Chapter 8
Silence is virtue. Of course, Lily was receiving none in Potions.
"Wahey! Nice Potions knife!"
"For the love of Merlin, I got it in Hogsmeade! I bought it myself! No secret admirer gave it to me! What is the big deal? Huh? HUH? A teenage girl buying herself a knife is completely normal! Mundane! MUNDANE, I TELL YOU!"
All Sirius had heard was a sort of piercing "eeeeeeeeeee!" coming from Lily's mouth. Really, it was quite extraordinary how high in voice pitch the redhead could reach in her raging monologues.
"Putting the knife down now," Sirius clarified slowly, putting down the cutting instrument which he had been dangerously juggling in his hands. "You," he pointed at Lily but lowered his finger when she looked so alarming she might chomp it off. "You… Sedation, that's what you need. Sedation."
Lily reached out to strangle Sirius but only managed to claw at his neck as the boy hurried back to his desk for safety.
Lily had a bad feeling about today. Yes, she had experienced a good night's sleep by James' side, but something just felt…off.
She was waiting for another letter.
She had to admit it; she was expecting another letter from the Half Blood Prince. Not that she wanted another one…did she?
"Of course not," Lily told herself.
"What?"
She followed the direction of the voice and discovered it was from her friend, Nicole, looking at her with concern.
"Nothing, I was just, er, talking to myself," Lily said, fiddling with her shirt collar nervously.
Nicole remained dubious and stepped forward, examining her friend. "Are you and James okay?"
Lily was startled by such an out of the blue question. "James?" she echoed. "We're-"
"Is he being a wanker again?" Nicole jumped to conclusions. "He is, isn't he? James-wanker-Potter, you are on my list!" she shouted to the back of the class, audible enough for James to hear. The boy scratched his head in confusion and mumbled a, "Wha…?"
Whirling Nicole around to face James on the other side of the classroom, Lily mouthed the words 'CUCKOO CUCKOO' twirling a finger to her cranium, and then whipped her round to face her again.
"Everything is fine," Lily lied. "Top-notch. Splendid. Neato."
"But you don't look well."
Lily did not appreciate her brutal honesty. "It must be the Head duties," she insisted, wishing her companion didn't care so much for her well-being. Attempting to ignore her friend's penetrating gaze on her, she tried to keep her attention on stirring her potion. However, her eyes kept wandering back to the Half Blood Prince's knife lying on the desk.
She needed to get rid of it.
"Do you want a knife, Nicole?"
The girl currently chopping roots nearly took off her finger. "Er…did you just ask me -sounding extremely like a mad woman- if I wanted a possibly killing weapon?"
Lily slid the knife down the desk in front of her friend. "My potions knife," she said, "You can have it."
Nicole raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "What have you done to it?"
Lily laughed at her lack of trust. "Nothing. There's no catch."
Nicole spun the knife on the table and it rotated in such an alluring way. Together the girls watched it twirl until Nicole suddenly put her finger down, luckily the tip landing on the handle. "Didn't you say you bought this from Hogsmeade? Why do you want to give it away?"
Lily tried to act casual in response. "I don't like it," she fibbed. Nicole found this hard to believe; the knife was beautiful in decoration. "It's too fancy!" she said, reading Nicole's thoughts.
"It looks really expensive."
"Yeah…" Lily agreed, admiring the knife from afar.
"I can't have it," Nicole decided, sliding the knife down the desk in front of Lily again. "If you hadn't noticed already, your initial 'L' is on the handle." She tapped it. "Mine's 'N', remember?"
Lily was desperate by now. "So? There's an 'L' in your name!" she said lamely. Holding out the knife for Nicole to receive, she said, "Take it."
Her eyes wandered uneasily from the potions knife to Lily's face. "I don't think-"
"Just take it," Lily pleaded.
Nicole was a little apprehensive, but if taking the knife would calm her friend down then she would do it. She grasped the end of the knife, expecting Lily to let go of it.
She didn't.
"Lily?" Nicole gave a tug on her side of the knife, watching her friend's eyes gaze on the instrument while her grip was unusually tight around her end of it. "If you're going to give it to me, you're going to have to let go."
It was a few seconds until Lily got out of her trance by shaking her head, and released the knife quickly, stumbling back. "Sorry," she apologized, reddening. Her actions made it seem as if she had wanted to keep the Prince's present…
"You'd tell me if something was, you know, going on?" Nicole asked, after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.
On the rules of friendship, it was only compulsory for Lily to answer with a yes.
Somehow she found herself answering, "It depends what it was."
Nicole looked a little hurt but accepted her answer. "You'd at least tell James wouldn't you?" she asked hopefully.
Lily decided a yes was expected here, enough to calm her friend's worry. "Of course," she said, feigning a smile.
"My orange peel!"
Lily rolled her eyes at such a pet name. James was extremely cheerful after sharing a bed with her last night and had now adopted a new phase of nicknaming Lily after any being or object that was red or orange. She was a little annoyed at the fact that the colour red or orange would always be associated with herself because of her vibrant hair.
At first she thought it was cute. The occasional 'Strawberry' or 'Carrot top' she had tolerated. But after running out of cute objects to be named after, Lily had crossed the line at being described after menstrual blood.
"I'm not going to snog you in the middle of class, James," Lily told him from the other side of the classroom.
"I did not call you for a snogging invitation," he said, though a rather disappointed look was shone upon his face. "Can I borrow your Potions book?"
"What's wrong with your own?" Lily asked.
