Rain clung to the window panes, some cascading down the glass, and thunder sounded, paired with the flash of lightning. My eyes had widened before softening as I continued to stare at the window from the bed.
I felt my hands curling around the softness of the pillow before I soon adjusted the pillow from under my head.
The thunder roared again, causing my heart to palpitate in my chest. It was too noisy to fall asleep. I was surprised that Nina could during this storm.
I turned my body around to take a glimpse of the woman who was peacefully asleep. A glimmer of a smile appeared against my thin lips as I had admired her effortlessly beautiful figure. I watched as her chest had lifted and lowered slightly, the covers only covering half her body. I inched forward and felt the softness of the white blanket and gazed at the side of her face as I lifted it, adjusting it over her.
How could she be so... beautiful? All of the time? Even while she was sleeping, she could take my breath away.
Without realizing it, my hand rose, extending out in front of me as if I were about to touch her. My fingers just inches away from touching her cheek, I felt the sudden urge to brush my fingers over her skin. Was her skin as soft as it looked? Would it be warm to the touch, much like her warm gaze she had always given me? Or, would it be cold? Would it recoil under my invading fingers.
The grey clouds covered half of the moon, leaving my face half in darkness. And, like the obscure half shadow, I had also found my heart partially veiled within that darkness. I felt my heart sinking, crumbling the more my eyes had glanced at the raven-haired beauty.
My eyes narrowed at the hand I had extended, and I soon felt my fingers slowly curling into a soft fist. My lips parted as my gaze then traveled back towards the window, feeling hopeless; lost.
I couldn't do this. I couldn't sleep next to Nina that night, and I couldn't continue to gaze at her like I had.
With that resolve, I inched away from Nina, careful to not wake her, and left the room.
Once in the kitchen, I reached into the cabinet and grabbed a glass out. I watched the water as I poured it into the glass and began sipping it, enjoying the coolness of the liquid as it went down my throat.
My head turned, my eyes became fixated at the door that lead out to the balcony.
It was chaotic outside.
Wind blew from the East, and I had soon felt its push as I had found myself now standing in the center of that balcony. My eyes closed, I breathed in the changing scent of the environment, the wind and rain distracting my mind from its previous hardship.
The sound of the rain, with the occasional interruption of the thunder, had compelled my mind elsewhere. I was no longer thinking about the raven-head in my bedroom, but, instead, of the feeling of flying. I felt like I was floating- drifting off to a place else where. A place where I didn't have such predicaments. A place where I didn't have to carry all of this guilt.
A place where my heart would be whole again.
I felt the corner of my lips curve into a bright smile as I began imagining a woman, from one of the raging clouds, extending a hand out for me to take. I reached my own arm out, yearning to meet my hand with hers.
"Yes, please take me away," I had thought, staring into the powerful angelic being from above. Erase these unbearable feelings.
I didn't want to feel this way for her anymore. I had tried desperately to stop myself from enjoying her presence so much; to stop wanting something I could never have with her. But...
I love her.
The thunder sounded again, and the image of the angelic woman slowly faded as a minuscule frown rested on her lips.
A tear soon dropped from my eyelashes and had streamed down my cheek as the realization felt colder than the rain. I was now drenched, my pajamas soaked in the water, but I didn't care. If anything, the feel of the rain against my exposed skin had felt cleansing in a way. It was as if the coolness of the water could purify my tainted thoughts that had consisted around Nina.
With one, came many, as tears leaked from my eyes, revealing a sorrow that had been concealed for far too long.
I was so lost within that sorrow that I had jumped when something soft had grazed my hand.
Turning around, I was met by the beautiful alluring green eyes that would both break my heart and mend it. She tilted her head to the side, her expression confused, as she stepped forward. The rain was heavy, and Nina was quickly soaked.
I didn't understand it. Why would she willingly go out here? In a storm?
"Emilia..." She looked at me with worried eyes. "Are you okay? What are you doing out here?"
My breaths were scattered as I looked at Nina with different eyes. I no longer looked at her as a friend. I would no longer look at her as a friend. For she was more. So much more.
I adored her- an admiration running fathoms deep.
"I..." I cracked a half smile while I half-heartedly laughed. "I needed some fresh air." That wasn't exactly a lie.
She arched a brow, her expression revealing that she wasn't believing that.
"It's cold out here, and it's raining hard," she had pointed out as she began shivering, her hands rubbing up and down her arms.
I took a step back, feeling my back touch the back of the cold wet railing. Nina's eyes flashed, concern filling them. And with an extend of her arm, she quickly reached for my hand and pulled me against her. My eyes widened as our chests were now pressed against each other's. I could feel her rapid heart beat against mine, and her warm breath, against my chin, had sent an electrical wave through me.
She looked into my blue eyes, hers seemingly dilating, as she searched mine.
"Emilia," she breathed. An arm had wrapped around my lower back, keeping me in her hold. "You got to be careful!" There was worry in her voice. "You were dangerously close to the edge! What if you fell?"
I had always felt guilty whenever Nina looked at me with concern in her eyes, and I instantly felt the urge to apologize.
"I'm sorry," I asserted, trying to ignore the arm that was blatantly there, pressing me against her. "I'll be more careful next time."
She exhaled while shaking her head.
"Come on. You are soaked. Let's get inside and change into fresh clothes. I'll start a hot bath for you," she suggested. She finally released me, only to reach for my hand and lead me back through the sliding door into the house.
My eyes trailed over Nina's long white t-shirt that was wet and had clung to her pale skin. My cheeks flushed a shade of red as I noticed the outlining and faint visual of her cleavage. Her hair was also soaked, and her once voluminous long black hair was now flattened over her head. Recognizing all of this, my lips parted.
