I got out of the shower and quickly opened the window to let the steam out. I would have done it before, but I’m one of those paranoid people who think that a peeping tom is outside watching. You never know who could be sitting up in the trees with a pair of binoculars.
I dried myself off and treated myself to Remi's moisturer once more. Smelling a lot nicer than before, I threw on the fresh clothes she'd lent me to lounge about in for the rest of the day and wiped the mirror.
'Hmm,' I murmured, rifling through the cabinet for a spare toothbrush. Surprisingly, I found about twenty of them. Must've been on sale. There was no other logical explanation, unless Remi had a side business selling sharpened toothbrush shivs.
When I was finished, I began towel drying my hair vigorously, intent on finding a comb in Remi's bedroom. I almost walked into Bradley and jumped back in surprise.
‘Holy-' I began, resting my hand over my heart. 'Why are you lingering outside the bathroom?’ I demanded, glaring at him suspiciously.
He scowled before replying. ‘I wasn't trying to spy,' he protested, correctly reading my face. 'I ran out of razors,’ he explained, rubbing his hand along his jaw rightly. I noticed the stubble there and resisted the urge to sigh. He looked even hotter than usual with stubble. It was unfair.
I shook it off. Come on, Raegan. Control.
'Are you... going into Remi’s bathroom to borrow one of her razors?’ I said slowly as his words finally reached my sluggish brain. My eyes lit up with joy as I considered the amount of jokes this could supply me with.
He brushed past me in an agitated manner and I laughed at him.
'Tell anyone about this and I swear to God that I will skin you alive,’ he grumbled. I threw the damp towel at his head to annoy him more.
‘I don’t believe in God,’ I said after a moment, moving out of the doorway and snatching up a comb from Remi's dresser. I was pretty sure Bradley and Remi weren't religious either but it was hard to tell these days.
I grinned as I returned to the bathroom and saw Bradley unwrapping a bright pink razor. He was such a manly guy that the very feminine packaging looked quite out of place in his hands. He shot me a dark look and I held my hands up innocently.
‘I am not even going to comment,’ I smiled.
I pushed him out of the way so I could look in the mirror. It had fogged up again and I quickly wiped it away and began disentangling my hair swiftly.
‘Your hair is really dark when it’s wet,’ Bradley commented from his perch on the edge of the bathtub.
‘Everyone’s hair is darker when it’s wet, doofus,’ I said with an eye roll.
‘Yours is especially dark. Almost black,’ he said, getting up and scrunching up the packaging in his hands.
I pressed my foot down on the pedal to the trash can and he tossed it in.
‘Score.'
‘You were like, a foot away so don’t be too proud,’ I snorted, parting my hair.
‘Be quiet young one,’ he said, stifling a yawn.
‘I’m eighteen not twelve,’ I replied. ‘How can you still be tired after the amount of sleep you got?’ I asked.
Bradley had only just woken by the looks of it. His shirt was wrinkled but it didn't matter, he could wear anything and he'd probably still look hot. He could also just wear nothing and definitely look hot. His hair had the whole sexy-messy thing going on - when I woke up, mine just looked plain awful.
‘Why are you staring at me like that?' he asked suspiciously.
I snapped out of it, suddenly realising that I had been checking him out like a piece of meat. Not for the first time either.
‘Like what?’ I asked with a raised eyebrow. I was half tempted to touch my lower lip to check for drool.
‘Like you're thinking hard about something?’
‘Oh. I was out of it, sorry,’ I mumbled ‘I’m going to get some coffee,’ I added distractedly. ‘You want some?’
‘Yeah sure,’ Bradley replied slowly, eyes still narrowed.
‘What?’ I ask.
‘Just go make the coffee,’ he said with a smile I couldn't comprehend.
‘You’re really weird sometimes,’ I shrugged before placing the comb on the counter and leaving the bathroom.
I made my way down to the kitchen and found Kyle alone, scrolling through his phone.
‘Hello, fellow partier,’ he said, looking up at me with a smile.
‘Partier?’ I questioned. ‘I didn't drink and left after about half an hour,' I laughed.
‘The party was pretty good. Other than the fact that Remi puked everywhere,’ he added.
‘Yeah that was pretty nasty,’ I agreed. 'Glad I didn't have to clean it up.'
‘I’m sure you had just as much fun last night as we did,’ he smirked, making me pause as I reached for the coffee jar.
‘What?’ I asked warily.
‘With Bradley,’ he said pointedly.
‘Woah, woah, woah,’ I began, glancing over my shoulder in a paranoid kind of way.
