Six goddamn years! I had waited six years to have her again. We belonged to each other. Jocelyn set all my desires on fire when we experienced ecstasy hours ago. Letting the fire out, we both came, collapsed on the bed and she lay in my arms. We panted uncontrollably and I breathlessly told her I loved her and she looked up at me and returned the promising words.
I woke up and expected to have her curled up next to me, but she wasn't. The aroma of food in the air answered my question and raised my spirits. She was cooking breakfast. The thought of this made me chuckle. I liked it! Grinning and stiffing the air, I sat up in bed. Just as I did, she came into the room with a plate of food in her hand and a glass of orange juice in the other. She wore only the white button down that I took off last night. My eyes hungrily roamed over her bare legs. 'Sexy,' I thought and licked my lips.
"Hm-m-m," I resounded as she made her way over to my side of the bed. "Good morning."
"Good morning," she said sweetly as she sat the glass of orange juice on the nightstand.
With the plate still in her hand, she climbed on top of me, straddling my hips. I placed my hands on her hips and leaned in to peck her on the mouth.
"I made you some breakfast."
"I see," I replied and looked down at the delectable plate of hash browns topped with cheddar cheese and bacon bits. "Looks good."
Taking the fork, she scooped up the hash browns and held the fork up in front of my face. I opened up my mouth and she slid the fork inside. As I chewed, she waited for a critique.
"It's delicious, baby," I assured her with my mouth full. I leaned forward to kiss her on the lips again.
"Thanks," she uttered. "So, how are you feeling this morning?"
I sighed, leaning my head back on the headboard. "Last night was somethin' else. Millions of feelins' attacked me and....and then you showed up."
Jocelyn dropped her eyes down to the plate of food while scooping up another forkful. She held it in front of my mouth.
"I had some time to think it over and I couldn't wait any longer," she explained. I opened my mouth for her to slip the fork in. "I had to tell you before you went back."
"And I'm glad you did. I'm not lookin' forward to it, to be honest. I don't wanna leave you."
"And I don't want you to go," she admitted with her head titled to the side. She pouted.
I lifted my hand and placed it on her cheek, rubbing my thumb back and forth against it.
"I'm comin' back for you," I told her. "Don't you dare go thinkin' that I won't."
She groaned. "Please don't make promises you can't keep, River. Just don't."
"I love you. It's my mission to finish this war and get back to you. Have some faith in me."
Looking into my eyes, she nodded her head and mouthed 'okay'. I knew it was going to take some time for her to gain faith and assurance. Who could during this time of war anyway?
We sat this way without speaking for a few minutes and she continued to feed me until the food was gone off the plate. She sat it on the nightstand with the empty glass of orange juice. The emotion in her eyes let me know that she was pondering and I figured something important was on her smart mind.
"What's the matter?" I inquired and lightly squeezed her hips, hoping it would make her look me in the eyes. It didn't.
I tingled inside as she aimlessly began to trace my rectus abdominals. With her fingers, she picked at the hair on my chest and then she took my dog tag between her fingers and flipped it back and forth.
"I don't regret it. Believe me I don't. But I promised myself that I wouldn't have sex again until I was married," she said while anxiously fiddling with the sheets.
"Oh," I said.
We were engulfed in the wondrous moment last night. Taking her virginity when we were younger was something I did not regret. I thought about it often, of course. Sex with her was even better the second time. I was partly happy that I was the only man that she had slept with. However, the last thing I wanted was for her to feel unstable. At sixteen years old, I lost my virginity and slept around carelessly afterward until I met Jocelyn. Her innocence also attracted me.
"Are you upset?" she asked.
"Upset?" I repeated in a surprised manner. "Why would I be?"
"Because," she began and I knew that she was ashamed to tell me.
"Because what?"
"Because you're not ready for marriage." Her sentence sounded more like a question and it rushed out of her mouth.
I chuckled. "And how do you know that?"
"I don't."
"Do you underestimate my love for you?"