Using his wand, James made his Potions book float in front of his face - you could still see him because of the large hole through the book with scorned edges which was presently emitting smoke. He tried to shoo away the black clouds. "Sirius burnt a hole through mine," he accused.
Sirius shrieked, "Mendacious, that's what you are! Mendacious!"
"Wasn't that yesterday's Moony's-word-of-the-day," Peter pointed out thoughtfully.
"Oh yeah," Sirius scratched his head in realisation, "What's today's, Moony?"
"Taciturn," Remus revealed, not even stopping to think.
"Tacky what? What does that mean?"
"Habitually untalkative. Something you are not."
"…Is that the actual word of the day, or are you just making fun of me?"
"Both!" Peter said, raising his hand in addition.
"Yes, Peter," Remus said, "Five points to Gryffin—oh no, I'm doing that teacher thing again…"
"But that would have been the first time I ever got house points…"
"God, those boys could ramble for England," Lily muttered. Picking up her Potions book, she ambled her way to James' desk. Crossing the aisle of writing tables, she bumped shoulders accidentally into someone who was on their way to the Potions cupboard.
"Watch where you're going, Evans."
"Sorry," she snapped, retaliating against their rude tone. Rubbing her sore shoulder, she looked up to watch the moving back of Severus Snape. He hadn't even looked at her to make the cold comment.
She was glad James hadn't seen that particular moment with Snape as he greeted her with a grin when she arrived at his desk.
"Love you," James said, taking the book from her hand with an accompanied kiss.
Sirius shook his head at such nauseatingly lovey-dovey behaviour of a Marauder. "Nancy. What is he, Wormtail?"
"A nancy?"
"Exactly, papoose. Exactly."
"Shut up, Sirius," Lily said, hitting him lightly in the stomach. "I know you want to do ungodly things with 'Hot Georgina'."
It took a few registering seconds before Sirius turned on James with a fuming look. "You told her!" he pointed the finger.
"She got it out of me?" James poorly excused himself.
"Oh I bet she got something out of you, alright."
"Poor double entendre, Sirius," Remus commented, eyes glued to his cauldron.
"Oh… well, still! You shouldn't have told her Hot Georgina stuff! It's Marauder confidentiality! Guy stuff!" Sirius said with emphasis. "She's not a man, is she." he pointed at Lily. "She has a vagina. A VAGINA," he said, with no shame in shouting it out publically.
"I'm quite aware of that, Sirius," Lily conveyed him with the usual I-find-you-extremely-odd look. "Try not to get my Potions book in the same condition as yours, James," she gestured to his book sporting a hole. She managed to depart after James demanded more kisses on the grounds of 'needing them like air!' followed by extended shouting from Sirius of "Vagina! VAGINA!"
"Hey, there's a letter in here."
If Lily hadn't gone to the toilet this morning, she would have cacked her knickers. Turning around, she spotted James with her open Potions book, staring at the envelope laid between the pages.
"Hey, Lily, it's got your name on-"
It was barely seconds before she ran to his desk, snatched the letter and slapped James' hand away.
"Ow, can you not keep doing that?" he complained.
"VAGINA! SHE HAS A VAGI-"
"Padfoot, shut up. You're giving me a headache," James grumbled. He turned to Lily with an inquisitive look. "Who's the letter from?" he asked.
"It's to my parents," Lily said, not thinking.
"But it's got your name on it."
"I like to address letters with my name on the, er, front, and the address on the, er…back."
Stepping forward, Peter said, not so discreetly, "SHE'S CRAZY" in what he thought was a whisper.
"I know," James agreed, genuinely smiling, "Doesn't it make her look really attractive?"
"Y-"
"Don't answer that, Wormtail."
"Yowza?"
"I think I hear my potion bubbling," Lily lied, holding a hand to her ear. "Bye."
James closed his eyes and pouted his lips, ready for a goodbye kiss.
"Nancy, if you think I'm going to snog you, you're thoroughly mistaken. Purse up those lips."
James opened his eyes and discovered no redhead but a black haired twit named after a mass of gas held together by its own gravity.
"Where'd the orange peel go?" he asked in disappointment.
"Up my arse picking daisies," Sirius replied. On cue, Peter laughed though Sirius had recounted that same remark on a gazillion number of occasions.
"If you're referring to the carnivorous animal with a bushy tail as Lily," Remus said, "then I can inform you she has returned to her desk."
"Bugger," James cursed, slumping on his stool.
"Surely you can manage without her lips for the rest of the lesson!" Sirius said.
"But I need them like air…" James slammed his head on his desk in defeat.
Lily sat in the common room of the Head Tower, the Half Blood Prince's recent letter sitting in her lap. She'd hurried off from Potions to escape to the tower so she could read the letter without any interruptions.
She re-read the words on the parchment:
The modest Rose puts forth a thorn,
The humble sheep a threatening horn,
While the Lily white shall in love delight,
Nor a thorn nor a threat stain her beauty bright.
Lily did not like the feeling in the pit of her stomach.
She suddenly felt guilty; guilty for giving the Prince's knife away. Maybe if she talked to Nicole she could get it back…
No, keeping the present would be like betraying James…as if she hadn't enough by lying to him.
Lily sighed and pushed her hair back, massaging her forehead. This all was beginning to be too much for to handle.
She was quickly reminded of the time by glancing at her watch, realising she was late to her lesson of Arithmancy. Regaining her composure and swinging her bag back onto her shoulder, she walked to the portrait of the Fat Man and stepped through, startled to see James through the entrance.