‘I know you didn’t do anything,’ Kyle intervenes. ‘Remi would have filled me in by now. But you seem to get along more than just friends should,’ he added. I set the coffee jar back down on the side and took in a deep breath.
‘Want a coffee?’ I asked brightly.
‘No thanks. Don't change the subject,' he added as I rifled around for sugar too.
‘I’m not trying to change the subject,’ I said. ‘I just don’t have a response to what you’re saying.’
‘Come on,’ Kyle snorted. ‘Do you like him as more than a friend or not? Just answer me that!’ he said.
I turned to glare at him. No one had actually asked me outright before. Remi had just assumed.
‘Is it... that obvious?' I said hesitantly.
‘Hell yeah, it is!’ Kyle grinned. ‘I knew it, we all knew it. 'You should just go tell him, you know. You'd be a lot happier. Both of you would.'
I squeezed my eyes shut, already regretting my decision to tell him.
‘Kyle please don’t say anything to anybody,’ I pleaded.
'Why not, Raegan? It's going to happen anyway.'
‘It’s not going to happen, okay?’ I said, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard.
‘That sounds really... well it sounds as if you've already made up your mind,' he frowned.
‘That’s because I have,' I muttered, avoiding his eyes.
‘Why?’ he asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
‘It’s complicated,’ I said through clenched teeth. Great, that's just what I needed. Another person suspicious about my past.
‘That’s a really cliché thing to say,’ he frowned.
‘Call it what you want. I have my reasons and you don't know anything about them,' I said in a more snappish way than I had intended.
He held his hands up defensively I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment before picking up the mugs and walking over to the sink.
‘Cancer is actually pretty common nowadays,’ he commented casually. ‘Everyone knows at least a bit about it.’
My hand jerked so hard that I practically threw the mugs onto the hard tiled floor. I looked over at him with wide eyes as my heart raced and opened my mouth to ask him just how the fuck he'd found and and whether he'd told anyone about it.
‘One of the guys on the other team told me. So it's.. it's true,’ he said before I could speak. Predictably, a sympathetic look came across his face when I didn't deny it and I felt my stomach drop. It was happening already. I was fucked. I'd have to leave. ‘Look Raegan, I’m really-’
‘Kyle if one more person tells me that they're sorry, I'll go throw myself of a building right now and save everybody the time,' I snarled. He flinched back at my tone but looked confused.
‘Kill yourself now?’ he asked. ‘What are you talking about?'
‘I guess your little friend doesn't know the whole story,’ I said with a hollow laugh. 'Who was it anyway?'
‘Some guy um... Benny something?’
‘Benny Jones, the quarterback right?’ I asked, casting my mind back.
Something I found when changing schools was that you forgot about people pretty easily. Unless you spoke to them everyday or outside of school, it was difficult to remember names and faces. They just got replaced by other people. It was like overwriting a disc.
‘Yeah that’s the one,’ Kyle nodded. ‘What do you mean the whole story?’
I heard footsteps outside the door and looked desperately to Kyle.
'Please can we talk about this later?’ I begged. ‘And don’t tell anyone!’
‘I... I won’t,’ Kyle said, wincing slightly. I hoped that meant he hadn't mentioned it to Remi yet. I knew I was asking a lot from him.
‘What happened?’ Bradley asked from the doorway, eyeing the broken cups at my feet.
‘I – oh shit,’ I said as I spotted a few cuts on the top of my bare feet. ‘I dropped the mugs... Don’t worry I’ll clean it up,’ I said, bending down anxiously to pick up the pieces. I noticed my hands were shaking.
‘No – Raegan don’t bother-’ Bradley began, starting forward.
‘You’ll cut your-’ Kyle also began.
‘Ow,’ I said as a shard sliced my finger. I would have been fine if my my weren't shaking like leaves.
‘Hand,’ Kyle finished with a sigh.
I put my finger in my mouth and sucked it. ‘My bad,’ I mumbled, still crouching on the floor.
‘Haven’t you heard of a dustpan and brush?’ Bradley complained. He reached down and grasped my upper arm, pulling me to my feet.
‘Hey I’ll clean this up,’ Kyle offered. ‘Where’s the-’
‘The cupboard under the sink,’ Bradley said, narrowing his eyes at me as I pulled my finger out of my mouth and examined it closely. ‘Idiot, that looks pretty deep. Didn’t your parents teach you not to play with broken mugs?'
I scowled back at him, not liking how he was treating me like a little kid.
'Not specifically. Anyway, I wasn’t playing with it I was trying to clean it up,’ I grumbled.