"No," she clarified. "I just don't know if you're ready."
Smiling, I ran my fingers through her ebony hair and gazed at her. The sunlight from the window entered the bedroom and made her eyes look like liquid pools of chocolate. I'd waited all these years to have her back. My body was no longer numb and my number one option: Spending the rest of my existence with her.
"Jocelyn," I sighed her name. "When we were together back then, I saw you as my wife, and I wasn't even fit to be a husband. Now, I swear I'm ready. I'll never let you go again."
Blushing uncontrollably, she took an exaggerated deep breath. "Okay," she said. "What are we going to do today?"
Slipping my hands up the shirt and placing my fingers on the bare skin of her waist, I slowly ran my fingers up and down her sides. "Well," I started with an eyebrow raised. "You could just lie here in my arms for the rest of the day."
"Sounds tempting," she commented and shivered under my touch. "But I'd rather do something that involves movement."
Taken aback, my eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. I never knew she thought in such a way. "Whoa!" I laughed. "If you want to do it again, I'm all for it, baby."
Jocelyn rolled her eyes and playfully slapped me on the chest. "No, River!" she yelled. "It's too early. I was thinking about going for a walk or something like that. What do you say?"
What she did not realize was the throbbing I experienced down there with her sitting on top of me. My restraint had to be weighed down and separated from my temptation. If she allowed it, I wanted to lay with her again before I left on Monday and maybe have a date at our signature place.
With a soft slap on her hips, I said, "I say that I'm takin' ya out for breakfast and then we gone go for a walk. How 'bout that?"
Making my restraint weaker, Jocelyn wiggled her hips, leaned forward, and kissed the birthmark on my neck. I remembered when I used to be so insecure about that mark and when I grew-up I cared less. Her kisses made me comfortable with it.
"I'd love to," she mumbled and rested her head on my chest. "But first I need to go to Denise's house to freshen up."
"You can take a shower here," I suggested while tenderly running my fingertips down her back.
"I already did, but I need some fresh clothes."
I let my eyes linger on her body. The way my shirt looked on her aroused me and I wouldn't have minded if she kept it on for the rest of the day.
"You could just wear what you have on," I proposed without lifting my eyes from her thighs.
My attention was suddenly set back on her face after she placed her hand under my chin and raised my head.
"Let's go," she demanded sternly and got off of me.
'The good Lord had surely blessed me with something wonderful,' I thought as I watched her put on her jeans that were on the floor. Simply looking at her gave me serenity. As a youngster, I would have never tried to sweet talk such an angel even though I dreamed of it. I still believed I was not good enough, but I knew we were meant to be.
Sneakily, I crept out of bed and walked around the other side to stand behind her while she buttoned up the blouse she had on last night. Making her gasp, I slid my arms around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder.
"You've got no idea what you do to me," I said.
"The feeling is mutual," she breathed and leaned her head back so that it touched my chest.
I smiled to myself before kissing her temples. "I'm gonna go shower," I told her prior to letting her go and walking out the door.
****
Since Jocelyn fed me the best breakfast I'd had in months, I treated her to takeout from a famous restaurant downtown. As she wished, we went for a walk in the park after I sat with her while she ate her breakfast at a picnic table. She had already showered at the apartment before I woke up and so I dropped her off at Denise's house to change clothes. While she tended to getting dressed, I waited for her in the truck and later she emerged. She got in and I took off down the road. This morning we weren't alone. A family of four was there, but we didn't allow this to destroy our outing.
We walked hand in hand and watched the oldest boy play football with his father. I never had that experience. It didn't matter. My best family experiences were spent with my ma, Uncle Brian, and Billy.
"What are you thinking about?" I suddenly heard her ask.
Sliding my free hand in my front pants pocket, I shrugged my shoulders. "I just got to thinkin' bout my parents. You know, my dad showed up at Ma's funeral yesterday."
"What?" she gasped. "Really?
"No lie," I answered. "He showed up right after they buried her in the ground."
"What happened?"
