I had a plan— a strategy— for how I'd handle her, for what I'd say, do. But that's obliterated the moment she steps out of the house and my fading headlights spotlight on her, highlighting everything I want.
Everything I lost.
And then the lights turn off, shadowing us. But I keep moving towards her, until I'm close enough for her haunted look to slam into me, stopping me in my path as she stands still with a heavy sadness I'm probably responsible for.
I want to pull her into me, to take on the weight she's carrying. I want to question her, demand answers for this weekend. I want to yell at her for turning to another person, for running from me, for not giving me a chance to explain.
For not trusting me.
I want to yell at her.
I want to demand answers—her answers.
I want to kiss her.
Grab her and dominate her. Remind her of what we were, what we could still be. Erase this past weekend—anyone else's touch from her body, her lips, anyone else's words from her mind. Anything that's not her and me. Make her see that there's still an us. There's still a chance. There has to be.
Except, I don't do any of that. I stand there. Silent. Trying to read her mind as we stare at each other, but my own mind is too loud, too fast. Spinning recklessly from thought to thought.
Then the door opens behind her and a man leans on the frame with a stern look.
"Hello, again." Her mother stands just behind the man and greets me with a warm smile, but her eyes shift between us. "Why don't you two come inside?"
"Hello, Ms. Shaw." I nod to her mother and extend my hand to the older man. "Hello sir, I'm Andrew."
"I know who you are." The guy squeezes my hand, more than a firm shake, but it's his words that unsettle me. "I'm Officer Bradford."
"Is everything okay?" I question Brook, and her nervous glances between us all only worries me more, and I step into the foyer.
"I don't know, you tell me," the officer in plain clothes challenges me, and every muscle in my body tightens.
"Oh, stop." Brook's mom swats his arm, and he cracks a smile. "Bruce is a friend of the family. Can I get you something to drink or eat?"
"Actually," Brook interrupts and pushes through the screen door while trying to put on her shoes. "We're going out for a little while. I'll be back."
I'm relieved she wants to be alone with me, but I'm unsure if her wanting to leave the house is a good sign or bad. I hold the door for her and say goodbye to the two still watching us, but she doesn't meet my look. She rushes out the door to my truck and doesn't look back once.
In the dark cab of the truck, she remains silent as I back out of her driveway, but there's a struggle in her I can't place, and my own breaths strain as her chest rises and falls like she's in pain. I almost don't want her to talk because I don't want her to put words to that emotion, I don't want to hear what I caused. Because something sure as fuck happened this weekend, and the only thing I'm certain of is it wouldn't have happened if I'd done things differently.
"What happened?" The cracks in her voice travel straight to my heart, and she nods towards my hands gripping the wheel.
My bruised knuckles ignite my anger all over again, but I fight to maintain my composure. I need her story.
"Tell me where to park," I demand. I can't have this conversation driving. I need to give it my full attention. "And make it somewhere close."
"There's parking for the west river trail if you follow this road till the end."
Till the end of the road. It's not nearly enough time to sort through what I need to ask or say. It's too damn long to go without looking at her, and my skin crawls to touch her, to make her look at me with that trusting gaze. I promised her I wouldn't touch her, because she was hesitant about seeing me, but it's all I want to do.
By time I park, I'm about to explode, nervous energy coursing up and down my body, and I can't stay locked in the truck with her.
She slips out of the passenger seat as I approach her side of the vehicle. Her arms are wrapped around herself and she watches me with small flicks of her eyes, never lifting her head to meet my gaze, taking steps away the closer I get.
"Let's sit in the bed, it'll be easier to talk." My voice comes out calm, careful. Controlled. Exactly the opposite of how I feel, and I reach into the back seat to pull out the blanket that's always there.
I take my time spreading the thick comforter onto the open bed of the truck, until she approaches. When she's close, I abandon the blanket and turn to her.
She still won't look at me, but she doesn't back away either, and I ease towards her.
"Do you need help getting up?"
She doesn't give a response, and I don't wait for one, my hands are already gripping her hips through the big hoody she's wearing as she climbs onto the tailgate. I hang on tighter than necessary and slow her climb, making her depend on me as I lift her and hold her close all at one. Her back presses to my chest and even when she's on the truck, I don't let go. I drop my head to hers, my lips hovering just short of touching her. All she has to do is lean back towards me, give consent to this. But she's unmoving.
"Brook," I start, and she shudders at just her name, her body shaking under my hold. I drop my hands away, not wanting to force anything. "I'm sorry."