He ignored me and produced a first aid kit from on top of the fridge.
‘Into the living room,’ he ordered me.
I decided to comply as I didn't have the energy to argue, and shot Kyle a lingering glance before picking my way through the broken shards on the floor and leaving.
‘Sit,’ Bradley said, pressing my shoulder down and forcing me onto one of the sofas.
‘How did you even drop two cups in the first place?’ he asked me in an annoyed voice. He pulled out some alcohol swabs and tore the top off with his teeth before crouching in front of me.
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘Maybe it was an act of God,’ I snorted.
His scowl deepened at that. ‘You said you didn’t believe in God earlier today,’ he pointed out.
‘I'm just messing with you, Bradley-’ I winced as he swiped at the cuts on my feet with the alcohol wipe. ‘Jeez, why’re you so pissed off anyway?’ I complained ‘Were those your favourite mugs or something?’
He replaced the wipes with band-aids to temporarily stop the bleeding and snorted at my words.
'Favourite mugs,’ I heard him mumble under his breath. ‘Hand,’ he said, holding out his own. I didn't comply this time.
‘Not until you tell me why you’re pissed off,’ I said, narrowing me eyes at him.
‘Why should I tell you? You never tell me anything,’ he said, glaring into my eyes. I held his gaze for a moment before dropping it and offering him my hand. He turned it over in his and examined the cut. 'It just annoys me is all,' he muttered.
‘What does?’
‘First of all,’ he began, getting out a fresh swab. 'It pisses me off when you never tell me what you're really thinking. This might hurt a little,' he added as he slowly stretched out my finger. He flicked his eyes to mine before beginning to clean it out. I grimaced as the cut began to sting. I should be used to pain by now.
'I get that you're hiding this big mysterious secret,' he continued. 'And I know you promised to tell me but damnit, Raegan I can see you thinking about it all the time,' he said, fingers involuntarily tightening around my hand. 'There's nothing I can do to help and you won't tell me. Not now anyway. Can it really be that bad?' he met my eyes again and my heart clenched at the devastating look he gave me.
I could see just how much he cared and the fact that I would have to tell him about my condition and my disgustingly selfish behaviour... I knew he'd never look at me like this afterward. Not that there could be an afterward.
'Secondly,' he added, apparently realising that I wasn't going to reply. 'I don't like when things like this happen and you can't tell me the reason. Obviously, you didn't just drop the mugs. You had this look on your face when I walked in. It was like you'd seen a ghost.'
He found a large band aid and peeled the wrapper open.
'And lastly-' he broke off as he concentrated on wrapping the band aid around carefully. 'Okay, you're done.'
He made to get up but I caught his hand in my uninjured one and squeezed.
‘What was thirdly?’ I asked softly.
Might as well finish his thoughts. Was it strange that I enjoyed his beratement of me? I was kind of glad there was someone to confirm my awful behaviour. All the lying and running away from my problems.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ he shook his head. I noticed a pink tinge to his cheeks and my curiosity only grew.
‘Bradley,’ I pleaded.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before answering.
‘I don’t like seeing you get hurt,’ he said, wincing with embarrassment. I felt my own cheeks heat up slightly at his words. He was quite possibly the cutest thing I'd ever laid eyes on.
I couldn't help but release his hand and brush a few strands of hair from his forehead gently. His hair was soft. I slid my hand further back, slipping my fingers through the strands tenderly. He didn't move away, in fact, he seemed to have frozen under my touch. I guess I was never very affectionate with him. It was part of the whole 'trying to stay away from him' thing which clearly wasn't working out well for me right now.
He lifted his head slightly and met my gaze.
‘I don’t like seeing me get hurt either,’ I half smiled. He laughed quietly.
‘Sorry for snapping,’ he muttered, resting his arms across my legs.
‘Me too,’ I murmured, brushing back his hair once more. ‘Um... sorry for breaking your favourite mugs,' I added hesitantly.
I couldn't apologise for what I really meant. What could I say? Sorry I'm dying. Sorry I haven't told you. Sorry you're wasting your time on a dead girl. I'm sorry I like you because I can never be with you.
He smiled sadly, seeming to sense more behind my spoken words.
'It's okay,' he said.
It wished it were.
‘Hey Raegan you sure made a mess,’ Remi said from the doorway.
‘My bad,’ I said, quickly sliding my hand from Bradley's hair as I felt her eyes burning into us.
‘Who knew making coffee could be such a big deal?’ she added.
I could still feel Bradley's heavy gaze on me but he pulled back after a moment and got to his feet.
'Yeah, who knew?'