they will take care of her children, she felt more at ease and relaxed. She knew that she can trust them, but as she handed the box to Asmaa, and two USB flashes –one to Jade, and one to Christina –her heart felt heavy with guilt. She could not leave without telling Zakia what was wrong with her. The box held letters for her entire family, including one for the three of them. She told them that, but the USBs, were a precautionary measure. She scanned all of her letters and put them in a separate folder for each person but made two copies of them in case one of them got lost or misplaced.
Her motive for these letters were to let her children know that she loved them, more than anything, more than her life too. And, little did they know, it would.
Two and a half weeks after speaking to Zakia and her friends, in the middle of the night, Waliya had a terrible pain. In her sleep, she cried out. Immediately, Aahil was up and rolling over on to his side facing her. "Waliya," he said worriedly. "What's wrong love?"
She cried out again and again. Finally, her eyes shot open. "Aah- Aah –Aahiiiiil," she cried out and grabbed his hand. "Help me, I can't move," she said as two tears rolled out from her eyes.
Her hand kept massaging the side of her stomach, but yet she couldn't find the strength to move. Aahil shook his panic off and began getting ready. He switched on the room light and walked to her side. "Come on love," he encouraged. "Let's try sitting up, okay?"
He tried to remain calm, but his own heart was going wild with fear. It was almost as if he could feel her pain, but it was because every emotion was clearly etched on her face. Her eyes were scrunched tightly, her face contorted with the pain, her mouth letting out small groans.
"I can't," she rasped out. "I think our babies are coming. I can't feel my back," she admitted.
Aahil felt the blood drain from his face, but he kept his head. "Okay love, just stay there and I'll be right back."
"STAY HERE? WHERE ON EARTH DO YOU THINK I CAN MOVE TO?" she yelled irritably at him.
Aahil gave her a sympathetic look, kissed the top of her forehead and grabbed his cell phone before walking out of the room. He knew what he needed to do, but he also needed a minute to clear his head. He dialled his mother in law first, knowing that more than anything, Waliya would want her mother with her there.
"Hello?" she asked in a sleepy tone, after the phone rang about five times.
"Assalaamu alaykum, maaf to trouble, but we think the babies are coming," he said quickly. "I still need to call my parents and the gynae," he said.
"Wa'alaykumusalaam," she replied. "Okay Jazakallah for letting me know. I'll call your parents. Call her doctor, and we will all meet you at the hospital." There was a pause. "Aahil, look after my daughter," she said in a threatening tone.
He promised he would and then cut the call, and dialled the gynaecologist while he went to put on more comfortable shoes and get a scarf and gown for Waliya. Getting the things he wanted, he still waited for the gynaecologist to answer her phone. It was only after he tied the laces to his sneakers that she answered.
"Assalaamu alaykum doctor, I think Waliya is going into labour," he rushed out.
"Okay, I'll be there in fifteen minutes," she told him and cut the call. For the next few hours, all his attention was on his wife. He gently lifted her up, helped her to the toilet and then, carried her down the stairs and into the car. All the while, the only thing he concentrated on was her growing cries.
He was torn into shreds, his heart bled and he wanted to cry. He couldn't manage to see her in that level of pain, so, he did the worse thing in the history of mankind and asked her what could he do to make it better.
"MAKE IT BETTER? AS IF YOU HAVE SOME MAGIC RUB THAT WILL TAKE AWAY ALL MY PAIN!" she growled. But he saw the guilt on her face, and he reminded himself that he had only ever read about it, and he was now only witnessing it, he was still not the one to go through the pain and Aahil realised at that moment, that he will never be able to understand it. "Just, please, read Quraan for me," she begged a moment later.
And thus, Aahil began reading Quraan for her.
Nine hours later, he was in the delivery room and he was still reading Quraan in her ear as their little baby girl was born, the last of their four children. At 11:03, their eldest son Daniyaal was born. 11: 05, their little Imraan was born and four minutes later at 11: 09, their last son was born, Uwais. Zoya, their princess was born two minutes later, at 11:11 am.
Finally done with all the pushing and crying, Waliya felt weaker than a marathon runner, she could feel a sort of bone deep tiredness sweeping in. Aahil was beside her, holding his princess in his arms and peppering her with kisses. As soon as the doctor cleaned up Waliya, she came and stood at her bedside. She motioned for a nurse to take the baby away from Aahil. Grudgingly, Aahil gave her up once he saw the grave look on Doctor Patel's face. "Mrs Khan, Mr Khan, I am very, very sorry to give you this news, but Waliya has ovarian cysts which is a malign tumour right now. During the delivery it has burst, but we managed to patch it up for the next four hours. I suggest an immediate op for Waliya, once that will be done in four and a half hours if you consent," she spoke, her voice betrayed her tiredness and regret at giving the news.
Aahil sat on the bed, and held Waliya's hand in his. "What are the success chances?" he asked.
Doctor Patel looked away. "Very slim," she added gravely.
"And if you don't do the op? What is the op going to be?" he asked, his anger came out because of his fear.
"We have to do a full hysterectomy," she said sadly. Seeing his lost look, she explained further. "We are removing her uterus. She cannot have any more children."
He studied Waliya's face and saw tears running down it, he bent down and kissed it all away and he swore he felt his heart break at the sight. Just by looking into her eyes, he knew she was thinking about all the other children he wanted. "It's okay, it's fine," he reassured her by kissing her face and cheeks and lips as his own tears mixed in with hers.
Without looking at the doctor, he spoke, "Do it, do it," and he held his wife as he lifted himself up and pushed his way onto the bed next to her as he held her and cried for a full solid five minutes before bringing their children and their parents in. However, it was an Indian thing not to obey the rules, and thus their siblings all came into the room, as Aahil and Waliya held their four children between them.
Photos were taken and laughs were shared, but a look passed between Waliya and Zakia, an understanding that Aahil missed, but amidst the joviality, Waliya started crying and passed her children to the person nearest to her as Aahil yelled for everyone to vacate the room. Soon, it was only him and her and nurses who were trying to figure out what was wrong.
But, it was too late.
He held her hand and tears ran down both their faces, Waliya knew it was time up for her. "Aahil," she hissed out through the pain. "I love you, baby, I really, really love you. I am so sorry I cannot be here for you any longer. I'm sorry our time was so short," she said as she cried freely.
"I loved you for a very long time. You have been the only one in my heart for years, Waliya." Aahil cried as he tried to kiss her, he knew she was saying goodbye.
"Promise me," she rasped out. "Promise me you'll name them Daniyaal, Imraan, Uwais and Zoya, please," she cried.
He shook his head. "No, baby, you will make it, you will be there. We will do it together," he cried. "You can't leave me Waliya! You can't leave me! How am I supposed to go on without you? How am I supposed to live without you? You are my life Waliya! I love you! You are my life, you promised you wouldn't leave me," he cried and cried, but it was no use.
Her hand slackened in his and the heart monitoring machine next to her bed flat lined. Nurses pushed him out of the way and tried to resuscitate her, but there was no longer a heartbeat to hear. Aahil hit the doors and fell to his knees crying. His wife was gone. His purpose was gone and he was all alone in the empty dunya.
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I am so sorry that this is so late, but here it is. The last chapter of the story. The epilogue is half written and will be up soon. Love you all!