It started as something,
I was sure that I could come back from,
But I didn't realize,
How deep I'd gotten,
We needed the money,
And I was the only one with the means,
To make it,
So I found the a way,
It was dark,
Underhanded,
Even illegal,
But it worked,
It kept a roof over our heads,
And that was all we could ask,
Right,
It took some doing,
But eventually after months,
I found my way out of that hole,
But the group to which I belonged,
Didn't want to let me go,
They were afraid,
That I knew too much,
Despite my continual tries,
They didn't want to let me go,
Now,
I couldn't run,
These people knew everything about me,
And my family,
If you're thinking mob,
Think darker,
And you'd almost be close enough to Satan to understand,
I tried for weeks,
To get a meeting with the man,
Who ran the entire organization,
And finally,
He broke down and gave me what I wanted,
We sat across from each other,
Tension filled the room,
"So you'd like to leave?"
I nodded,
"And how do we know that you won't sell us out?"
"Because I owe you guys, that much is sure,
But I don't want to be trapped in this life,
Anymore."
"Insurance my dear boy, it's all we require."
I was confused.
"You'll learn soon enough."
He stood up and turned to leave.
"Is that it?"
"That is it my boy."
With that he disappeared into the night,
I took a deep breath,
I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my chest,
I stood,
And walked out of the warehouse,
I climbed into my car,
And drove home,
As I pulled into the driveway,
I felt that relief wash over me a little more,
It was a great feeling,
Then it was all shattered,
As I walked through the front door,
The entire house was trashed,
And immediately I knew that something was wrong,
I rounded the corner into the hallway and almost screamed,
Ahead of me,
All three of them hung,
Swinging in the narrow hallway,
I felt my body frozen,
I wanted to scream,
And the last thing I remember,
I heard the dripping of the blood,
On the hardwood floor,
And then the world went black.
****
The cops came,
They took away the bodies,
And cleaned up a little,
Though there wasn't much they could do,
They gave me a paper,
That was stapled to my dad's chest,
It has one word scrawled across it,
Insurance
I stared at the paper almost wanting to scream,
"Does it mean anything to you?"
I shook my head,
I knew that if I said something,
They would come after me next,
And there was nothing that the cops could do,
To keep me safe,
Instead,
I went home,
Clutching my thoughts,
In my own head,
Hoping that it would all be a dream,
That I could wake up from,
But I couldn't get that lucky,
Instead it was a nightmare,
That would continue to haunt me,
Every night I saw my dad,
My brother,
And my mom,
Sitting on the couch,
Staring at me judging me,
For the actions I'd taken,
And every night,
I'd feel just a little more guilty,
Then I had before,
This went on for a few days,
Then the night before the funeral,
I snapped,
I started to shoot some of the alcohol that was in the cupboard,
It was the one and only time,
I'd ever had alcohol,
I went into my parents room,
Rummaged through a drawer,
And found what I was looking for,
I came back down stairs making sure,
That it was loaded,
I sat on the couch,
And stared across at them,
I showed them the gun,
"Is this what you want?"
The words came out slurred,
I saw the three of them smile at me,
Almost as if aging me on,
Without thinking,
I put the barrel to my temple,
And pulled the trigger,
This time the world went dark for good,
****
I blinked,
And what I saw was red,
In the center of it all I saw my parents,
And my little brother,
Playing cards around a table,
"It was a dream thank god."
"No, it wasn't." My mother said,
Without looking up,
"Then what's going on?"
"Welcome to hell son, we're all here,
Because of you,
But it's where we are now,
As a family,
So because of that,
I guess it's more apt,
To say welcome home."
I could do nothing but scream.