"Nina..." I spoke up, as she lead me to the bathroom connected to my bedroom. She hummed, her hand guiding me until we were in front of the bath tub. I watched as Nina then turned the faucet, running the water. "You are soaked too," I remarked. "You can take the bath tub first, and I will wait in the living room."
Nina tested the temperature of the water with her finger, before she soon turned her head to peer into my blue eyes.
"That's ridiculous. We can share the tub," she simply stated, as if it weren't a big deal.
My cheeks deepened in color as I felt more heat rush into them.
"W-what?"
She shrugged. "It's big enough for two."
"Nina, we can't share the bath tub."
"Well, you can't just wait in the living room. You might get sick," she retorted, with a brow raised.
"Alright. I'll just use my parent's bathroom as you stay here."
"Don't your parents have a rule for no one to enter their bedroom?" Ugh, she remembered!
She really wasn't reading my flustered persona, and it was making me grow frustrated.
"I-I don't care!" I don't even know what I am saying anymore. I was just spitting out words. "I'll break that rule!"
Nina stood up, an amused half smirk plastered across her lips as she giggled at my dismay. One of her eyes squinted as she tried to muffle the now growing giggle as she looked at me as though I had just made the funniest joke she's ever heard. I looked away, embarrassed, and honestly, not able to look in her direction without my eyes narrowing downward at her bra and underwear that were shown through her soaked translucent t-shirt.
"You are being ridiculous," Nina spoke, her laugh subsiding a bit. She stepped forward and grabbed my hand, intertwining her fingers in between mine. Her other hand wandered through my brown hair with the slightest waves and raked through it, soothingly. "Come on," she cued, her eyes dim, matching the dim lighting of the bathroom. She tilted her head to the side. "It's just me."
It's just me. Those words had resonated through my mind, venom following.
I felt like I was betraying her in a way. She was counting on me to be a friend to her. And yet-
"Okay..." I swallowed. "You're right. It's just you."
Her smile enlarged as her hand slipped out from my hair's veil.
"Yay! This will be like the times when we were younger." When we were younger?
Nina and I had only shared the bathtub twice. Or, maybe it was three times? Either way, it wasn't the same. Neither of those previous times did I look lustfully at Nina. Neither of those times did I have the urge to reach out my hand and caress her skin that had looked soft to the touch.
Soon, we had both stripped and dipped our toes in the very warm water, not hot enough to be considered hot, but also not cold enough to be considered as just warm.
Now submerged in the water with our knees brushing, I looked around for the soap. At least with the bubbles that the soap would create, Nina would be somewhat covered, and it would prevent my eyes from wandering. I didn't want to become more flustered than I already was.
Nina's face lit up as she watched the once clear water soon explode in colorful bubbles. She poked at them, amused when they would pop. I giggled as I joined her, though thinking this was a little childish.
"We're twenty and we're popping bubbles," I had voiced my thought. Nina's grin widened, showing her faint dimples.
"What? So, now that we're adults, we have to mask away our childish inner-being?"
I smirked as I nodded, feeling the redness in my cheeks dissipating slowly as the bubbles had distracted me.
"That's exactly what I'm saying," I jested.
We stayed like this for a little while, our giggles filling the bathroom, our smiles fueled by one another's.
Mine became faint, however, after her knee had accidentally brushed in between my thighs. An uncontrolled whimper had escaped from my lips and my cheeks had returned to its previous heat.
"Sorry!" She quickly squealed. I melted under her gaze in which continued to intently look at my expression.
There was no escaping this. She had to have known now. I was caught. If I had only thought of her as a friend, such an incident wouldn't have gotten this kind of reaction from me. I braced myself, turning my face to stare at the fiberglass wall, expecting her to recoil.
But, that never happened.
"Emilia..." The way she had said my name... it had sounded just as sweet as when I had encountered her in the Market, and in other times before. It was the same voice, paired with the same expression, that I learned she used in order to convey her affection. Nina slowly extended her hand, and I let out a faint sigh as I felt the back of her fingers gently caressing my reddened cheeks. I unconsciously leaned into the touch, and Nina smiled. "Look at me."
I hesitated for a moment before willing myself to do as she had asked. It was a big mistake.
Instantly, I felt my throat closing in, disabling me from breathing properly, as my heart thudded in my chest. My eyes dilated as her stare continued to pierce through mine. Her gaze was hot and intoxicating, but there was also an affection and gentleness within her eyes, balancing out the dangerous heat.
Her eyes soon lowered to my lips, and I gulped under her heated gaze. For some reason, I didn't run. That was a sign that I needed to run away... and fast. I would always avoid compromising positions like that, or anything that triggered my forbidden feelings that she made me feel. Though, I found myself frozen, unable to move an inch away from her.
Our bodies only inches apart, I could feel her breaths on my chin. Her hand had left my cheek, and her thumb soon outlined my lips, curving at the dips. My lips parted, and she smiled as she then beckoned me forward with her forefinger under my chin.
Our lips brushed, a flame starting, bouncing off of both of our lips. Both of our hearts were beating fast, and a million things were running through my mind. One prominent question: are we really going to do this?
Kindling, her free hand was pressed against my lower back and had pushed me closer to her. Our chests now pressed against one another's, her lips had captured mine, and all of the breath from my lungs had slipped away.
Her lips were magic. Her touch was heaven.
I didn't know just how much I had wanted to kiss her until we had shared our first kiss.
Maybe... maybe she loves me too.