❝can we stop this for a minute❞
c h a p t e r e i g h t
"Hey babe," Harry said, dropping into the seat beside me. We were on the airplane, getting ready to fly to Toronto.
Babe? I raised an eyebrow at the endearment.
Harry looked around, then lowered his voice. "Aren't we supposed to be fake dating?"
I almost laughed. We hadn't tried that for two weeks. "Niall knows we aren't, Harry."
He grinned. "He does?"
I nodded. "I don't think we're really good at faking it," I whispered loudly. I don't know. I felt the urge to lower my voice since he was whispering, but I found it a little too funny to just use a whisper. Harry and I sucked at fake dating. We had gone out on one fake date, which Louis had crashed, then never really did anything to continue with it. I wasn't even really sure we had been fake dating, since we hadn't talked about it. It had actually been a little awkward. Harry was like a little brother to me, which had made it just weird. Since neither of us liked each other, we both hadn't been really committed to making it look real.
"Oh." He didn't sound all that surprised. So I told him that. He shrugged in response. "Well, I didn't really want to fake date. No offense, but I don't see you like that, you're Niall's girl."
Was, I thought, but didn't correct him out loud.
"I wanted him to remember, and fake dating would only slow that down. I did the fake date to try and cheer you up," Harry explained.
"Aww, you're so cute," I teased, then proceeded to ruffle his curls, something he, and probably all his fan girls would kill me for. But I was genuinely touched that he would do something like that for me. He shot me a playful half glare, pushed away my hand and then pulled out a magazine to read, apparently having decided to ignore me for teasing him.
Thirty minutes into the flight and Louis, Liam and Zayn had all somehow fallen asleep. Well, maybe not somehow since I knew they were all tired from recording and helping Niall re-learn the songs.
I reached into my bag to pull out my earphones, which I had brought so I could listen to music during the five hour plane ride. They weren't there. Which meant I had probably accidentally packed them into a suitcase. I unbuckled my seatbelt and stood up, then walked to the back of the plane. There was a small room there with all of our luggage, and the band's equipment. Benefits of a private jet.
The door was closed when I got there. Not a surprise, since it was supposed to be do stuff didn't roll out into the main part of the plane. Then I heard a voice from inside the room. Niall's. It was bad to eavesdrop, I know, but I leaned against the door anyway, listening.
"-do something wrong? Why are you ignoring me, Ash? Call me back, please," he was saying. Ash? Like Ashleigh? But why would Ashleigh be ignoring him? The door opened, almost making me trip into the room, but I quickly switched positions before that happened. Niall gave me a slight smile as he passed me, giving no indication that he might've thought that I had been listening. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked into the room.
That had been... Weird.
Not that Niall had called Ashleigh. I had, sadly, gotten used to that. But that Ashleigh was ignoring him. Why would she ignore him after she worked so hard to get him? The only think I could think of was that maybe the fact that she had broken her promise to Niall and lied to him had finally caught up with her... Except, why now?
I grabbed my earphones and made my way back to my seat beside Harry. I plugged them into my phone, but didn't actually play music, instead just stared out the window, thinking about what I had heard. How long had Ashleigh been ignoring him for? Niall had sounded confused, and distressed, which meant it had to have been a while, more than a couple days. It kind of hurt to see, actually, not just because he was hurting, but because he was hurting over Ashleigh.
I wasn’t sure if I could do this anymore. Pretend that everything was okay, that we didn’t have a history, that everything he did was okay with me, that everything he did, and how he didn’t remember, didn’t hurt.
“You okay?” Harry asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I nodded, not speaking. “Just because you’re not talking doesn’t mean I can’t tell you’re lying,” he said in a slight singsong voice.
I sighed. “I don’t know if I can- It hurts that he doesn’t remember,” I said quietly. I looked around the plane. Louis, Liam and Zayn were still asleep, and Niall seemed to have fallen asleep as well.
“So tell him,” Harry suggested.
I shook my head. “It wouldn’t be the same.” I sighed. “He’s happy now, even if he doesn’t remember.”
“Where are you going with this?” he asked, forehead scrunching a little, probably in confusion.
