The next day Lance put his truck in park outside of Tiffany's house. He had stopped by the garage first but Gary had told him that she had taken the day off. He looked at her picture on his dash. He had wanted to rip it off and throw it away last night. Every time he looked at it the sting of her betrayal tore at his heart.
He didn't understand how Tiffany of all people could have hidden something like this from him. He had confided in her about his own father, who had abandoned him and his mother before he'd been born. She was the only person he had ever fully told about all the hurt he held inside. Now she had made him no different from his own father.
He had a son. A six year old son who did not even know he was his father. He had not been able to hold the boy as a baby. He had not been there for his first steps, first words, first day of school. Tiffany had stolen all of that from him and he wanted to know why.
He knocked on her door and heard the sound of her footsteps coming through the house. When she opened the door he felt his anger falter momentarily. Clearly she had not slept the night before. Her face was pale and her eyes were surrounded by bruise like shadows. She looked as if she had been crying.
He forced himself to remember why he was here and felt the edge come back to his anger.
"I wondered when you would come back." Tiffany said quietly. She moved aside and let him enter the house. He walked into the tiny kitchen and looked around. The room was spotless. The white linoleum tile was sparkling and the oak table and gray faux marble countertops didn't have a bit of clutter.
"It doesn't usually look this nice." Tiffany said noticing the way he was looking around. "Six year olds aren't known for their cleanliness but I've had all morning here to myself so I've been cleaning." She looked around uncomfortably. She knew why he was here and she wondered how long it would take him to start the conversation that was bound to lead to a lot of tears on her part.
She motioned for him to sit down at the table and while he did that she poured them each a glass of lemonade and sat down across from him. She took a sip of her lemonade and waited on him to speak. He looked tired. His blue eyes were dull as they looked at her and his dark hair was even messier than usual.
"Why?" he asked. Tiffany knew what Lance wanted to know but she was not yet sure how to answer so she sipped her lemonade again and looked down at the table top.
"Why what?" she asked. Lance felt his temper flare but pushed it back down. Yelling and getting angry wouldn't accomplish anything and would end their conversation before it even started.
"Why didn't you tell me that night that you were pregnant?" Tiffany picked at the leg of her gray lounge pants and forced herself to meet his gaze.
"I didn't want to be responsible for getting in the way of your dream, Lance. I wanted to see you go out and make all your dreams come true and I knew that wouldn't happen if I told you about the baby."
"You know what my father did to me, Tiffany. You made me do the same thing to my son. You made me no different from my father." Lance said, the accusation clear in his voice. Tiffany shook her head in stern protest.
"No, you're not like your father. He knew about you, you didn't know about Parker."
"Because of you!" Lance yelled. He slammed his hand down on the table and his face flushed red with anger. Tiffany shrank back in her chair and felt tears fill her eyes. Lance had never been one to lose his temper and she realized just how angry he truly was.
"I am sorry, Lance. I know that doesn't make up for keeping my pregnancy a secret from you that night but please try to look at it from my side…." She waited to see if he would tell her to go to hell or if he was willing to listen. When he just sat there silently and stared at her she decided to continue.
"I was nineteen. I was a kid. I was scared to death when that test said positive. At the time I thought my life was over because I knew I wasn't willing to give up the baby. I knew I was going to keep him.
"I wanted to tell you, Lance. I loved you so much and I needed you. I needed your support. At the time though I felt like if I told you about the baby I would be being selfish. I knew how much your dream meant to you. I knew that you wanted to prove yourself to your father and I knew that you wanted to make a lot of money and help your mother. I didn't want to take that away from you." Lance looked at her long and hard. It was hard for him to stay mad at her.
Everything she said made sense. He had talked constantly back in those days about his dreams of making it big and Tiffany was the type of person to sacrifice anything to make those she loved happy.
True, part of him wanted to scream and yell. Part of him wanted to hurt her the way that he was hurting but he knew that wouldn't solve anything. The time he wasted being angry was time that he could spend getting to know his son.
He looked at her wide green eyes that were full of tears and he let out a long slow breath before taking a drink of his lemonade.
"You should have told me, Tiffany." he said and Tiffany was happy that his voice was calmer. His blue eyes had lost their angry edge and his face was not as drawn or as pale. She knew she didn't deserve his patience but she was glad for it all the same.
"I know that now. I knew it almost the instant that you left. I held out hope though that you would call or that you would write and I would know how to get in touch with you and I could let you know. But you never did." Lance felt guilt replace the hurt. He had abandoned her and their child for a selfish dream that he didn't even care about anymore.
He had no doubt that if he had contacted her again, she would have told him. Her own guilt and pain was clear enough in her eyes. He looked around the kitchen and his eyes landed on the refrigerator and the many pictures and drawings that were on it. He stood up and walked over to look at them more closely.