"You changed the password without telling me?"
"James, I'm late to Arithmancy," Lily said softly, but passed him with apace.
He had wanted to get into the Tower and fetch the school book he had left in his dormitory. This, evidently, had not happened as the Fat Man had informed him that the password had been changed, which led him to standing outside the portrait for ten minutes, listing random words and hoping it was the new altered password.
As Lily passed him, James debated whether to go into the tower but in the end found himself following her down the corridor and forgetting the book because of either: the luring Lily Evans scent, because he'd rather have a quick grope with her before lesson, or to retrieve the new password.
Or maybe all the above.
"Why'd you change the password?" he asked, walking with her in sync.
"Because your bum boys know it."
"Marauders," James corrected her as usual. "Who cares if they know the password?"
Lily would have stopped in her tracks if she wasn't late for class already. "I care, James. If your Marauders know it, then God knows who else knows it too. I don't want strangers coming into the tower and going through our stuff! Strangers sneaking into our dorms…" More importantly, the Half Blood Prince.
"You're cute when you're neurotic," James stated.
Lily rolled her eyes and began walking again, but was instantaneously grabbed by the hand and pulled forward against James' chest all too familiarly.
Lily didn't even argue and rested her head on his shoulder.
"What's the real reason you changed the password, Lily?"
"That was the reason, buffoon," she mumbled into his robes.
"Okay," James left it at that. "So what's the new password?"
"Jelly slugs."
James nodded and noticed Lily wasn't leaving his embrace any time soon. "Weren't you off being later for Arithmancy?"
"Your shoulder's too comfortable."
"I'd like to mention that I'm getting really turned on by the feeling of your boobs pressing up against my chest."
Instantly, Lily broke away from him and hit him in the stomach.
"I was joking," James rubbed his belly, "The joke was worth the pain, and I made you less late for Arithmancy."
Before Lily could comprehend what he had said, he gave a peck to her forehead, a slap to her bottom, and skipped off back to the tower.
Lily, slightly gaping in confusion, made her way to Arithmancy and tried not to wonder about the Half Blood Prince enjoying poetry…
Arithmancy was passing in a blur. Lily was normally alert in the lesson because of her passion for the subject, but her mind kept drifting to that particular piece of parchment.
Glancing left, she peeked at Remus sitting beside her to see where his attention was. Luckily he was more engrossed on writing notes from the professor's lecture.
Moving her stool forward slightly so she was closer to her desk, she slipped out the Prince's letter on to her lap and read over it again. There was no need to get out the note when the poem was already imprinted in to her brain…
Her head flicked upwards when she heard the sound of something pushed in front of her on the desk.
It was a note.
Lily groaned; not another one from the Half Blood Prince? Was there some new trend of not talking and communicating by parchment now? Truly, it was getting on her nerves.
On closer inspection, she discovered it was from Remus.
Lily literally choked on the saliva in her mouth. Remus Lupin had written her a note? In class? Remus Lupin didn't write notes to friends, he wrote notes on what the professor was saying.
Lily blinked twice at the piece of parchment, thinking it was an illusion.
Remus elbowed her in the ribs and she nearly fell off her stool.
Lily glared at him for such a vigorous movement. She mouthed, "Are you ill?" to the boy, gesturing to the fact that he was writing notes in such a Sirius Black fashion.
Remus rolled his eyes and tapped the note impatiently.
Realizing the Prince's note was still on her lap; she hid it in her pocket and opened up Remus' note discreetly away from the professor's eyes. Whatever Remus had written, it had to be serious since he normally considered writing notes in class criminally wrong and scolded whenever the rest of the Marauders did it.
'Who was the letter really from in Potions?'
Uh oh.
So Lily was right about the subject not being cheery.
'It was to my parents, like I said.' Lily scribbled back.
'Sirius and Peter are too dim-witted to think of a logical explanation, and James is too blinded by 'manky old tortoise love' to argue with you.'
There it was again with the tortoises.
'Really where did all this manky old tortoise partners thing originate from?'
'Stop changing the subject.'
Lily cursed. Remus wasn't going to let this go. She had to think of someone.
'Derrick. The note was from Derrick.'
Lily slid the note back to Remus and mentally congratulated herself on a believable excuse. Remus shot her a disturbed look.
'What did he want?'
Lily hadn't thought this through…
With a mental 'ER…UM…UH' in her head, Lily replied.
'He asked me out again. I said no, of course. Don't tell James. It isn't a big deal.'
Remus looked uncertain but eventually nodded; he wouldn't tell James if it risked more fights. School life was unusually peaceful these days.
The professor indicated that it was the end of class and the students got up from their stools and began to exit.
Lily walked out with Remus as accustomed, smiling. She had to confess that since she was going out with James she had spent a lot more time with the Marauders and found their company surprisingly enjoyable. She'd always been rather friendly with Remus, but now even Sirius was growing on her, and Peter was actually a nice boy when you got to know him and got past his fuchsia t-shirt obsession.
"How come you didn't do your Arithmancy homework?" Lily asked, as Remus had received a detention from the professor.
"I was trying to do it in the library but I couldn't concentrate," he admitted.
"Problems with Sirius?"
Remus didn't like her tone or the grin on her face. "That question sounded as if you were asking if we were having relationship problems."
"There are many definitions of the word 'relationship', Remus. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association. Connection by blood; kinship, or," she smirked, "a romantic or sexual involvement."
Remus blanched. "Has Sirius been talking about my dreams to you? I'LL ERADICATE HIM!"