“I’m thinking about not going with you guys,” I said slowly, pausing before each word.
Harry was silent for a long moment, what he said after wasn’t at all what I was expecting. "Are you really ready to give up on him?" he asked.
No. But I would for him to be okay. I didn’t want to break him. "What if I said yes?"
He stared at me, seeming to study my expression. I tried to keep my face blank, but it probably didn't work. A moment later, he shrugged and turned to look at the seat in front of him.
"Then I'd say you're lying."
♡over again♡
We got to the hotel around ten at night. It had been a pretty silent ride, since Liam, Louis and Zayn had slept the whole time. Niall had woken up about an hour after Harry and I talked, but he didn’t speak. He looked distracted by something.
I found out, along with guys, what exactly he had been thinking so hard about as soon as we got our hotel room. “What is this?” Niall asked, pulling something out of his bag and turning to look at us.
“A picture,” Zayn said slowly, not really looking at it. The guys didn’t really look, I think they were too tired to pay attention. I bit back a gasp when I saw it. It was a picture of me and him. I had thought I had gotten all of them, but obviously not. It wasn’t an innocent picture like us just standing side by side, of course it couldn’t be that. Instead, it was a picture of us kissing. This really wasn’t the way I wanted him to know. The one good thing was that you couldn’t see my face, it was covered by my hair. But it was obvious that it wasn’t Ashleigh, our hair colours were noting alike.
“Did I cheat on Ashleigh?” Niall asked. This made the guys wake up a bit more. They glanced up at the picture and stiffened, but none of them said anything, which made Niall upset. “It’s a simple question! Yes or no?”
None of wanted to answer, I don’t think any of us knew how to answer. Finally, Zayn did. “No.”
“This picture is dated a month ago,” Niall said, flipping it around to show the date written messily across the back. In his handwriting. That’s when I knew where he must have gotten the picture from. Niall had joked about have something – a scrapbook or a box, he hadn’t specified because he thought I would try to find it if he did– with all the pictures of us since there weren’t that many. I didn’t like having my picture taken. I hadn’t thought that he had actually kept them.
“Do you want us to tell you that you did or something?” Louis asked.
“No,” Niall paused. “I want to why you’re all so reluctant to answer.”
“It’s not easy to explain, Niall,” Liam said.
“What are you guys keeping from me?” he demanded. He looked really upset now. More angry, and sad than I had ever seen him.
“Have you not wondered who the girl is?” Harry asked.
This made him hesitated. “I don’t know who she is.”
“You don’t remember,” Louis said flatly.
“Yeah, I don’t remember,” Niall repeated, his tone sharp. “Does it matter?” Ouch. I mean he didn’t know it was me, but it still hurt. Knowing that he didn’t care about the girl he had kissed and forgotten about. The guys exchanged looks, shooting pitying smiles.
“Yeah, it does,” Zayn said quietly.
“How much?” Niall asked.
“A lot.”
“Why?”
Louis glanced at me. “You dated her. Not Ashleigh.”
Niall froze. “Did I cheat on her with Ashleigh?”
“Niall…” Liam started. He paused, sighed , looked away, then looked back at Niall. “You never dated Ashleigh.
He shook his head. “No, she told-”
“She lied,” Louis said, letting out a dark chuckle. “You’d be surprised by how many things she’s lied to you about.”
Niall glanced at Liam, who nodded his head slowly, looking sad. Still, he shook his head again. ‘Why’d you guys go a long with with it then?”
“We didn’t want to confuse you,” Harry told him.
“We were trying to to do what was best for you,” Liam said.
But Niall almost ignored their words. “What else are you guys hiding from me?” Me, I thought, but I didn’t say it out loud. The rest of the guys stayed silent with me. “Who’s the girl in the photo?”
“Think, Niall, think,” Louis said quietly. Niall stared at him blankly, then turned to look at the rest of us. All of us who had spoken. Except me. Who should’ve told him the most. It didn’t take him long to figure it out.
“You,” Niall said. “You’re the one in the photo.” I looked away, not denying it. “How long?”
I don’t think there’s any going back now. “We met in September.”
“When were you planning on telling me?”