"He loves to draw. I told him that I'm going to have to get a second fridge just to hold his pictures." Tiffany's voice came from beside of him. He hadn't even heard her get up and walk over.
"What are they?" Lance asked as he looked at the scribbles and couldn't seem to make out a single thing. He recognized the occasional stick figure. And he was fairly certain that he saw a dog or two but other than that he was lost. He looked at Tiffany who was standing beside him and she shrugged.
"I'm not sure what most of them are. He just brings them in and hangs them up." She pointed at one of the pictures. "This is his newest. He said it's a guitar like the one his daddy plays."
"He knows about me?" Lance asked. Tiffany nodded.
"Kind of." she replied. "He doesn't know your name. I wanted to give him your last name when he was born but they wouldn't let me since you weren't there to sign the papers."
"What does he know about me then?" Lance asked turning his eyes back to the many pictures.
"He knows that his daddy is a good man. He knows that his mommy and daddy loved each other and that his daddy has been very busy playing music that makes people happy." Tiffany replied as she readjusted the already perfectly adjusted apples in the bowl on the counter.
"What is he like?" Lance asked as he walked back to the table and sat down. Tiffany leaned against the counter and he saw the proud look in her green eyes as she smiled brightly. He felt his heart beat a little faster at the sight of her smile. It made her whole face light up.
"He's like you." she replied. "For a six year old he is very patient and very smart. He loves music and he loves guitars. He even has one but no one around here knows how to play so no one has taught him. He would live off of chicken nuggets and french fries if I would let him. He has seen and can quote nearly every episode of spongebob squarepants, as can I. He is the sweetest kid you'll ever meet and he has a great sense of humor." Tiffany paused and Lance couldn't help but chuckle.
"You sure you're not a little biased?" he asked. Tiffany's smile became even bigger.
"I probably am." she said.
"At least I know that Parker has such a good mom." Tiffany blushed and bit her lip.
"I'm sorry, Lance. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that night." Lance just shook his head and stood back up.
"We were young, Tiff. We both screwed up back then and I am sorry too." he said and Tiffany nearly cried with relief. He wasn't angry with her anymore. Though there were times when his patience and understanding nature had gotten on her nerves, right now she was eternally grateful for them.
"I would like to meet him." Lance said nervously. "I want to get to know my son." Tiffany nodded.
"Of course. I didn't keep him from you all these years on purpose. I had no way to let you know." she said. "I want Parker to have his dad."
"When would be good?" Lance asked as he blinked back a tear that threatened to enter his eye. He might be patient and understanding but that did not mean that he wanted to cry in front of anyone. Especially Tiffany.
"He has a soccer game tomorrow morning at ten. It's his last one of the season actually. Would you like to come?"
"Where?"
"At the field outside of town. You remember where the carnival was?" Tiffany replied. Lance nodded.
"I'll be there." he said. "Thanks for giving me a chance to be a dad now." Before Tiffany could reply Lance was out the door and it was shutting quietly behind him. Tiffany collapsed in a chair at the table and buried her face in her arms. She cried for a long time, her sobs the only sound in the otherwise silent house.
She cursed when the phone rang and she was forced out of the chair. She could barely see where she was going through her red swollen eyes and though she did her best to sound normal when she said 'hello' she knew that her recent tears could still be heard in her voice.
"What is wrong?" Erin's voice came through the phone and Tiffany nearly cried again because she was so relieved to hear her best friends voice.
"You won't believe me if I tell you." she replied.
"Try me." Erin said.
"Lance is back. He showed up at the garage yesterday. He knows about Parker now and I just feel overwhelmed and guilty and sad and I…."
"I'm on my way." Erin said, interrupting her.
"No, no, no." Tiffany said quickly. "You don't have to come."
"Yes I do. You're my best friend and you need me. Don't worry about Jeff, he's in Iraq remember? Is your couch available because I might just decide to stay a while." Tiffany didn't have the strength to offer any other argument. She needed her best friend who had always been more like a sister.
"Yes. You know my couch is always free for you."
"Cool beans." Erin said happily and Tiffany smiled. Erin had to be the only twenty six year old woman who still said 'cool beans' on a regular basis. "I'll pack a suitcase, hop in my car and be there sometime tonight."
"Thank you, Erin."
"What are best friends for?" Erin asked and Tiffany could hear the smile in her voice. "Besides, Lance is hot and I miss Parker." she added and Tiffany was laughing as she hung up the phone. She called her mom and talked to her for a long time about what was going on, even though her mom had already known that Lance was in town because her father had filled her in.
Once she was done with her phone conversations she looked around her clean house and realized she had an hour to kill before going to pick up Parker from school and she had nothing to do. She looked down at her grease stained fingernails and winced.
"Erin will kill me if she sees these things." she said matter of factly to the empty house and then she headed for the bathroom to do what she could to fix them up.