She scoots to the nearest corner of the blanket and sits cross-legged before finally looking at me as I slide myself opposite her. "For what?"
I lean against the cab of the truck and watch her for a moment, not sure what she wants me to say, not sure what I actually meant. There's a lot to be sorry for. "For everything."
Her eyes close with a sharp intake of breath, and then she asks, "What happened?"
That's the same question I've been asking myself since I heard she left with that bastard Friday night. That's the question that's been beating through my bones, tormenting me every time her phone went to voicemail. That's the question that I wanted to force her to answer. But it's also the question that I no longer give a fuck about as I watch her now. Not when she looks so broken huddled in her sweater. Right now, seeing her, all I want is to know that despite whatever the hell happened, we'll get through it. That she'll let me help her get through it. That she'll help me get through it.
"I spent the whole ride here thinking what I would say to you. Hell, I've been thinking of what I should say to you since Tatum showed up Friday. There's so much I want to ask, so much I want to say. But..." I stop myself from reaching for her, not sure what the I'm trying to say or do, but I keep trying. "Now you're in front of me, and I can't think of where to start. Because all I can think right now is that I had you. For a short time, you were mine, and now I'm not sure. I'm not sure what you're thinking. I'm not sure if you can accept everything, because I'm not sure I'd be able to accept it all if the roles were reversed. But I am sure I want you to be my girl again. I'm sure I want to hold you right now. I want to kiss you."
"Drew." Her arms wrap tighter around herself as if she's shrinking away from me as much as she can. "I can't—"
"I know." I swipe my hand over my face, trying to get control of myself. I know I can't push this. The last thing I want is her shutting me out again, that's been the worst part of the past few days, her silence through it all. "Shit, I wasn't supposed to start with that. I know that's too much to ask, yet. And I'm fine with just talking, just sitting here with you. That's all I wanted these past few days, I kept looking for you and didn't know where you were or what happened—"
"I didn't know what happened to you either," she interrupts, but focuses on her hands in her lap. "You didn't call for days."
"One day. I didn't call for one day, but you wouldn't answer me when I did." I let out the breath I'm holding when she looks up. "I shouldn't have waited, I should have called on Friday, but I didn't. It wasn't me choosing Tatum over you, though. I was only thinking about that baby." I close my eyes, not wanting to think on Friday and what she might have thought, how much she drank, what might have happened. That's not what we're talking about right now. "I get it, I do. I'm going to be a father and that scares the shit out of me. I can understand you wanting out of the relationship, and needing time, but don't avoid me. Stay in my life, even if it's only as a friend."
"You want to be friends." Her voice is hollow, but I hang on every word. "What about—You and Tatum are going to be a family." She lifts her eyes, meeting mine, but there's no hope there, no warmth, no light. "I can't get in-between that. It wouldn't be fair to any of us."
"Bullshit," I snap and the fear that flashes in her has me rise to my feet, jumping over the edge of the truck to put space between us, between my anger and her. "That's bullshit. You talk about being fair? How is that fair to me? To you? To any of us?" I step back towards the truck, needing her to understand this one thing. "I don't love her. I don't feel for her. There's nothing for you to get between. I'm not going to be with her. I know that now, more than ever. What's unfair is that it took me meeting you to realize that. I wish I'd figured it all out sooner. But I can't take it back, and now there's a baby. And I will be there for my child, but that doesn't mean that I have to be with her. That doesn't mean I can't be with you."
I brace my forearms on the edge of the bed of the truck, getting as close as I can to her, and her gaze stays steady on me, encouraging me to continue, begging me to continue, "I know there's a lot to work out and a lot to talk about, but I don't care. I don't know what the hell happened, but I'll face it with you. Let me be there for you. Be here for me. Even if it's only friends, please."
She nods, and that's all I need. I lift myself back onto the truck and sit in front of her. A peace only she can give warms me the closer she allows me to get.
"Now tell me what happened." I dip my head to catch her eyes, ready to hear this now. "What really happened Friday?"
She drops her eyes, and my heart drops with it. "It was more than one day. I tried to call you, but you didn't call until Sunday."
"I called you a lot Saturday morning, but you never answered. I didn't think—" I cut off my accusation of her being too drunk to even know I was calling. "—I thought you were mad, I didn't know then anything else was happening. And I was stuck so far away. I thought to wait till I got back to explain, but you had already left."
"I didn't get any calls. Where did you go?"