Lily was surprised yet amused by such a reaction. "No, he hasn't mentioned any dreams, but I'll note to have a chat with him about it!"
"Please don't."
Lily laughed at Remus' somewhat painful mug, but as they turned a corner of the corridor, her face instantly turned downwards.
Derrick stood in her path looking uncomfortable.
"What do you want?" Lily demanded. Her tone was awkward as his expression. Derrick's head was slightly bowed as he looked down at his feet, and Lily spotted a difference in his hair. It was less spiked, as if he wasn't making much of an effort to style it any more.
Derrick's eyes flashed to Remus but stayed on Lily. "Could I, er, talk to you for a second?"
Lily frowned at his floundering. He never made fumbled in his speech, it seemed to below him. "I don't think I want to talk to you. In fact, the only time I want to see you is in prefect meetings," she stated.
"Please, Lily," Derrick pleaded, "Alone."
Remus noticed his stressing. "Whatever you can say to Lily you can say when I'm present," he commented icily.
Derrick looked like he wanted to argue but bit on his tongue. "I… I just want to apologize to you, Lily, for my behaviour last year." He could barely look her in the eye and Lily frowned more at his odd behaviour. "I know saying sorry won't take anything back-"
"Of course it won't!" she cut in furiously. "You called me a Mudblood and hit me!" Remus tensed beside her. "Did you think that I'll just erase that from my mind because you're apologizing for once in your life?"
"I know, I'm sorry." He bowed his head more, looking similar to a house elf. "I was completely out of line. The way I acted…"
"Do you know how many times I defended you when everyone bad mouthed you?" Lily shook her head, somewhat ashamed of how she had acted last year herself, "Every time I stuck up for you when they were right."
"I know, but please, you have to understand," he was looking at her now with intent, "I was…influenced by others, shall we say, into being a person I didn't want to become. I'm not asking you to forgive me; I just want to start anew. To be friends, at least."
"I can never be your friend," Lily stated in a hollow tone. "I'll accept your apology, but that doesn't mean I have to acknowledge you." She made her way to pass him.
"He's a lucky guy."
Lily halted and shot the boy a perplexed look. "Excuse me?"
"James. He's a lucky guy," Derrick said again.
Immediately, Lily closed on the boy, head to head with an intimidating expression on her face. "You stay away from him," she hissed.
"What?" Derrick looked abashed. "No, you misunderstand. I would never-"
"I don't care what you meant," Lily snapped, "Just stay away from him."
She hitched her bag higher on her shoulder and stormed down the corridor.
Remus watched her walk away and took a step toward Derrick, who was also studying her. "If I were you, I'd stop with the notes," he advised in a dangerous tone.
"Notes?"
Remus eyed him sceptically and quickly came into realisation. "You didn't send Lily a note in Potions today, did you?"
Derrick was utterly bemused. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
With an annoyed look, Remus also passed Derrick and followed Lily down the same corridor.
Dinner was predominantly tense between a particular two in the group.
"Stop eating off my plate, James," Lily said, slapping his hand that threatened to steal a chip.
James grinned, "I could just do this," he said, kissing her when she was in the middle of chewing a chip of her own.
"Oh God, please! Not while I'm eating you disgusting spouses!" Sirius complained, glaring at the two. He pushed his plate of food away from him and crossed his arms in a huff. "Ad-bloody-nauseam!"
James broke away from the kiss, now chewing on the chip that Lily had been eating.
"That was quite sickening," she admitted, watching the food that had earlier been in her mouth now in James'.
"Gavommiting," Peter said; any excuse saying the word.
Sirius glanced at Remus who hadn't commented and made a noticeable stab with his fork into his plate. "You're quiet, Moony. Any more sex dreams last night?"
Eating consumption was stopped as the group stared at Remus.
"Sex what?" Peter asked. He hadn't even giggled at the mention of 'sex'; he was undoubtedly growing up.
Remus directed an infuriated look at Sirius and kicked him in the shin under the table. "Not at dinner!" he hissed.
Sirius rubbed his leg. "But did you have any more sex dreams?" he asked again.
Remus couldn't comprehend why he was still speaking. "No, but we are not discussing this now, simpleton!" He scooped a fork full of his Shepard's pie and stuffed it into Sirius' gob to shut him up.
"Moony's been having sex dreams?" James queried, taking another chip of Lily's plate to her irritation.
Sirius nodded with an open mouth full of food. Managing to gulp down the pie, he said, "We slept together last night."
Again, food consumption was stopped.
"You blockhead!" Remus kicked him again. "Do you even think before you speak?"
James was currently choking on his chip and Lily made some vigorous slaps to his back. "You…slept…together?" he managed to say once the last pieces of chip had unclogged his oesophagus.
"Ga-"
"Vomiting," Remus finished, "Yes we know, Peter. And no, we slept in the common room on separate arm chairs."
James breathed a sigh of relief but kept a frown on his face. "Should I be worried that I'm disappointed?" he whispered to Lily.
She nodded in return.
"Have you told James, then?"
Lily looked at Remus in annoyance. He had earlier told her of his discovery that the letter was not from Derrick and had asked who the real sender was. She obviously refused to tell him and had been shooting her exasperated looks all the way through dinner. She did not like his idea of getting the attention off of him.
"Told him what, Remus?" Lily asked, putting on a cherry façade.
"Who we bumped into earlier."
Lily panicked; she didn't think of Remus bringing Derrick up.
"Father Christmas!" Sirius joked to lighten the mood.