"At first, I let all my anger out on him....and then I-I think I felt my mother's spirit." I explicated. "Call me nuts, but I felt somethin' that made me stop and listen to him."
"No," she disagreed. "No, that's not crazy at all."
"Now, I'm not completely droppin' my guard down. I just need to try and forgive him."
"That's the way to go," she approved. "Where is he now?"
"I think he's stayin' at a local motel somewhere," I replied.
Jocelyn nodded her head while looking down at the pavement. "Sometimes death brings peace in a lot of different ways."
Dear, God! This woman had me far gone and astounded by everything about her, especially her words. She didn't say much, but when she did, her words were meaningful.
"Hey," I smiled at her and halted in place.
"What?"
"Get over her, beautiful," I commanded. I swiftly grasped her by the waist and lifted her up into the air and spun around. "You bring me peace."
The corners of her mouth lifted up into a smile. I lowered her to the ground, making her slide down my body. When her feet touched the pavement, she slyly put her hands on my chest and slid them up to my shoulders prior to fully wrapping her arms around my neck.
"It's nice to have a big, strong man around," she flirtatiously commented and squeezed my biceps.
I half-grinned and enclosed her in my arms, pressing her closer. "Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah," she replied.
"I'm gone be around for a while, too. You can count on it."
Jocelyn stood on her tip-toes and kissed me on the lips. "I'm happy," she uttered. Her eyes sparkled while my heart fluttered. The world around us grew quiet and we let time go by. Holding her brought me ease. Her small frame held an aura of goodness that reeled me. I had missed her and now I was going to miss her for a few more months. I was to return on Monday and I had yet to let her know. Ruining our moment was crucial. I hated to have to do it, but now was the time.
"I'm leavin' on Monday."
"So soon," she said, sounding disappointed. "I thought maybe you would be here for two weeks."
I shook my head. "No, but I hoped I would get assigned to two weeks."
"So what now?" she asked and upraised her head from my chest.
"Now, we got one more day to spend together before the war's over."
"One more day," she whispered and looked over my shoulder.
"I know...it ain't enough."
"No, it's not," she agreed, frustrated. "Our time together is cut short once again."
"I'm comin' back," I convinced loyally. "How many times do I have to tell you that? Our time together is just startin'."
"First segregation and now the war," she murmured and then she broke away. She turned her back to me. "When is it ever going to end?"
"Forget the war!" I retorted and threw my hands up in the air. I ran my hand down my face to calm myself and then I angrily placed my hands on my hips. Dropping my arms to my sides, I headed towards her. "It's not even ours to be fightin'. I never wanted a part of it, but it kept me numb from you being gone. I done told you before; I never give up. I'm speakin' it into existence. I'll be back for you."
"You don't know that?" she snapped and all the way around to face me.
"I know 'cause when I come back I'm gonna make you my wife. We'll have our happy endin'. I'll see to it."
"You can't see to anything. God makes those choices."
I grasped her face in my hands so that she could not avoid my eyes. "You're a preacher's daughter; you gotta believe. I pray to God that I make it back!" I exclaimed, trying to let the whole world know.
"And I'll pray to God for your safety and my strength," she uttered softly.
"Marry me," I demanded. With confidence, I held her hand and kneeled down on one knee in front of her. "This may not be romantic. I don't have no ring, but I promise that you'll have one when I get back."
Closing her eyes, she muttered. "You're so strong. Why do you even want a weak woman like me?"
"You're anything but weak. Weak is a degradin' word and I won't let my woman use it on herself."
God, my chest was going to explode! She had no idea the extent I would go to for her. A few hours ago she spoke of marriage and now she seemed unsure. I was worried.
Nodding her head, she sighed. "Yes."
"Yes, you'll marry me?" I asked as I bled with joy inside.
"Of course, I will marry you!" she laughed.
Quickly, I stood up and leaned forward to press my lips to hers before I told her, "I'd follow you anywhere, Mrs. Jocelyn Cynthia Jameson."