"I was at Tatum's parents. We had to tell them, and then I just crashed. I don't usually take my sleeping pills, but I was so fucking stressed, I did. Once I finished talking to her parents, and you weren't answering my calls, I went to sleep until it was time for our flight home." More like I escaped everything I had no damn control over by sleeping, but it didn't help. I woke up in an even shittier nightmare when Tatum threw in my face the fact that Brook had been at the frat all weekend, in Scott's room. Then Brook's single text that we needed to talk took on an all new meaning. "She told me then you spent the weekend with Scott. I got your message, but I wanted to talk to you in person. And then I got back, but you were nowhere around. I've been calling you since, wanting to hear your side of things."
"I didn't know you called. I was at Scott's, but only for the night. I had to get out of my room, and he was there." She pulls her legs into her body and wraps her arms around them, but she meets my eyes as she declares the sweetest truth that washes over me, "Nothing happened with him. I drank too much earlier and passed out. I slept most of the morning, but I don't know why I never got your calls. I wanted to give you space, but I'd been waiting for you to call."
"I know why, that shady fuck deleted them. I'll deal with him later. But while we have this time now, what happened? Because the things TJ's saying—"
"What is he saying?" She snaps to attention and scoots away until she hits the side of the truck bed, but that doesn't stop her retreat, and she drops her head to her knees, hiding. "I didn't do anything. I didn't say anything. I don't know why he's doing this."
"It's okay, baby." I pull her onto my lap, wrapping her in my arms and holding her against me, wanting to save her from whatever this was that has her shaking. "I know. I believe you—" whatever she says, I'll believe her "—and he's not going to talk anymore."
"Is that what happened? Is that why you're suspended?" She grabs my hand, her thumb sliding over my knuckles. "Did you fight him?" When I nod, she breaks, shaking her head and leaning away. "I am so sorry."
"No." I tighten my hold on her. "This is not your fault. Whatever game these assholes are playing is not your fault. What I did was my choice, and I'd do it again, even knowing the consequences. He deserved it. He should have never been running his mouth about you, no matter what happened. Even if it was all true. I don't fucking care, he still shouldn't say those things."
"It's not true."
"I know. I didn't mean I thought it was."
She sinks into my hold then, and I slide my hands up and down her back as her breathing steadies. I'd tell her a million times over that I believed her, if she'd let me hold her like this, where her heart beat echoes in my bones, and her warmth melts against me. "Is it okay that I hold you like this? I don't want to let you go."
She nods against my chest, and I let go of my questions. They can wait. She said nothing happened with Scott, said TJ was lying. And I let that settle.
I hadn't wanted to believe anything had happened, but I'd seen her drunk before and passed out, in my bed. And she admitted she drank too much, someone could have taken advantage of that. But she said nothing happened. I close my eyes and breathe her in.
"What happened? What did he say?" she whispers.
I hesitate, and she starts to pull away so I start talking, "I didn't see him till practice Monday morning, but he said you were drunk Friday, and that you and your friends had said you needed to get over me. He said you—" I take a breath and let it out in a rush, not wanting to think about her getting over me, especially with anyone else. "He said he went to change in your dorm, not realizing you were in the bathroom, and when you came out, you were all over him. But he said he left, and you went to sleep, but then Scott came and you left with him. I wanted to smash his face in for even saying that, but the other players were around and they stopped us from fighting. He made it worse by saying I was overreacting, that you weren't worth it. That I shouldn't let you get in the middle of the team. But I couldn't get over it because you are worth it. And I don't just mean us, as a couple, I mean you. You are worth defending."
Her silent tears trail down her cheek, and she buries into my chest to hide them. I pause to hold her tighter.
"Then later, after practice, I saw him talking to Scott." I'd already suspected TJ was trying to stir up shit with Brook because he didn't like that I threatened his drug supply, but when I saw him arguing with Scott, I knew something was up. His frat and brothers were connected to that sick bastard, too, with their betting ring. "TJ was yelling about you being a liar, and when I came up, Scott, that bitch, ran away. But TJ kept going on about how I needed to realize that you were just a good actress. Other teammates were around, and the more that showed up, the louder he got. When he started describing—" I couldn't say it to her, the things he said, how he brought up her high school reputation with the football team, the things they said they did with her. "—I lost it. And none of them stopped me that time, not right away anyway. They pulled me off him when he was on the ground, when college security rolled up. And now I'm suspended. But I don't give a fuck, and he knows not to talk about you anymore."
"But it's already too late. They all believe him. And they all hate me." She sounds so certain, defeated.
"Who? Your stupid roommate, forget what she thinks. They just want us apart because I told TJ that he had to stop bringing that drug dealing pedophile around."