James looked at him strangely but focused back on Lily. "Who'd you bump into?" he asked.
Remus was about to say but Lily talked over him, slapping a hand to cover his mouth. "Frank Longbottom!" she said loudly.
"Frank?" James furrowed his brow. "Don't we see Frank everyday? He's in our house, after all." He waved down one end of the table where Frank was sitting with Alice, and the boy waved merrily back.
"Oh, right you are," Lily tittered nervously, "Remus is just being silly. Aren't you being silly, Remus?"
"It appears I am the specimen of silliness today."
James noticed their cold tones and dropped his knife to his plate. "Alright, what's going on?" He looked back and forth between the two. "You two have been acting weird all through dinner."
"Nothing's going on," Lily said at once.
Remus voiced nothing and carried on eating his Shepherd's pie.
Feeling she could no longer stand the discomfort anymore, Lily stood up to leave. "I'll see you later," she kissed James, "Remember we have patrolling later, alright? Don't be late."
"Me, late? Never!" James laughed and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as she left.
"Bye, Vagina!" Sirius waved to the redhead.
Lily shot him a disturbed look and hurried quicker out of the hall, trying to ignore the odd looks directed at her.
"Why did you just call my girlfriend after her womanly bits?"
"I'm thinking the nickname could catch on," Sirius said, continuing with his food.
"Patrolling?" Peter echoed Lily's words.
James turned away from looking worriedly at Sirius. "Oh, Head boy and girl have to patrol the castle," he explained.
"Any excuse to snog after hours…" Sirius said under his breath.
"So what time do you have patrolling?" Peter asked.
With slow awareness, James realised he couldn't remember. "Shit," he said plainly.
Remus rolled his eyes. "You definitely won't be late for patrolling when you're unaware of the time…"
"I'm sure she told me this morning…" James scratched his head. "Wait…nine o'clock! Yeah…nine! I'm pretty sure she said nine!"
"Oh, well if you're pretty sure…" Remus jeered.
James eyed him with suspicion. "What was all that about earlier with Lily?"
"Er…" Remus thought of something to sidetrack his friend. "Sirius stole your last sausage!"
His distraction worked without flaw. "You bastard!" James cried, tackling Sirius to the ground.
Remus breathed a sigh of relief on such a close save.
"So…these sex dreams you speak of-"
"I'm not going to describe them, Peter."
The surrounding students sitting near the Marauders watched in amusement as James and Sirius rolled across the floor, foot kicking and head bashing included. Remus started to regret ever mentioning the chopped, seasoned meat thief as they'd attracted quite a crowd and spotted Professor McGonagall making her way over.
"Gimme back my sausage!"
"No!"
The two finally stopped fumbling across the floor in front of a pair of feet. Following her legs up -which Sirius did whilst drooling- they discovered Georgina the Ravenclaw above them.
"Sirius, eating fatty foods again!" She shook her head at the sausage positioned in between Sirius' mouth, looking oddly like a cigarette. Sirius noticed this and positioned the sausage in between his fingers, then blew out an invisible trail of 'sausage smoke'. "I'm sure we had a discussion about this last night in the kitchens. It's going to take you at least a hundred sit ups to work off that meal. Don't you want to find abs under that layer of adolescent chubbiness?" She dug her heel into his stomach to emphasise her point. "Say it with me: if I eat unhealthily, I will be unhealthy."
Sirius really didn't know what to say and found it difficult to think of anything when he had a perfect position of under her skirt. "Just… shut up!"
Georgina did nothing but laugh as she left the hall.
"Smooth move, Padfoot," James commented. "That was very primary school of you. I'm sure she fancies the knickers off of you now."
"This coming from the guy who tried to sacrifice his own life for a girl's attention."
"Oh har har har SHUT UP."
"Well done, men."
This comment would have sounded manly if Sirius hadn't just consumed too much helium.
"I love balloons. Do you love balloons? Because I just love balloons."
"I love balloons!"
"Your voice sounds the same, Wormtail, even after taking in helium! HAR HAR HAR does helium make you high? Because I feel high.
"It makes your voice higher. There is no evidence that helium gives you a feeling of intoxicating excitement or euphoria."
"Do you know how funny you sound correcting me in a chipmunk voice, Moony? HAR HAR HAR seriously, I feel higher than the average giraffe."
James multiplied yet another balloon with his wand that joined the hundreds of others in the corridor. "Stop sucking the helium. You're wasting the balloons." He turned the balloon the colour of orange and smiled. "Doesn't that balloon look like Lily? No that she's that shape, but her hair, I mean. And that green one over there looks like her eyes…"
"Why exactly are we multiplying balloons to fill up the corridor?" Remus asked for the hundredth time, keeping an eye on the Marauders map for any incoming people.
"Because it's fun," Sirius said simply. He grabbed the nearest balloon, rubbed it on his school robe, and then rubbed it on Remus' hair to make it stand on end. "Fucking hilarious!" he declared.
Remus was not pleased to look like James with his static hair or as if he'd stuck his finger in an electric socket. "But what exactly is the point of this?" he questioned tiredly.
"It brightens up the dull corridors!" Sirius said, skipping through the masses of balloons. He shrieked when various balloons popped.
"Yes, balloons tend to pop when you step on them, Padfoot," James teased. "You screamed like such a girl when—AAAAAH!" He reddened after screaming because of the balloon that had burst in front of him.
"Weeeeeeee!" Peter giggled in delight, tapping the balloons that bounced in the air.
"Do you know how childish the three of you look?" Remus asked.