That was the thing. How could I tell him that I hadn’t been planning to tell him, unless he remembered? “When you started remembering,” I finally answered after a long, tense pause.
“What if I never remembered?” Niall asked. I hadn’t wanted to consider that, I thought to him, but of course, we’re not telepathic, so he didn’t hear. And I didn’t say it out loud, just looked away again. He turned to look at the guys. “Why didn’t any of you tell me?” He didn’t sound so angry anymore, more hurt, betrayed… Broken.
Niall being mad at the guys for something I did was something I wouldn’t be able to live with. “Don’t blame them, I asked them not to.”
But he only ignored me. “I can’t believe you guys,” he said. He shot us one last hurt glare, then stormed down the hall, and into one of the bedrooms, slamming the door shut behind him. The rest of the guys stood there, not moving, only exchanging looks. Usually, on the rare occasions that Niall got mad, Liam would go talk to him. Or I would, if I was there. But this time, he was mad at us. When he really should’ve only been mad at me.
“I’ll go talk to him,” I muttered. I didn’t listen when they tried to stop me, just told them to go to their rooms and sleep. They deserved that, at the very least, after what had happened today. Niall’s door was open slightly, enough for me to see that he was on on Skype with Ashleigh. “You lied to me,” he was saying quietly. I stopped, frozen beside the door, listening.
“They told you?” Ashleigh asked. What? She wasn’t going to deny it? After she worked so hard to make it work?
“You’re not gonna deny it?”
“Would you believe me if I did?”
“I don’t know.” He sounded so betrayed, so disappointed that she had broken her promise to him. And that probably should’ve made me happy, that he was upset with her, but it didn’t. The sick feeling of triumph didn’t arrive, which, I guess was a good thing. What kind of person would it make me if I was glad the guy I loved had been betrayed by his best friend?
“I was trying to do what was best for you,” Ashleigh said.
“Everyone’s been telling me that.”
“She hurt you, Niall.”
“You lied to me,” he repeated. Because she hurt him too.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“You didn’t remember her.”
“So?”
“If she hadn’t come along we could’ve been together,” Ashleigh told him. She sounded so confident, so sure of that fact. Though, I guess, she could. It had been obvious to the guys that Niall liked her. And if she liked him back. Well, what she said was true. If Niall had never met me, and we hadn’t talking, and I guess if he hadn’t started liking me, they would’ve gotten together.
Niall was silent for a while. “I did like you,” he said finally.
“You don’t anymore?” Ashleigh asked. She didn’t sound angry, or upset, almost accepting, for some reason.
He ignored her question. “Last year, I would’ve asked you out. But then you and Harry…”
Ashleigh let out a quiet gasp. “So if I hadn’t…” I could just see Niall shrug his shoulders in response through the small gap. “I wish I hadn’t.”
He was silent again for a couple moments before replying. “I’m glad things happened the way they did.” What?
She paused too. “So you’re picking her over me?” Again, she didn’t sound angry, or upset, like you would’ve expected her too. She used that almost, accepting tone again.
“I’m not picking anyone,” Niall said.
“Do you like her?”
“I don’t know.”
There was another long moment of silence.
“I’m sorry, Niall.”
“I know.”
Then there was silence again. It stretched on for a while. After five or so minutes, I glanced through the gap to see that he had ended the Skype call. I opened the door and knocked quietly. “I don’t want to talk, Liam,” Niall said, not turning around. “Or Zayn. Or Harry. Or Louis,” he added. He paused after each one, waiting for a reply, I think. When he didn’t get one, he lifted his head to look at me. “I don’t want to talk to you either.”
“I know.” Oh god, what had I done to his life? He had lost a year of his memory, been lied to by the best friend who had promised not to lie to him and now felt betrayed by his other best friends. I couldn’t fix everything, but there was one thing I could set right. He looked at me, silently waiting for me to leave.
I didn’t. Not yet, at least. “You can’t blame the guys for this.” When he didn’t speak, I continued. “It’s my fault, I asked them to. And you’ll remember Niall.” All I got from him was silence, again. “Please, don’t be mad at them.”
For a moment he stared at me, then shook his head and let out a short, bitter laugh. "You make it sound like that’s easy."