"What?" She pops up and meets my eyes, sure. "That's not why."
"What do you mean?" I question.
Doubt starts to darken her gaze as she pulls back, her hands running through her hair. "What are you talking about? What did you tell them?"
"After you told me about that coach from your school, the one he left with the other day, I told him and all the other players involved that they needed to keep him away, or I wouldn't keep quiet anymore."
"Drew, you shouldn't get involved in that."
"No, you shouldn't have to live scared of them. And they're only causing trouble here, too."
Her anxiety is rising, her breath growing shallow and arms shaking as her eyes dart everywhere else besides me.
I continue to try and reassure her, but recognize there's something she's not saying, something more I'm missing. "I only gave a warning that I wouldn't keep quiet. That's all. It's up to them what they do. But why did you think he lied?"
"I—" she closes her eyes tight for a second, but her body deflates as she gives in, "I saw something, and he didn't like that. I think he wanted to make me seem like a liar even though I wasn't going to say anything."
"What did you see?" Ice slides into my blood as I watch her, every fucking cell in my body going on alert. What had I been missing?
"I wasn't going to say anything, but I saw him kiss someone. A guy from the team."
"Who?"
She shakes her head, but her eyes stay down "I don't want to say. I didn't want to tell, I wouldn't have, but when TJ found out I saw, he—he threatened me."
"Threatened you? How?" The ice that filled me shatters in sharp splinters. "When?"
I'm about to ask again when she finally answers in a whisper, "Wednesday."
My mind races back in time, to Wednesday. I knew something was off, but I didn't push because I thought she had been hearing shit about me, rumors that she'd have to get use to. "That's why you were upset and never came over?" I shift back to watch her, heart slamming in my ribs. "What happened?"
"He choked me."
Lightning cracks through my body and I spring up, but force myself back to her, needing the entire story. "Did he do anything else?"
She shakes her head, and I'm on my feet, pulling her from the back of the truck and leading her to the passenger door. "Come on, we've got to go."
"What are you doing?" She freezes at the open door.
"We're going back to your house, and you're telling that officer what happened."
"No, please." She grabs my arm, like I might leave her. "It'll make everything worse. All the lies will get louder, and more people will get hurt. Think about your team, your season." Her grip tightens. "Your future."
"I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about him and what he did." I don't see how she can't understand what needs to be done, how she can even argue against it. But the fear vibrating from her stops me, more than her grip on my arm. And the tears sliding down her face are something I can't handle. I slip my palm to her cheek and wipe at the slick trails with my thumb, making sure she's looking at me before I speak, "You're important, baby. You're important to me, don't worry about everything else."
"But you don't understand. It won't matter what I say. They won't believe me." She shudders and closes her eyes, falling apart as she begs, "I can't do this again. Don't make me do this."
I wrap my arms around her, taking on her weight, wishing I could take it all from her. I settle her on the passenger seat, and my lips graze along her skin, tasting her salty tears on her cheeks and lips as I soothe, "Shhh, baby. It's okay. It's all going to be okay. I'm here with you."
"I'm sorry," it's a broken whisper into my ear as she clings to my body. "I can't."
I silence her with my lips, and she let's me. And damn me for enjoying it, for finding my own relief in it, even if the kiss is filled with desperation and sadness, she's still seeking something from me. I try to give comfort, too. I give what I can, trailing fingers along her neck, over her rapid pulse, it's quick and light. Delicate. Fragile. And I wanted to break his fucking neck for touching her, for hurting her, but I focus back on her. She's my only concern. "We don't have to do anything right now. I didn't mean to push too soon." My fingers continue to trail along her neck and dip into the edge of her hoody, she jerks back just as a shadow of a bruise becomes visible. "He left marks. It's been almost a week, and you still have marks."
Her eyes are wide as she pushes me away and lifts her shoulders to cover what I've seen. But it's too fucking late. I can't see straight or think straight, and the only thing keeping me from taking off after TJ right now is the girl in front of me, but she's pushing me away.
Fuck.
I hadn't let her go. The fabric of her hoody is still gripped tight in my hand and she's struggling to break free.
"Shit." I drop my hands. "Baby, I'm sorry." I slide onto the seat, lifting her onto my lap as I continue, "It's okay. Let me hold you. I'm so sorry."
She stills in my arms, her head resting against my shoulder, her hands gripping my shirt.
We sit that way for a while, maybe minutes, maybe seconds. But to the part of my mind that wants answers it feels like painful hours. Only when her breathing is steady and body limp do I break the silence.
"Do you think—" I move my hands over her hoody. "Can you take this off and show me?"