"What?" James wagged the penis-shaped balloon in front of his crotch. "I dunno what you're talking about, mate."
"For goodness sake," Remus rolled his eyes, "Who would find that funny?"
"AHARHARHARHAR!" Sirius cackled.
James wagged the balloon more energetically and grabbed two more round balloons to put either side of oblong shaped one, completing the package.
Sirius pointed and doubled over, tears streaming from his eyes. "AHARHARHAR!"
"Haven't you ever wanted to walk down a corridor full of balloons, Remus?" Peter asked, currently rubbing a balloon on top of his hair in a soothing circular motion.
"No."
"Then you obviously haven't lived life!" Sirius said, skipping down the corridor once more. He let off more unexpected shrieks as more balloons popped.
"Stop stepping on them, Padfoot!" James told him off. "You're destroying my artwork!"
"I take back what I said about the Muggles being crazy. They're geniuses! Make more penis shaped balloons, Prongs."
"Okay! Heh heh…"
"Oh good grief…" Remus stood motionless as the balloons floated around him. He would not give his friends the satisfaction of looking amused. He twitched as a balloon drifted near his nose; he was trying to avoid any contact with the buoyant things.
"C'mon Moony, you know what you want to play with them."
"You seem to have forgotten we are in seventh year." Remus batted a balloon that got close to his face and kicked away one that seemed to be stuck to his leg. "Bugger off!" he cursed. Sirius laughed at him. "You're Head boy!" He pointed at James. "Lily is going to kill you when she finds out you did this. She told you to stop with the pranks."
"That's if she finds out," James spoke with raised eyebrows.
Sirius smirked. "And what if I tell her?"
James grabbed a balloon and shoved it next to Sirius' ear. "Then I'd do this," he said, popping the balloon next to his eardrum.
"AAAAH!"
"But I'd insert a thousand more balloons," James added.
Sirius winced as he stroked his ear. "I think my eardrum is bleeding…"
"This is technically not a prank, you know," James said, getting back to answering Remus' question. "We're not harming anyone, are we?" Remus grumbled as James did have a point. "I think brightening the castle with balloons is saving humanity, personally."
"Aaaah!" Peter screamed, shaking his arm. "The balloon's stuck to me! Get it off!"
Loyally, both James and Sirius tried to detach the balloon that had stuck to Peter due to static electricity, but the balloon only seemed to stick to Sirius, making him shriek, consequently getting stuck to James who helped, making him shriek, somehow getting stuck back onto Peter again.
It was a screeching cycle.
Once they managed to rid the balloon, another cry was heard.
"Help! Help, I say!" a portrait yelped.
The boys followed the sound of aid, hitting the balloons away from their course. Pushing the last balloon away from suffocating the portrait, they found Sir Cadogan heaving for breath.
"Sorry, Sir Cadogan," Remus apologized.
"Were you scared of the deadly balloons?" Sirius taunted.
Sir Cadogan huffed. "Most certainly not-" Sirius shoved a balloon near the portrait. "GET THAT BEAST AWAY FROM ME!"
Sirius chortled, but nonetheless dropped the balloon on command. "Saving your life doesn't come cheap, you know. That'll be five galleons. Pay up."
Sir Cadogan sat upon his fat grey pony and galloped into another portrait, muttering "Teenagers…"
James sniggered. "You got shunned by a fake night!"
Sirius did not like being made fun of, especially in the presence of balloons. "Fire!" he shouted, pointing his wand at a balloon beside James' shoe and making it burst. James jumped at the sound and glared at Sirius who laughed.
"Fire!" Using his wand, James pointed at a balloon near Sirius which popped, making him also leap at the noise.
It was barely seconds before the boys began bursting balloons at war.
Remus covered his ears at the deafening noise, whilst Peter cried "No! Not my babies!" as he tried to save the balloons, hugging them towards his chest; which only ended up with them popping in his face.
Remus crouched to the floor and tried to find a path through the balloons as he slid across the corridor. He heard the animal cries of James and Sirius and rolled his eyes. "Can we stop this please?"
"En guarde!" Sirius grabbed a penis shaped balloon and smacked James on the head with it.
"Ow! Wanker!" James shoved a balloon into Sirius' face which exploded on contact.
Just as Sirius chucked a balloon into the air, planning to smack it on target of his friend as if he were playing a game of tennis, he saw a face through the brightly coloured balloons.
Patting a few balloons away, he discovered it was Filch, growling his teeth.
"You lot!" Filch roared in a deadly voice.
"RUN, MARAUDERS! RUN!" Sirius said in a horrifyingly squeaky voice.
Peter grabbed for the last few penis shaped balloons.
"No, Peter! Save yourself!" Sirius dragged him by the collar as the boys sprinted to their escape.
Lily had waited a full half an hour outside the Head tower and James had still not turned up for patrolling. Using the many words that came up under 'kill' in the thesaurus, Lily was going to, asphyxiate him, she was going to butcher him, she was going to bump him off.
She didn't like the wording of the last synonym. It sounded mildly sexually related and she did not want to shout that at James and get him aroused somehow.
"When the Head Boy gets here," Lily began to the portrait of the Fat Man, and had to take a deep breath to calm her anger, "Tell him he is in big trouble. And I'm talking colossal size."
The Fat Man silently nodded and watched Lily exit down the corridor, beginning her Head patrolling alone.
She hadn't come across many problems on her rounds. She'd managed to nab some late night broom closet snoggers but the night had been quiet, until she came across two dodgy Slytherins.