She sits up and stares at me, her light eyes dark. Then she lifts the sweater off her body and focuses her gaze to the ground.
Despite how she tries to remain still, the corner of her eyes and lips quiver, giving away her emotions.
A part of me wants to cover her back up and spare her any pain. But I can't. I need to see.
I have to see.
If I couldn't be there to help her then, I could at least face this with her now.
The thin white t-shirt she wears leaves her neck and collar bone exposed. The line of discolored skin along her lower neck takes my breath away, gripping my lungs. The overhead light casts strange tints and shadows to her skin, but the marks are undeniable. Thick lines where his fingers pressed into her flesh.
I trace them with my fingers, my heart burning in a blaze of pain and anger, crumbling into ashes. Where the hell had I been Wednesday while he had his hands around her throat, where was I?
I don't know. Class. Practice. Trying to call her. Depends when it happened. She hadn't picked up, and I should have come over right away, but I waited. And when I did come over... I'd done what I always do and thought she was upset with me. I should have pressed, but I never did because she let me lay with her. I failed to see that something had happened. Even the next day, I thought it was the Tatum shit that had her upset. And then I left her alone for the weekend with him.
My fingers shake along her skin. I'd failed her then, but I wouldn't now. Resolved, I press my lips to each mark, promising myself and her that it would get better. That I'd be here this time.
I press one last kiss to her skin, a tear slipping past my lip. Hers or mine, I'm not sure. It doesn't matter. "You can't keep silent on this." I circle my arms around her holding her to me. "You're worried about all the wrong people."
She doesn't say anything, but her breath hitches and shudders as she continues to cry in my arms. A well of pain I can't seem to touch.
But I keep trying, my hands moving over her back, trying to warm her shivering body. "You want to think about others? Think about who else he might hurt."
"They won't believe me," and the one thing clear in that statement is her certainty in it. And I remember that no one had believed her before, in high school.
"Yes, they will. You have these marks. It will be different this time. I'll be with you."
"But what about you?" She pulls back from me, determined and set. "This will affect the team. This will—"
"Stop worrying about that." I slide my palm to her cheek.
"But it'll ruin the season—everyone's chance. Your chance at being drafted."
"That's not true. There's other factors, and even if it did, it still wouldn't be your fault." I cradle her face with both hands and dip my forehead towards hers. That's the one thing I need her certain about, it's not her fault, whatever happens. He did this. Not her. "You're worried about me?"
She nods, her nose gliding against mine, our skin slick with tears, and her hands gripping my waist.
"Do you feel my hands right now, baby?" I lift my head to look at her, holding her face in my unsteady grip. "Do you feel me shaking?"
Her eyes focus on me for a second and then then she closes them, her hands raising to cover mine. Both of us trembling. "Yes."
"I never shake like this. My whole damn career is based on staying in control, but I can't right now. I'm barely keeping it together for you as it is." I let a little bit of the anger I'm trying to keep covered slip into my words, "I'm so close to driving back to campus and finding him. I swear if you don't report him, I will do something. I will find him. And I don't know what will happen. That will be what gets me in trouble. And it still won't be your fault. None of it."
"No, don't do that." She falls into me, arms circling my waist, holding me to her.
"Something has to be done." I slide my hands down her back and to her thighs, situating her better on my lap so she fits against me. "I'm not letting this go."
I'm not letting her go.
---------------------------
AH, That's the LAST Drew point of view for this story! I hope you enjoyed these bonus scenes.
Song: X Ambassadors- Unsteady
If you want more Drew, he will be in the Wattpad Block Party-- Winter edition II hosted by KellyAnneBlount the entire month of February. Drew will show up on February 25th in an interview with my other boys, Gage (from Outside The Ropes) and West (from Ride), as well as a surprise guest. It's a bit of a different take on an interview, more of a conversation. BUT All of the boy will be answering questions in the comments section of that chapter-- I'll post the link when it's available.
ALSO, if you don't know Gage-- the first book in his series, Outside The Ropes, is free on Amazon and iBooks. I can't post links in here but I have them on my profile. And for Amazon you don't need a kindle device, you can download the kindle app on any device for free to read (computer, phone, iPad, anything).
Stay on the lookout for future news by joining my private Facebook Group, One Hell Of A Distraction (link also on my wattpad profile)
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE OVERWHELMING SUPPORT ON THIS BOOK!! I hope you will continue to follow my writing, I will try my best to improve and entertain with future stories!
Be Kind.
Do good.
Happy Reading.
Take it easy!