Lily spotted the two heedlessly making their way down the corridor in a casual manner.
"Boys," she addressed them, and they turned around. She recognized them as second years. "Your curfew ended an hour ago. Back to your common room."
The taller one of the two stepped forward with a scowl. "Who says we have to do what you say?"
His friend elbowed him in the stomach and hissed, "Shut up! She's Head Girl!
Lily smiled. "I think you should follow your friend's advice."
The realisation of Lily being Head Girl only made the boy scoff. "My brother says we don't have to do what you say."
"Oh, does he now? And why does he say that?"
"Because you're a Mudblood."
The insult echoed chillingly down the hall and Lily shut her eyes and opened them again, trying not to let the name bother her. She had prepared herself for names like this.
'Why don't you tell me your brother's name so I can just, you know, MAIM HIM!'
That's what she had wanted to say, but instead, followed with, "Well, your brother isn't particularly wise, is he. And ten house points off Slytherin for addressing me so rudely."
"What!" the boy said in outrage. "You can't do that!"
"I think you'll find that I can. And by all means, complain to your Head of house, or even Professor Dumbledore," Lily suggested, "but you will be disappointed."
The boy made a face at her and latched his arm on to his friend, dragging him forcefully in the direction he was heading. "Come on. Let's get back to the kitchens."
"I said, get back to your common room," Lily ordered once more.
"I don't follow briefing from someone with dirty blood-"
"Get back to your common room."
Lily jumped out of her skin and discovered the booming voice had come from Derrick beside her, glaring at the boys. The Slytherins cowered at the boy's presence but did not move.
"You heard what the Head Girl said, didn't you?" Derrick asked them, his expression hazardous. "Get back to your common room now." The boys trembled. "Are you hearing impaired? Get going!"
The Slytherins finally found their legs working again and ran off in the direction of the dungeons, their school robes flapping behind them.
Lily eyed Derrick with unease. "Two unexpected meetings in one day, eh? Aren't I lucky," she said dryly.
He instantly noticed her tenor and that his actions towards the Slytherins had aggravated her. "I was just trying to help-"
"I could have handled it myself," Lily snapped. "Do you realise what you did back there? Those Slytherins will tell everyone how someone else had to fight my own battles. I'll gain no respect or authority as Head Girl and everyone will just walk all over me," she threw up her hands and pointed to the imaginary sign on her chest, "I can see it now, can't you? 'I'm Lily Evans, just walk all over me'!"
"I'm sorry-"
"Stop apologizing to me!" she said irately. "It's not in your nature to, Derrick." She looked at her watch and found her patrolling should have ended a while ago. "Thank goodness," she praised.
Derrick also noticed the late time. "I'll walk you back to your tower."
Lily looked at him as though he were mad - which he clearly was by asking to walk anywhere with her. "I don't think so," she dismissed, already making her way down the corridor. To her displeasure, she found Derrick walking with her but didn't argue; today had been extremely awful and all she wanted to do was go to bed and possibly murder James beforehand.
It seemed as if Derrick had been reading her thoughts and said, "Isn't the Head Boy supposed to be patrolling with you?"
"I… I don't know where he is," Lily confessed quietly.
"Oh," was all Derrick had said.
"Oh indeed."
Walking silently through the corridors, she realised she was nearly close to the tower and stopped, which Derrick also did.
"Look," Lily began, "I appreciate the gesture and everything, just…don't make a habit of them."
Derrick nodded, assuming he should probably head back to his dormitory, "Right, er… good night, then."
Casting another strange look at Derrick because of his strange manner, she left him in the corridor and made her way back to the tower alone, frowning at the sight of balloons floating aimlessly in her path…
The Marauders turned the final corner of the corridor leading to the Head Tower, raced up to portrait of the Fat Man and stopped in front of him, each heaving for breath. Sirius had run at such a speed that he slid across the corridor floor and slammed against one of the castle walls.
Trying to muster his dignity, he hobbled back over to James, muttering, "Shitbuggerarse" as he glanced back. "Say the password already, Prongs." He nudged James in the shoulder.
"Quick, James!" Peter whispered. "I think I can hear Filch coming!"
With a mighty smirk, the Fat Man looked down at the four boys. Being a portrait rarely had its fun moment except for cracking pun jokes to do with the password, so he was going to milk this particular moment for all that it was worth.
"Jelly slugs!" James said hurriedly. He stepped forward and slammed into the hard surface that had not swung open on his command. Peter looked sympathetic; he had been there before.
"What the hell!" James clutched his now painful nose and glared at the portrait. "Jelly slugs!" he repeated. "Don't tell me Lily changed the password again?"
"Lily changed the password?" Remus queried.
"Yeah, she's been acting really paranoid lately… but anyway," he focused back on the Fat Man, "Is the password wrong?"
"Oh, no, it is right."
James looked enraged. "Then open up, already!"
"No, wait! I have to tell you something first-"
"Prongs, mate, we're kind of stressed for time here," Sirius said, looking agitatedly down the corridor.
"No, wait! I was supposed to tell you," the portrait paused and the boys watched as the overweight man raised his arms high in the air and began to wave them to side to side whilst jiggling his bottom in a mocking dance. "You're in trouble!" he sang, wagging his finger at James. "You're in trouble! Yoooooou're in tro-ooo-uble!"
"Look, pal, we asked for you to open up, not give us a lap dance," Sirius complained, horrified by such a sight. "Please stop."
"Jelly slugs already!" James yelled, enraged.
The Fat Man dropped his arms, looking disappointed. "But she said-"
"Don't make me re-frame you!"
The Fat man gasped at James. "You wouldn't!"
"Oh, wouldn't I?"
The portrait instantly swung open and the boys climbed in.
"What was Mr. Chunky on about?" Sirius asked, once the portrait had shut and he had taken a seat in an arm chair by the fire.
"No idea," James said, "Probably about the balloons thing."
Sirius shrugged, and grinned. "All in a days work, eh, Marauders?"
Remus did not return the smile. "Did Filch see you?" he asked, too twitchy to sit down as he paced slightly. Sticking out a foot, Sirius stopped Remus' pacing as the boy fumbled and nearly collided with the floor, managing to grab on to one of the chair arms with his gangly fingers first.
"I don't think so," Sirius said offhandedly, "Though you can kind of guess he'll inspect it was us."
"But he has no evidence."
"That never stopped him before," James reminded Remus.
Sitting in silence, there was the sound of squeaking and the boys looked at Peter who appeared to have an abnormal stomach all of a sudden.
"You're belly's all bumpy, Wormtail," Sirius mentioned.
"Oh." Peter looked down at his front, as if he never knew body parts under his chin existed. Stuffing a hand under his shirt, he shook it out and a few balloons popped out as if he had given labour.
James and Sirius rejoiced. They grabbed for the penis shaped balloons Peter had managed to save.
"Well done, Pete!" Sirius got Peter in what he thought was a 'friendly' headlock and Remus had to pull him off as Peter began choking.
James stuck his penis shaped balloon next to his crotch again and wagged it up and down whilst laughing in uproar. Again, Remus rolled his eyes.
"My ding dog is bigger than your ding dong," Sirius declared.
James looked at him oddly. "Ding…dong?"
Sirius positioned his oblong balloon in front of his pelvis to indicate what he was talking about, and James made an understanding "Oh" and snorted.
"Yeah, sure, if we're talking about balloons here," James laughed, "but when it comes to the real thing, then no way."
Peter posed two round balloons against his chest. "Look, I'm Madam Pom Poms!" he giggled, pushing his air breasts together.
"Look, I'm Sirius groping Madam Pom Poms!" James latched a hand to one of Peter's balloons.
"Oh har-sodding-har!" Sirius said, as James and Peter laughed, and even Remus was trying to disguise his chortling. "I'm sure I explained before that the probing was unintentional."
Lily decided to choose this exact moment to climb through the Head Tower portrait.
Regrettably, James was in the middle of swaying his ding dong shaped balloon in front of his pelvis. With slow comprehension to who had entered the room, James froze, keeping the balloon shamefully positioned. Peter slowly let his booby balloons drift to the floor.
Seeing the boys in the Tower after telling James the password was forbidden to them only seemed to make the redhead more infuriated. "Boys," she nodded an inclining head to the Marauders who were lounging leisurely in her personal Head common room. They replied with awkward waves.
As James eyed Lily to try and figure out exactly what he had done wrong; he dropped his penis shaped inflatable and winced in realisation. "Oh God, I missed patrolling!" Looking apologetic, he stepped forward, chanting "Sorrysorrysorrysorry…"
Lily looked at him, unsmiling, and stepped around his approaching figure, stalking to her dormitory.
"Lily," he started, trying to follow her.
She shut her dormitory door with a slam, preventing James entering. He made for the handle and found it was locked.
"Someone's in the dog house… In fact, you could say someone in Padfoot's house."
James glared at Sirius. "This is your entire fault!" he accused. "You were the one who said we should go fill up the corridors with balloons! I mean, come on, how random is that?"
"Jeez, lighten up, Prongs! She'll be alright in the morning."
James jumped as he'd accidentally sat on his balloon. "Why didn't you guys remind me I had patrolling?"
"I reminded you at least five times," Remus pointed out, looking quite miffed.
"Well, Moony, your voice is kind of monotonous sometimes so it's hard to listen to," James pointed to Sirius, "Padfoot, however. Boy, his voice is just up and down in pitch."
"WHAT? Nooo IT is NOOOOT—oh my God, and it is."
"And we'll be leaving now," Remus cut off Sirius, clamping a hand over his mouth. James made a grim nod and gazed pointedly at Lily's closed dormitory door.
Sirius stood to his feet with much pulling and stubbornness. "But the Heads tower is so much better. There's no midgets filling up the place and no permanent fart smells in the couch cushions." He pondered this statement, then picked up the nearest available cushion, sniffing its whiff. "I take back that last one…"
Peter cringed, knowing exactly what he was referring to. "Sorry. Had baked beans for dinner…"
"How many random statements do you have to declare before departing somewhere?" Remus complained. He stood at the portrait with an arm on his hip, waiting for his dawdling friends to catch up.
Slowly gathering up the last few balloons that had not been popped by James' buttocks, the three boys left the Head Tower. James made his way to Lily's room and knocked on the door.
"Lily, can you open the door?"
He received no answer.
Knock knock.
"Lily?"
Knock knock.
"Lily, are you listening to me?"
Sliding against the door, he dropped to the floor and made himself more comfortable.
This was going to be a long night.
Knock knock.
"Orange peel?"
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hey yall! im back! And i have some important news!!!!!
IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!------------
PLEASE i have a request, for me today since it is/was my birthday, could you all PLEASE go and look at Prison of Souls!!! Its my special project which im concidering publishing after i complete it and edit it. Its in a raw form and i will edit it after i write the whole thing... PLEASE AND THANK YOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE READ THE ABOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3 Y